Royal Affair
by Quiet Intensity
Summary: Queen Yuuki Kuran is the country's treasure. Her grace and beauty is beyond compare – but unfortunately for her, she can never match the King's desires. The court grows weary expecting an heir, oblivious to the fact that the Queen has already been seized by her beloved Knight. AU. Human. Yume. OOC.
1. Affair

**A/N: Something very different I've had on my computer for ages. It's supposed to be a multi-chaptered story, but for now it's a one-shot. If you're interested in reading more, I might write some. For now, this is it. And yes, I am still writing IWBH... well, trying to.**

 **Disclaimer: Rated M for mild swearing and dem lemons. OOC characters, All Human. Ps: Hino still owns VK, apparently.**

* * *

"My darling King, it is time I take my leave," Yuuki's low, delicate voice cut in through the chatter. Tenderly she tucked a dark lock of hair behind his ear as he sipped on his wine, watching with glistening eyes as he nodded his head.

"Very well, my Queen. Your rest and health is one of my main priorities and I am happy that you show such concern towards your own state. You are allowed to retire for the night."

Royal relatives nodded in agreement, pleased by their humble Queen's good manners. It was expected from a woman of her stature; brought up by the powerful Cross clan, all her life she'd been groomed to become a queen fit of her status. Everything – from poise, manners and eloquence – had been ingrained into her being from her very first day on this Earth. Many praised her for her good nature and pleasant behavior. Her undeniable beauty – a heart-shaped face made of unblemished porcelain skin, luscious locks of auburn reaching down to her waist, the color of her entrancing eyes akin the most delicious cinnamon – was also revered by their people. Young girls aspired to be her, and young men wanted to marry her. But her brown and blue-eyed king had seized her, as she had been destined to all her life.

He whispers, so low only she can hear the hint of dismissiveness laced in his voice. "Do not expect me back this evening to share our bed."

Putting on a pleasant smile, he snaps his fingers. The quiet shadow leaning against the wall comes forward, sinking into a respectful bow.

"Have your knight escort you to your chambers, my queen," the King says, kissing the top of her hand.

Yuuki isn't fooled by his token of affection. He wants her gone for the night, so he can engage freely in his heart's desires and bask in his sinful ways. Men ar like that; they pursue their desires and let their lust lead them before rational thought can steer them. It's instinctive, that's what they taught her. Never does she utter any word of complaint, nor does she ever question his actions. To even challenge him in any way is to mock the crown, and if there was one rule ingrained into her being from all her years of preparing to be queen, then it was that one should never forsake the holiness of the crown.

She bowed her head gracefully. "My king, my lords, my ladies."

Walking out of the room, her silk gown trailed after her delicately, beautifully. With slow movements she made it through the narrow hallways, passing paintings and intricate ornaments as she went. Her maids trailed after her, some of them having run past her departure to ready her chambers.

She was aware of the shadow that followed her wherever she went. A tingle went down her spine as she felt his eyes rake over her body, tracing her feminine curves. Indeed she was blessed with the most expensive and luxurious clothing in the country, daily shipments of wonderful garments arriving at their palace from all over the world to supply her collection. Her beauty and stature needed to be accentuated in the way she dressed; the crystals embedded around her cleavage spoke volumes of her importance in society. She was meant to be gazed at; meant to be adored and lusted after by men, but she was only to give herself to her King.

To covet a Queen when you were no more than a knight was a crime.

Her knight and personal guard walked in silence behind her, as he always did, his steps so soft and swift many would believe him a ghost. He was their most skilled warrior; fierce in battle, with a calculating mind so sharp it could both cause and end wars that could last lifetimes. It was his skills that promoted him to become the King's most trusted right hand, and thus her protector and knight. The king adored him; some said he even wanted him for his own, though those were only cruel whispers among the court. Nevertheless, the king trusted no other man more than him – a feat he'd earned through hard and earnest work.

As they neared her bedroom chamber, she stopped in front of her door.

"Is my room fully prepared for the evening?" She questioned the maids, looking at them sideways.

They bowed as they spoke, respect and reverence forcing them to look down when being questioned by the queen herself. "Yes, your majesty."

"Then I shall not require any more of your services tonight. Please leave me alone to undress and retire in private."

"Yes, your majesty," they bowed again, slowly making their retreat.

Yuuki said nothing as her knight came forward, opening the door for her. She did not even do as much as cast him a glance as she passed him by.

Yuuki's unsmiling face greeted the maid that was next to her bed, her honey brown hair tied up in a bun.

"Your highness, do you have any needs I can attend to before you retire? Perhaps a bath would soothe your senses? We have fresh lavender, just arrived from Provence."

"No," she commanded. "I would only like my privacy tonight. Do not disturb me under any circumstances. I shall undress myself. You may leave."

The maid bowed and exited the room, passing the shadow that leaned against the wall adjacent to the queen's doors. The doors closed behind her, leaving the queen to her privacy.

Languidly she tugged at the hairpin on top of her hair. Eventually it gave in, slipping out softly through her hair. Long waves of auburn cascaded down her back, the red hues in her hair shining from the glow of the candlelight. She deposited the hair-pin carefully at the bedside table, a faint smile on her lips as the thought of the one that had given her the shiny object.

Numbly she heard the door open and shut. His ghost steps followed shortly. A small smile made its way onto her expressionless face, as she remained rooted in place, with her back to him.

"It seems I'll require some help undressing after all," she remarked as his hands wound themselves around her body, pulling her against his chest, his lips making their way to her exposed left shoulder. A shudder went through her as he nipped on her sensitive flesh, craning her head to grant him better access.

He wasn't a man of many words. His hands, however, expressed his devotion and admiration as they explored her body, like they'd done so many times before. Yuuki released a moan as his hands massaged her breasts slowly and seductively, his tongue mimicking his hands' actions on her neck.

Oh, his hands, his lethal hands. Hands that could kill a man in an instant, hands that could draw a sword with the same raptness of a snake attacking; hands that loved and worshipped her, made her feel wanted and needed.

Oh yes, she loved his hands so much.

"Let me see you," she whispered, her voice raspy. She turned in his embrace, reaching her hands up to his face, cupping his strong jaw. What she saw in his eyes made her want him even more; within his wine-colored depths lay his passion and excitement, his lust and, most importantly, the love he held for her, stored so deeply within him only she knew about it.

To love a queen when you were no more than a knight yourself was a crime as well.

But she basked in his love; she bloomed like a flower in spring whenever he touched her so softly and gently like only he could. In all her life, she'd never been loved; her parents had seen her as no more than an opportunity for their family to seize the crown, and her husband and king certainly didn't love her. She was a loveless child, and a lovesick woman, smitten by the taste she'd acquired from him.

That's why she raised herself up on her toes, her lips seeking his, kissing him so desperately and so wonderfully. He received her kiss with delight, reciprocating immediately, holding onto her slim waist.

She wanted to cry. She want to bawl and sob her eyes out over the love she felt for this man; this man that under no circumstances should hold her heart the way he did; the man who had been tasked with the duty of watching over and protecting her and her husband – the man who was lower than her in status. She wanted to hit the walls of her room so hard that they would crack and bleed with her frustration; she wanted to turn her room upside down and trash every last remnant of her title.

She wanted to be free – so she could be with him.

"My queen," Kaname whispered, stroking her chin as they parted their lips. "My beautiful, wonderful queen." It was like he was admiring a work of art, the way he spoke of her, like he'd been allowed a glimpse of the gates to heaven. He rarely spoke, but when he did, the most beautiful words tumbled out of his lips, like a stream of diamonds only intended for her ears. His voice, his gentle and tender voice that he rarely used, how she loved it. How she loved the way it caressed her ears.

She grabbed his hand gently, kissing the top of it. "No…" She whispered. "Please do not address me so formally. I can't take the distance it creates between us. Call me by my name – as the woman you love, not the queen you serve."

His adoring eyes swept over her face, the crook of his mouth tugging up into a half-smile. "You are the woman I love indeed… Yuuki." He bent down, scooping her up into his arms, carrying her to the bed like she was his bride.

With great concern he placed her on the bed, carefully handling her delicate frame. Taking a step and standing back, he let his eyes rake over her elegant body, so seductive and sinful as she laid there, ready for him to take her. He studied her silk dress, how it dragged across her curves, exposing her perk nipples through the thin material, before dipping down across her stomach, smoothly gathering between her thighs.

She was his every fantasy and dream, incarnated into one perfect woman.

"If only you were mine," he whispered wistfully, the lust in his eyes being replaced with his overwhelming sadness that always threatened to claim him.

"I _am_ yours, Kaname," Yuuki sat up worriedly. "Haven't I proven that to you already?"

A rueful smile claimed his lips. "You misunderstand, Yuuki…" He grabbed her hand gently, stroking the top of her hand as he lowered himself onto his knees in front of her. "Sometimes I dream… Of you and me, walking down the street in the town square. Our hands are linked together, like this–" he filtered his fingers through hers, grasping onto her hand tightly, "and there is not a single stranger that finds it abnormal. No one is wondering why filth like me is holding hands with the queen. Our love is open and free; celebrated by the people we serve instead of shunned. I wish that could be our reality."

A tear slipped down Yuuki's cheek. "Let's do that one day, Kaname…" She reached forward, cradling his cheek. He closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch. Gently, Yuuki rested her forehead against his. "Let's be free one day."

He opened his eyes, staring into hers. He lost himself in her reddish depths, wondering how she could look at him so tenderly when he was nothing more than scum. The people he killed; the plans he participated in with the king; the endless strings of assassinations and torture sessions. He was pure filth, and yet she still looked at him like he put the stars in the sky.

"Come here," the queen whispered tenderly, tugging at the lapels of his shirt.

When her voice was so soft, and the promise of the warmth of her body was just within his reach, how could he ever deny her?

He climbed on top of her, his breathing picking up as she succumbed under his weight. She stared bravely up at him as he stroked her cheek, trailing his finger down to her cleavage. She lay there beneath him, willing and submissive, so different form her usual regal poise and demeanour. Right now, she was the woman he loved and adored beyond reasoning; his lover who would do anything to please him should he ask something from her.

She was no longer the cold and cruel queen that looked down upon others and rarely smiled.

She was Yuuki; sweet like summer rain and luminous like sunshine. Strawberries, cherries; flowers and a spoonful of sugar; all this and more was essentially _her._ But only he was privileged enough to see her true self and touch her. And for that reason alone, he loved her more fiercely than before.

Softly he began undressing her, kissing the skin he could find as layer by layer he removed her royal robes.

His queen moaned beneath him, quivering from his touch. It elated and intrigued him; made him want to explore every crevice of her body, to see if there was more to be conquered. His hand slipped down to her undergarments, massaging her wet folds. Garnet eyes watched her skin flush as her back arched off the bed, her chest bumping against his.

Her glistening eyes met his as she mewled. "Kaname…"

She was so beautiful in this moment; stripped of her duties, raw and vulnerable, free of her demons and the expectations pushed upon her. She was simply Yuuki – the woman who wore the crown – innocent and wishful, warm and so soft to his touch.

In the public eye she was cool and collected at all times, happily married to her wonderful king. She was the picture of grace and beauty; the mother of their country – the ideal woman that many young girls strived to emulate. Her mask was solid and not easily removed; it took a trained eye to see the deeply rooted sadness that she harbored within.

But right now, she was free – in _his_ arms, and no one else's. He was the only one who knew her deepest depths; the only one who could make her moan and scream in pleasure as she clung to him – it was he, and not her beloved king, that made her world erupt and shatter as she came from his touch.

"Let me feel you," she whispered harshly against his mouth after she got down from her high.

Kaname did nothing to stop her frantic hands from removing his robes and concealed weapons. He was all too transfixed by her alluring beauty and doting stare to even move. Her scent overwhelmed him; he inhaled deeply as he plunged a hand through her hair, marvelling at its lustering softness.

 _To behold such beauty in front of me… how did I ever deserve her?_

When they were both freed of their clothing, he buried himself deeply in her, swallowing her cry with his lips as he kissed her. He stilled for a few seconds, basking in the feeling of finally being _home._ Their shadows danced against the sheer fabric of the bed canopies, cancelled out by the soft luminescence of the various candles placed around the room. The canopies made it seem like they for once were in their own world; no one could disturb the peace and tranquility they found in each other during the late hours of the night.

Yuuki moaned and trembled, and as he picked up his pace, he felt himself lose his own composure. Their eyes locked as feral groans spilled from his mouth, clashing with her pleasured moans. She clung to him like second skin, and he was all too happy to feel her breasts rub against his chest as he pumped into her.

Yuuki arched her back, unable to withstand the overwhelming sensations that began at her core and spread through her veins. He was ruthless, lost in his desire for her as he pushed her to her breaking point. And she was helplessly following him along, letting him do whatever he wanted to her.

She was at his mercy; her heart had already been placed in his hands. He could cherish it or crush it in an instant if he wanted to, and she wouldn't even care.

She'd given him her heart. And it was an irreversible transaction.

Moans bubbled from her parted lips as her lover brought her to new heights. Just as she thought she couldn't handle it anymore, he laced his fingers with hers and pushed her hands down onto the mattress on each side of her face. In a haze, she looked gazed up at him, unable to tear her eyes away from his magnetizing stare.

Her heart swelled in her chest as time seemed to slow, even for just a second as she stared at him. The love she felt for him made her feel giddy and anxious; she wanted to smile like fool and run around in circles, but as she looked at him, all she could do was gaze softly upon his perspiring visage.

She loved him.

Loved him, loved him, loved him.

They both erupted at the same time, Yuuki's cries echoing in her empty quarters. His grunts and moans blended with hers as he jerked inside of her one last time, the spasms of his orgasm fading away slowly.

He remained inside of her as he stroked away the hair that stuck to her sweaty forehead. Her glistening eyes looked up at him, watching him and memorizing every pore on his face. Unable to resist him, she craned her neck, yearning for his lips on hers.

He obliged, burying a hand in her hair as he kissed her slowly and tenderly, conveying the unspoken emotions between them. He nuzzled her nose, pulling out of her and laying down on his back, knowing that she'd immediately cling to his side.

His queen was desperate for his affection and his attention, like a lovesick puppy clinging onto his leg. And he was no better, doting on her endlessly in the privacy of her chambers.

She laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and marvelling at the softness of his skin. "I missed you."

Kaname's fingers filtered through her long locks, bringing the ends to his mouth and kissing them.

"These past three days…" She trailed off. "I felt like I was going to die."

He hugged her tighter against his side, stroking the soft skin of her back, feeling the ridges of her spine.

"I waited for you, day and night. Wondering if you were all right, worrying that something would happen to you… No matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about you," she confessed.

"I came back for you, Yuuki," he whispered softly. "I'll always return to you, no matter what."

She kissed her favorite spot on his body, right on top of his beating heart that confirmed that he was alive and well. "I'm glad…" Looking up from his chest, her hair fell softly over her shoulders and spilled onto his chest and the silken sheets.

His breath caught in his throat. Her beauty was beyond compare; he knew that she was renown in the kingdom for her striking beauty, but seeing her like this, flushed but sated from their previous lovemaking and staring at him so tenderly – _that_ was when she was the most beautiful to him.

"Stay with me tonight," she pleaded, knowing it was hard for him to resist. Her voice dropped an octave as she crawled on top of him. "The king won't be back before dawn – perhaps even later than that. I'm sure the past three days have made him famished, and his appetite is not quickly sated…" She whispered against his lips, her hot breath mixing with his. "Stay here, with me. Keep me warm."

Unable to resist the softness of her lips, he leaned up, trying to capture hers with his. She held back on purpose, not giving in until he'd given her his answer.

"When you look at me like that, how can I resist?" He whispered, cradling her face in his hands. "Of course I'll stay, Yuuki…"

Pleased with his answer, the queen nodded and smiled softly, giving in and kissing him back. Her kisses tasted of strawberries and all things sweet in the world; his hunger for her grew as he pulled her closer, needing and wanting to feel her as close as possible.

Perhaps it was a curse, or perhaps it was a blessing – Kaname was not able decide which. To want someone with the intensity that he wanted her, surely it was a sign of madness. And though he'd wondered if it was the fact that their illicit affair was against law by nature, thus making her the sweetest forbidden fruit in the garden of desire, he realized that there was more to it than that. Under the weight of desire, he crumbled easily and fell in love with her the same way rocks spilled from faltering mountains and water poured from waterfalls; because it was surely within the laws of nature that he should fall madly in love with her the same way she fell madly in love with him.

He could feel himself harden beneath her touch, her scent and proximity invading his senses and driving him mad with desire. He brought his hand up to her right breast and squeezed, feeling the nipple harden as she moaned against his mouth.

Kaname sat up as she straddled him and sank down on his member, the two of them moaning in ecstasy at finally being joined again. They repeated their same old dance, except for them it felt like the first time all over again as they kissed and explored, nipped and lovingly caressed what could be found. Their moans echoed in the quiet room, bouncing off the walls and echoing into the darkness of the night. Whispered "I love you's" drowned in the sound of the bed creaking and stuttering against their shifting bodies.

All night long, bathed in the soft glow cast by the candles, the queen felt safe and warm in her forbidden lover's arms.


	2. Illusion

**A/N: Okay, I've (tentatively) decided to continue this story. Thank you for the response so far – I really wasn't sure whether this had any potential or not, but those of you who reviewed have assured me otherwise. I'm still working on IWBH, but it's rather difficult and I can't promise a date.**

 **Originally, I was going to say that updates this fall would be few and far between, since I am going to study at university. Welllllllll - there's a possibility I won't be doing that, since I didn't get accepted at what I wanted. Life is amazing, huh? =))**

 **So there might be some updates after all. I thank you for your support, and I hope you'll like this! Just a warning; this is daaark, my friends. It's a dark story, but I promise a happier ending. Hehe.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Illusion**

The first time she meets the king, she is absolutely smitten.

Fourteen years old, fresh-faced and blushing, she bows out of respect to show him her manners. The future king bows in turn, a smile gracing his handsome features. He is four years her senior; heir to the throne and the most coveted young man in the country. The kingdom rests on his wide shoulders, yet he carries it with a smile.

His eyes mesmerize her; one in the shade of the ocean – azure blue and glittering – while the other is brown like the rust on her father's keys. His colors transfix her, and as he speaks to her, she finds it hard to articulate any sensible sentences.

"Your parents didn't lie, I see," he murmurs softly, head bent as he kisses her hand. "You are indeed the fair beauty of the Cross Clan, _Yuuki_."

The way he says her name… she shudders.

It makes her feel like a _woman,_ and not some meek 14 year-old girl.

"Thank you, your highness," a trained whisper escapes her supple lips, her head bowing in gratitude.

"We will wed in a few years," the crown prince speaks gently, his heterochromatic eyes shifting towards his silent father, the king, for a second to get his approval, "please, use my name for now."

"H-hai, Rido-sama," the young maid blushes. Nervously, she dares to glance at the king, whose face is hard and weathered. Deep frown lines scar the smoothness of his forehead; below his shimmering crown – encrusted with jewels and rubies and sapphires – wisps of mahogany hair frame his face.

Like his son, the king is undoubtedly handsome, and in his younger years he must've been the most beautiful man in the kingdom, Yuuki deduces as she studies him quietly. But the years have slashed at his features; age and war have taken residence in his frown lines and sad eyes. His aura speaks of apathy and silent rage; and yet, he does not speak much, if any at all.

Her future father in law seems… broken.

She wonders why.

Years pass from their meeting; she hasn't seen the crown prince since that day, but his face has haunted her every thought since the second she met him. His straight nose, narrow mouth and chiseled jawline; his wavy shoulder-length curls that beg to be touched and caressed – his superior and extraordinary eyes – blue like the ocean and copper like rust – eyes that she dreams of every night.

Following tradition, she learns the art of tea ceremonies and painting; singing lessons are a daily occurrence and her affinity for the harp is to her advantage in her music lessons. She learns to cook and to serve, though she won't be doing much of either once she is queen; she remembers and recites the poetry of ancient writers in her sleep, caressing each word and molding them until they become beautiful.

Her gait is feminine; her skin is pale white with a pink undertone; her silken hair cascades down her back to her waist, speaking of power, wisdom and beauty.

When she moves, she moves with precision and calculated moves; when she speaks, her voice is hushed and quiet, soft enough for the ears of men to ignore shall they wish to do so. As she grows and develops, her body becomes soft and pliable, ready for his hands the day he decides to make her his. Her hips widen and her breasts make their presence known as she blossoms into a young woman, whose dreams are centered on her dreamy prince who will one day make her queen.

Then the news arrive; King Haruka Kuran, son of King Mishiba and Queen Satomi Kuran, has died from illness.

The kingdom mourns unashamedly; people weep in the streets for their deceased king; memorials are raised and gifts are offered in his memory; his face is painted and forever preserved in wonderful and expensive paintings; all over the kingdom the news of his death spreads misery and unsurpassable grief.

" _Our wonderful King, so brave and so fair, why did he die so soon?"_ Beggars wailed.

" _Haven't you heard?"_ Came the whispers of the court ladies. " _The king was heartbroken because of the death of his queen…"_

The kingdom had yet to recover from the suicide of beloved Queen Shizuka a few years back. Her body was found in the royal gardens, resting beneath her favorite cherry blossom tree; her wrists slit and her eyes closed, a peaceful smile gracing her ethereal features.

A stream of crimson blended with the pale lavender silk of her kimono; even in death, the Queen was breathtaking.

" _Well it's no wonder, really… the queen suffered from madness all her life…"_

" _Indeed… life with her must've been hard. Surviving her and living with the guilt of her death on his shoulders must've been hard for the king…"_

" _She was from the Hio family after all; insanity runs in their blood like kindness runs in the Kuran bloodline. Hopefully, the prince inherited his father's attributes and not his mother's…"_

With the sudden death of the king, the kingdom prepared for the coronation of the young crown prince, Rido Kuran. And with his enthronement came the future queen of the people.

"Yuuki… you know what you must do today?" Her mother addressed her with cool eyes.

"Yes… Today I will marry the king."

"That's a good girl," her mother smiled for the first time in years, the promise of power and fame twinkling in her eyes.

Oblivious to the power-hungry wolves around her, the young lamb-hearted princess spent sleepless nights dreaming of her king and the future they would share together. She would love and support him unconditionally; stay by his side as he addressed the masses, quietly in the background whenever he held audiences with the people.

She would give herself to him; mind, body and spirit – all of it would belong to him. In time, she'll give him children, heirs to the throne. In her mind, she saw herself and the king, laughing and playing with their fair children in the sun. His heterochromatic eyes would sparkle with joy and delight as he grabbed her in his arms and kissed her, thanking her for being such a wonderful queen mother.

 _Rido-sama… I love you._

As she ascended the royal court and walked through the royal relatives, her eyes were trained explicitly at the newly crowned king. He smiled reassuringly in response, his eyes twinkling as he eyed her attire.

Yuuki could barely register the words coming from the priest's lips as he bound their hands together with red silk, tying them together for eternity. All she could think about was his gentle smile and his wonderful eyes, shimmering with love and adoration.

The crowd cheered when his lips met hers; she basked in the moment, closing her eyes and almost singing with joy at her first kiss.

She was so lost in bliss and happiness that she didn't notice the hint of hesitation lingering in the king's eyes.

* * *

The celebration lasted all through the night; the people danced and drank in honor of their new king and queen, showering the couple with praise and good luck. To prepare herself for the wedding night, Yuuki exited the celebrations earlier than the king, retiring to the royal bed that the two would share in years to come.

The maids helped her undress while they adjusted her make-up; her skin was dusted with white powder and her lips were painted in vermillion red; locks of auburn hair cascaded down her back like ink, ready for the king's hands to run through.

With her back straight, she sat on the bed wearing the wedding-night gown; it was intricately laced in the back as a challenge for the impatient king; it was to teach him about the value of patience when facing desire, and also about the delicacy of the queen. She was going to carry the heir to the throne; and therefore, she must be handled with care and patience.

Her thoughts kept spinning as she imagined him strolling into the room, his eyes dark with desire as he gazed at her. He'd strip slowly, revealing his toned chest as his royal robes fell to the floor around him. His hair – tousled and wild – would cascade down his back, finally freed of the traditional wig he'd had to wear during the ceremony.

Then he'd stalk towards her like a hunter approaching its prey, undressing her slowly until she was bare before him. And then, unable to control himself, he'd take her mercilessly and she'd let him, crying out his name as he brought her to new heights.

Yuuki stifled a giggle at her wandering thoughts, blushing madly at the images. Such thoughts were improper for a woman to harbor, but she couldn't control herself.

She loved him, after all.

So she waited patiently in their chambers, the clock ticking by on the wall. It was past midnight yet she did not move an inch, waiting for him with the utmost patience.

The clock struck three, and he had yet to enter the chambers.

 _The festivities are probably holding him back; after all, the royal relatives warned me he would be late…_

 _I will wait as long as it takes for you, my sweet king._

And so she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

When the sun rose outside, she found her eyes fluttering close as she fell back onto the bed, sleep claiming her fatigued mind.

Never once did the king enter her chambers that night as she slept peacefully into the morning.

* * *

"My fair queen, I do beg your forgiveness for my insolence last night," the king kissed her knuckles sweetly. "I'm afraid I got carried away by the festivities; all night I was surrounded by important people that wanted to wish us the best on our marriage."

"It's all right, your highness," Yuuki replied quietly, smiling ever so gently at him. "I understand. There is nothing to forgive; please do not worry about me."

"I'm glad," he breathed, releasing her hand as he sat up again. The two were seated on mattresses as they shared tea, a traditional custom for the newlywed king and queen.

"My wife is as gracious as she is patient and kind. Thank you for your understanding," Rido smiled sweetly.

She bowed her head, blushing from his proximity. "I'm sure there will be many opportunities for us to consummate the marriage. For now, I am content waiting for you until you have the time for me."

Yuuki did not see the flicker of apprehension in his deceiving eyes as she smiled to herself.

That night – the second night of their marriage – she waited, waited and waited – but he never came.

The next day he brought her flowers and sweets, kissing her knuckles as he rained apologies on her. She accepted his apology graciously, promising that she would wait yet another night for him to consummate the marriage with her.

But he did not show up that night either. The same thing happened the next day; he apologized and she accepted, mentally steeling herself for the next night.

By the fifth night, alone in their room, dressed in the finest silk, she grew tired of waiting.

Knowing it was against the rules, she exited her chambers quietly and snuck through the hallways. She knew by now the guard's routines, so she dodged them easily whenever they passed.

What on earth was the king doing every night? Where did he go? Did he not want his willing and beautiful wife? He was always so kind and sweet with her – it _seemed_ like he wanted her – but whenever the sun dipped below the horizon and night came, he disappeared without a trace. Her mother had told her that newlywed men were insatiable, and since he was king, she was not allowed to offer a single word of protest. If he wanted her, then he should have her – whenever or wherever, it didn't matter. Until he was satisfied, she had to give herself up to him.

Instilled with these rules and norms all her life, Yuuki had no problem offering herself to him. Even if he ended up hurting her, she would accept it gladly – he was the king after all.

But he never showed up. He always disappeared, and her patience was running thin.

A noise interrupted her musings. She turned sharply, straining her ears. It sounded like…

" _Ahh…"_

Thump, thump, thump.

Her eyes widened.

" _Yes, yes, yes…!"_

The sound of her heartbeat echoed in her ears; suddenly all her senses were trained on those sounds as she took slow and calculated steps towards the doors. She paused outside, resting her ear against the door as she listened.

" _Ousama…"_

She flinched and backed away from the door, her eyes wide in disbelief. O-ousama? As in, her husband – the king? With… with someone else?

The voice was breathy and light, yet it didn't sound like anyone she knew. She listened again, unwilling to believe that her husband was already seeking out the royal concubines before he'd even touched her. _She_ was the queen; _she_ was the only one that could bring him a royal heir!

Then, she heard his voice.

" _Like that, just… like that,"_ he groaned, his voice low and husky.

Stifling her fear, Yuuki grasped the handle as gently as possible. She had to know. She had to know if it was him, and she had to know which woman had managed to seduce her husband. She had to know what she looked like and what she sounded like, and then she had to emulate those traits so she could be good enough for him.

 _I am doing this in the service of the crown,_ she told herself.

As quietly as possible, she pulled the handle and opened the door, peeking with one eye through the slit.

She had to get the woman removed from the palace, and the–

"AH-! _Rido-samahh…!"_ The blonde groaned, arching into the king.

Yuuki's mouth hung open as she recognized the person that the king was currently mounting.

"Yes, Hanabusa, yes… Take all of it," he growled, pounding into the blonde from behind.

"Ousama, please…" The fair boy – whom she recognized as one of the royal guards – cried out, his face contorted with pleasure.

"Yes," her husband panted, slamming into the blonde from behind as he threw his head back, " _beg_ for it, Hanabusa. Show me how good it feels…"

The blonde boy's muscles twitched as the pleasure overwhelmed him; he writhed against the king, who held steady hands on his rear, as he yelled out his pleasure while he came. The king slammed into the blonde a few more times in ecstasy until he stuttered uncontrollably, spilling himself inside of the young boy who lay sprawled in front of him, his deep groan echoing in the darkened chambers.

Yuuki withdrew immediately from the opening she'd created and ran down the hallway, disbelief chasing her steps as she entered her chambers and threw herself onto the bed. With wide eyes she stared at the ceiling above her, trying to process what she'd just witnessed…

She remembered years ago when she'd first met him; the sweetness of his young face and the gentle smile he held for her as he told her she was beautiful. She remembered how she'd fallen for him instantly and dreamt of him; pushed herself in her training to become a queen fit for him; dreamed of carrying his children and loving him for the rest of her life.

And then the images from moments prior entered her mind; her husband – the king – the muscles of his back as he pounded in the boy's rear; the sweat glistening down his shoulders and torso with exertion as his face twisted in pleasure. The furrow of his brow; the fire in his eyes… all of that for another man?

A man?

If it'd been another woman, Yuuki could've handled it. After all, having affairs was custom for the king; no one in the palace would bat an eye at such a phenomenon. If there _were_ another woman, she'd accept it and move on, doing her best to please him whenever he sought her out.

But the king was emptying his seed into a man… a _man._

 _They say it's a sin to desire someone of the same sex. God will punish those who are sick enough to commit such moral treason._

 _What he just did – it was a sin._

She'd never offered much thought to the taboo of same-sex love. In their society it was forbidden, and though she'd witnessed secretive glances between noble men before, she hadn't cared much about it. As long as these things happened behind closed doors, she saw no problem with it. This didn't apply to her strict father, who cursed the individuals who were found guilty of the crime of desiring someone of the same sex. Yuuki remembered years ago – there'd been a noble woman who'd been caught enjoying the services of a young maid in the local brothel – and how the entire city had chased her down and sent her to the gallows to be hanged for her crime.

She remembered feeling both guilt and sadness; guilt because she couldn't do anything to help her, and sadness because her life ended over something as simple as being attracted to someone of the same sex. Of course, she'd held her conflicting thoughts to herself as her father preached about sin and shame at their dinner table – no one could ever know her true feelings on the subject matter, or she would never become queen.

But now, it was her husband. It was their king – respected and revered in the kingdom – which lay with another man.

Tears spurted out from her eyes against her will; she cried into her pillow as she tried to stifle her sobs. Bony shoulders shook from her grief and sorrow as reality came crashing into her.

 _That person that I met years ago; the boy I adored and loved for so long – he was never real. That person and the person I'm married to is not the same._

 _I've been fooled._

The nights he never entered her chambers and made her his were spent in the arms of a man; whenever she waited and exhausted herself by staying up, he was busy sating his shameful desire just a few steps down the hallway.

She wasn't enough for him. He didn't want her the same way she wanted him – because _she_ wasn't what he desired.

Yuuki howled into her pillow; grief arresting her in place as she cried out all her tears the rest of the night.

* * *

"Your highness, it has been _a year_ since you married, and the queen is still not pregnant. Furthermore, there are rumors in the palace that the two of you have _yet_ to consummate the marriage. How do you answer for yourselves!?"

The king shifted ever so slightly on his throne. Next to him, the pale-faced queen remained undaunted, staring at the elder man with stony eyes.

"The Queen's health has deteriorated. We are being mindful of her condition, that is all," Rido spoke calmly. "Furthermore, the consu–"

"The consummation has already taken place," the Queen interrupted, her voice calm and collected. "My royal physician will assure you of it if you seek evidence. There is no need to worry. I am doing my best in recovering from my health issues."

"Forgive my frankness," the elder spoke, green eyes narrowing upon her form, "but you have grown dangerously thin, your highness. The people eagerly await your waist to expand with the fruit of your marriage – a royal heir to ensure the safety and future of the throne. The longer you wait, the more danger the kingdom faces."

"The Queen and I are doing our best," Rido said, reaching over and covering Yuuki's hand with his. "Please, have a little patience, Ichijou-sama."

Asato blinked, eyeing the union of their hands. "I shall let it go for now, but by the end of the year, I expect an heir." With that, he bowed and exited the royal court, his robes tracing the floor behind him as he calmly exited.

The maids helped the queen descend from the throne, holding her dress and steadying her when she swayed on her feet.

"You ought to take better care of yourself," the king spoke, his voice dark and looming as heterochromatic eyes narrowed upon her frail frame. "Or else the royal relatives will grow worried."

"My apologies, your highness," Yuuki whispered as she bowed her head.

His eyes traced the intricate patterns of the ceiling above them. Angels and demons were painted all over while the images of flowers rained between them. It was such a beautiful sight; vaguely the king felt like it reflected his inner turmoil.

"Soon, I will employ a royal guard to follow you around and protect you. I fear for your health, and as Asato mentioned, the kingdom is at risk. It will be for your benefit. Expect him soon."

"Thank you, your highness," she replied automatically.

"As for the matter regarding the royal heir… leave it to me," he breathed.

Her eyes flickered inconspicuously over at the blonde guard standing by the wall a few feet away. Azure eyes caught hers for a second before he turned away again, his Adams apple bobbing up and down.

She hid her smirk behind her gloved hand. _What, are you planning to impregnate a man now? You sure are a man of miracles, Ousama…_

"Of course, your highness. If you'll allow it, I will now retire to my chambers. I'm afraid the day's events have tired me."

"You may leave," the king dismissed her with a wave of his hand, turning and exiting the room. Yuuki watched as the royal guards followed him like a shadow; to the people around him, they were nothing more than loyal guards protecting him – but she knew better.

His guards were part of his royal harem; young, beautiful boys who protected him by day, and pleasured him at night at his every call. Of course, it was all a secret and if anybody in the palace knew, they kept their mouth shut.

But having stayed by his side for a year now, she knew first-hand how ruthless and careless he could be when it came to giving in to his desires.

 _Six months ago…_

 _The knock on her doors startled her. Alertly, she turned on her bed, her hairbrush halting in mid-air as she watched the door curiously._

 _Suddenly, the door opened, revealing her husband. Rido staggered forward, his eyes unfocused and his royal robes in disorder. Heterochromatic eyes flickered around the room until he saw her, and at once he halted._

 _She rose graciously from her bed and bowed in respect. "Your highness, how may I–"_

" _You!" He slurred, pointing a bejeweled finger at her. "You…"_

" _Your highness," Yuuki spoke calmly despite her thundering heartbeat, "have I done something to upset thee? I do apolo–"_

" _You!" He interrupted, stalking forward. Yuuki watched with wide eyes as he suddenly towered above her and pushed her down on the bed. She yelped in surprise as he fell on top of her, his weight crushing her against the silkened sheets._

 _He grasped her hands and pushed them into the bed on each side of her face. His breath stank of liqueur and spice; Yuuki did her best not to wrinkle her nose in disgust._

" _The royal relatives demand an heir, and I… I must do my part, yes," he spoke in a rush, wide eyes scanning her face._

 _He crushed his lips against hers violently, as if an invisible force was pushing him onto her. Yuuki struggled against his stained lips, longing for air as his hold on her strengthened._

 _Not like this, not like this… she begged in her mind, tears bubbling from her eyes._

 _Rido released her left hand and used his free hand to seek out her skirts. He traced up the smoothness of her thighs, finding her bare beneath the skirt. Hesitantly, he plunged a finger inside of her, wiggling it around awkwardly as he fought to control his emotions._

 _Yuuki yelped in pain at the intrusion; she wasn't prepared or_ ready _for his digit, and it hurt like hell when he carelessly wiggled his fingers around her most private area._

 _The king groaned in frustration and withdrew; relief claimed her for the briefest of moments as she thought the torture was over._

 _Grabbing her shoulders, the king angrily flipped her around against her will; Yuuki yelped as her face pushed into the sheets, hindering her airstream. She could feel his distraught hands all over her, pushing up her skirt and revealing her bare bottom._

 _She flinched at the sound of his zippers and knots being untied, unwilling to believe what was going to happen._

 _Was this it? Was this what she'd been waiting for so long? Her king would take her like he did with all his filthy lovers?_

 _She sensed him hesitate. Angrily he slapped her behind, leaving a crimson mark on her rear._

" _Why?"_

 _He slapped her again._

" _Aren't you?"_

 _Yuuki cried out in anguish as he punished her yet again._

"Good _enough!?" He screamed angrily, turning her around and slapping her cheek._

" _Why!?" He yelled, grasping her shoulders and rattling her like a doll. Yuuki shut her eyes and prayed for it all to end; willing herself to stop crying and to just become numb to it all. If she just endured this, then it would all end… It would be as if it never happened._

" _Why can't you fix me!?"_

His broken cry echoed in her ears constantly. _Why can't you fix me? Why aren't you good enough? Why am I so broken? Why won't you fix me?_

From time to time he'd enter her chambers drunk beyond comprehension, and he would do the same old thing he always did. He'd yell at her and curse her; touch her inappropriately and then give up, beating her senseless until he'd had his fill.

Yuuki had learned to endure it. By now, she was so used to the abuse that she barely blinked at the formation of bruises on her pale body. Even lying about the consummation of her marriage had become a trained habit – she had no qualms about it.

Yes. No matter how many times he tried; no matter how far he got – even if he flipped her around and tried to pretend that she was a man – the king could never finish what he started. Like a child, he whined and cried out because of his inability to take her; and instead, he blamed her for not being good enough.

It was her fault for not being woman enough to cure him.

" _Father said that marrying you would fix me. That your beauty would sway me from my sinful lust. So why…? Why isn't it working!?"_

Yuuki closed her eyes as she sipped her tea. She barely ate these days; most of the time, the maids had to force-feed her in order to at least keep up the appearance of health. Her blackened heart was dying from the reality of her life; the king's wandering eyes and the constant abuse; his accusations of her not being good enough; that she was ugly and undesirable, not half the woman she was supposed to be.

She used to cry herself to sleep every night. At one point, she slit her wrists and let them drain in the bathtub, watching as the milky water turned crimson with her life force.

Sadly, she had to be saved.

"Child, what have you done!?" The royal physician cried, pulling her out of the tub. "I won't allow this!" Due to his quick work and skills earned through years of practice, Kaien Kurosu – royal physician of the palace – had managed to save the queen by a tiny margin.

Yuuki smiled ruefully into her cup. He was her only confidante and friend in the palace; and he would make damn sure she lived to see another day if she tried anything like that again.

"We are both victims, Yuuki-sama," the blonde whispered, eyeing the royal garden. "The king destroys anything that is good; his greed and anger compels him to do as he pleases. Everyone thinks he is kind and gracious; they don't know that is just his mask, and behind it hides a vicious wolf."

She touched his cheek gently.

His eyes fluttered close at the contact.

"You are right, Hanabusa," she spoke calmly. "We are both victims. When I first discovered you, I thought you were just as bad as him… it's intriguing isn't it, how first impressions can betray the real qualities of a person?"

"I wish I could protect you," the boy replied, opening his eyes and staring at her. "But I can't… all my life, he has owned and controlled me. I can't do anything but please him when he calls." Tears spurted from his azure eyes as his gaze lowered in shame. "I can't do anything…"

The queen pulled him into her chest and hugged him, stroking the back of his head. "In this palace, there are only two people I can trust. Kaien-san – and you. Please, don't berate yourself for your situation. There is nothing you can do but accept the path that fate has bestowed upon you. Just by being there and soothing me… you've done so much for me already," Yuuki whispered solemnly, feeling her motherly instinct kick in.

After she'd discovered the king and his _habits,_ Yuuki had grown quiet. Somehow the king had found out about her discovery, but seeing as she kept her mouth shut whenever he suddenly took a leave from one of their ceremonies, he didn't say anything or do anything to hide the fact.

It was an unspoken truth between them – the truth behind his lies and deceptions.

One day, the fair guard had sought her out. With tears in his eyes, he'd confessed about his guilt and apologized to her for letting her see such a sight. Distrust in her eyes, Yuuki listened as the boy told her the story of how the much elder king had seduced him when he was no more than 14 summers of age. Somehow, the king had taken a liking to the noble boy, and made sure to keep him close in the palace by anointing him as royal guard.

From then on, the boy had no choice but to serve the king; should he rebel or spill the truth, he would be killed instantly and his family would be dishonored. He was caught in the king's web; forced to let him sate his desire inside of him as his mind screamed at him that it was wrong.

That night, Yuuki had finally found a companion; someone who suffered at the hands of the same man that she did. From then on, a beautiful friendship blossomed between the two; he'd tell her about the king's disgrace, while she'd listen and casually spill details of her own horrid life.

There was solace in sharing pain. They both knew that well.

"Yuuki-sama," he whispered against her chest, his face wet with tears. "If I could ever be allowed to love someone, it would be you," he confessed, withdrawing and gazing at her with clear eyes.

She only nodded quietly in response, knowing how he felt and understanding it. She cared for him deeply; he was her most treasured friend, and if she could, she would love him too.

But her heart was empty; broken beyond repair by the king.

She had no more love to give.

And the rest of her life would be spent that way.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreaciated.**


	3. Unrequited

**_A/N:_** _ **I finished this chapter**_ **while _packing for New York. Am I superwoman or not!?  
_** ** _  
_** _ **I need to give credit where its due. This story is inspired by the movie**_ **A Frozen Flower.** _ **The plot is mine of course, but I've taken certain inspirations from the movie. For example, Rido being gay and struggling with his sexuality. In the movie, the king doesn't struggle with his sexuality, but it's a big taboo between him and the queen. The queen is also forced into an affair with a royal guard. but that's not what's going to happen here, hehe. If you have the time, watch the movie – the plot in itself is very good, but the costumes and the settings are breathtaking. Fair warning – ya gotta be 18 to watch it, and to read this story, heh.**_

 _ **Maybe I'm weird, but having 8 reviews on this story already is pretty amazing. I used to maybe get 2-3 on IWBH before, but after Secretary I've gotten a few more readers. So thank you!**_

* * *

 _you dizzy him, you are unbearable  
every woman before or after you  
is doused in your name  
you fill his mouth  
his teeth ache with memory of taste  
his body just a long shadow seeking yours  
_\- W.S.

Brown eyes narrowed in distrust upon the approaching man.

Shaking her head and releasing her brown curls, the woman schooled her features into an expression of neutrality. Now was not the time for her temper to override her control; gritting her teeth together, she forced herself to shut off all emotion for the evening.

As he loomed closer, she opened the front of her kimono, softly pushing off the silky fabric off her right shoulder.

 _Serve him until he is satisfied. That is your only purpose in the palace._

A warm hand stilled on her shoulder, blocking her own hand. Raptly, she glanced up at him, her neutral expression melting into one of shock as she lost composure.

Wine-red eyes smoldered upon her. She watched as his chest rose and fell calmly and evenly, like a secret lullaby willing her to sleep. Though she resented him, she wasn't blind to his beauty; and as he stared at her with the utmost patience and affection, she couldn't help but feel her guarded heart begin to beat a little faster.

"This is not why I called you tonight," he whispered, his hand hot on hers.

"It's not?" She stutters, shaking her head when she remembers who she's talking to. "I mean, how can I serve you tonight, your majesty?"

A small smile crumbles his lips. Eyes glowing with affection, he squeezes her shoulder gently. "Sleep with me tonight."

She freezes. "Yes, that's what I wa–"

He bent down so he was eye-level with her. Startled by his proximity, a scarlet blush bloomed on her cheeks. "Am I less of a man if I ask a woman like you to simply share my bed tonight, for the sole purpose of peaceful slumbering?"

"N-no, your highness," she whispers meekly.

"Good," he smiles, returning to his height and patting her hair. He discards the heaviest layer of his royal robe on a nearby divan, and circles the bed. Next to her, he lays down softly on the mattress, a sigh leaking from his supple lips as he relaxes.

Gaping, she watches his still form, her eyes flickering around the room to see if this is some sort of game of his. Did he not ask her to his room for pleasure? What was her role, then?

"Come," he says gently, eyes closed while his hands lay folded on his stomach.

The woman stares wide-eyed at him for another few seconds before she manages to wake up from her stupor. Hesitantly, she clumsily makes her way onto the bed, settling down next to him.

The sound of her strained gulp echoes in the silence of his breathing. She stares at the gold-plated ceiling and traces the intricate patterns and design adorning the precious metal. The king's suite sure is fit for the king; every corner and crook oozes of opulence and luxury.

"Umpf!"

Like a snake, his arm reaches out and brings her close to his side. Her gasp enters the silence of his chambers and disappears just as quickly as it came. The king tucks her head under his chin as he breathes quietly, the sound of his heartbeat echoing throughout his chest and into her keen left ear.

"What is your name?" He whispers.

Frantically, she tries to calm her erratic heartbeat.

"Juuri, your highness," she replies.

"Juuri…" He repeats, and the way he says her name so adoringly makes her heart beat even faster. "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman."

Her head twitches as she automatically tries to bow in gratitude; Juuri tenses, realizing that she's in bed with the king doing… nothing.

"Well?" His voice wakes her up from her nervous stupor.

"H-huh?"

"Aren't you going to ask my name?" The king wonders, dark eyebrows high on his forehead as he peeks down at her.

"Why would I do that!?" She balks, temporarily forgetting her manners. "Of _course_ I know your name, you stu– _uhm,_ I mean, I am content addressing you by your title, your highness."

His chest rumbles with laughter; like she's fleeing an earthquake, Juuri turns frantically towards him and looks at his flushed countenance as he laughs almost maniacally.

 _W-what is going on? Has he lost his mind?_

"My, you really do have a temper, ne?" The king grins, wiping a lone tear. "It seems I wasn't wrong about you. Your training must've been horrible on such a wild woman yourself."

"W-wild woman!?" Juuri screeched, once again forgetting who he is and what he controls in their land. "What, do you think I am some sort of savage woman who runs around with wild hair and ye–" an unlady-like snort escapes her mouth as she berates herself for loosing her temper so quickly. "I mean, i-if that is what your highness thinks of me," she grits through her teeth, "I will be sure to find ways to improve myself so I can please you better."

"Don't bother," the mad king – as she now has declared him – waved an elegant hand in the air as if he is swatting away a fly. "I like that about you. You are not like the other girls; sophisticated, low-voiced and meek. You have fire and passion, and even if life has tried to tame it, you still can't resist chasing after your freedom."

"Such a detailed observation," Juuri quipped. "You only met me today, your highness."

"I've had my eye on you for a while, _Juu-ri,"_ he says, voice smooth and soft. "I saw you two weeks ago when you were walking in the gardens with the other concubines. I was immediately captivated by your beauty."

A fresh blush stained her cheeks. "Thank you, your highness."

"And also," he added, eyes shimmering as he smiled at her, his face so close she could feel his breath softly fanning her face, "when I saw you yelling at the other girl for swooning over me because I was just "a moron king, not some superhero", I fell in love with you immediately."

Her eyes widened comically. "Y-you heard that!? I didn't mean to, I mean, your highness, I am so so–"

"What is my name, Juuri?" The king interrupted calmly.

"It's… It's Haruka! As I was saying, I'm so so–"

"Address me by my given name, then," the king smiled gently, his face glowing with amusement.

"Fine, _Haruka,_ as I was say– wait, no! I'm just a concubine and I'm not allowed to address you in any oth–"

Quickly, he flipped them over and pushed her into the mattress, towering above her as he lowered his face towards hers. Juuri gulped at his proximity, flustered beyond belief by his odd behavior.

"Haven't you realized already? You are _more_ than just a concubine to me," Haruka whispered, his eyes smoldering. Raising his hand, he caressed her soft lips with his thumb. "I want you to be mine. Mind, soul and body. I won't treat you as some servant, nor do I expect you to please me even when you detest me. I want to seduce your mind and grasp your heart along the way. I want you to _love_ me… not as the king, but as a man."

He closed the distance between them and kissed her. His lips were soft and tentative, testing out her limits. Against her better judgment, after remaining frozen for a few seconds, Juuri responded to his kiss, her hands coming around his neck and filtering through his soft hair.

The kiss was far too short for her liking. The king withdrew and gazed at her with outmost affection. Seeing him up close, Juuri had to admit to herself that the rumors were true; the king was the most beautiful man in the kingdom, surely. It was almost surreal – and to a certain degree – daunting to be so close to someone so beautiful.

"The face you make after a simple kiss, Juuri…" Haruka whispered, stroking her red cheek. "It really makes it hard for me to resist you."

Fumbling for words, she stuttered. "T-then don't. I mean… you are the king after all, what I have is yours to take. If you want me, just say it and I'll give myself to you, your highness."

"Ah, there it is," disappointment shone in his eyes as he lay down next to her. To her horror, she immediately missed his warmth.

"You still recite your script. Your highness this, your highness that. Haven't you realized already that I can see through it all? It's not in your nature to be this submissive and willing. The scholars ruined your character by forcing you into this role."

He turned on his side and eyed her. "Until you reveal your true self to me – the wild and stubborn woman who owns my heart – I won't do anything to you. Until you can give me all of you – and not just your words and your body – but your heart and your soul – I will keep my hands to myself."

Stunned, she gaped at him. He couldn't be serious, could he? Ever since she was a young girl, she'd been trained to do this; serve the king and please him. Let him use her body for his pleasure; entice him and make him weak with desire.

That's what they told her to do. That's what they'd said she would amount to.

Concubine. Lover of the king, serving him whenever he called.

For years she'd fought the system; yelled at her teachers and cried in her sleep, but in the end she'd given up. The punishments were harsh, and eventually she relinquished all control. She learned to talk the talk and do what was required of her; her voice became quiet and her form submissive.

It was better this way; keeping quiet and dulling her flame. It was the only way to survive.

But there he was – the king – the man she was supposed to serve and give herself to – telling her that he wanted her to just be herself. To give up pretenses of submission; to speak freely with him and, most importantly, give him her _heart._

To… love him. As a man.

Juuri couldn't wrap her mind around it.

"Stubborn girl," Haruka whispered affectionately, flicking her nose as he smiled. "Come here."

Whether it was her fatigue driving her, or an actual need to be close to him again, Juuri couldn't say. Despite her confliction, she obeyed and scooted closer, freezing momentarily as he wrapped his arms around her and tucked her head under his chin. In the lingering silence she listened to his steady breathing and the lull of his heartbeat, feeling her own synch up to his. As she snuggled into his chest, Juuri couldn't help but think that if heaven existed, it had to be in his arms.

The two drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Months passed.

Every night, she slept peacefully in his arms into the early hours of morning. True to his word, the king hadn't done anything to her; he hadn't touched her nor had he even kissed her. He'd kept his hands to himself, as promised, resorting to only sleeping with her at night.

Still suspicious of him, she'd asked around the court to hear if the king had taken in another concubine. Surely he had to have someone else since he wasn't touching her?

But no, whenever she asked, wherever she looked, she was always met with the same answers; the king had not yet taken in another concubine, and for the time being, she was considered the only one. The other girls had been dismissed months ago.

It vexed her, to say the least. Every day she'd watch him address the court and the people; she'd listen to his steady and calm voice; watch as he towered above everyone with utmost grace and dignity. He reminded her of a lion; proud, wild and powerful. Maybe even deadly. To think that someone as himself proclaimed to love her; to want her as more than just a servant, but as his lover in every sense of the word, puzzled her and occupied her thoughts constantly.

The man had everything; the kingdom, the love of his people, wealth…

And the Queen.

"I see my husband has chosen you as royal concubine." Her voice, so silky and soft, was as cool as the silver of her eyes.

Juuri bowed in respect, secretly frightened by the Queen's grace and ethereal beauty. She felt herself shrink in the scrutinizing glare of the ice queen.

"Y-yes, Jouusama."

"Is…" The queen faltered, clearing her throat. "Is he happy?"

" _With you, Juuri, I am always happy. Knowing that you'll wait for me at night, and that I get to have you in my arms, fills me with endless joy."_

"Uhm…" Juuri trailed off, keeping her eyes on the ground as she fumbled for words. "I… imagine he is, your highness."

"Has… has he touched you?" The queen paused, releasing a shaky breath. "Has he… laid claim on your body?"

The nervousness in her voice; her tense shoulders and her flickering eyes…

 _The broken quivers of a woman whose heart is breaking in her chest…_

Juuri swallowed heavily. "No, your highness. He refuses."

The Queen grew quiet; her pale pink lips sealing together in pensiveness. The silence stretched on for minutes; wearily, Juuri felt her knees ache with impatience. Still, she remained rooted in place, showing her respect for the queen.

"I see," was all she replied, turning on her heel and walking softly away. Milky white hair trailed after her delicately, reaching the floor like silver silk.

 _You, who are so kind and warm… Why do you hurt her so much?_

* * *

Her frustrated cry was yet again answered with silence.

Tired feet trekked on the hardwood floors, repeating their path from seconds before. One, two, three four – turn – five, six, seven, eight…

"Argh! Why!?"

Silence answered her again.

"I _told_ you it was dangerous! I told you that it wasn't safe! You stupid, moronic, troublesome and stubborn king! ARGH!"

She ran a hand through her hair, tugging at her curls impatiently. She turned and stalked towards the window, glancing outside, foolishly hoping to catch a glimpse of him. The view of the red sunset greeted her; the sky bled vermillion red on the horizon, painting the scenery with shades of crimson and burnt orange.

"I WARNED YOU, DIDN'T I!? SO WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!? IDIOT!" Juuri screamed at the top of her lungs, her cry disturbing the peace and serenity of the royal gardens. In the distance, she spotted birds fluttering from the trees, alarmed by her scream.

"You were right, stubborn woman. I _should_ have listened to you."

Juuri spun around quickly, her heart hammering in her chest when she recognized the voice she'd longed for. Her body froze at the sight of dirt and blood on his cheeks; instantly she was overwhelmed with both fear and relief.

"Haruka!" She cried, running into his open arms. Her impact sent him stumbling backwards towards the closed door; surprised, he blinked as she quivered in his arms, clenching his shirt.

"How dare you… how _dare_ you make me worry so much!? Do you have any idea of what it felt like waiting for you these days?"

A warm and wet sensation manifested on his chest; amazed, he watched as her tears dripped onto his shirt while she wept.

Haruka smiled softly, patting her back. "I apologize, Juuri. I didn't mean to make you worry."

" _Harukaaa,"_ she sobbed into his chest, "when they said there was an attack and that you'd been injured, I… I didn't know what to do with myself. I… I got so _angry!_ I told you, damnit, I told you it was dangerous!" Angrily, she pounded her fists on his chest, grimacing through her tears.

"Ne, Juuri, it seems like you know my name after all," Haruka chuckled gently, arresting her arms mid-air. "Does this mean that you have accepted me?"

" _Baka!"_ She yelled in his face, crying still. "How can you talk about that in this situation!?"

"Because seeing your face like this; baptized in tears you shed believing I was injured – makes me feel happy," he whispered, brushing away her tears.

Juuri sniffled, entranced by his amorous gaze. Her heart wouldn't calm down, even when she knew he was safe and he was right in front of her.

"You're an idiot," she whispered, "and you're stubborn and ridiculously patient. When I yell at you, you only smile and tell me I look pretty. When I try to tell you that I can't accept you, you only shrug your shoulders and tell me you'll wait forever if you have to. When it rains, you cover me with your umbrella, even when I tell you its unfit for a king to get drenched in the rain. You…"

"Juuri…" Haruka whispered tenderly.

"You…" She trembled, blinking through her tears. "You are a moron and an imbecile and an idiot and… you've won me over."

His eyes widened.

She raised herself on her tip toes and kissed him fiercely, filtering her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. His arms came around her immediately, holding her tightly as he kissed her back with all his might. He tasted of cinnamon and mint; of afternoons spent in front of the fireplace; of comfort and warmth – like _home._

Unwillingly, they parted for air, panting as they gazed into each other's eyes.

"I surrender, Haruka," Juuri whispered, her eyes warm and soft.

"Say it," he begged against her lips as he guided her around the room. "Say the words I've longed to hear for so long."

Her back landed on the mattress. She pulled him close as he nestled between her legs, needing to feel him.

"I love you."

A shaky breath escaped his lips; in awe, he stared at her if she'd just spilled the secrets of the universe to him. His eyes shimmered with joy as he gave in to his joy and grinned at her, nuzzling her affectionately. "Say it again, Juuri."

"I love you."

"Again," he commanded, earning a giggle from her.

"I love y–"

He kissed her hungrily, capturing her lips with his. At his mercy, she kissed him back, smiling into the kiss as the relief of finally figuring out her wavering heart washed over her. The king – the ruler of their kingdom, the man she viewed as a dangerous lion – she loved him. She loved the man that hid behind his stoic demeanor and calculated words; the man that worshipped her and teased her, who waited, waited, and waited until she was ready.

That night, he made love to her and changed her life forever.

She surrendered completely, crying out his name as her world shattered while in his arms.

Giving her heart to him would be fatal, but she would take the risk anyways.

After all…

" _Juuri…"_

The way he said her name made her feel invincible.

* * *

"Why don't you love me?"

A streak of crimson sprayed on the mirror.

"Why is it _her –_ and not me? What does she have that I don't?"

Rain dripped outside her windows, sad and lonely as the air thickened with moisture. It reflected her blackened heart, which grew duller and duller by the minute; the walls of her suite closed in on her; faces of people in the paintings surrounding her twisted with mirth as they laughed at her.

"Look what you've done. Look. You've killed me. You've killed me and left me for dead; vultures are circling my body yet you offer no words of sympathy. You've killed me, you've killed me…"

The mirror shattered into a thousand pieces as her fist connected with the shiny surface; she screamed in agony, not from the pain that manifested in her wound, but the pain that blossomed in her heart and tore her apart from inside. Labored breaths fogged up the remaining pieces of the mirror; she viewed herself pensively, watching how the broken mirror twisted her features.

"Am I not beautiful enough? Does my face disgust you?"

Her claws angrily tugged at her silver hair, feeling the struggle of her roots being pulled from her scalp as she screamed.

"Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me?" She chanted, lost in her heartbreak.

"Mother…"

Her son's hesitant whisper was lost on her. Instead, she wept hopelessly in front of the mirror, sinking onto the floor like a broken anchor making its way to the bottom of the ocean.

She wanted to stay here on the cold tiles forever. Down here, no one could hurt her.

"Mother!" Rido gasped, rushing over and cradling her body.

His mother cried into his chest, gazing up at him, her face drenched in bitter tears.

"I gave him everything I had. I did all I could do. I even gave him such a beautiful son, yet… he can't see me. I'm… nothing to him."

"Mother, please," Rido cried, hugging her. "Don't say that. Please."

"You have your father's deceitful eyes, you know that?" She whispered harshly. "I can see it in you. In your blood lies the lies of your father to me. There are secrets you carry that are far too great for this world. I should hate you for wearing his face and speaking with his voice. I should hate you for being half me and half him, a false proof of the love that never existed between him and I… but I can't," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "My beautiful son…"

"Mother," the young boy quivered, feeling the unease crawl up his spine as she continued to kiss his face. "You've lost your mind. Don't let him control you anymore. Free your heart, please…"

"One day, Rido," Shizuka whispered, silver tears running down her cheeks, "you'll understand the pain behind a love that can't be requited. Only then will you know the extent of true heartbreak."

* * *

"He's beautiful," she gushed as the child suckled on her breast, his eyes closed in concentration.

"Would you have expected anything less of us?" Her lover whispered, tenderly stroking the soft curls adorning their son's head.

She snorted. "Tch, I guess I'll have to add "painfully arrogant" to my list of your awful attributes."

"You love all of them," he reminded gently, kissing her forehead.

"I do," she agreed, watching as he got up from bed. Dressed in slacks and a black shirt, Haruka did not resemble the man who wore the crown. Instead, he looked like a normal man with normal worries and struggles; no kingdom resting on his shoulders.

Her son released her breast, finished with his feeding. She gathered him in her arms and walked over to his crib, gently lowering him down and covering him up with blankets. In silence she watched him wave his limbs around before finally settling into sleep.

His arms wrapped around her from behind; she relaxed into his embrace, the strength of his arms and his calming scent enveloping her. Soft kisses trailed up her neck; she smiled despite herself, feeling warmth spread all over her body.

Being the man that he was, after discovering her pregnancy, he'd secured a small estate not too far from the palace for her. Trees surrounded the serene area; outside was a small lake, and the scent of flowers and wildlife wafted constantly in the air. It was everything she'd ever wanted; Juuri had never told him specifically about her dreams of a quiet life faraway in nature, but she'd alluded to it more than enough during intimate hours spent with their limbs tangled together in bed.

Somehow, he'd seen her dreams and made them come true.

While she was pregnant, he made sure maids and nurses were present to tend to her needs; and whenever he was free, he'd spend days and nights in her sheets, whispering to her growing belly and massaging her swollen feet. Together they'd dream about the future, ignoring their untraditional circumstances.

"Must you go?"

To think that a year ago she'd refused him entrance to her heart was absurd. To think there was a time she didn't trust him; where she thought the only way she could please him was by offering her body, and not her heart, seemed so unnatural. Due to his everlasting patience and kindness, she'd fallen for the king head first; landing in his arms that held her so gracefully.

Watching him leave was the hardest thing.

He sighed sadly, nuzzling her neck and inhaling her delicious scent. "Unfortunately, duty calls. There is a certain kingdom that needs my attention, though you know I'd rather devote my time and undivided attention to you and our son."

"I become greedier and greedier between your visits," she whispered as she turned in his arms, grasping his shirt. "There must be something wrong with me."

"I accept your greed," Haruka replied tenderly. "In that aspect, we are alike. I want you all the time, every day, every night, every hour… if not only just to hear your voice, but to touch you and hold you close… My hunger for you is never ending."

Juuri bit her lower lip. "Despite our circumstances, we are the lucky ones in this tragedy. You are allowed to love me in secret as I am allowed to cherish you in secret; together we've created a beautiful child that continues to bless us every day. On the other hand..."

His face hardened. "Do not speak of her," he ordered tersely, turning from her embrace.

"As a woman, I can't ignore the heartache in her eyes whenever she gazes at me," Juuri whispered. "As someone who looks up to her, I cannot forget that I am the one who has caused her so much pain..."

"My marriage is strictly political," Haruka spoke with his back turned towards her. "Her affection for me is displaced; her hunger is for my power and title, not my heart."

"You know that isn't true," Juuri said, frustration coloring her voice, "she is madly in love with you, and has been for the longest of time. Why do you deny the truth in front of you? You, who are so kind and warm towards me, who shelters me and protects me... How can you treat her the way you've been treating her? Why do you hate her so much?"

Stormy eyes flickered towards her as he spun on his heels, his royal capes swirling around him. "Because she represents everything I despise!"

Alarmed, she took a step backwards, not used to her amicable lover raising her voice.

"Because our engagement was decided before I was even born; because all my life I've been chained to this decree of ruling the kingdom without any choice in the matter; because her eyes remind me of duty and obligation; of a kingdom I do not want nor do I need, but must protect because I've inherited it. This..." He breathed, gesturing to his handcrafted robes and expensive rubies, "is not the life I wanted for myself. This is not who I wanted to be."

"Haruka..."

"That's why I fell madly in love with you, Juuri," his eyes glistened with emotion. "In you I found a kindred spirit; someone who was forced into a role they never wanted. Someone who was stripped of their choices and fought against it with all their might. Your flame ignited something in me that I'd lost; passion and excitement - a will to take control of my life and pursue my heart's desires. Only with you, do I feel this way..." Calmly he approached her.

"With you, I am free," he whispered, cradling her face gently in his hands as he stared into her eyes. "With her, I am enslaved to the crown. Her love for me is distorted, and I can never return it. Because you captured my heart and soul from the moment I first laid eyes on you."

Tears welling in her eyes, Juuri decided that there were no words fitting to his confession. Instead, she responded by reaching up and closing the distance between them, kissing him while filtering her fingers through his hair.

She could feel him relaxing into the kiss, letting go of his demons and his struggles. As their lips parted, she hugged him tightly in her embrace.

"Juuri, my love, my life…" He whispered against her hair. "In the midst of all tragedy and chaos, you are the only light I hold onto. You give my dull life color and meaning. I love you and our son unconditionally, and I swear to you that I will protect you both with my life. Come what may."

Juuri nodded, inhaling his scent.

"Come what may," she repeated, hugging him tight.

* * *

This time, it wasn't just the nightmares that woke him up.

Heart beating in his chest, Rido sat up from his bed sharply; heterochromatic eyes eyed his darkened room in suspicion.

When he found no one in his room, his hand found its way to his chest, resting above his beating heart. He had a bad feeling emanating from his stomach; it grew heavier the longer he pondered upon it, feeling his heart accelerate as sheer panic and a need to see his mother manifested.

In a rush, he was out of bed in no time, evading the guards outside his chambers. He ran into the royal gardens and stared ahead, unsure of what had called him.

 _"Rido... Be a good boy and obey..."_

He shook his head fiercely, ridding himself of the voice in his head that constantly haunted him. It was not the voice of his nightmare that had drawn him out here, but...

He put his hand on his chest and closed his eyes, reconnecting with the feeling in his chest. In a daze, and without a conscious thought, he stepped through the lush gardens as if he was sleep walking. Although it was dark outside, he could still sense the sun rising on the horizon not too far away; dawn was approaching quickly, and with it his trepidation rose.

 _Something is wrong..._

As the feeling intensified, he bursted into a sprint, running through the gardens until he reached an all too familiar spot.

The cherry blossom trees were withering all throughout spring - it was uncommon and unheard of, and the royal gardeners had deemed it a bad omen. Grey and brown blossoms covered the grounds and sullied them, like a graveyard for withering flowers.

But the thing that unsettled him the most was not the sight of the withering flowers, but the creature that laid in the midst of them all.

Silver glittered in the fading moonlight; the crimson hue of blood stained the grass and turned it black like the night.

He fell onto his knees in grief.

"Mother?"

There was no sound or movement; his mother's sleeping face was still as a statue; pale as a ghost and serene like the calmest ocean. Her small smile spoke of peace and nirvana; of enlightenment and fulfilment.

"Mother?" He croaked. Flashes of his childhood filtered through his mind; her smiling face as she played with him when he was a child; her bell-like laughter whenever they strolled through the royal gardens; her serene expression whenever spring came around and the cherry blossoms bloomed...

He touched her cheek and withdrew immediately; her ice cold flesh confirmed his worst nightmare of them all.

His tears bled into her crimson-stained lavender kimono as he wept over her dead body, crying out into the approaching dawn.

When the royal guards heard his cry and found him, they were unable to remove him from her. He cried and held onto her frozen body, begging her not to go.

"I need you, I need you..." He wept, hot tears blurring his vision as they dragged him away from her corpse. "You are the only one who understands me... Oh mother, why?"

At her funeral, as they burned her body to ashes and watched her disappear into nothing, he knew why.

As he gazed into the cold eyes of the man he called his father, a dark rage began to fester inside of his heart, like a burning wick.

Night after night he lost himself inside a new lover; basked in their cries and laughed when they hurt; until he was satisfied, he would continue to nurture his rage until his heart was completely burned to a crisp.

And then he would get his revenge.


	4. Infatuation

**A/N: I gotta be superwoman. Last time I posted a chapter, I finished it while packing for NY. Now, I'm finishing this while packing my bags yet again before moving across the country. Skills or nah!?**

 **I have to thank you all for your reviews. The fact that I manage to engage you is thrilling, and your responses to certain revelations make me so happy. I hope I can keep this up, and that you will continue to read. Thank you!**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Infatuation**

"What's all this?"

The streets were filled with people, tightly knight together along the street and waiting impatiently. The city was more colorful than usual; women adorned their bright yukatas while the men wore their traditional garments passed down through generations. Banners lit up the buildings while flowers were scattered on the city floors, creating the illusion of an ocean of flowers.

"Ne, we really need to get going," the blonde remarked hesitantly, his green eyes alert and flickering over the crowd.

"Just a minute, please," the tall brunette requested, keeping his eyes trained on the festivities. "What's going on?"

"Haven't you heard? The king was crowned earlier today, and now he's going to marry our future queen. The people have lined up the streets to catch a glimpse of her."

"I see," the stunning brunette murmured, transfixed by the tangible joy in the air.

"Kaname," the blonde mouthed, "we really need to get going. There's not mu–"

"All hail our future queen and mother of our people!" A man stepped onto the street, dressed in royal colors as he read out loud from his script. "All rise in celebration of Princess Yuuki of the Cross family!"

A carriage gilded to a halt behind him. The people grew quiet as they waited in expectation, anxiously wanting to catch a glimpse of the future queen's face. Along with them, a certain knight held his breath also, his heart hammering in his chest for some strange reason.

The Princess stepped out of her carriage gracefully; with one foot on the ground, she received the applause of thousands as they hollered and cheered. Casting a shy glance around her, she smiled brightly and waved when they threw sakura blossoms at her.

Kaname watched in awe as she calmly trekked down the street, her smile so bright and big he could see it clearly all the way to where he was standing. Her dress draped behind her elegantly, held up by her servants. It was customized specifically for her coronation; petal pink silk marked her status as a young maid about to be transformed into queen; the diamonds around her neck signified her status as the king's betrothed, and her long hair spoke of years of practice and dedication towards the crown.

"Woah," Ichijou breathed, watching the queen and how she handled the crowd, "she really is–"

"Beautiful," Kaname whispered, the word escaping his lips without intention. The way she walked; the joyful smile on her face and her bright, clear eyes – she was a vision of light and happiness, blinding him. Immediately he was attracted to her happy-go-lucky nature that was evident from the pep in her walk. That smile – pearl white teeth and corners of her mouth curling with delight – he adored it.

How could someone in their world shine so bright? He, who'd been hidden away in shadows all his life and trained to be nothing more than a killer, suddenly found himself longing for the happiness she displayed so freely. What a beauty she was – and she belonged to the king.

Memorizing the sight of her radiance, he turned briskly and walked away from the crowd, Ichijou stumbling after him. One day, he would serve her in some capacity; his training was finishing up, and per his father's instructions, he was to be admitted to the palace as a part of his service to the crown.

The king, his half-brother – the blessed child out of the two – would inherit all. The kingdom, power, and the queen – and Kaname would do his best to protect all of it. It was the only way to even out the sin of his ancestry.

* * *

Two years later he found himself at the palace. Today was his official inauguration. Despite years of hard training, he still found himself being jittery. It was not the thought of being in the palace that made him nervous, nor was it the many perilous tasks to come – but it was the thought of her smile; the smile he'd seen years ago and burned into his mind, unable to let it go as he thought about it every night.

Her radiance and joy pulled him in; the joy in her eyes and the brightness of her smile – she was almost child-like with her glee, and he, aged through battle and terror, couldn't help but appreciate her light-heartedness in their cruel world.

Yes, he knew nothing about her; had yet to meet her in person and he certainly would never be able to know her well, but deep down, he felt like he knew her better than most. He knew her heart after just a few minutes of watching her; and no matter how many times he tried to dismiss his intuition, he always came back to the conclusion that the queen was the most unique woman he would ever stumble across.

He found it strange how just a brief glimpse of her years ago had kept him going for so long. At night, as he slept under the stars, he thought of her and reminded himself that his hard work would pay off one day when he gave his life for her and the king.

"I've decided to assign you the task of protecting the queen," the king spoke. "Her safety is my top priority."

He bowed his head. "I will do my best, your highness."

The king smirked, circling the knight. "The reason why I chose you is not only because of our shared blood, but also your impressive skills. Among the guards, you have the least injuries and you inflict more injury on the opponent than any other. Your hit list surpasses the others', and your fierceness is incomparable. The elders have praised you for your tactical mind and devotion to the crown; the people, too, are in awe of your skills and bravery. My half-brother or not, a man like you is what I need in the palace."

Kaname nodded quietly. "I am honored by your words, your highness."

Rido touched his shoulder lightly; vaguely, Kaname could sense his half-brother halting behind him, his breath tickling his neck. Like the dutiful soldier he was, he remained perfectly still, not giving in to the uncomfortable sensation of having his brother so near.

"Mm…" He hummed. "A _man_ like you is needed in any kingdom. If only you weren't my brother…"

Ignoring the implication behind his words, Kaname stared straight ahead as his shoulders squared. Years of practice had taught him the importance of composure.

"You shall meet the queen tomorrow," Rido instructed, his voice returning to normal as he resumed his seat on the throne, red and blue eyes staring down at the knight. "I trust you to do your best in protecting her. When you are not with her, you will be my right hand."

"Understood, your highness."

* * *

The next day, he entered the grand hall where the thrones were seated. Despite his conflicting thoughts, Kaname felt calm and collected. Years of training had granted him such skills; he was no longer a slave to his emotions and listened only to instinct. He was the perfect knight for the palace.

But as he got nearer, he felt his heart rate pick up as he eyed the back of her head. Her hair was tied up delicately, pinned with exquisite jewels. Oddly enough, she wore a black cloak above her burgundy dress; her entire ensemble was quite the contrast to the sweet pink hues he'd seen her in last time.

She turned in his direction; their eyes meeting instantly despite his intention to lower them in respect. He just couldn't help it; for such a long time he'd wanted to catch a glimpse of her that in the heat of the moment, he forgot all about manners.

If time could halt for even the briefest of moments, then it had to be now. He felt his entire being freeze as their line of sight crossed.

His heart dropped in his chest.

Her eyes… they were so _cold._

Her skin was paler than he remembered; the contours of her face contrasted starkly, showing how much weight she'd lost. She did not smile nor did she flush with excitement the same way she had on the day she was crowned; instead, she looked at him as if he wasn't there; like he was a see-through ghost and she couldn't be more bothered.

The image of her smiling and laughing face vanished in his mind as the current sight of her lifeless visage assaulted him.

She bowed in greeting, prompting him to lower his head in respect.

He got down on one knee and placed his right hand over his heart. "Your highness, please allow me to serve and protect you for the time to come."

The queen barely blinked in response, her voice cool and collected, as if she was reading from a script rather than speaking from her heart.

"Thank you for your services to the crown thus far. I accept your offer and I shall grant you the task of ensuring my safety. You may rise."

He rose from his position on the floor, immediately straightening his back and looking straight ahead.

"Thank you for accepting this extra safety measure I have taken," Rido spoke softly, grasping her hand and kissing the top of it. "These are unsafe times in the kingdom, and I would be absolutely devastated should something happen to you, my queen. Kaname is to become your shadow; the only time he won't be with you is when he attends strategy meetings with me or when you're sleeping. I hope you accept this intrusion in your daily routines."

The queen nodded tersely; from the corner of his eye he watched her, deducing her motives and mindset. She seemed detached and apathetic; the fire in her eyes was snuffed out and replaced with a darkness he'd only ever seen in the eyes of his fellow soldiers; briefly he wondered if someone had kidnapped the princess he adored and replaced her with the ice queen in front of him.

Surely this couldn't be the same woman?

The queen nodded. "I appreciate your concern. If you'll allow it, I'd like to retire now and take a walk through the gardens. Shall the knight accompany me…?"

Rido nodded towards Kaname. "Yes, do as you please. Kaname knows his place."

"Very well," the queen whispered, turning on her heel while the maids held the trail of her dress away from the floor.

Forgetting himself, he watched her form disappear down the hallway, mulling over their strange meeting and her cold behavior, before he gathered himself and followed after her.

 _Who took your smile away, fair queen?_

* * *

"You don't say a lot, do you?"

He didn't offer any reply; partly because he was instructed to interact with her as little as possible, and partly because he found it hard to speak in her presence. He was still so baffled over the change in her that he found it hard to trust her.

When he didn't reply, the queen shrugged as her eyes trailed the royal grounds. "It's fine. I've grown quite accustomed to silence in the palace. Yours is a strange one, though," she turned, eyeing him. "Your silence screams at me. You try to hide it, but you look at me with sorrow in your eyes. Do tell, knight, what is on your mind?"

He blinked, fighting the urge to look over at her.

"I don't know what my husband has instructed you to do; to protect me or spy on me, I have no way of knowing, and frankly I don't care. Do as you please – or better yet, do as _he_ pleases – it's better that way…"

The dejected note in her voice caught his attention; he glanced at her briefly, finding her head turned down as she stared at the front of her dress.

"I have nothing to say, your highness," he replied calmly. "If I have offended you by looking at you inappropriately, I ask that you issue a fitting punishment for me."

"So you can talk after all," Yuuki hummed, offering him a wistful smile. "Assigning punishments is something that my husband excels in, not I. Unfortunately for you, I won't punish you. I could care less about where your eyes linger or where your thoughts go; you could kill me in my sleep and I wouldn't complain. In fact, I might just rise from the dead to thank you."

This time, he couldn't stop himself. He glanced at her, finding her mouth twisted in a vicious smirk and her eyes glittering like polished diamonds.

The image of her, clad in pink, waving at the crowd and her cheeks flushed with color burned hotly in his mind.

 _What happened to you?_

Black eyebrows scrunched together on his forehead.

"I have such a strange sense of humor, my apologies," she offered airily, waving her hand. She inhaled and exhaled, and for a second it seemed like he could see her lungs in her chest, pulling in air with all their might and struggling to exhale; it was as if he could see her body giving up on her due to her weight loss, the denial of nourishment tearing down her system.

The queen had everything; the king, the kingdom; a palace filled with maids and servants tending to her every need; the worship from her people; dresses and jewels worth more than a commoner's house, and yet…

She was broken.

"I'm tired," she announced, turning sluggishly. "You may accompany me to my chambers, knight."

Mutely he trailed after her through the gardens and into the palace, all the while watching and observing her movements. To say that he was puzzled was an understatement; the woman before him wore the face of the fair princess from years ago, but on the inside she was a ghost walking the grounds of the palace.

She paused outside her door, glancing over her shoulder at him. Yes indeed did she wear the princess' face; despite the change in her eyes and her hidden scars, the queen was still undeniably beautiful. He, who had taken an oath to remain in celibacy, could not deny such an obvious truth.

"I hope you won't suffer too much next to me," she whispered, still not looking quite at him. "I don't know why the king appointed you, but if your goal is to make it in the palace and rise to the top, I'm afraid you're out of luck. Do not let the king fool you into thinking you are of any importance. Like everyone else – like me – you are replaceable…" Her eyes met his finally; he shivered at the coldness of her black eyes.

"Protect me if you must, but don't exhaust yourself," she warned, opening the door. "And most importantly, don't get attached to me – I won't be around for too long."

* * *

The sun shimmered on the horizon as it blended with the surface of the earth, hues of red and orange spreading over the landscape. Autumn was making its presence known in the late summer, a sign of how much time had passed.

Every day and every night – except for the rare occasions where he served the king instead – were spent next to the queen, always following her moves and shadowing her. Though their first meeting was a memory he'd rather erase from his mind, Kaname was slowly starting to grasp what had happened to traumatize the queen.

"I say we use our war slaves for something that will benefit the kingdom and my legacy," the king hollered among the chatter of the council members. They quieted instantly, listening to him.

Rido slapped his hands on the table, his eyes glittering spectacularly as he raised his voice. "I want to build a temple! For me!"

"But Ousama, the wars have left our people famished and in dire need of nourishment and water. Would it not be better if we utilized the slaves to gather fo-"

"The people are fine!" The king whined, silencing the councilman. "We have the charities doing their part in feeding them and repairing the damages; a temple will bring them hope and joy; surely a figure of me encased in gold will continue to inspire them for years to come!"

"I think it's a wonderful idea, Ousama!" A pale councilman spoke excitedly, nodding towards his fellow councilmen. "The people need hope above anything else!"

"Yes, yes, certainly…" The men nodded amongst themselves.

Kaname watched as the minority of the men around the table pursed their mouths, biting off their tongue in an attempt to keep their opposing thoughts to themselves. Going against the king was suicide in slow motion; they'd learned this the hard way, as had Kaname who acted as the grim reaper whenever the king was displeased with his councilmen.

His eyes caught the green ones of Asato Ichijou; the elder man sighed inaudibly, conveying with his gaze the disappointment he felt.

Rido took another swig of his chalice, downing the liquid in one go. "It's settled, then! A temple shall be built within the next five years to honor me!"

"All hail the king!" The councilmen toasted together, joining in on the celebration.

Kaname closed his eyes, already envisioning how the night would go. The king and his men would get piss drunk and cause a ruckus in the palace; geishas would be called to the palace to act as entertainment, while wild animals would roam the grasses and perform tricks as the nobles watched on. At the end of the night, the king would mysteriously disappear, coincidentally at the same time as one of his personal guards, or perhaps even several of them.

It was always the same routine. Every damned night.

"And what 'hope' do you wish to inspire in the people?"

Like he'd been struck by lightning, Rido quieted instantly, wild eyes zeroing in on the man at the end of the table.

"I say, the greatest _legacy_ you could leave behind would be an heir to the throne; an heir who can ensure the safety of the crown and the people; a ray of hope in these disturbing times."

Rido pinched the bridge of his nose; Kaname eyed his quivering shoulders, knowing all too well about his half-brother's mercurial moods.

"I told you already; the problem lies with the queen. Her health has declined due to her weight lo–"

"Then _make_ her eat!" Asato yelled, shooting up from his seat and slamming his fists on the table. " _Make_ her conceive; _make_ her take care of herself. Are you not her husband? Does your wife not obey you? Are you not _man_ enough to make her listen to you? What use are you as a king if you can't even control your queen? You want a statue of gold – for what? To immortalize your incompetence!?"

It was like watching the prelude to an earthquake; Rido trembled in his seat, twitching every now and then as he fought to contain his rage and embarrassment. His fists were white with pressure; his mouth a hard line as he bit his tongue.

Asato stepped around his seat and gave the king one last piercing look. "Build your temple. Use all the gold we have. No matter what you do, the _truth_ will come out one day, and the legacy you speak of will be no more than dirt under a beggar's shoe." He turned and briskly exited the room, slamming the door behind him.

Silence roamed the oval table; councilmen glanced anxiously at each other, holding their breaths as he king fumed in his seat.

"Heh…"

Rido's shoulders shook with laughter.

"He he he _he!"_

The rest of the councilmen joined him, laughing as loudly as possible to please him.

Rido wiped his eyes and giggled. "What a _funny_ man! He thinks he can speak to me that way… So _funny!_ Isn't it funny? Isn't it?"

"Oh yes, Ousama, it's very funny!"

"Hilarious, your highness!"

"Ridiculous, your majesty!"

"I know!" Rido bellowed. "Ah, I wish he'd drop dead already. Being the head councilman, he is untouchable in the name of democracy. But soon… soon his ancient body will give up and he'll regret what he said to me! Ha ha ha!"

Kaname closed his eyes, tuning out the cheers and hollering from the councilmen. It was always like this; Asato would taunt the king and storm the room, and then the king would mock and ridicule him until he'd had enough. The evening would end in a grand party, and as always, there would be damage and injuries in abundance in the morning.

Kaname eyed Rido's strained grin.

But on a night like this, the king would make one last stop before choosing his lover for the evening.

The queen's bedroom.

" _Why? Why won't you take care of yourself!?"_

Kaname kept his eyes closed, willing his ears to shut out all sound.

" _He keeps embarrassing me, and it's_ all _because of_ you _and your incapability of fucking taking care of yourself. You're fucking useless to me if you suddenly drop dead out of malnutrition!"_

His jaw tightened as he grit his teeth together in silence.

" _Forget it! You're useless either way. You haven't cured me; you didn't fix me – you've done nothing for me, and look at what I've given you! My name, my palace; my kingdom, and yet you sit there all day and you do nothing! Why? Why won't you fix me!?"_

Then, the symphony of violence hummed in his ears; sometimes it would be mellow – the king would throw things around and yell in frustration, before exiting the room in a hurry – but other times, the sound of things being thrown around would be accompanied by the quiet whimpers of the queen.

" _Stop, please… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"_

Kaname ignored the bile that rose in his throat and the pain that bloomed in his chest. His fist tightened at his sides as he fought to reign in his anger. _No man should ever lay a hand on a woman… ever._

" _Sorry isn't good enough, you whore!"_

The door opened as the king stumbled out into the hallway. In a daze, he spotted Kaname and huffed, turning on his heel and stumbling down the path between the rooms. "Watch over her and don't let her out of her room, knight!" He roared, disappearing through the narrow hallway.

All his life, he'd been trained to reign in his emotions; he was not to be affected by rage nor empathy or sympathy; happiness was a distant notion for him, and so was sadness. He wasn't supposed to feel a damn thing.

But as the queen's cries travelled through the hardwood door separating him and her, he felt both rage and sadness whip against him like an angry wind, forcing him to feel it burn in his chest.

Yet he couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

Time passed, and though he did his best to remain neutral and collected, he couldn't help but form a bond with the queen. Though he had viewed her as cold and apathetic in the beginning, he had soon realized that beneath her lifeless shell was the ghost of the woman he'd once adored.

She appeared in rare moments, always with him by her side, and it made him dream of one day where the queen would be free of her pain and burden. Beneath her hardened exterior, Yuuki was soft and warm, still holding onto dreams she claimed she'd put to rest years ago. He knew this because he was constantly watching her in her most unguarded moments; in the mornings when she tended to the roses in the royal garden, smiling softly to herself as she stroked the petals tenderly; whenever they travelled to the other cities of their country, her eyes would glitter with unabashed curiosity, soaking every detail up.

For every unguarded glimpse he caught of her, the more he wanted to continue seeing her flourish and become her old self again. He wanted to help and guide her out of the darkness she succumbed to in the palace.

He wanted to see her smile again, like she did on that day when he first saw her.

Yuuki eyed the slice of watermelon in front of her suspiciously.

She glanced back and forth between the watermelon and the man who was patiently holding it between his chopsticks and offering it to her.

"What, does your duty include feeding me like some petulant child? I won't have it," she huffed and turned away.

But the knight – ever-present and ever so patient – didn't budge. She glanced back at him, still finding the watermelon placed directly in front of her face.

"No," she said, intently gazing at him.

Soft garnet-eyes met hers calmly; they shimmered unlike any other shade, entrancing her. Was he a wizard, too? Was he compelling her?

Silence stretched on between them as she refused his unrequested offer. He did not move an inch; in fact, she was starting to worry if he was even breathing as he looked at her so intently.

She huffed again, quickly snatching the watermelon with her teeth and eating it, raising her chin indignantly as she chewed stubbornly.

Kaname smiled to himself, pleased by her submission and happy that he'd gotten her to eat.

"Well look at you," she hummed, eyeing his upturned lips. "You can smile, huh. Maybe you're human after all."

He was about to wink at her when he realized something; the queen was actually smiling at him for the first time. Genuinely smiling, not politely arranging her mouth like she so often did in public, but _smiling_ because she was amused by him.

His face sobered against his will, as did hers as she lost herself in his eyes. Their eyes remained locked as he drew in slow breaths, trying to calm his erratic heart. She was so close; just within his reach… her beauty entranced him; made him dream of tasting her lips and hearing her moan; slowly he tipped forward, watching as she remained perfectly still.

"Joousama! There you are!"

The two broke apart awkwardly; Kaname rose from his spot with the efficiency of a cat, alert and ready as he stepped to the side.

The blonde man eyed him suspiciously, his brows furrowing with distrust as he glanced between him and the queen.

"Dearest," the queen hummed, smiling softly as the blonde lowered himself on the blanket next to her and grabbed her hand, showering it with kisses.

"I'm sorry for being late. I stopped by our _friends,"_ he smiled, turning his back to Kaname as he sat down.

"How are they?" Yuuki whispered.

"They're doing quite all right," Hanabusa grinned, holding her hand in his larger one. He stroked her cheek with his other hand gently. "You look flushed," he remarked, watching how her eyes briefly flickered towards the knight. "Have you started eating again?"

Yuuki released a low chuckle. "As always, I'm being force-fed. This time by my valiant knight as well, can you believe it?"

Hanabusa turned and peeked over his shoulder at the towering knight who was busy observing the grounds. "Reeally? Do tell, knight, that is certainly extra effort you put into the protection of the queen. Perhaps, are you…?"

"The queen's health and welfare is my priority, as is the king's," Kaname answered, keeping his eyes on the fields. "I do what I must in the service of the crown."

"How diplomatic," Hanabusa quipped, rolling his eyes before he turned and plastered a smile on his face. "Well, it's good to see you look somewhat alive, Yuuki."

Kaname froze. He knew the queen was close with the boy, but not _that_ close that they used each other's first names. Somehow, it made him feel…

"Same goes for you, Hanabusa," the queen smiled amicably. "You've been granted some peace the last few nights, haven't you? You look refreshed"

Hanabusa nodded silently, his smile faltering slightly. "Yes… Though I can't say it has done much to ease my mind. These moments of peace tend to be fleeting…"

Yuuki inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I know what you speak of more than anyone… but for now, please allow your mind to rest," she said, raising her hand to his cheek, caressing it gently.

The boy leaned into her touch and sighed softly.

Kaname's lower lip bled from the pressure of his teeth.

"Knight," the queen called. "Please grant us some privacy by retreating for the time being."

He swallowed the strange feeling crawling up his esophagus, bowing.

"Yes, your highness."

He wasn't a man that was allowed to feel; his life was to be lived in service of the crown and its people; he was not to take a wife and have children; he was not allowed to have political views or conflicting emotions – if any at all.

But as he looked at the queen from the distance, watching her dull eyes light up somewhat in the presence of the fair guard, he felt the sting of jealousy burn hotly in his veins.

And he couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

" _Son… the only way I can protect you is by having you join the royal guards. It is the only way I can keep you close and protected…"_

" _I understand, father."_

" _If not, I'm afraid evil forces will find a way to put you on the streets. Like it or not, but in this situation, your half-brother_ is _the enemy. And keeping the enemy close is the best way to survive. It will be hard, but in due time, you'll find your heart and soul strengthened by hard work. My hope is to one day see you rise in ranks and prove yourself worthy, maybe even challenging the reigning king…"_

" _But father, that's–"_

" _Being a true king does not rely solely on your blood. It's what's in your heart, son. In you I see the same fire and bravery that existed in your mother… but with him, all I see is darkness… Darkness that will consume anything it touches."_

"Psst."

He twitched, his eyes opening slowly as he reemerged from the world of dreams and old memories. He blinked a few times, trying to find the right focus.

"You were sleeping. That's good. I always hated the thought of you having to stay up all night while you guarded my chambers."

His eyes widened as he realized that the queen was right in front of him, her hair falling down the sides of her face as she continued to gaze at him. He straightened on his chair immediately, faintly embarrassed that he'd been caught by her in such a position.

The queen was still bent over, her face close to his as she smiled pleasantly. "Shh, it's our secret. I won't tell the king."

He bowed his head. "Tha-"

"Do you want to meet my friends?" She interrupted, eyes glittering as she gazed at him.

His mouth opened and closed, about to form words.

"I'm leaving either way. If you want to follow me or not, that's up to you," she whispered, straightening her back and turning on her heels, her long black cloak floating eerily behind her in the darkness.

Startled, he was up on his feet, briskly walking after her as she expertly carved out a path for herself in the darkness. Somehow, the queen knew what corners to hide in and what hallways to evade; none of the other guards caught her feline-like movements as she tip-toed through the palace with Kaname hot on her heels.

They finally made it out to the gardens. Yuuki lowered her hood; Kaname watched in wonderment as long locks of mahogany cascaded down her back, like rivers of milk chocolate. She turned over her shoulder and smiled secretly as she winked.

She placed her finger over her mouth, signaling for him to be quiet. Before he could warn her of the dangers of trekking around the gardens so late at night, she was already on her way through the greenery.

"You sly queen," he muttered to himself, doing his best to catch up.

The wind played with his hair as he chased her; the cool breeze was welcomed in the midst of his exertion, the moon following his every move as he kept his vigilant eyes on her.

Finally she paused, lowering herself to the ground at the edge of the garden.

"Here you are," she cooed.

Confused, Kaname frowned as he watched her hunched over form. Her arm was stretched out in front of her, but towards what, he could not say.

"Do you want to meet a friend of mine?" The queen whispered, her voice sweet and lovely – a stark contrast to the cool and dejected voice he'd grown accustomed to in the palace.

She turned over her shoulder and glanced at him expectantly; faintly he could detect certain vulnerability in her eyes – as if she was about to expose her most hidden secret to him and he had the choice to look away.

Of course he couldn't look away. Not when it came to her.

He lowered himself next to her, watching as her cloaked hand drew away and revealed her 'friends'.

"Here, kitty, kitty," the queen purred, playing with the brown kitten.

Kaname couldn't help but blink stupidly at the scene unfolding in front of him; in a haze, he stretched out his hand and let the black kitten come close; he rubbed himself against his hand, purring with pleasure.

"That one reminds me of you," Yuuki said, tickling the brown kitten's stomach. "He's darker than this one, and he's so protective of her. Like you. My dark knight."

Kaname tickled the onyx kitten's stomach, watching as he playfully swiped at him with his tiny claws. "I was under the impression that dark knights were the least favorable ones. Say, wouldn't a white knight in shining armor suit you better?"

"Haven't you noticed?" The queen mumbled sadly, stroking the brown female kitten's head. "I'm full of darkness."

Kaname paused, glancing over at her. "I wish you'd let the light in."

She turned then, staring into his eyes as she smiled wistfully. "There is none. Not in my world."

He frowned, upset by the shimmering sadness in her eyes. "Is that why you refuse to eat, your highness?"

The queen huffed, turning her eyes over to the brown kitty. "You're always bothering me about that…"

"Your health is important to the king, and therefore–"

Yuuki snorted. "If my health was so important to the king, then he'd give me a child so I could dote on them and forget the world around me."

His breath hitched. "Do you not believe–"

"Do I not believe the king will give me a child? Of course not. In this palace I will rot in solitude for the next years until my heartache catches up with my body. What happens after that, I have no clue… But as long as I'm free of this childless and loveless existence, I'll be happy."

He closed his eyes. They were stepping onto dangerous territory here; he was not supposed to speak with her unless it was to accept her demands, and he was certainly not allowed to _care_ for her. But as he listened to her wistful words and saw the fire in her eyes slowly fade away, he couldn't help but feel his own loneliness resonate with hers.

His mother had died early on – and since his father was the king, and Kaname his illegitimate son – he was not allowed to be in the palace next to his father. The only solution was entering the army and training to become a royal guard; people would forget his name and his heritage, and so he would be safe from the cruel whispers of the outside world that called him a bastard.

It was the only way to survive; to live in the shadows and disappear in them, becoming nothing more than an emotionless tool for others to use.

He looked at her profile; the queen was beautiful in her own charming way – cute button-like nose, lips pink and full – eyes so wide and bright he could lose himself in them – her features were certainly God-given. They had to be.

To him, she was the most beautiful woman on the planet.

And for the life of him, he couldn't stop worrying over her increasing despair.

"I wish you'd take care of yourself better," he whispered, testing the waters. " _Joousama._ Not for your husband, not for the kingdom, not for me, but… for yourself. For the woman hiding beneath your layers of hardened skin; for the woman I know you can _be –_ powerful, strong, independent, someone who is able to grasp every day in the palm of their hand and make the most out of it. That's _who_ you are, Joousama. Deep down."

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "Is this truly how you view me?"

"Yes," he responded determinedly, reaching over and wiping the tear that sailed down her cheek. "Your highness."

She watched him in silence, her eyes wet as she worked to decipher his intentions. Knowing he'd already overstepped a few major lines, he stared bravely back at her, conveying his sincerity.

Then, as if the sun rose and illuminated the world, she smiled at him; pearl-white teeth glittering between her upturned rosy lips; her eyes crinkled at the corners as she gave him yet another smile from the bottom of her heart – a smile that warmed his insides and forced his own lips to curl with joy.

"You don't say a lot do you?" She repeated her question from months ago when he first started serving her. "But when you do," she continued, tentatively reaching out and stroking his cheek with the top of her hand, "you say the most wonderful things. Thank you."

Heart beating in his chest, Kaname nodded silently in response, not wanting to ruin the moment between them.

The wind fluttered her hair; long locks of mahogany flew around them as he watched her in a haze. The way she smiled at him now; so beautiful and radiant – made him want to snatch the proverbial crown off her head and free her from her pain. He wanted to see her running free across the field; stripped of her unnecessary opulent jewels and fine textiles; her hair loose and wild, tickled by the wind.

But he could not do such a thing. It was not in his power.

Fate had dealt them terrible cards; and somehow, in the middle of their misery, they'd ended up by each other's side.

Perhaps there was some luck in their tragic lives.

"Look," the queen whispered, pointing at the kittens.

He tore his eyes away from her and looked.

The smaller brown kitty was nestled into the black one, who held one paw protectively over the little one as they quietly napped together.

"They came from two different homes and found each other in the dark forest outside the palace gates," the queen whispered, smiling. "Hanabusa found them and brought them to me; I've been sneaking out food and milk for the past days to them. Do you see?"

Her manicured finger stroked the protective paw of the onyx male cat, before pointing at the tiny brown one that was nestled into his embrace.

"They're just like you and me."

* * *

 _Katelyn: Thanks for the review! You're onto something, all right... As for the ending... well, it's not exactly happy for everyone, but for someone it is. Hehe. Can't tell you all yet!_


	5. Temptation

**A/N: Apologies for the delay! I've been very super extremely busy. However, I've found the time to write in-between being broke as hell and crying cause I'm unable to read five chapters in one go. Hah. Just a quick warning; this chapter is for them** _ **grown-ups**_ **in the building. If you know what I mean. I struggled a lot with writing it, so please be gentle on me!**

 **Also, another recommendation; I'm currently loving the drama** _ **Scarlet Heart: Ryeo.**_ **It reminds me a lot of this story, kiiinda. I watch it whenever I want to evade my homework lol. Check it out!**

 **Oh, and a quick note; I updated** _ **It Will Be Her**_ **after mooooonths of inactivity. Go read it if you follow the story!**

 **As always, reviews are appreciated. They keep me coming back to write even if I've essentially retired from the fandom!**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Temptation**

Water broke through the landscape; ferociously making its way through stone and earth – and when gravity pulled it down, the mass of cool liquid streamed mercilessly onto the small lake that was hidden away among trees and creatures that inhabited the area.

The water ran with powers acquired over thousands of years – power that could split stones in half and tear up landscapes. The moon towered above the natural occurrence, showering the water with silver light.

The noise was welcomed; gallons of water hitting the earth and streaming onwards – it belonged there among the bamboo trees.

He did not belong in the middle of the freezing water.

Naked, Kaname grit his teeth together in silent pain, feeling the shocks of hypothermia set in his body. Laboriously, he clenched his fists together as he breathed in the crisp air, focusing his attention on the pain and its cleansing effect.

In the army, he'd learnt the importance of discipline.

When discipline was absent, chaos reigned – when chaos reigned, morale lowered and men lost themselves to their desires.

When an honored soldier became a man enslaved to his desires, punishment was in order.

This was his punishment.

Down his wide chest, across his toned abdomen and pooling at his legs, the water streamed mercilessly, purifying him. The pain of the bitter cold was a part of the purification; without pain he would fail again, and he would be no more than a man lost to desire.

The drawings on his body – scars from battles past – no longer stung on his skin. The cooling effect of the water had long since numbed him down – he felt nothing but the painful sensation of being frozen alive.

He grit his teeth together and opened his eyes; he needed to persevere through this and purify his mind.

He could not return to the palace until his punishment was over.

The only problem was that the reason behind his predicament kept haunting him; behind closed lids he saw the sight he wasn't meant to see; in his body stirred a forbidden flame that made his senses come alight with energy.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about that moment…

" _Goodness, you're here," Ichijou muttered, relief coloring his face as he eyed Kaname approaching. "I don't know how you do it," the blonde sighed, rubbing tired eyes as the stoic knight replaced his spot, "staying up at all hours to protect the queen… I'm exhausted, and you do this_ all _the time. Surely you aren't made of flesh and blood, but steel and iron."_

 _Kaname chuckled quietly. "I'm no less human than you are, unfortunately. Thank you for watching over the queen's chambers in my absence while I tended to the king."_

" _No worries," Ichijou said and stretched, long limbs elongating graciously. "It's become habit to replace you now from time to time. But even so, the queen still puzzles me."_

" _Why?" Kaname inquired._

" _Well," the blonde shrugged, "I sorta get why they call her the ice queen now. She barely smiles anymore – at most I've heard her mutter maybe five or six words, tops. It's such a drastic change from…"_

"… _From when she was crowned, I know," Kaname finished, glancing at the door to her chambers._

" _It must be hard, spending every minute with her…" Ichijou tried, pensively watching Kaname as his face adopted a forlorn look._

" _She… can be difficult," Kaname admitted, lost in thought and oblivious to the watchful eyes of his comrade. "But I think she's… misunderstood."_

" _Ah, I see…" Ichijou nodded, waiting for Kaname to re-emerge from his thoughts and look at him. When the stoic-faced knight's eyes remained on the door, Ichijou shook his head and walked past him._

" _See you later, Kaname…" He waved, snapping Kaname out of his thoughts._

 _Kaname nodded in return, leaning into the wall._

" _Here to feed me again?"_

 _Recognizing her voice, he turned his head and watched as the queen and her team of maids approached him. She was dressed in a midnight blue gown that reached the floor; her hair was loose and wavy, cascading down her chest while a small crown adorned her petite head. Faintly he could detect color in her cheeks that had grown fuller the past months._

" _If that is your wish, your highness, I will gladly grant it to you," he quipped, watching her mouth briefly turn into a knowing smile._

" _You're ruining my image of the broken woman who wears the crown," she tsked, halting in front of the door. "Even the royal physician is impressed with my weight gain. I told him I owe it all to you."_

 _Over the past few months, Kaname had more or less force-fed the queen during their daily walks in the gardens. Usually, the queen would ignore the food and beverages that were brought to her in the garden, preferring instead to sit on her blanket and gaze emptily ahead of herself._

 _Determined to aid her health, Kaname had begun offering her the food, like a mother feeding a petulant child. As expected, she'd been stubborn and refused at first, but his patience was greater than her pride. Eventually she succumbed – she'd take a bite here and there, and depending on her mood, she'd eat whole meals with his assistance._

 _The bond between them was growing more forcefully than ever. And he delighted in it._

" _Your health is my priority, Jouusama," he said. "The rounder you get, the happier I get."_

 _Yuuki rolled her eyes and huffed, still to this day annoyed about his obsession with her weight. She turned towards her maids with a cold face._

" _Your services are not needed for now. Please retire to your quarters." She ordered elegantly._

 _The maids blushed and bowed, exiting quietly through the hallway._

 _Kaname held her door open and watched her enter, his eyes trailing after her long skirt as she disappeared inside her suite. He liked this color on her, he decided, watching the fabric sparkle in the light._

" _Close the door, knight," the queen ordered softly from inside the suite._

 _Realizing that he'd forgotten himself, he promptly closed the door and leaned back against the wall, his lips sealed into a thin line._

 _This was happening far too frequently for his liking. He'd forget himself and slip up whenever he got lost in his thoughts – thoughts that evolved around her beauty and allure. Though he'd gone through years of hard training and practice, he found it harder and harder to resist her undeniable charm and beauty as his relationship with her deepened._

 _He was so used to being around the queen that going without her made him feel hollow. When the king requested his presence for meetings, he'd stay silent in the corner and wonder about her whereabouts. When the king ordered him to accompany him on travels and attacks, he'd worry about her health and welfare, concerned that if he missed a day of feeding her she'd revert back to her old habits of refusing food._

 _Immense relief flooded him whenever he was reunited with her; and though he couldn't do much to express it, he kept it locked inside his heart whenever her eyes met his after a long time apart and she smiled secretly in recognition._

 _His affection for the queen was growing endlessly; heightened all the more by each side he uncovered about her. Their companionship was easy; they could sit for hours in silence and he would full fully content just spending the time with her. The queen, too, seemed at ease with him – as evidenced by Ichijou's description of her as the 'ice queen' because she wouldn't let the green-eyed knight in._

 _Yuuki was far from an'ice queen'. She was warm and good on the inside; sweet like cherries and delightful like the sun rising in the morning._

 _She just didn't display that side of her anymore. Not to strangers, at least._

 _Her cry interrupted his musings._

 _At once his body tensed; his eyes widened as his ears perked, trying to decipher her call. She'd dismissed her maids for the evening, presumably to take her bath in private…_

" _Ah!"_

 _He twitched at her gasp; heart beating in his chest, he pushed open the door and entered the suite._

 _What if she was under attack? After all, she was alone and defenseless; spies and assassins could easily enter an open window without her knowledge._

 _Or what if she'd fallen ill? Or if she hurt herself?_

 _The image of her lying on the floor, lifeless and unresponsive sent sheer terror through his veins._

 _He ran to the suite, checking for her. The door to the connected bathroom door was open; in panic, he wrenched it open and looked inside._

 _He watched as the queen – safe and in no harm, coherent and healthy – straightened from where she'd been leaning against a counter from her almost-fall. She shook her head, rattling her luxurious curls as she stepped over to the tiny pool that depressed the floor in a circle._

 _Kaname breathed a quiet sigh of relief as the knowledge of her safety calmed his senses. His shoulders relaxed from their tense position as he grabbed the shirt above his heart, thanking the gods that she was safe._

 _And then the queen – oblivious to his presence – lowered her white silk-robe and let it fall to the floor, revealing her naked back and behind._

 _Kaname's eyes widened as he saw a woman naked for the first time. Though he'd seen drawings that were passed between the soldiers during their training days, and he'd witnessed the occasional slip of flesh whenever the councilmen called geishas to their celebrations, he'd never really seen a woman naked in the flesh._

 _A part of his devotion to the crown meant celibacy and abstaining from carnal desires._

 _The queen sunk into the bath, turning briefly to reach for the soap; his eyes latched onto the visible mounds of flesh that came to view, staring in fascination at the perk nipples that stuck out from her breasts._

 _He swallowed at the sight of her figure; her flesh was so milky and soft-looking, her body curvaceous and lovely…_

 _In his haze of lust and desire he realized that he was committing a grave sin by lingering at the threshold. Not only was he gazing at the naked body of a woman, but also it was the_ Queen.

 _The Queen he was not allowed to desire or love. The woman he was assigned to protect._

 _He recognized the stirrings of desire waking in his body; if he stayed a second longer he wouldn't know what to do with himself. The need to touch and to taste her grew exponentially the longer he witnessed her deliciously feminine figure._

 _He backed out of the bathroom as quickly as possible, thanking the stars that she hadn't noticed him. Once he was safely in the suite, he ran to the hallway and shut the door, wiping away the sweat on his forehead that he wasn't sure had accumulated because of the heat of her bathroom, or the hot lust that clouded his mind from witnessing the perfection that was her body._

 _Kaname panted and shut his eyes, willing the image of her naked flesh to go away, but nothing helped. His mind filled out the rest of what his memory could not obtain; he could see the steam envelop her silken flesh as she lowered herself into the water; the sweat as is sizzled down her curves, in the dip of her waist and the roundness of her hips…_

 _Then, he started thinking about the_ what ifs. _What if he'd revealed himself, what would she do? What if he, too, stripped and joined her – would she accept him?_

 _And if she did… what would she sound like? What would she taste like?_

 _The image of her face twisting with pleasure as he touched her sent a jolt of electricity through his limbs. Closing his eyes, he could imagine his hands roaming the expanse of her body; grasping her breasts and trailing down her sides, stilling between her legs where he knew he could find paradise…_

 _Wrenching his eyes open, Kaname shook his head and panted, anxiously trying to calm himself. He could not stay a second longer outside her door, knowing that she was naked just two doors away._

Luckily, rescue had arrived as another guard had patrolled the hallway. Quickly, Kaname had instructed him to replace his post and ran far away. He'd explain to the king later that he'd been feeling unwell, and that he'd taken a bath to calm his fake fever.

For now, he needed to purify his mind.

Such thoughts were improper for him to harbor. The queen's body belonged to her husband and no one else; he was the only one that was allowed to see her bare and exposed – not some filthy lust-filled guard outside her chambers.

Unable to bear the pain any more, the dark-haired knight stepped out of the freezing water, his nude frame glistening from the water's tears. Though it had helped calm him, he still felt his rebellious thoughts stir to life from time to time. With his mouth set in a firm line, he decided he would volunteer on the king's raid on the Shirabuki clan. It would serve him ample opportunity to distract his mind, and it would also offer him some distance from the queen.

" _You must always remember your place in the palace, Kaname. You must remain in the shadows, unseen and invisible – and when the time comes, you strike…"_

His father was adamant about Kaname challenging his half-brother; but how could he? He was no more than a soldier, born out of an affair the king had with his concubine mother. In the eyes of society he was barely worthy enough of protecting the king, much less _being_ the king.

During his final years, Haruka would go on and on about his hopes and dreams for Kaname. Naïve and foolish, Kaname had detested the way his father spoke about his half-brother Rido – surely he was capable enough to handle the crown? How could his father – who raised Kaname with affection and care – who loved his mother fiercely and wholeheartedly – be so cruel towards his own _son?_

But Kaname was naïve no more.

" _Why won't you fix me!? Why won't you fix me, you useless whore!?"_

" _Ousama, forgive me… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…."_

Where lust and desire had previously reigned, hatred and anger unfurled like fire in his chest. With his fists curled, Kaname concentrated his energy on his anger as the king's frustrated yells and the queen's quiet sobs echoed in his mind.

For two years, he'd listened to the King abuse and beat the queen whenever his moodswings occurred. For two years, he'd stood by her door and listened with his fists clenched tightly together at his sides, unable to do a damn thing.

Yuuki's face flashed in his mind; caught in one of the rare moments she genuinely smiled at him from the bottom of her blackened heart.

His purpose above anything would be protecting the queen. There was no use in falling for her or dreaming about her – ultimately, their union wasn't meant to be. He could not waste time drowning himself in desire over her enticing flesh – he needed to stay focused and alert on his duty in order to protect her.

He stepped out of the river and shivered violently, yet it didn't stop him from gazing at the moon as he whispered fiercely into the night.

"I will give my life for you if I have to, Jouusama Yuuki. This I guarantee."

* * *

"I haven't done anything wrong, I swear! I swear!" The man yelled, rattling the chains holding him up against the wall. "Show mercy, please!"

"Spilling the secrets of the kingdom to the enemy is an act of betrayal towards your king. Therefore, you must pay the price."

The man shivered at the cold voice; he watched as a man came down the stairs, his slow steps echoing in the darkness. The candle next to him flickered briefly; idly he wondered if it was the devil that was coming to claim his soul and bring him into burning hell.

He almost wished it were.

The knight came into view in the low light provided by the candle; black robes adorned his slim and tall body – the royal emblem was sealed around his waist, showing off his loyalty to the crown. The black rose embedded onto the gold plate told him it was the flower of the reigning king – Kuran Rido.

Then this had to be…

"No, no," the man begged, eyes widening as he recognized the cold expression on the approaching man. "Not the black knight, please, no…"

"Do you confess your sin?" The knight spoke quietly, his lips barely moving and his eyes hid beneath heavy bangs.

"M'lord, I didn't do anything, I swear! I swear!" The man repeated from earlier, kicking at the shackles around his feet.

"Lying to me won't do you any good. Kurosawa Hiro, you are accused of aiding the Shirabuki clan in finding the Kuran kingdom's hidden weapon treasury. As a result, the kingdom has lost a mass amount of weapons, leaving us at a higher risk of attack. If you confess, your punishment will be less severe."

"I…" The man blinked, sweat gathering at his temples and sailing down his cheeks and chin. "I… I'm guilty. I'm guilty," he confessed, "but… I did it for… you see, my child – my daughter, my only daughter, she's very ill and my family is very poor… Oh please, M'lord, you must understand – the Shirabukis offered money I could not refuse! My daughter, she… she suffers so much and–"

"I am not your Lord or superior, please do not address me as such," the knight cut in smoothly.

"But…" The man's eyes widened in wonder. "But you are the black knight that has been protecting us; thanks to you, the opposing clans have stayed away from our crops; because of you, wars have been evaded and injuries have been healed. You… you are the half-brother of the king, yet you are everything good that he is not. The people love yo–"

"How did you know?" Kaname said, brows furrowing.

"Know that they love you? Well, it's pr-"

"Know of my relation to the king. How?"

The man paled and nodded quietly. "Ah, M'Lord, it is the truth. I was unsure for a while but… looking at your face right now, I can tell you share the same features of the late King Haruka Kuran. May his soul rest in peace."

Kaname exhaled sharply. "No matter who my relatives are, I am still an ordained knight. My past does not exist and thus it shall not interfere with my future. I am the King's right hand and no more."

The man's face sobered; an undeniable sadness claimed his features as he gazed into the knight's eyes. "Don't you know? His reign will be the end of us. Our people suffer at his greedy hands; we starve and we die while he builds shrines and temples to himself. Can you justify serving such a king, my lord?"

Kaname clenched his hands at the title. "I am no lo-"

"The stars were unfair to you," the man breathed quietly, "favoring your vile brother instead of you. Because of this, the people suffer. Among them, the queen…"

"What do you know of the queen!?" Kaname hissed, drawing his sword sharply and pointing the tip beneath the man's chin.

The man pursed his lips. "Ah… if you are to survive in the palace, you need better control of your emotions. Your affection for the queen will be your downfall if you do not contain it. I only–"

"I've had it with your mind games," Kaname sneered, applying pressure to his sword. "This is no political discussion. You are sentenced to true death by the king for treason. I shall allow you a few final words before your death."

The man smiled wistfully, accepting his faith. Locking his eyes with the knight, the man spoke: "I forgive you for what you must do. I hope I leave behind a world where my daughter can be safe and healthy. I shall leave that task to you, dark knight. Rise up from the position they forced you into."

Kaname inhaled and exhaled deeply as he watched the elder man close his eyes in contentment. His gut wrenched at the thought of the task ahead of him, yet he felt the strength of his arms return as the need to carry out his order surfaced. Thoughts of the queen lingered in his mind; if people knew of his affection for her, what vile rumors could be spread through the villages then? He needed to act carefully in the future; withdraw completely and keep a close eye on her still. As for rising from his position…

"Well, boy, are you go–"

The man's words were cut off by the sound of Kaname's blade swiping through flesh and bone. Blood spurted from the man's artery, staining the knight who somberly stared at the floor. The man's eyes widened as life left his body; he twitched as the sword pierced his heart for good measure, blood pooling out of his mouth and seeping onto his clothes.

The sword clanked as it fell lifelessly on the floor, the silver covered in deep merlot. Wiping his hands, the knight gritted his teeth together before turning on the spot and exiting the ominous dungeon, his steps slow and sluggish.

Rise? He could never do such a thing. One look at his bloodstained hands was more than enough proof that he could never be a righteous king.

He belonged in the shadows; with death and misery as his companions, and nothing else.

 _These hands of mine do not deserve to touch the queen; she is too pure and good._

As he walked up the stairs from underground, sunshine filtered down and blinded him. He squinted at the radiance, long locks of mahogany hair clouding his vision as the sun warmed his blood-soaked clothes.

 _Despite all of this… I want to free her from her pain, more than anything._

The light that welcomed him was reminiscent of the queen's vibrant eyes whenever she eyed him and smiled her secretive smile. The warmth seeping through his clothes reminded him of her quiet laughter and alluring beauty; of shared silent moments where words were not necessary between them.

Yes – the queen was his only light and only reason to continue his dreadful existence of murder and misery. Even if the king ordered him to murder the entire country, he would do so in a heartbeat if it meant keeping her out of harm's way.

Such was her hold on him.

 _I know no longer of a life without you in it, my queen. My desire to keep you safe and warm is overpowering me._

* * *

"I'm very pleased you decided to join me," the king smirked, sampling his wine.

Next to him, the knight nodded mutely in reply.

"Your skills will be needed in this mission; guaranteeing your safety is not within my powers, so I ask that you thread carefully with your decision, _brother."_

"The Shirabuki clan have stirred enough trouble for you, your majesty. Even halting the construction of your temple and stealing from your people; it is time we put an end to them, and I will do my best to ensure that we will be victorious, your highness," Kaname promised solemnly.

"Mmh…" The king hummed, gazing into the red liquor in his glass. "I wasn't wrong in choosing you as my right hand and the queen's guard. How useful it is to have such a skilled brother, ne?" Rido chuckled viciously. "You know, the royal advisors told me to have you killed and dump your body somewhere, since you could be a threat to my position. But you…" Rido tipped his head and eyed the knight next to him, red and blue eyes soaking up every detail about his stoic half-brother. "You are just like your mother. Whenever my father beckoned her into his chambers, she came willingly like a dog salivating at a bone. The same applies to you – I order you to kill, and you do it without question. Your hands become stained with blood, while mine…" Rido stretched out his bejeweled white hand and studied it briefly. "Remain perfectly untainted. There is a certain… justice in that, no?"

Kill for the king, he did. Sometimes it felt like Rido ordered him to kill just for the sake of watching Kaname's hands darken with sin; his kill count had increased to the point where he no longer was certain about the number of his victims. If a councilmember disobeyed, Rido ordered Kaname to finish them off in the dark.

If they were so lucky to catch a traitor in the kingdom, Kaname was the one to pull their tongues out and end their lives.

Priests, commoners; enemies and trespassers – Rido was merciless in his hit list, seemingly enjoying the fact that his brother would do _anything_ for him.

It made it harder to breathe.

Ichijou constantly wondered how Kaname could stand watching over the queen during the night and day; the truth was that Kaname hardly slept anymore. He hardly slept because he couldn't _breathe;_ the guilt was constantly suffocating him, clamping down on his windpipes and leaving him gasping for air and absolution in the darkness.

Whenever he looked at his hands, all he saw was nothing but blood – rich and heady, the sin of having taken a life refusing to dry away from his scarred hands. He didn't enjoy it – but he did it because it was all he could offer to the crown.

Because he was filth, and his brother was not.

"I apologize for my late arrival," came a silky voice across the room.

The king's relaxed frame stiffened; his lazy grin turned in a straight line as his eyes feasted on the man across the room.

Kaname sensed the shift in his brother and curiously followed his line of sight.

"Ousama."

The mysterious man smiled secretively as he bowed his head in respect towards the king, silky locks of ash-blonde hair cascading down his back, only held together by a hair tie. His blue and silver yukata displayed his wealth and power; the fine silk of his hair and the aristocratic features of his face spoke of his wealthy upbringing; the room quieted in his alluring presence.

"Isaya-sama," the king whispered in wonder.

Kaname eyed the king suspiciously, puzzled by his demeanor and use of honorific. Who was this man?

"I do hope you saved me a seat, your highness," Isaya spoke, the lines on his face deepening with his smile. He seemed to be in his late 40s, yet one look at his appearance could have one fooled. The pale complexion of his skin paired with his mystifying aura sowed doubt in the hearts of many; some whispered that he was a youkai gifted with endless beauty, while others argued that his noble Shouto blood was the source of his fortune.

"O-of course," the king stuttered before gesturing with his hand. "Have any one you like, Isaya-sama."

"No need to be so formal," the man chuckled gracefully, floating to his seat. "You are king now, after all. No longer the boy I used to watch over…"

Rido's fist tightened. "Indeed, time has passed… However, your contributions to the crown and the country have remained steadfast and highly appreciated. This country would not survive without your support, Isaya-sama."

Isaya only smiled enigmatically, grey eyes twinkling with hidden meaning. "Oh, what did I do? Offering some land and freeing people here and there are no big concern of mine. My greatest desire is to see our country grow and expand, along with our reliable king on the throne."

Rido cleared his throat. "Well… yes, that is… a great vision." He averted his eyes and quieted, oblivious to the watchful eyes of the knight next to him.

"Lords!" He called suddenly, as if remembering something important. "To celebrate the return of my dear friend, let's have a feast unlike no other on this night!"

"What a great idea, Ousama!"

"Certainly, let's all celebrate!"

"Such a wonderful occasion!"

"All of this, for me?" Isaya smirked, his eyes never straying from the king. "My, my… you do know how to please me."

* * *

The feast, like all others, lasted well into the late hours of the night. The palace buzzed with activity upon the news of the head of the Shouto clan returning to the capital; maidens and servants scurried around, tidying up the mess left behind by joyous nobles and their celebratory gifts.

The councilmen were slurring and cursing their wives as the hot caress of young courtesans enticed their senses with their fragrant bodies and soft skin. Wine spilled on expensive and rare rugs to the laughter of the men, while vases were thrown and flowers were scattered on the floor.

It was not an unusual sight in the palace, however Kaname still felt unease move through his body.

The king, although seemingly happy and content with the activity surrounded him, remained quiet and withdrawn in hidden moments when no one were looking. Intuition warned Kaname not to ask questions, and so he remained quietly in the shadows, observing the people around him.

Things seemed to change the minute Isaya walked over to the king. The two men exchanged a few words; as per usual, Isaya's smile was enigmatic – Kaname could not completely understand the man's demeanor and presence, but it vexed him. Something about him seemed to exude a certain maliciousness that he hadn't encountered in years.

Then, there was Rido, who seemed to shrink in his seat despite the pleasant smile on his face. His hand hastily grabbed the bottle of sake with a rapid pace throughout the night; and as he did so, his shoulders finally lowered into their usual position, as he seemed to relax from the lull of alcohol in his system.

Kaname could not discern their words, but the men's body language puzzled him as he studied them. There seemed to be a hidden tension between them despite the pleasant smiles and flattery being exchanged, and he wondered why.

Eventually, the enigmatic man of the night retired to his quarters, though the drunken nobles and councilmen were too occupied by other _distractions_ to even notice his departure. The king sat quietly in his chair, lips pursed and eyes lost in a far away reality in the chaos around him, not offering a single word or sound even when prompted.

The pressure of his hands crushed the wineglass in his hand, yet he didn't seem to notice it until servants rushed over with bandages and ointment. Angrily, he waved them away and got up from his chair, swaying on his feet as he slurred orders.

The look in his eyes… the slump of his shoulders… the furrow of his brows…

Kaname's heart galloped as he watched the king head out, going in the direction of the queen's chambers yet again.

But only this time… something felt off.

This time, as he ran to catch up with the king, he felt sheer terror run through his body at the thought of the king entering the queen's chambers.

This time… he feared for her life.

* * *

The king was angrier than usual.

She knew because of his silence.

His presence alone frightened her; quietly she sat on her bed, watching him as he paced around the room in silence. Her heart jumped when he paused, only to resume its regular beat whenever he began pacing again.

The silence stretched on for ages, as did her fear, which grew in her chest and spread through her veins.

 _Is this the night when you finally do me justice? Are you going to end my life?_

The king halted in the middle of the room, his face turned towards one of the walls as the queen eyed his sullen profile.

Rido exhaled as if he'd been holding his breath for a hundred years.

"I thought it would be fine, but…" He mumbled quietly. "I thought everything would fall into place, but still there's…" Claws grasped at his robes as he struggled to breathe. "There's this _thing_ inside of me, screaming and yelling and… sometimes I manage to quiet it, but then _he_ comes along and…"

He paused, staring off into space as if he was the only man on earth.

However, he wasn't alone.

"Y-your majesty," Yuuki began hesitantly, "is… is there anything I can do for you? Do… do you need he-"

"Help?" Rido's head snapped over his shoulder. "Help?" He repeated, eyes furious.

Yuuki bit her tongue, fighting the urge to cower in fear.

Then, he threw his head back and cackled manically, his laughter echoing of the walls. "Help! Do I need help? From you? Ha! Ha ha ha!"

His wicked grin turned into a menacing scowl. "Because of him… because of _you…_ I am humiliated. Me, the king! Have you ever heard of a king who is ridiculed by his own subjects!? Have you?"

She lowered her eyes in panic, afraid of looking him into his eyes and upsetting him further. "N-no…"

"Exactly!" Rido hissed, storming over to the bed where she sat quietly. He yanked her chin up and looked into her eyes. The hatred and anger that reflected from his red and azure orbs made Yuuki freeze as she felt through horror sear through her body.

"Do you know what I must do?" He whispered menacingly. "Answer me!"

"N-no, your highn-"

He slapped her face, the hit echoing in the silence of the room.

"I need to take back my title. Reclaim my respect." He pushed up the sleeves of his robe, revealing his toned arms as he cracked his knuckles. "And I'll start by teaching you a lesson for humiliating me…"

She quivered with fear, staring up at him from where she cowered on the floor, completely at his mercy.

The next thing she saw was his fist colliding with her cheek as he screamed in victory, pain blooming from her bruise as she cried out.

As Yuuki looked into the eyes of her husband, she knew for certain that she would not live to see another day.

And if he didn't finish the job tonight, then she would surely take the matters into her own hands by morning.

* * *

By the time Kaname had arrived, the king had already started his torture session. He heard her whimpers and sobs; overpowered by Rido's maniacal laugher and words of hatred. The sounds of furniture crashing against the floor; wood being ripped apart, candles scattering from their respective places… he heard it all, and felt his heart break with it.

As he stood there, he contemplated breaking his oath that he would never go against the king. For the life of him, he could not endure another moment of such agony knowing that the queen he adored was surely being beaten to death right behind the door in front of him.

Bracing himself, he pulled the handle, only to find himself falling backwards as the king stormed out of the room.

Wild eyes barely registered Kaname as the king stumbled through the hallways, muttering incoherent words to himself and scaring the maids who happened to come in his way.

Ignoring the urge to run after the king and confront him, Kaname shook his head and opened the door, rushing into the room.

"Jouusama!" He called when he spotted her hunched over form next to the bed on the floor.

Quickly he crouched next to her, momentarily surveying the path of destruction Rido had left behind from his rage. Furniture was tossed aside; unlit candles rolled like debris on the wooden panels; pillows were scattered all over, while paintings hung loosely from their perch on the walls.

It was like a hurricane had entered the room and left destruction behind.

It was not the room, nor its pillows and furniture and whatnots that had suffered the king's wrath the most.

"Leave…" Came a small voice from the quivering body next to him.

It was the queen.

Carefully he tried wrenching her hands away from her eyes, but to no avail.

"Leave…" Her broken whisper came, accompanied by a sob.

 _When you are in this state…_

Stubbornly, he tried again, carefully prying away her hands.

… _it kills me._

"I said leave!" She yelled as loudly as she could, her voice broken from the king's grip on her throat. "At once!"

"No…" The knight whispered solemnly, gripping her arms more forcefully.

"Are you deaf? Are you dumb!?" She yelled, her face still hidden behind her dark locks. "Why won't you just leave already!? Leave me alone!"

 _I cannot do such a thing… don't you understand?_

Using enough force so he didn't hurt her, he finally managed to wrench her arms away from her visage, holding them out in the air. Instinctively, the queen lowered her head further, hiding her face away from him.

And then he waited. Gently holding her arms away from her face, he waited until she was ready; he would not leave that spot until she had revealed her damages to him so he could do his best to fix them. He would not leave until he knew she was all right, and until she knew that he would not leave her _alone –_ ever.

He watched her chest fall and rise slowly as she calmed herself. Finally, as if a seed springing to life from beneath the earth's surface, she raised her face slowly, her eyes meeting his tentatively.

It was almost unbearable. Her right cheek was red and slightly swollen – a bruise already forming no doubt. Her lower lip bled while her neck seemed to glow almost red from the king's gruesome grip on her windpipe.

But the worst part was her eyes – the fright and terror that reigned in them as she let him watch her in her most vulnerable moment.

Kaname remained quiet as his eyes softened with sorrow; to think that someone would ever lay a hand on the magnificent woman in front of him was beyond him. Furthermore, the fear that reflected in her eyes made his stomach churn; she was supposed to be happy and smiling, her eyes shining with joy and mirth – not eternal grief and haunting terror.

Tears trickled from her eyes.

"Do you see now?" She whispered hoarsely as he lowered their linked hands. "Do you see why I always long for this life of mine to end?"

Tenderly, he raised his hand towards her cheek. She watched his digits approach her, tensing as he touched the tender spot on her cheek. His fingers caught her wayward tears; brushing them away as if they were never there.

Yuuki couldn't fathom the emotion in his eyes. It shifted from sadness to rage to a tenderness that she felt was all too familiar. Sometimes these ranges of emotion blended into one look that she felt enabled him to see right through her soul.

The last thing she wanted was for him to see her so vulnerable. The sting of the king's slap warmed her skin and made her feel sick; yet it was nothing compared to the humiliation of having her own knight look at her with such pity.

For years she'd endured Rido's incessant mood swings; she'd accepted angry shouts of disappointment and dissatisfaction; remained quiet while he tore up her room or slapped her for being such a useless woman.

But tonight…

Tonight would be the night he killed her, she'd thought as he rattled her like a doll and threw her around like bag of deadweight.

And for the first time in forever, she'd felt sweet relief wash over her body.

But nothing in her life went according to her wishes; the king didn't kill her this time around either, but the wounds and scars he left behind felt almost like a knife to her throat.

Then, against expectation and surely against the palace rules, the knight had rushed into her chambers, forcing her out of the web of darkness she'd spun for herself.

She sniffled and sobbed under his watchful eyes. "I'm no good," she sobbed, her shoulders shaking, "I'm not good enough; I'll never be… I'm just in the way, and I… I… I can't live like this anymore! I can't…"

He clenched her arms, his sorrowful eyes scanning her face. "Please, don't say that. Please…"

"Why not!?" She yelled, her face red. "I can't take this anymore! Why… why must I suffer so much? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Nothing," Kaname whispered fiercely, gathering her in his arms as he hugged her tightly, careful not to touch any tender spots. She sobbed into his chest, her eyes clenched together as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"You've done nothing wrong, Jouusama. You don't deserve this. Nobody does," he said, rocking her slowly. Beneath his calm composure, fury burned hotly in his veins, gathering in his fingertips. He wanted to badly to chase after the king; with his own hands, he wanted to strangle the king until there was no more life in him left. He wanted to watch him stutter in horror and fear, just like how he made the queen live in misery because of his own pain.

He wanted to kill his brother.

The thought scared him beyond rational thought.

But the broken sobs of the woman in his arms fueled his hatred.

She withdrew from his arms, wiping her eyes. "I have nothing to live for… _nothing._ And I have no one by my side…. I have no family; no home; no one that loves me and keeps me safe. Nothing…." She sobbed.

Her words pierced right through his chest. An unfamiliar ache settled permanently in his heart as he watched her.

 _But you have me,_ he wanted to say so desperately, _you have me and I will never leave you._

But he could not find the words.

"Why should I even continue living like this!? I am better off de-"

Maroon eyes widened as the pressure of his lips on hers registered in her mind. She froze, completely unmoving as shock rattled her system.

His kiss was gentle, yet desperate.

She'd never been kissed like this before.

All too soon, he tore himself away before she even had the time to respond, his composure failing as it seemed as if he'd realized what he was doing.

Kaname's eyes were wide in shock as he stared at her, his forearms supporting him on the wooden floor.

He lowered his head to floor. "Your highness, I'm sorry. I should not have done such a thing, I… Forgive me!"

Years of feelings accumulated in that moment when he'd been staring at her; his protective side had roared to life at seeing her in such a state, and the need to reassure her and prove his unwavering affection had manifested in the form of his sudden kiss. He hadn't meant to kiss her, nor had he planned on it; but his body had acted on its own accord, ignoring the rules of the palace and the promise he'd made towards celibacy.

In that moment, all he'd wanted to do was to kiss her. Consequences be damned.

But now that he had woken up from his haze, Kaname struggled with regret.

"I was out of line, and I deserve to be punished. Whatever punishment you deem fit, Joousa-"

"Do it again."

Her voice, merely above a whisper, cut him off. He tensed, staring at the floor in confusion as he repeated her words in her mind.

The touch of her hand upon his scalp sent shivers down his spine. Slowly he peeked up at her, unable to maintain his emotional mask of indifference as he wondered about her meaning.

Yuuki's flushed face met his; her cheeks were red, the right cheek maintaining a deeper shade of scarlet due to the king's fist; her rosy lips were parted as small breaths of air escaped, her chest rising more rapid than usual.

Warm brown eyes, freshly bathed in her tears gazed at him with all the honesty in the world.

"Do it again," she repeated, her voice low.

The implication of her words sent his heart into a frenzy. Kaname shook his head to distract himself.

"Kiss me," she begged, scooting closer, "again. Please."

His inner turmoil reflected in his lowered garnet eyes. "I… Joousama, I cannot do such a thing. I'm ju–"

"Please," she begged again, gripping his shirt and forcing him to look at her. The salt of her tears permeated the room; he watched her pained face up close as a new desperation grabbed a hold of her.

And she was still so beautiful.

"Please," she begged against his hot mouth, their breaths intermingling.

 _When desire rules the body, order is disrupted and chaos is created. But I…_

Her proximity killed the last of his will. Once again, he kissed her lips, this time bringing his right arm around her bodice as his left hand cradled her face gently.

 _I want this chaos. Whatever it is she gives me, I want it all._

Against his mouth, Yuuki quivered with need. Before he'd kissed her, she'd been in a web of darkness; plotting her own demise as a way of coping with the trauma induced by the king on this night. Her aching body aided her; the pain in her joints whispered that it was time that she let go of her life in search of a better one on the other side. It was time to give up completely.

But then he'd kissed her. Her knight, her silent comrade – her only loyal follower and protector – had rushed into the room and forced her out of her darkness. And when he'd kissed her, the initial surprise she felt had been replaced with a newfound energy and a need to feel a connection to him.

All her life, she'd never been touched nor properly kissed. The king had stained her lips a few times briefly, but his kisses reeked of disgust and obligation.

But this was different. The quiet desperation in Kaname as he'd gripped her had woken her up form her stupor; suddenly she felt _desired –_ and it felt so good. Immediately, she was dying for more; dying to feel his lips on her again to validate the notion that she was actually _wanted_ and needed.

She was dying to be touched. To feel _loved,_ and not tossed aside like some pawn in the king's game.

"Ah..." She panted against his lips when he released her for air. Yuuki wasted no time and attacked his mouth again, her hands tangling in his mahogany hair.

With every kiss, Kaname burned all over. Any notion of icecold waterfalls and chastity flew out of his grasp the longer she latched onto him. For years he'd bottled up his wavering feelings for the queen; silently he'd watched her be broken down day after day by the king, only to find a certain contentment in him whenever she offered him one of her beautiful but rare smiles.

But she was still the queen; she still belonged to the king – his half-brother – while he was no more than a knight who killed for a living.

He broke apart from her embrace, panting as he did so.

"Your highness, we cannot do this… Please, punish me–"

"Am I not good enough for you either?" Came her solemn whisper.

"That's not it," he breathed. "It is _I_ who are no good for you, my queen. I can't possibly taint you–"

"But I want you to," she whispered hotly against his mouth, her eyes glowing with desire. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her covered breasts. Instinctively, he grabbed her breast and shuddered at the supple roundness of it. He breathed harshly as he fought to control himself, his heart and mind at war.

"Touch me…" The queen whispered in his ear, her arms around his neck. "Please, please, please…"

This was a sin. If they were discovered, both of them would be punished. He would lose his life at the hands of the king, and there would be nothing left. Moreover, all the years he'd spent building his willpower and strength would go to waste if he gave in. The right thing to do was to step away; leave her alone in her room and resume his role of silent protector. If he followed such a path of righteousness, balance would be restored.

But the feeling of her body against his; the hot sensation of her breath upon his skin; the alluring note in her voice; even if she was vulnerable and scared, she was still extraordinarily beautiful, just like the day when he'd first laid eyes upon her. To think that she was offering herself freely to him; _begging_ him to take her even if he was no more than a lowly servant in her eyes made his heart race…

"Please… _Kaname…"_

Hearing his name tumble from her lips sent a shock through his body. It was uncommon for royals to address their servants by their first name, and through the last years he'd served her, she'd never been informal with him.

In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been called by his first name. The last time he'd been treated as an actual human being rather than dirt under the king's shoe…

Perhaps it was the scent of her perfume; the curves of her body; or the way she said his name… but in that moment, Kaname abandoned all rational thought.

Yuuki gasped as he lifted her up and threw her on the bed; her heartbeat increasing when he covered her body with his; his eyes wild as they locked with hers. In that moment, she realized that he was giving in; he was allowing her the thing she wanted the most – to be touched and caressed – despite the consequences that would arise.

As he stilled above her, his mouth lingering upon hers, she saw the silent question in his eyes.

 _Is this really what you want?_

Her eyes softened as she caressed his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed briefly, and she was instantly struck by his vulnerability. For such a long time he'd served her silently, though there were moments where he managed to open her heart. She hadn't known it at the time, but she soon discovered that his presence in her life was slowly mending her broken spirit. The reassurance of having him always near; the stability of his gaze when he pecked at her protective shell; his secretive smiles whenever he was able to make her laugh – unknowingly to him, he had become her most important companion in the palace; the rock she held onto in her ever-chaotic life.

Did she want this?

Yes.

He opened his eyes only to find her mouth caressing his. That was all he needed to continue.

Their kisses grew heated; his tongue explored the cavern of her mouth as she moaned, her fingers twisting in his hair. His eager hands explored her body, trailing down her curves.

His mouth traced down her neck; she cried out when he found a sore spot from the king's abuse. Instantly, he slowed his pace and reduced the pressure of his mouth, caressing the skin as gently as possible.

She relaxed in his arms, touched by his concern for her wellbeing.

He seemed to hesitate all of a sudden; his eyes locked upon the opening of her nightgown as he contemplated how to proceed.

Bravely, she opened the buttons in the front. Garnet eyes gazed up at her in wonder, awe evident in his expression as he watched her. His hesitation seemed to fuel her; boldly, she grabbed his hand and placed it inside the opening of her dress.

Kaname's composed expression faltered as he felt her breast. He rubbed the flesh, aroused by their suppleness and the sounds that emitted from her throat as he did so. Impatiently, he ripped open the front of her dress, revealing her breasts to him.

His lips dipped down and captured her right nipple; Yuuki gasped as a result, twitching on the bed.

He switched to the other nipple, fascinated by her reaction. To think, days ago he'd watched her bathe naked on accident and fantasized about it ever since, and now he was actually touching her and making her moan…

The knowledge of his fantasy being fulfilled spurred him on. Yuuki moaned at his intensity, her fingers pulling at his tresses. He delighted in the slight pain, loving her possessive touch.

She pulled him up and kissed him harshly, her hands finding their way to his shirt. She fumbled with the buttons before impatiently tugging at the fabric, tearing it up. The sound disturbed the silence of her chambers, but for Kaname it only served to arouse him further.

He assisted her in discarding the item, briefly pulling away from their kiss to throw away his shirt.

The look in her eyes made him still above her.

Her fingers reached out and touched the scars on his chest and arms; one finger tracing the biggest one alongside his right rib. Nervously, he tried to decode her reaction; her face seemed to be lost in wonder and curiosity – he couldn't decide how she felt about them.

Would she find him disgusting? Did his scars not make him worthy of a queen's touch after all?

His insecurities got the best of him as he began pulling away; but the clutch of her arms arrested him in place. Warily, he glanced over at her, only to find her earnest eyes meeting his.

She urged him to switch positions, pushing him down onto the mattress.

With baited breath, he watched as she lowered herself on him, her mouth tracing each scar, big and small. His eyes fluttered at the action, the softness of her lips upon his skin soothing his senses.

When her lips found the largest scar on his rib, she paused, maroon eyes gazing up at him.

He met her eyes, unsure of what she meant, his brows furrowing together at the knowledge that she was witnessing his greatest vulnerability.

Scars were unfit and unsuitable; in their society, scars were eyesores that left nobles uncomfortable.

On warriors like himself they were common because they belonged there. He was no more than a vile murderer and fighter. His hands were tainted and so was the rest of his body.

A beautiful maiden like the queen wasn't supposed to witness such ugliness.

She smiled softly at him before lowering her lips to his scar and kissing it, her lips lingering on the red skin.

Kaname's breath caught at the action. It was so tender and intimate that he didn't quite know how to process it. He'd expected the queen to be disgusted with his ugly scars; he'd already pictured how she'd throw him out of the room and condemn him for even _thinking_ he could be good enough for her, but she'd taken him completely off guard by her actions.

No one had ever looked at him the way she did just now. No one had ever seen his scars the way she had, and no one had accepted him the way she had just did.

All his life, he'd been cast aside in the shadows; his body a canvas littered with evidence of his lowlife existence. He'd been told time and time again that he wasn't worthy of wealth and freedom; that his existence was a nuisance and the scars on his body fitting to his lowly status.

And now, the queen – the mother of their country, second in rank only to the king – was showering him with kisses as if he was actually _more_ than a lowly servant.

His heart swelled uncomfortably.

Overwhelmed, he grabbed her and flipped their positions, kissing her fiercely. She responded with the same passion, her fingers knitting in his hair and tugging deliciously at it. He removed the rest of her gown with her assistance, pulling back from their kiss to look at her properly.

His memory hadn't served her justice.

She was by far more beautiful than he remembered from her bath; her milky white skin was flawless and untouched; her stomach flat and her hips round and supple. His eyes traced from her breasts to her sex, amazed at her beauty and the feelings the sight alone evoked inside of him.

Suddenly, there were no more feelings of being inferior or undeserving.

His alpha male instincts kicked in as he drowned in desire, entranced by her feminine curves. He wanted to take her and fill her endlessly until the whole world knew she was _his._

Perhaps all her years of living in endless apathy had erased her shyness; as her knight stared at her body in fascination, Yuuki felt her confidence surge. The king would never give her the same look that Kaname had in his eyes; the look of desire and lust caused by her body.

For years, she'd dreamt of the day the king would take her and how he would praise her for taking such good care of her body. One day, she would proudly bear the heir to the nation and become even more valuable to him and the kingdom. It had all seemed so perfect in her mind.

But alas, such a day would never come. She was struck in the face by reality when the king revealed his desire for his comrades and guards.

Yuuki gave up hope. Her health and body deteriorated with her spirits; had it not been for the very knight towering above her, she would've died from malnutrition a long time ago. In her mind, it seemed only right that he was the one to claim her body. His silent care and nurture had helped her back to life, her body reclaiming its lost voluptuousness and fertility.

Kaname didn't know anything about touching a woman. But his instinct willed his fingers to explore the center between her legs; he exhaled shakily at the wetness that met his digits, trembling when the queen widened her legs for him.

Kissing down her neck, he drove his fingers inside of her, curiously peeking at her reaction. Red roses bloomed on her cheeks as she closed her eyes and moaned quietly. Yuuki twitched at the sensation and he continued, aroused by her movement and the knowledge of what his fingers were doing.

It gave him a tremendous amount of confidence watching her unravel the way she was doing right now. Deciding to test her limits, he flicked her sensitive nub, only to find her back arching off the bed as she mewled in ecstasy. Watching her was like watching art unfold in front of him; he reveled at the pleased expression on her face and the sweat that leaked down her temples; the sounds of her cries and the movements of muscles beneath ivory skin.

She was so beautiful. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

As his pace increased, Yuuki followed along, her body at his mercy. She no longer had any control, her hips and legs twitching against his hands as she lost herself. Pleasure spread from her neither region, blooming through her limbs – it was unlike anything she'd ever experienced before, and she loved it.

"Mm.. Ah, Kaname!" She moaned loudly when she reached her climax, climbing down from her high as he watched her.

He kissed her neck as she calmed down, her chest rising and falling as she panted. She glanced at his profile, entranced by his handsome features and alluring beauty. To think, years ago they were strangers – and now he was touching her in all the places she thought never would be touched.

It was pure insanity.

And she wanted more.

She grabbed his cheek and kissed him roughly, showing him that she wanted more. More of his touched and his kisses; more of his affection and desire – all that he could give her, consequences be damned.

He seemed to follow her train of thought as his hands lowered to his pants, assisting her exploring hands in ridding him of his last garments. Yuuki licked her lips in anticipation, peeking at his member. She felt no fear or hesitation; instead, the need to have him inside of her only intensified.

"Please," she panted hotly against his mouth, tangling her fingers through his soft locks.

Her stoic knight only nodded into her kiss, his hands trailing down her body as his lips followed down her neck, leaving light kisses on her sore skin.

Kaname bent down his head, mahogany hair tracing down her chest like silk as his lips touched the skin above her beating heart.

Yuuki stilled at the tender action, feeling as though he was trying to convey something to her with his touch instead of words. He looked up from her chest, garnet eyes filled with affection and tenderness.

She swallowed dryly, entranced by the intensity of his stare, her eyes watery.

In that moment…. It felt as though she was loved.

She knew it wasn't real, but…

Yuuki searched his eyes as he lowered his face, hovering above her as he caressed her cheek.

 _This feels so right._

He widened her legs, aligning himself at her entrance while he kept his eyes locked with hers. They held their breaths, both aware of how this moment would change their lives forever.

Yet they did nothing to stop it.

Slowly he entered her, his eyes closing as he felt her warmth envelope him. A rush of breath escaped his lips as he hid his face in the crook of her neck, overwhelmed with pleasure.

The pain wasn't as bad as she'd expected; still, Yuuki tensed at the unfamiliar feeling of being filled. She clenched her teeth together, enduring the pain as she adjusted to his length.

Noticing her pain, Kaname placed soft butterfly kisses on her neck, doing his best to soothe her until he felt her relax into the sheets.

Her fingers at the back of his neck urged his face up; he met her searching mouth with his own, kissing her as tenderly as possible. The trust she had in him was overwhelming; knowing that he was breaching her body, which was meant for the king alone made a strange sense of pride surge through his body.

She was his. Right now, in this moment.

His kiss grew fiercer; sensing her approval, he withdrew and entered her again, moaning into her mouth at the sensation. Her own quiet whimper met his, and as he repeated the motion, a loud moan escaped her rosy lips as she clenched her eyes.

Kaname set his pace, instinct and lust clouding his mind as he lost himself in the heavenly feeling of being inside her and knowing that he was making her moan.

"Mm… _Kaname…"_ The queen moaned his name with such passion he was sure he would burst right then and there.

"Jo… Jou… Ungh," he groaned, his pace picking up while his mind fumbled with the right title to address her with. "My queen…"

"No, no," Yuuki panted, cradling his face as she gazed into his eyes, "call me by my name. My given name, and not my title."

He paused briefly; his inner conflict evident in his stormy eyes as he watched her cautiously. "Yuu…" He breathed, amazement curling at the corner of his lips, "ki…"

"Yes…" She whispered, her eyes lighting up.

"Yuuki," he smiled, as if the word itself was a declaration of everlasting love. Her heart swelled with an unknown emotion; suddenly she felt shy in front of him, despite of the fact that she'd willingly undressed herself in front of him.

"Yuuki…" He whispered in her ear when he noticed her eyes shift away. His fingers found their way to where they were joined, touching her sensitive nub. Like electricity running through her veins, she jolted at the touch, gasping at the sensation.

"Come for me… _Yuuki_ ," he whispered in her ear, angling his hips as he pounded into her while his fingers worked her.

Yuuki arched into his chest, her back flying off the mattress as her hips sailed into him, meeting his thrusts. She forgot everything about her life; the king's abuse, her sadness; her wicked family and months of despair; she would've almost forgotten her name had it not been for the fact that her knight kept moaning it into her ear, reminding her of the fact that she was desired by him, not for her title or power, but for her body and mind.

It was the greatest pleasure she'd ever known.

To be touched and caressed; to be treated as a human being rather than a political tool and lifeless doll.

Only her loyal and strong knight could give her that.

Spurred on by his touch, and the sound of his voice, she climbed higher and higher until she could climb no more; screaming his name as her body quivered with pleasure, her legs rattling against him.

"Kaname… Oh, Kan…ame…" She moaned, tears springing in her eyes from the overwhelming pleasure.

"Jou… Yu… _Yuuki!"_ He groaned loudly, his steady pace erupting into rapid speed, his hips moving uncontrollably. "Ah… I…"

Hastily, Kaname made a move to pull out, but her legs arrested him on his sides, holding him in place as her ankles locked together. His eyes widened at her implication, searching hers for answer.

Her steady gaze met his, her lips parted as she gazed at him with fondness.

" _Come_ …" She whispered against his mouth, her eyes beguiling and enchanting.

Kaname battled with himself, unsure of how long he could suppress himself. She was still the _queen_ ; he couldn't come inside of her, it was simply unheard of, yet…

Her steady gaze bewitched him; something in her eyes made him lose all rational thought as he let go, spilling his seed inside of her as sweat dripped down his temples, groans escaping his parched throat.

"Yuuki…" He panted as he lost his strength, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he came down from his high.

Their breaths mingled with the darkness; silence enveloped their beating hearts as they lay upon her sheets, naked and spent.

He was too far gone to even think about the consequences of what they'd just done; nowhere near grasping the true extent of what this meant for them. All he knew was that it'd felt so _right_ inside of her; like he'd found fulfillment after a lifetime of longing for something unknown.

She'd tempted him everyday since he'd met her; and now that he'd had her, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to let go.

Her fingers combing through his hair, combined with the softness of her skin and the gentle note of her voice, calmed him down as he felt his eyes flutter closed.

"Thank you," the queen whispered in the darkness. "Thank you for making me feel human again… _Kaname."_

He numbly touched the bruise forming on her neck, his eyes filling with sorrow. He withdrew from her, momentarily mourning the loss of contact, and sat up on the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair, contemplating what to do next.

The queen had been assaulted, and what had he done? Taken advantage of her to sate his sinful desires. What if someone had found out? What if someone had walked in on them? This was far too dangerous. The fact that he'd lost control so easily scared him. He needed to go back to the river and purify himself. Only then would he forgive himself.

As he got up from the bed, her hand reached out and clenched his arm.

His head whipped over his shoulder in shock, his eyes wide.

Yuuki held the sheets above her breasts, clumsily covering herself. Her hair, tousled by his hands, flowed down her shoulders beautifully, reminding him of what he'd just experienced. Her skin was flushed, some parts were bruised, while other bore the markings of his kisses.

What struck him the most was the look in her eyes.

Loneliness.

Desperation.

Fear.

"Please…" She whispered, her voice frail and small. "Stay with me."

Her eyes lowered onto her hand upon his arm; she withdrew her hand in uncertainty, her bottom lip becoming victim to her gnawing teeth.

She didn't look one bit like the icequeen that roamed the palace and commanded her servants with cold eyes.

She looked like the woman that hid behind Queen Yuuki Kuran; the woman who endured the pain and the abuse, while her façade remained perfectly untouched.

This was the real Yuuki – the real woman he'd once been completely smitten with.

How on earth could he turn her down?

Her eyes looked up as he got back into bed, a gasp escaping her lips when he tugged her down into his arms. She gazed up at him in wonder, her eyes parted in slight shock as he met her gaze.

"I'll always stay by your side," he vowed, conveying his sincerity through his gaze.

She stroked his cheek tenderly as her eyes softened with warmth.

"I'll hold on to that promise, then."


	6. Surrender

**Thank you for your continued support so far! This time I bring ya a chapter a little sooner than the last time you had to wait. Hopefully it meets your expectations!**

 **To "Guest": Thank you so much for your sweet review!**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Surrender**

The sound of people chattering surrounded him. Perched high atop his black stallion, the knight quietly observed the townsmen and women at the market exchanging goods and trivial words. The vendors displayed their merchandise, which ranging from dried fish to beautiful jewelry in the market-area while fascinated nobles and middle-class workers alike viewed them pensively.

The air was warm and humid, the last remnants of summer still lingering in the air. Kaname closed his eyes, inhaling the fresh air while he listened to his surroundings.

His moment of peace never came. Instead he opened his eyes and looked ahead, once again wary of the empty feeling that settled in his chest.

Something was missing.

He pursed his lips.

The faintest of memories sailed before his eyes; he recalled soft skin and sensual touches, moans and whispers.

His horse twitched nervously, neighing softly as he sensed his owner's distress. Kaname shook his head and gently patted the stallion's broad neck, assuring him.

Clearing his throat, Kaname continued onwards through the town square. Vaguely he noticed some children playing by the fountain. Girls and boys, dressed in colorful yukatas, laughed loudly as they ran after each other and splashed the water from the fountain.

His mouth pulled into a small smile. He'd been like that once; young, carefree and happy…

He watched as a woman came over to one of the boys, gently tapping his shoulder. He looked up in surprise before recognition dawned upon him. The woman smiled gently at him and patted his shoulder, gesturing towards the other children.

Once upon a time, he'd had a mother too. Under her love and care, he'd had a happy childhood filled with adventures and joy. If he concentrated hard enough, he could still hear her voice as she sang for him at night…

The boy waved at his friends as his mother led him away from the fountain. He watched the two of them, envying the boy and reminiscing about his own relationship with his mother.

His life has been like a long summer; his childhood merely a dream compared to the life he was living now. It had all vanished in just one day…

Sensing danger, garnet eyes snapped over to the other side of the fountain where a little girl was busy waving at the boy as she smiled. In the distance he noticed a carriage coming at her at full speed, the coachman's eyes set on the horses as he whipped them to full speed.

"Yah!" Kaname's legs twitched on each side of his stallion, and instantly the black mammal was moving at full speed. Just as the horses and the carriage were about to run over the girl, he came up beside her and snatched her into his arms, securing her on his horse as the carriage sped past them.

He quickly ordered his horse to a halt, holding onto the girl as he watched over his shoulder as the carriage stopped just a few blocks away.

Turning towards the girl in his arms, he murmured gently: "Are you all right?"

Wide eyes stared up at him in wonder; her cheeks were flushed with color and her mouth was open in shock.

"You need to be more careful," Kaname said, checking her for injury. "You could've gotten very hu–"

"It's him!"

"It's the black knight!"

"It really is him!"

People gathered all around the knight as he got down from his horse. Trying his best to ignore the attention he was receiving, Kaname reached for the girl and lowered her gently off the horse. Her eyes remained on him the whole time, lost in awe and wonder.

Once he was sure she was able to stand on her two feet, Kaname turned towards his horse and was about to mount it when a man yelled in the distance.

"My daughter! My daughter!"

The crowd split to reveal an elder-looking man sprinting towards them. He sailed towards the girl and hugged her in his arms.

"My daughter!" He cried. "Are you all right?"

"Hai, otou-sama," the girl whispered as she hugged him back.

"Ah, goodness!" The man yelled, pulling away from the embrace as he looked her all over. "How many times have I told you to be mindful of your surroundings? You never know what can happen!"

"I'm sorry, otou-sama…" The girl frowned.

"I'm just glad you're all right… I could've lost you too," he cried.

"This man saved me!" She yelled, pulling on Kaname's black cloak. Having watched their interaction, Kaname momentarily forgot that he was still there.

The man returned to his original height and eyed him.

Not used to speaking with strangers, especially when there was a crowd surrounding him, Kaname kept quiet, waiting for the man to speak.

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, your highness!" The man yelled, getting down on the ground and kneeling before Kaname's shoes.

Awkwardly, Kaname shuffled on his feet and bent down to touch the man's shoulder. "Sir, that's no-"

"It really is the black knight!" A woman yelled next to him. "You deserve all our gratitude! Without you, we would still be at the mercy of the Shirabukis!"

Kaname blanched. "You should thank your King, not m-"

"We are overjoyed to have you here! You are a warrior of our people! For such a long time, the Shirabukis have reigned in this province and kept us hostage… your bravery has freed us!" An elder man cried.

"It was all done by the King," Kaname tried to explain, "he led us to victory-"

"That is nonsense, and you know it!" Another man yelled, holding his fist in the air. "The king sat in his protected carriage and watched his soldiers get slaughtered. He only stayed to take your glory!"

Kaname quieted. As the king's loyal knight, he was obligated to protect the king's reputation. He was not to claim glory nor gratitude; his merits were supposed to stay in the shadows while the king basked in the people's praise. But the villagers were speaking the truth; throughout their battles, the king was protected at all times – he barely touched a sword and yawned through each ordeal. Whenever they won a battle, he addressed the nobles and elites of the village and spoke of their glorious victories.

Normally, Kaname would not care about the king's behavior as long as he was safe. But as he fought for his life at the battlefield, he couldn't help but feel his buried hatred and anger come back to life.

He'd watch as the King was tended to by maids and servants; how he would calmly sip his tea, barely glancing at the battlefield where his men were losing their life one by one.

Kaname's sword would suddenly feel heavier in his hand; as blood dripped from the silver, he imagined what it would feel like to slide the weapon into the King's heart. How his heterochromatic eyes would widen in shock as he begged for his life like the coward he was. Kaname would watch as he slumped to the floor, all traces of life leaving his body.

Then he'd blink, and recognize his surroundings. He was the king's knight. His duty was to protect the king above everything else. And yet, those feelings of disobedience and hatred kept growing…

 _You are the biggest coward I've ever known. You don't dare to wield your sword on the battlefield, yet you won't hesitate to put your hands on the queen…_

Ah, the cause of his eternal confliction.

" _Kaname… touch me…"_

He was woken up from his stupor by the sound of the villagers around him.

"It was he who drove the sword through the reigning Shirabuki lord in this province! The tales are true!" A man yelled, bowing his head in respect towards Kaname. "You are our savior, a true hero!"

"I only did what my duty requires of me," Kaname spoke softly, once again trying to contain their excitement.

"We should have a king like you," the girl's father spoke, staring at the knight with awe. "I heard you are the Queen's personal knight. Not only are you fierce in battle, you are the one who protects our precious and beloved Queen."

 _The Queen…._

Her warm smile flashed in his mind.

 _Yuuki._

"Ne, you know the queen?"

Kaname looked down to find the girl once again tugging at his cloak. Her eyes were wide and full of excitement. "Really, you do?"

Protecting the queen was a feat he gladly took pride in. His kill count and battle-skills were things he preferred not to boast about.

"Indeed I do," he replied, smiling.

"You are so lucky!" The girl gushed, her cheeks blooming with color. "The Queen is so beautiful! I saw her one time when we were visiting our relatives. I've never, never, never _ever_ seen someone so beautiful before! She really is wonderful!"

Eyes that shimmered with mirth in hidden moments; cheeks that turned pink whenever he teased her; lips that were plump and beautiful, even softer to the touch… The sound of her voice; the fine silk of her hair and the elegant and fearless way she walked ahead of him in the palace hallways…

Kaname nodded excitedly. "She really is beautiful, our gracious Queen."

"I really want to be like her one day! Tell her that for me, will you?" The girl hugged his right leg, her hopeful eyes looking up at him.

"H-hey!" Her father chided, trying to pry away his persistent daughter. "He is a royal knight! You mustn't be disrespectful!"

"It's all right," Kaname smiled, fluffing her hair. "I'll be sure to tell the queen what you said to me. I know she will be very pleased."

"Thank you!" The girl exclaimed. "And thank you for saving me! May…. May I know your name, knight?"

He got down on his haunches and smiled, tipping his head forward. "My name is Kaname. And you?"

"Thank you for saving me, Kaname-sama," the girl bowed in turn, blushing slightly. "I am Ai."

"Ai?" Kaname questioned. "That is a wonderful name."

Ai's father ruffled her hair, his lips drawn into a warm smile as the corners of his eyes crinkled into tiny wrinkles. "Ai… She was the last gift my beloved wife gave me. She… Ai's mother died while giving birth, but the proof of our love exists in this child. That's why I named her Ai…. Because of love."

"Love," Kaname repeated, his heart clenching painfully in his chest.

Once again, her beautiful face flashed in his mind.

 _Is that what I feel for you, Jouusama?_

 _Love?_

* * *

It'd taken some time before he could get away from the crowd. Though he appreciated their gratitude, he couldn't risk their praise being spread. If Rido caught wind of the villagers hailing Kaname as some hero, he would see red. Knowing Rido's unstable moods, Kaname didn't want to risk his wrath.

After refusing several offers of free food and gifts, he'd managed to escape. He'd tied his stallion to a tree so the stallion could rest and feed. Since the king was busy with formal speeches and meetings, Kaname was allowed to take some time off.

Walking through the market quietly, his mind was jumbled with questions. The interaction with Ai earlier had sparked certain feelings he thought he'd resolved.

It'd been a little over three months since he last saw the queen. More specifically, it'd been a little over three months since that fateful night they made love.

He'd woken up in the early hours of the morning only to discover her naked body next to his. Memories of the night before had flooded his senses, and as rational thought claimed him, panic set in. He'd broken his oath to celibacy and given in to desire; but more importantly than that, he'd committed treason – bedding the queen despite his lowly status as a knight.

As he gazed at her sleeping form, he couldn't help but feel his insecurities return. What if she woke up and regretted what they'd done? What if she got angry with him for taking advantage of her after the king had abused her?

It wasn't the thought of the fatal consequences that would follow such turn of events that frightened him; it was her turning her back on him – her confirming his status as filth and rejecting him.

So he exited the bed as quickly as he could and got dressed in the moonlight. Before he fled her room, he watched her sleep. The fact that she was naked beneath the sheets, and that it was _his_ doing, was fueling his desire. The longer he stayed, the harder it was to walk away.

But his imminent fear of the future and how everything would play out stopped him from going further. As a last goodbye, he'd kissed her forehead, settling with one last secret act of affection before he got on his way.

Hours later, the king announced that they would go on their planned raid of the Shirabuki-controlled providences. He couldn't remember the last time he was so grateful for a distraction.

A shimmering object caught his attention. It glittered brilliantly in the sun, sending light into his sore yes. In a trance, he walked over to the table where the vendor displayed his goods. Once again he was reminded of her; her hidden smile and graceful features; her gentle laugh and tender touch…

" _Ah… Kaname…"_

She'd called him by his given name; her soft voice caressing his name and delivering it so gently. Ka-na-me; his name, shunned by people, only appreciated by her. He loved the way she spoke it; so breathy and stunning.

He shivered, remembering the feel of having all around him; the softness of her skin and the curves of her body; the heaven at the junction of her thighs… In their entire kingdom, he was the only one that'd been allowed to see her in such a state; he, a mere knight who'd never been destined to more than his plight to serve the king, had touched and tasted her; felt her unraveling in his arms as the outside world remained blissfully unaware.

" _Kana... me…"_

Garnet eyes closed as her seductive whisper echoed in his ears.

He wanted more.

More, more, more.

But he could not have her. It was forbidden.

He opened his eyes as if he'd been jolted awake from a dream. Numbly he stared at the hairpin in his hand, confused by the rush of emotion that assaulted him when he thought of her. That night… It was a mistake; an idiotic decision on his part that he should've never taken. He only wanted to comfort her, and he was going to do so by quietly checking in on her and then leaving, befitting his role of silent protector.

But then, he'd kissed her. He hadn't meant to; in fact, if he thought about to that moment, all he could register in his mind was the intense urge to kiss and to taste her; he could not recollect any single coherent thought in that moment.

Her warm brown eyes, drenched in tears; her cheek red from the king's hand… In that moment she was so vulnerable and pitiful, he didn't know what to do with himself. Empathy – which he'd learnt to discard years ago – ruled his actions and soon he was giving in to the voice in his head that urged him to kiss her.

Mistake number one was kissing her. Mistake number two was listening to her plea to be touched by him, and granting her request.

He glanced at the shiny hairpin; a ruby red butterfly covered the expanse of the pin, small jeweled flowers spread around it. It was beautiful and… so _Yuuki._ Always seeking the light and bringing forth hope and joy, even when her heart had been darkened by the years of torment with her unloving king. Her secretive smile whenever she fed the stray cats in the backyard; her serene expression whenever she walked through the gardens and smelled the roses…

A vision formed in his mind, of her, walking in her favorite garden while his hairpin shimmered in her silky hair.

Mistake number three would be buying this hairpin and giving it to her. With it, he would bring her the evidence of his growing affection for her that reached beyond simple physical attraction. Feelings that made him consider the possibility of _love._

The butterfly was Yuuki; beautiful and captivating; he could barely afford it, much like he could barely reach for her because of their different social classes.

"Well, sir, what do you say?" The merchant hummed in front of him, twirling his moustache as he eyed the prominent knight who seemed to be struggling with a dilemma.

"Do you want the hairpin or not?"

* * *

They hadn't returned yet, she'd been informed by the maids. The information had vexed her for the just the briefest moments until she pushed the feeling away; her king being gone was something she could handle, but her faithful knight not returning was something out of the ordinary…

" _My queen…"_

" _No, no," she panted, cradling his face as she gazed into his eyes, "call me by my name. My given name, and not my title."_

 _He paused briefly; his inner conflict evident in his stormy eyes as he watched her cautiously. "Yuu…" He breathed, amazement curling at the corner of his lips, "ki… Yuuki."_

She shook her head, willing herself not to repeat the night that changed her life forever. The sound of thunder outside made her yelp, snapping her out of her thoughts. Quickly she crossed the room and sealed the windows properly, shivering as she eyed the blazing storm outside.

Trees shook and rattled like loose screws in the wind, while bolts of lightning struck angrily at the royal forest surrounding the palace. Carriages and other tools used by the palace servants sailed across the grounds as the servants ran after them.

And in the midst of the thundering storm unfolding outside, all she could think of was the worry that crept up her spine and settled uncomfortably in her chest.

His face came to mind uninvitingly.

 _Where are you…?_

For some time, she'd felt a certain bond form with her knight, however she'd believed it was the common bond between mistress and subordinate that bloomed, and nothing more. For the longest time, she didn't trust him, as was custom for her ever since she'd entered the palace and lived through her loveless marriage. Her heart had been empty and cold, and even as he stared at her with inquisitive eyes, she couldn't be bothered.

But eventually, against her will, she lowered her guard and let him in. His silences and presence became a reassuring aspect of her life; having him around lessened the pain of her loneliness even if he resembled a statue more than he did a human man most of the time.

He cured her of her loneliness; healed her body by offering her food when she denied nutrition. Slowly, but surely, her stoic-faced knight brought life and color into her veins.

That night, when Rido was angrier than usual, she'd felt herself slip further and further into darkness; as he lashed out at her, she lost all energy and will, sinking onto the floor and letting him rain his abuse on her until he was satisfied. She told herself to just get through it; survive the pain and live through it and then finish it all later at a better time, so he could no longer torture her again over his own mistakes.

Numb and cold, she'd heard her knight rushing into her chambers against protocol after the king left. And when he did the unthinkable – kissed her so softly and gently – she'd lost all control over rational thinking.

All she'd wanted was to be touched. To be appreciated and revered; kissed and caressed. And as he stared at her with confliction in his eyes, she'd grasped the opportunity and begged him to touch her, even if it was against his will.

He was the first to ever touch her this way. Not her king, but her knight; her sworn protector who would die for her gladly.

And she couldn't forget about it. No matter how many times she willed herself not to think of it, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

She'd woken up to cold sheets, believing that everything had been a sweet dream. Her bruises had served as a painful reminder of her brutal nightmare. But she was naked and sore in places she'd never been sore before; and if she concentrated hard enough, she could still smell _his_ musky scent lingering in her sheets.

Feeling a sudden urge to see him again, she'd quickly pulled on a nightgown and ran towards her door where she knew he would be waiting.

Pulling the door, she'd halted in her tracks when the face on the other side of the door was not the knight's.

"Oo-h, hey, your highness," the blonde guard blushed, trying to keep his eyes away from her revealing costume. "Is everything all right?"

"Kanam-" she shook her head, "I mean, where is my usual knight?"

"Oh, Kaname left a few hours ago," the blonde relaxed his shoulders, relieved that the queen wasn't in any emergency. "He went with the king to fight the Shirabukis, your highness."

"O-oh…" Yuuki let a rush of air escape her mouth. "I… I see. Will he be back soon?"

Green eyes regarded her curiously. "I cannot say. It could take months – maybe even a full year. Why, your highness, do you have a message you want me to give him?"

 _Months? A year?_

"Um…" She fumbled, lost in thought. Snapping out of her thoughts, she straightened her back and schooled her features. "No, I do not. I was just curious about his whereabouts since I was not informed of his departure nor that he would participate in the raid. I do hope he returns safely as I am accustomed to his presence, that is all. I take it you will be his replacement, then?"

Ichijou nodded excitedly. "Hai! Kaname said I was the only one he trusted to watch over you, and the king went with it. So here I am!" He grinned, momentarily forgetting whom he was speaking to. His face drained of color. "Oops, I mean, y-your highness!"

Yuuki resisted the urge to giggle, barely letting the faintest of smiles pass her lips. "It's all right. Just be sure to address me properly in the future in front of other people."

"Yes of course, y-your higness!" Ichijou vowed.

Yuuki nodded, amused by his behavior. "I shall return to my quarters and get properly dressed for now."

"All righty," Ichijou quipped. "Um, I mean, all right, your highness."

Yuuki turned and opened the door.

"As for Kaname… don't worry about him. He always comes back. His skills are incomparable and he will make sure he returns as soon as possible. You have my word on that, your highness," the green-eyed knight spoke softly.

"I appreciate that," Yuuki said, closing the door.

And though she believed in Ichijou's words, she still fretted over Kaname's absence. Their actions confused her, but no matter how many times she thought it over, she couldn't help but marvel at how _right_ it had felt. His touch and caress; the way he kissed every corner and crevice of her body, almost as if he was worshipping her… His calming scent, which reminded her of winter days and sweet spice, engulfing her being as his slick skin made contact with hers.

" _Yuuki…"_

How her name tumbled from his lips like a prayer, and how utterly captivating he'd looked as he smiled afterwards.

 _He took my virginity; turned me into a woman in the darkest hours of the night, changing me forever – and then he just left. Suddenly, I was more lonely than I ever was before._

A month later, she'd come to a startling realization.

He'd spilled his seed inside of her. In the heat of the moment she'd locked her legs around him and forced his control to slip.

What if… what if she was pregnant?

"Say… if the king was to bed me one of these days, would there be a possibility of me conceiving a child?"

She sat regally on the examination table, tools from her health check-up scattered around her. Kaien Cross, her distant relative and royal physician of the palace, had placed his notes on the nearby table as he took a seat on the opposite side of the queen.

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Kaien's usually cheery countenance had twisted into one of grief.

"Unfortunately, your highness, due to your history of denying yourself nutrition, you have weakened your body severely. Your menses have barely returned and you are still in recovery. At this point, I do not believe you're able to conceive and I cannot guarantee the possibility in the future."

She should've been relieved. All hell would break loose if she was carrying Kaname's child; not only would the king find out that she'd bedded his half-brother, but the two of them could be punished for treason – even executed.

And besides, how would Kaname feel? He'd fled after their night together; perhaps he was regretting the whole thing. The last thing he would want was a child to serve as a reminder.

But, as she sat there quietly absorbing Kaien's words, she couldn't help but feel her heart drop in her chest. Dreams of one day holding a child of her own in her arms shattered; the image of a little girl with garnet eyes and wild brown hair vanished into nothingness.

She concealed the lonely tear sailing down her chin as discreetly as possible.

"For now, you mustn't overexert yourself. Your health has taken a severe toll and you are still recovering. I cannot express how overjoyed I am that you have begun to eat again and take care of yourself. The fact that you are menstruating somewhat again is a great sign. I do believe I must thank your stubborn knight for taking care of you."

" _The rounder you get, Jouusama, the happier I get."_

Yuuki smiled faintly, remembering his stubbornness. "He is indeed capable, that knight of mine."

Months passed. She found herself longing for his return; walks in the gardens with Ichijou were not the same, though she did find herself gradually enjoying the green-eyed knight's company. He was funny and clumsy where Kaname was serious and precise; it was nice to have someone next to her who wasn't flawless and perfect.

But at the end of the day as she sat on her bed and let her hand slide across the sheets, she thought of him and prayed that he would survive and return unscathed. And if he were to return with scars, she would ki-

Thunder struck outside her window. She clenched her teeth, willing her fear of thunder and lightning to fade away. She glanced towards the window, wondering if he was out there somewhere.

 _Why can't you return to me? If not to guard me, but to keep me warm?_

Yuuki shook her head, annoyed by her thoughts that seemed to revolve solely on her dark knight. She didn't know where they stood; she didn't know if they would go back to being strangers and forget everything that happened between them, or if they would continue where they left off.

She wasn't sure if she knew his heart anymore. He'd always appeared genuine and kind-hearted beneath his stoic and sometimes frightening exterior. But the fact that he left just like that had to mean something, right?

And if she was being honest, she didn't know her heart either. She didn't know what she felt about him. Was it simple affection, born out of the time they spent together? Was it attraction only? After all, he was one of the most beautiful men she'd ever seen. Oftentimes she believed he didn't belong on a battlefield; his noble features and delicate beauty belonged among royals.

He was more handsome than the king, his half-brother. Yuuki admitted this gladly.

Part of it was attraction, she deduced, remembering his touch and how she quivered in his arms. But was there more to it?

Was it…. Love?

Another loud noise permeated her room. Sighing, she walked over to the window and closed it properly.

As the window locked in place, she froze, registering the sound of labored breaths coming from entrance of her room. Every hair on her body rose as she shivered with anticipation, her mind working on full-speed trying to verify her suspicion.

She could hear the other occupant of the room breathe harshly.

Slowly, she turned on her heel, eyes searching in the dim lighting of her room.

And there he was.

The man that haunted every thought and dream of hers.

Her faithful knight.

 _Kaname._

Garnet eyes glowed in wonder as he stared at her. He looked as if he'd walked up the steps from hell and entered the gates of heaven; his hair was tousled and wet – longer than she remembered – falling down his back and framing his face. His attire was smeared with dirt and rain, brought on by the storm outside that shook the landscape.

He stood there by her door, just silently watching her as she did the same, unable to believe her eyes.

He'd returned. After so long, he came back.

Just like he promised.

Hours, minutes, decades – he wasn't sure how much time passed as they stared at each other.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you," his voice shook with emotion. He inhaled and exhaled, unable to calm himself.

Her eyes softened in response, her shoulders lowering.

"Couldn't… _stop,"_ he repeated shakily, still remaining rooted on the spot.

Yuuki understood all too well what he meant. She couldn't stop thinking about him either. No matter how hard she tried, he consumed her entire being.

"No matter what, I…" He continued as his heart hammered in his chest.

Yuuki nodded quietly. Slowly, she reached up with her hand and released the hairpin holding the upper part of her hair.

Her longs locks spilled down her face and back, joining the rest of her tousled hair. His eyes darkened at the action, watching how her hair shined from the candle-lit glow.

He became intensely aware of her thin, white nightgown as she slowly began to walk towards him. He could see the contours of her body; her perk nipples poking at the thin fabric.

She was a goddess, walking his way and he was on the edge of heaven and hell, wondering which way to go.

Yuuki halted in front of him, her brown eyes wide and sincere as she gazed at him with the utmost patience in the world. She let his eyes roam over her as he fought to control his breathing; she waited until she knew he was ready.

Yuuki already knew what she wanted. She'd known all along, but seeing him in the flesh removed all her excuses.

She wanted him.

Ever so gently, she fingered the opening of her nightgown. It slipped down her right shoulder, revealing her collarbones and the swell of her breasts.

He raised a calloused hand as if to touch her, but he halted mid-air.

Kaname lowered his hand, unable to take the next step.

"I shouldn't want what's not mine…" He whispered harshly. "I shouldn't yearn or desire, but…"

Yuuki remained quiet, her eyes glowing with affection and acceptance.

"You've cast a spell on me, your highness. I can't get you out of my mind."

She took the last step, her body close to his as she raised her hand and settled it gently above his heart, feeling it beneath layers of skin and bone.

"Would you believe me if I said I felt the same way?" She whispered, watching how his eyes widened upon hearing her voice for the first time in months. "…Kaname?"

She made sure to caress every syllable of his name as lovingly as she could. She saw the effect it had in his eyes; how they suddenly glowed with yearning and desire.

She reached up on her tip-toes, her lips searching his. He wavered against her mouth, their lips inches apart.

"If I do this…" He shivered against her mouth. "If I do this, there is no turning back… You understand, don't you?"

She knew what he was asking. She knew exactly what he meant.

 _If I choose to walk down this road with you, will you follow me to the very end?_

Confidently, Yuuki nodded as she looked into his eyes, reaching for his soul.

"Forget our titles," she whispered hotly against his mouth. "Forget who I am outside these walls."

She grabbed his hand and placed it above her heart, mirroring her hand above his.

"Look at me as a woman. A woman whose mind and body belongs to you."

Kaname had never imagined such sweet relief before.

The moment his lips crashed into hers, he found bliss and heaven mingled together in the taste of her kiss. If he thought their first time kissing had been extraordinary, then this was _life-changing._

It felt like a weight was being lifted off his chest as he held her close and kissed her for dear life. He felt lightheaded and giddy; desperate for more as he walked them towards her bed.

He was done thinking about consequences and duty; he was done with turning his back on what he truly wanted. He accepted the desire that flooded his veins and made him come alive with want and raw _need._ His feral side basked in the feel of her lithe body in his arms and how willingly she offered herself to him. Months of being apart; of witnessing pain and death and misery has turned him into a raw beast that hungered for her softness and sweet caress.

Whether it was heaven or hell he was entering, he didn't know, but the queen was following him willingly. He shredded her gown and feasted on her body; he swallowed her cries and responded with his own.

Yuuki helped him undress; he let her see every ugly scar again and again, revealing every last bit of himself in a pledge of undying devotion. Kaname basked in her equal desperation as she healed him of every wound and scar.

Tangled together in her sheets, he sunk inside of her like an anchor sailing to the bottom of the ocean. He wanted to stay there forever, inside of the woman in his arms that he adored and worshipped.

The way she moved against him set him on fire, and he was in no rush to extinguish the flame consuming them. The same applied to Yuuki, who welcomed each hard thrust with her own desperate ones. Right now, all she needed was him – there was no time for slow and gentle – they moved against each other as if another eternity would pass before they saw each other again.

Perhaps it was love, or perhaps it was pure lust – as Kaname once again sank inside of her, he knew for certain that he was done fighting against his desires.

Until they were both burning up in flames, he would not stop pursuing her.

And the queen, who cried his name with tears in her eyes, surrendered with him.


	7. Attachment

**A/N: I've had some hellish weeks, but somehow I managed to produce this. This might be the last you hear from me until December, cause there's this horrid thing called exams coming up veeeeeery sooon. :(**

 **As always, thank you for your support! It means the world and more to me. I've had people reach out to me on PM and tumblr, declaring how much they enjoy my stories and it reeeeally makes a girl feel special! A lot of people seem to favor The Secretary, which is understandable since it's the most lighthearted story I've written. I've been requested to write more humorous stories for the yume pairing. The notion itself is tempting (I do have one plot in mind) but my interest for the VK fandom is not at the same level as it used to be. Furthermore, I have so much on my plate these days that finding time and inspiration to write is very difficult. For now I plan to finish this and IWBH - my original baby story in case ya didn't know - and then I think I'll take a break. I'm not sure, but I need a change. However, I _do_ write this because I very much enjoy writing the yume couple and the VK characters - I'm just not so pleased/enthusiastic about the fandom and Hino's outrageous story-telling choices. Y'all know what I mean about _that._ But if there are others out there who want to request something from me, I can consider it - but not make any promises. After all, we're a shrinking fandom in general - and the fanfiction part is even more at risk of becoming extinct. I hate seeing that because this pairing and these characters _deserve so much more than how they were treated in the canon manga._**

 **Lol. Rant over.  
**

 **I mentioned Scarlet Heart Ryeo once and was surprised to see that a few of you have watched it. HOW ABOUT THAT GUT-WRENCHING ENDING, HUH? My heart is still bleeding. Ugh. Why do I always ship tragic couples?**

 **Anyways, on with the show!**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Attachment**

"Yuuki-sama, the king and the cabinet-master have requested your audience."

Yuuki nodded at the servant, rising gracefully from her seat as she lowered her cup of tea softly.

"I shall be there shortly," she said calmly as the maids straightened her dress and fixed her hair, "you may leave and inform them of my arrival."

The servant bowed in respect before returning to the hallway.

Squaring her shoulders, the queen waited for the maids to finish their tasks. Her hair had been brushed to straight silky perfection; it cascaded down her shoulders and back while the top of her hair was pinned up with a jade hairpin. Her lips were painted bright red and her eyes were lined with fine onyx liner. The material of her gown glittered in the sunlight as the maids straightened her skirt; the jewelry adorning her neck complimented the slight cleavage of her chest.

The maids stepped aside after they finished their work, bowing in respect.

Yuuki sauntered out of the room and into the hallway, her eyes meeting the eyes of her guard.

"Ooh, you look pretty today, your highness."

She allowed a brief smile to escape from her stoic features.

"Thank you."

"Better not tell Kaname I said that though," the green-eyed knight snickered as he accompanied her through the hallway, "or he will be _pissed._ "

Yuuki giggled softly. "And why would he be… pissed, as you say? Is it not okay for you to compliment my looks?"

"Nope, not at all. He gets very pouty and possessive whenever I mention you and the stuff we talk about. It's like he thinks he's your number one knight, and therefore only he can compliment you and be complimented in return. He's like… a dog that yearns for their owner to only show them affection. No, not a dog – a puppy."

Yuuki snickered. "Kaname as a _puppy?_ Haha! You sure are funny, Ichijou. Or am I not allowed to pay you such a compliment?"

"We'll keep it between the two of us, Jouusama," Ichijou winked at her. "Besides, Kaname isn't funny so he'd have nothing to complain over. He can't compete with my excellent sense of humor – and therefore he must accept your very truthful and accurate compliment."

"Ah, I see. Your strength isn't just humor; your rhetoric is quite strong. Are you still sure you don't want to follow in your grandfather's footsteps and become cabinet member?"

Ichijou nodded furiously. "As sure as can be, Jouusama. I like to fight and I hate politics. Furthermore, I am loyal to Kaname. The years and experiences we have shared together on the battlefield have left me in great debt to him. So unless Kaname plans on embarking on a career within the boring fields of palace politics, I'm gonna stay in my humble stature as a knight."

"It wouldn't suit him," the queen murmured.

"What?" Ichijou said, his curiosity peaked by the look in the queen's eyes as she stared ahead of herself.

"Kaname being in the cabinet, it wouldn't suit him. He is so much more than that. He's a _hogosha –_ someone who protects and uses their life for good. The cabinet members are far too concerned with their own wellbeing and protecting their power. He could never fall into such a lowly category."

Ichijou whistled lowly to himself. "Goodness gracious, Jouusama, if I didn't know any better I'd say you have a _crush_ on your knight."

Yuuki halted in the hallway. "I-I do not!"

"Do too!" Ichijou teased, enjoying how she blushed at the simple suggestion.

"I beg your pardon," Yuuki stuttered, "but implying that I'm… no, that's, hah… ridiculous! In fact, I should have you _hanged_ for even sug–"

"I was just kidding, Jouusama!" Ichijou laughed, throwing his hands in the air in surrender. "And tch, who are you thinking of hanging? You could never hang me, your highness. You _need_ me and my impeccable sense of humor in your life. Without me, you'd shrivel up and die. And if _that_ happened, Kaname would become more of a recluse than he already is now. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the damn fella even went completely mute."

Yuuki couldn't hold back her laughter anymore. She wiped her fresh tears with outmost care, trying her best not to smudge her make-up. "Ahh, Ichijou, what on Earth am I going to do with you?"

"You won't be hanging me, that's for sure," he quipped, offering her his arm and leading her the rest of the way.

"It would be a terrible shame if I did," Yuuki agreed.

"Oh, Jouusama, you are such a sensible woman. If you weren't married – and if Kaname wasn't constantly glaring at me whenever I mention your name – and thus silently threatening to kill me – I'd marry you right on the spot."

"One minute you're mocking me, the next you're proposing to me. I can never predict the outcome of our interactions, Ichijou," the queen smirked as they paused by the invisible line. "But I do appreciate them."

"I _know_ you do, Jouusama. I know you like me _better than Kaname,"_ he yelled before patting her head. "Now off I go!"

He turned on his heel and strutted back the hallway. Yuuki laughed quietly as she watched him before turning also and heading towards the doors that guarded the courtroom.

But before she could reach the doors, she was pulled by her arm into a corner.

Her gasp was silenced by a large hand as her wide eyes searched blindly in the darkened area.

"You like him better than me, huh? That fool can dream."

 _That voice…_

Excited, she turned quickly in his arms and grinned up at him.

"I thought you were away…" She whispered, her eyes bright and clear as she gazed at her lover.

Kaname nodded, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

"I was, but I snuck out so I could see you. It's strange… two days without you feels like an eternity."

She brushed his cheek tenderly with her hand, sighing softly when he grabbed it and kissed the top.

"I feel the same way. Were you…?"

His eyes turned somber, garnet hues darkening. She didn't even have to ask the question, much less delve further into the subject to know that he'd been killing for the king again. Months ago, he'd told her about how the king used him as his own killer dog, ordering him to torture and kill every man and woman the king considered an enemy.

Of course, knowing her husband, that list wasn't short.

At the time, he'd confessed that he was afraid of how she would feel about him knowing the truth of his heinous crimes. If she'd ever let him touch her again, knowing how much blood he'd spilled and how tainted his hands were.

" _Then taint me too,"_ she'd whispered bravely among the scattered candles surrounding her bed.

She'd meant it back then, and she stood by it now.

Grasping his hand, she brought it to her lips and kissed the top of it, conveying her empathy and understanding.

Kaname brushed her cheek in response, his eyes softening. "Somehow, you become more beautiful for each day I am away from you. How do you do it?"

She giggled shyly into his hand, a fresh blush staining her cheeks.

"Now, even my most trusted friend and comrade can't resist your beauty and offers to marry you. What should I do?"

Yuuki's heart fluttered in her chest, her cheeks warm from his smoldering gaze. It was strange how he could make her feel like a young girl in the matter of seconds. Her gravest day could turn into one of joy just by looking at his face. From time to time, they would be separated – either when the king brought him on journeys that lasted months, or for such dreadful tasks that required his absence from her for three days. No matter the length between each time she saw him, she longed for him equally, always missing the reassuring nature of his presence and his handsome features.

Her knight was far too good looking for his own good. Just the sound of his voice drove her mad with need. At night, she'd dream about his hands and his face, longing for his touch whenever he was away.

"Should I…" He pinned her to the wall, his eyes narrowed as he playfully lowered his face to hers. "Steal you away and make you mine? Lock you up somewhere only I know of?"

She shivered with need as heat pooled between her legs.

"Whatever you plan to do with me," she spoke quietly, her voice low and mysterious, "I'll follow you willingly."

"Mm, is that so?" The knight murmured, claiming her lips in a heated kiss.

Her arms found their way around his neck as she held onto him for dear life. Oh, how good it was to kiss him again after so long. She'd missed his lips so much in the past 72 hours.

Breaking their kiss, he bumped his forehead against hers as he smiled in contentment. She mirrored his smile, relieved at being in his arms again.

"I promise that I won't run off with Ichijou anytime soon," she teased. "Despite his convictions, I can assure you that he is not the knight that has captured my eye the most."

"And who, may I ask, is this bastard?"

Yuuki giggled. "He's very dark and mysterious. Won't say much unless he's forced to – or alone with the queen he serves in a hidden corner of the palace. Some say he resembles a wolf because of his killer instinct and combat skills, but, as Ichijou pointed out, he seems more like a _puppy_ rather than a scary wolf."

"A puppy?" Kaname balked.

"Mhm, a clingy one that is always yearning for affection," Yuuki hummed, her eyes softening.

Kaname settled his hands on her waist, enjoying the feel of her curves beneath his hands. "It seems I must have a talk with my comrade. He seems to enjoy putting strange ideas in your pretty head."

Yuuki hummed quietly in response, her smile faltering as she realized she couldn't stay here forever with him.

"I'm afraid you must let go of me for now, puppy wolf," she said, her gaze cooling as she stepped away from him. The king was waiting in the next room; she couldn't afford to anger him further.

Kaname pulled her back into his embrace, tipping her chin up as he stared into her eyes.

"I'll be back tonight," he whispered against her lips.

"Really?" She whispered hopefully.

"Yes," he nodded, "I have completed the tasks assigned to me. So tonight…"

Fire ignited in her eyes as she bit her lower lip, the implication behind his words not unnoticed by her.

"Tonight, then."

"Tonight," he nodded, claiming her lips in a heated kiss. Their lips stayed locked until she began taking a few steps backwards, him following her until the invisible line that kept him covered from the rest of the world stopped him.

Releasing her, he watched as she stepped back into the hallway, her lips red and swollen from his kiss as she gave him one last yearning look.

He gazed confidently back at her, entranced by her regal beauty and the fact that her lips were swollen from _his_ kiss. Immeasurable pride soared in his chest at the notion.

Allowing the briefest of smirks to grace her lips, Yuuki sauntered ahead towards the doors.

* * *

"The Queen has arrived!"

The doors opened to reveal the fair woman as she slowly walked up to where the king was seated on the throne. She bowed regally in greeting, her upper body bent at the perfect angle as her hair tumbled down.

"I greet you, Ousama."

She raised herself slightly and turned to the man on her left.

"Greetings to you as well, cabinet-master Ichijou Asato."

The man offered a bow in return silently.

"We are here to discuss the matter of an heir."

Immediately, Yuuki stiffened.

Ichijou continued. "It has been four years since you married, and there have yet to be a royal heir born to the household. The queen's unpredictable health has served as a great obstacle, and though she has offered and prayed to the goddess of fertility many times, there have been no results. Therefore, the royal cabinet wishes for the King to take another wife."

Rido's stoic face betrayed nothing to outsiders; but Yuuki's keen eye caught the tightening of his jaw and the fire that brewed in his eyes.

"No."

Ichijou did not seem surprised at the king's rejection. Unblinking eyes stared at the king.

"Your highness, if your marriage continues to be fruitless, you'll have no choice but to marry. A second wife can increase the chances of producing an heir, thus securing the safety of the kingdom and your legacy. It is of utmost importance."

"I am too fond of the queen to do her such an injustice. I cannot and will not take another wife."

The enigmatic noble turned towards the queen, who remained silent on his side. "And you, Jouusama? What are your thoughts on the matter?"

"You are to consult me only, Ich–"

"If you _love_ the queen so dearly as you say," the elder cut in, green eyes darkening upon the king, "then you will care to hear her opinion, will you not?"

Green eyes flickered over at the queen speculatively.

Already used to such terse conversations, the queen kept her gaze lowered and her back rigid. Her features were schooled into a blank expression of indifference that had been mastered over the years.

"I wish for the king to have an heir as soon as possible. My health is recovering, and I am doing my best to take care of myself and pay respect to the kamis. If I cannot offer the king the things he needs the most, then I will take no issue with the king marrying a second wife. However…" She paused delicately, aware of the burning eyes of her husband. "Though I wish for the kingdom's safety and stability, there is a selfish side of me that wants to keep my husband to myself. The thought of another woman being by his side pains me greatly. I do not wish to see him fall into another woman's arms…"

Pleased, Rido nodded along with her speech. "I think the queen has conveyed her reluctance. How can I be a good king if I cannot honor the wishes of my wife as her husband?"

"Within six months, if there is no heir, you will be forced to marry another woman. If you resist, you risk dethronement based on the 85th paragraph of the constitution, which warrants that should a king fail to secure the future of the kingdom, he is sentenced to be stripped of his throne and title and sent into exile."

Rido rose from his seat in anger. "You cannot do that!" He barked.

"As a matter of fact, we can," the elder man grinned wickedly. "Your incompetence in securing an heir is one matter – the fact that you refuse to remarry worsens your case. It suggests that you are not willing to do everything within your power to secure the future of the kingdom and its prosperity. This alone will lead to your dethronement."

"And who would you offer the crown to?" Yuuki cut in boldly. "There is no one that can replace Ousama."

Ichijou gave her a knowing look, one that sent shivers down her spine.

"His half-brother, anointed knight of the kingsguard, Kuran Kaname shares his royal blood."

Her tongue bled in her mouth from the pressure of her teeth. Fear laced through her blood and sent her heart into overdrive as his name was brought up. The one person that could not get involved in this was he.

Rido laughed wickedly, his jewelry rattling as he shook with laughter. "That bastard? Hah! As if the country would ever accept such heresy."

"As a matter of fact, your half-brother is quite popu–"

"This is nonsense!" Yuuki barked, seemingly enraged by the suggestion. "My husband is the only one fit to rule the kingdom, not some lowly knight whose hands are still fresh with traitor's blood. I ask that you refrain from spewing such vile words in front of Ousama."

The last thing she wanted was for Kaname to catch the king's attention. Knowing Rido's paranoia, coupled with the silent hatred he harbored for his half-brother, Yuuki knew that Kaname's days would be numbered should the king ever entertain the suspicion that his brother was after the throne.

Such were the politics of the palace; to protect her lover, she had to sully his name in front of the king.

"Do you see now why I am so reluctant to let go of the queen?" Rido smirked, settling back into his seat. "She is as fierce as a lioness; loyal, too. I need such qualities in the palace."

"Oh, do forgive me for offending you," the man sunk to his knees and bowed. " _Ousama._ "

Yuuki unclenched her fists at her sides, peeking at the king.

She dropped to the floor unceremoniously, her forehead pressed to the cool wood.

"Forgive me, Ousama. Because of my infertility and incompetence, you are placed in such disgracing situations. Because of me, your most trusted members mock you and challenge your claim to the throne. Because of me, such scum as your bastard brother threatens your throne. I deserve whatever punishment you see fit, your highness."

"Rise," Rido commanded, red and blue eyes twinkling.

She did as he commanded, gracefully rising to her height, as her eyes remained lowered on the floor.

"I accept your apologies. I will not issue any punishments as you are still trying to maintain your health. Your infertility is a problem which cannot be mended overnight." He turned towards the elder noble, his eyes narrowing into slits.

"In due time, there will be an heir in the palace so rest assured, council master Ichijou. I request that you stop pestering the queen and me as the stress caused by it may delay the conception of an heir. You may take your leave."

"Very well," the man muttered, not bothering to bow one final time as a show of respect as he quietly exited the king's court.

Silence settled over the married couple. Yuuki's eyes remained firmly in front of her as she worked to overcome her quick scare.

"You did well today," the king commented. "Stick to your story from now on."

She bowed in response. "Hai, Ousama."

"You and I both know… that there are certain things that cannot be accomplished. Your loyalty to me is the most important asset I have. In time, I will rid the palace of such pesky creatures as the cabinet master. Until then, swear by your story and pledge your loyalty to me, or else there will be dire consequences."

"Understood, your highness." Yuuki bowed again, her face rid of emotion.

Rido gulped down his wine, not bothering to wipe his stained lips. "You may take your leave."

Yuuki nodded at her dismissal and turned, gracefully walking towards the exit while her heart hammered in her chest.

"One more thing," the king said, his voice halting her in her steps.

She turned briefly, and lowered her eyes to the ground.

"Hai, Ousama?"

"Look at me," Rido demanded sternly, his eyes narrowing as she complied.

He gazed at her for a while, his eyes burning with questions and curiosity.

"Do you think my half-brother could stand a chance in threatening my position as king?"

Looking into his eyes, Yuuki felt her heart accelerate. Vaguely she felt like fainting on the spot, but the look in his eyes held her back. Lying was no difficult task for her; she did so daily and had done so for the past years of her life, lying through her teeth whenever the chance was offered to her. But when it came to the king, and his predator-like gaze, she wondered whether or not she could be able to tell the lie that curled on her tongue.

He was measuring her; decoding her reaction and body language, trying to detect any notion of treacherous thoughts.

"Of course not, your highness," Yuuki said, looking into his eyes, as her face remained neutral. "He is nothing but a filthy knight, raised by swords and heinous crimes. He knows nothing of the hardships your undergo as king, and he would not be able to cope with them. The people love and treasure you greatly; seeing a bastard on the throne would infuriate them. I have no desire to see such a day arrive, your highness."

The king smirked, obviously pleased by her answer.

After he dismissed her, Yuuki realized that lying was indeed her only way of survival in the palace.

Furthermore, it was the only way she could protect _him._

She lied about her infertility and health issues all the time; whenever she was asked about her marriage or her life in the palace, she gushed about her happiness and contentment – trained lies she spilled so effortlessly she almost believed them herself. She lied about the king's secret desires; for it was not with him the problem resided, it was truly with her and her miserable body which could not conceive an heir, of course.

Every day, Yuuki lied and lied until her teeth became stained with her dishonesty and her gums sore from bleeding.

And she would continue to do so as long as it meant protecting _him._

* * *

He didn't know how he'd ever survived without her before.

Try as he might, never could he pinpoint exactly what it was about her that drove him mad; was it the fine silk of her auburn hair as it slipped through his fingers? The curve of her mouth; how soft her lips felt pressed against his? Was it her scent – of sunshine and wild flowers – lingering whenever she passed him in the hallway, reminding him of summer and comfort?

Or perhaps it was the way she walked – her regal steps despite the heavy burden that rested upon her shoulders. How calmly and bravely she trekked through the dangerous waters of the palace, filled with enemies at every corner waiting to devour her.

Her body was a masterpiece in itself; her curves so sinful and delicious, his hands constantly roaming over her spine and waist, mapping out new areas to explore. She was in his every wild fantasy; brought to life in the darkest hours of the night when they were free to consummate the crackling electricity that constantly flowed between them.

Kaname couldn't decide what it was as he laid next to his lover – the queen of the country, mother of their nation and the woman he would gladly give his life for. With the tips of her hair pressed to his lips, Kaname quietly contemplated their evolving relationship and the roaring desire in his veins which would never fully quiet despite how many times he had her.

Garnet eyes surveyed the shy rays of the emerging sun peeking through the curtains; soon she would rise, and their moments of bliss would be forgotten.

Turning back towards the queen, he quietly observed the beautiful features of her face.

To have Yuuki as his lover seemed absurd; months ago he would've been appalled at the idea – after all, he was a man of honor and a sworn knight – there was no room for lust or desire in his life. But his wavering heart had betrayed him; they'd done the most forbidden act of all – and they couldn't stop. Nights were spent in each other's arms, whispering words meant only for lovers between moans and hisses; his control was slipping gradually from his fingers – all it took was a secret, shy look from the queen directed at him during daylight, and by nightfall he would ravage her like he had a disease and she was his only cure.

Just her touch drove him mad; and he was suddenly freed of all rational thought.

Despite his worries, he couldn't help but feel his heart flutter in his chest whenever he was able to see her. Though he knew what they were doing was a taboo, and that their relationship could never amount to anything more, Kaname still felt himself fall deeper and deeper for her.

He was deathly terrified of them being caught; though he could handle his punishment, he was scared to death over Yuuki being punished for her crime. She was already suffering so much in her broken marriage – being branded as a traitor and an adulterer was the last thing she needed.

His affection for the queen was constantly growing. Months had passed since they began their lustful affair, and yet it felt like he'd never known a life without her as his lover. More so than ever, his mind was filled with thoughts of her, constantly obsessing over her wellbeing and the next time he would be able to sink inside of her again.

He'd never imagined that he would fall in love.

Kaname kissed her forehead, which was still damp from their previous activities on the bed, pulling back so he could watch her beautifully serene face.

He'd never imagined that he would fall in love with the queen of their country.

" _Aishiteru, Yuuki…"_ He whispered, letting the words flow from his lips in the darkness of her room.

He'd known for a long time, but he'd been too afraid to admit it. Years of suppressed emotion had culminated into an intense feeling of affection and love that burst in his chest.

If she knew about the extent of his feelings, he didn't know. Though Yuuki was cold-hearted and apathetic on the outside whenever she regarded other people in the palace, she was more vulnerable with him. It'd taken time for her to trust in him, but eventually she'd decided to open her heart for him. From then on, their friendship had blossomed; transitioning suddenly into lovers in one heated night back in spring. Now, she revealed sides of herself no one else had known before freely to him; he knew her every secret and fear; what made her laugh and smile; where she was from and how she was dealing with everything around her.

The more he loved her, the more saddened he was by their situation. Sure, sneaking off behind the king's back was exciting at times, but in the long run he was unsure of how they could continue. The demand for an heir was ever-present within the royal cabinet, and the king was in no condition to supply one.

The blame was pinned on Yuuki, who, through the eyes of the cabinet, was seen as the failure of the royal house because of her inability to conceive an heir.

As Kaname quietly got dressed, his eyes shifted over to her stomach while he contemplated the situation.

Of course, the real reason Yuuki couldn't conceive a child was because the king wouldn't dare to touch her. They had no idea that the queen was bedding her personal guard every night.

Conceiving was difficult; lack of proper nutrition and other factors made it difficult for most women to conceive a child. It was common to offer goods to the goddess of fertility in order to receive her blessings; in fact, the royal cabinet had insisted that Yuuki began such practice in order to gain the goddess' favor.

Most of the time, Kaname was so lost in his haze of lust and desire that he didn't properly think about the consequences of their actions. But as he stared at her stomach lost in thought, he realized that there might be a chance that Yuuki was pregnant.

With _his_ child.

"You mustn't worry about me being with child," the queen murmured, tired eyes blinking up at him.

Surprised that she'd woken up, and struck by her words in a way he couldn't quite understand, Kaname gaped at his queen. "I wasn't–"

"Even if you weren't thinking about it, you deserve to know," the queen cut him off, her voice returning to its cold and regal quality as she sat up on the bed, the covers pulled up to her torso. "The royal physician have informed me that the chances of me having children on my own are low. I guess it's a fitting punishment for what I've put myself through…" She smirked aloofly, her eyes staring at the edge of the bed.

Kaname lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, his gaze locked onto his lap as he struggled to find the right words. Of course, there was a certain relief that filled him knowing they were safe from such consequences; after all, should Yuuki become pregnant with his child, the king would know about their affair; and knowing Rido, who was desperate for an heir but unable to touch a woman, he would seize the chance and claim the child his, while also finding a way to get rid of Kaname.

After all, Kaname was well aware of how little he meant to his half-brother. He knew Rido wouldn't waste a chance to get rid of him the second he became useless to him.

But that wasn't what concerned him the most; it was the thought of leaving Yuuki behind with their child, trapped in the palace with no source of comfort or protection. The thought alone made an unbearable ache form in his chest; under no circumstance could he ever leave her alone.

And his child…

The child he would never have…

He was brave enough to admit that it stung; it wasn't plausible for them, but deep down he knew how much she wanted a child – and hidden deeper within him was a secret desire to plant his seed in Yuuki and have her carry the fruit of their love.

He'd never entertained the idea of children before – but this woman in front of him made him dream all kinds of dreams.

Dreams he knew would never come true.

Yuuki cleared her throat, reaching for her nightgown and pulling it over her head and shoulders. Straightening her back, she was about to leave the bed when he reached over and pulled her into his chest.

Nuzzling her throat, he locked his arms around her torso, inhaling her scent.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered.

She softened in her arms, leaning into him.

"It's not your fault. You don't need to apologize. Besides…" She held back her tears. "It wouldn't work out either way. It is what it is."

He kissed her shoulder softly, conveying his support.

The simple gesture soothed her weary heart.

"It's silly, really…" She trailed off. "I always dreamt of having children in order to please the king and secure my position as Queen Mother. My family always had this expectation of me; I would become queen and give them an heir that would further strengthen their power. But from the moment I married him, I knew something wasn't right…" A soft sigh escaped her lips as Kaname nuzzled her neck. Somehow it always felt so right and easy to spill her most hidden secrets like him. Just his presence alone made her open up like a book, despite the fact that she'd lived her life with her heart tucked away in her sleeve for the past five years.

"And when I realized, it was too late… We were already married, fostering the illusion that people came to know us for. In my loneliness, I began to dream of having a child in my arms. I guess it was my escape, I knew it wouldn't happen but I kept dreaming about it. But now that the royal physician has confirmed my worst fear, I…"

He held her tighter, almost crushing her against his chest. He wanted to hold her as close as possible; wrap himself around her so he could catch every piece of her when she disintegrated from sorrow.

"You, of all people, don't deserve this much suffering," he said, kissing her neck. "I know you're hurting because of this and you don't want to show it to me. Please, don't hold back in front of me. I've told you many times before; I'll always be by your side, be it through fighting for your life or through such… unfortunate circumstances. I… am always on your side, Yuuki."

Yuuki pursed her lips, thankful that he couldn't see her face flush with emotion as she felt herself being moved by his words.

Somehow, her quiet and elusive knight always knew the right things to say when he opened his mouth.

"Your words offer me a lot of comfort as always." She turned in his arms and smiled gently, stroking his cheek. "Thank you, Kaname."

He brushed away the tear that rolled down her cheek with his thumb.

"There's not a lot I can give you…" He said against her mouth, garnet eyes searching hers. "I cannot give you my name nor wealth, but…"

Retracting from her embrace slightly, he searched through his robes and found the hidden pocket he had for valuables. Carefully he withdrew some silky material and held it in front of her.

"I wanted to give you this," he confessed, gently unveiling the hairpin that was wrapped in the silk.

Yuuki's eyes softened as she spotted the object, touched by the gesture.

"I…" He hesitated, eyeing the butterfly that represented her.

Yuuki was the queen, after all – she was used to jewelry made of the finest jade and rubies, precious metals and diamonds. The pin he held in his hand was the pin he'd spotted at the market when he and Rido went on their Shirabuki raid months ago. It was no more than a useless street-item.

" _Well sir, what do you say? Do you want the hairpin or not?"_

He cleared his throat. "I thought of you when I saw it, and I thought that… I wanted you to have it."

 _I knew then that I wanted_ you - _despite the distance between us._

"It's beautiful," Yuuki whispered, accepting the pin into the palm of her hand. The butterfly glittered spectacularly in the dim light, while the cherry blossoms around it reminded her of the royal gardens that she adored so much.

But it wasn't just the beauty of the hairpin that made her eyes tear up; it was the simple gesture and how much it conveyed. A man didn't simply give a woman a hairpin – there was thought and consideration behind it. And, looking at Kaname and how his usually stoic and confident composure seemed to crumble in front of her, she knew that it meant a lot to him too.

This was a symbol of his affection and devotion. It had been selected with the utmost care and purpose. He was not like the king, who was selfish and ruthless – he was genuine and solely devoted to her.

She looked up and smiled at him, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears. "Thank you, Kaname," she murmured, her lips seeking his.

Kaname received her kiss immediately, unable to hide the smile that pulled at the corners of his lips.

Knowing that she'd accepted his meaningful gift, Kaname felt his heart flutter wildly in his chest, overjoyed by the implication.

Yuuki bumped her forehead against his as she gazed into his eyes, feeling the taste of his kiss linger on her lips. "I'll be sure to take great care of it. It is already very precious to me."

"I'm glad, Yuuki," he smiled, stroking her cheek.

Unspoken feelings lingered between them as he kissed her one more time, the hairpin carefully deposited on the table next to them.

Words weren't needed right now; the shiny token of affection spoke loud and clear enough for the both of them.

Despite the many obstacles that surrounded them, they were in love with each other. They were lovers despite their titles; despite the boundaries between them and the unwritten rules that prevented them from being together.

Her nightgown was discarded quickly; as were his clothes, landing haphazardly on the floor. The sun rose outside, and though he knew it was time to leave, he had to have her one more time.

They were lovers - lovers whom adored each other and would to anything for the other - sacrifice, kill - even _die_.

Garnet hues met maroon as their gazes locked; once inside of her, Kaname was slow and gentle, carefully conveying the feelings that flowed in his heart.

Lovers that loved despite the world condemning them.

Yuuki quivered beneath him, her mouth open in ecstasy and she looked into his eyes and felt him all over her body.

Lovers that would one day face the punishment for their simple crime of loving.

Kaname's hips sailed into hers one last time; she shattered around him at the same time as he stilled completely, overwhelmed by the euphoric sensation rattling his bones. Her hands wove through his hair and slithered down his back, worshipping his scars and pulling him closer and closer still until there was no space between them. Their heart beat in synch as Kaname regained his strength, turning his face towards hers. Their eyes met once again in silent recognition; love, longing and adoration reflecting in their gazes as they basked in each other's embrace.

His lips sought hers for one last searing kiss.

They were lovers.

And they were in love.


	8. Declaration

**A/N: Hiiii everyone! I'm so sorry that this took so long, but I had the worst writer's block for such a long time, and the chapter was stuck at like 80%. Fair warning; this is a heavy chapter, and sort of like a turning point. I do feel like I've rushed this a little, but I'm just so impatient. Please let me know how you feel about this chapter. If it's too rushed (though the events have been planned for a while), I'll go back and change it.**

 **And jeez, happy new year! I'm so glad 2016 is over. It couldn't end soon enough - in fact, it tried to add me to its kill list in 2016. So many of my idols died, and now me too? Nuh huh. But I'm alive and okay and here to bring ya the next chapter. As always, REVIEWS are hyper-appreciated and inspire me to write faster. True story! To those of you who continously show your support - whether it was in 2016 or this year - thank you so much, it means a lot to me.**

 **Quick question; I usually reply to reviews whenever I update the next chapter, but as you've seen now, it can take some time. Do you guys prefer quick responses or do you not mind having me respond whenever I update the story?**

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Declaration**

"Ne, Kaname, are there any cute girls you like?"

The little boy shook his head vehemently. "Nuh uh! The girls in the village are so annoying; they always ask me if I like them and if I can accept their feelings. It's super annoying."

Juuri giggled at her son's antics as she brushed his hair. "That's because my Kaname is just as handsome as his father. No wonder the girls like you!"

"When will Father be back?" Kaname wondered out loud, oblivious to his mother's tensing shoulders. "I will ask him how to get rid of the girls! And then… He can teach me how to find someone that's as beautiful and nice as mother…" He blushed.

Shaking off her sadness, Juuri grinned, peeking over Kaname's shoulder. "Oh, Kaname! You are really too sweet to your mother. If you keep that up, Mother will never be able to let you go."

The boy turned quickly in her arms. "Kaname doesn't want mother to let go either!" The rosy blush faded from his slightly chubby cheeks. His eyes turned serious in a matter of seconds; transfixed, she watched her little boy turn into a replica of his father, the king himself.

"I wish Father could be here more often… Then, the three of us could be together. Kaname is the most happy when Father is around, because Mother smiles and laughs even more…"

"Oh," Juuri sighed, brushing his cheek tenderly with her hand. It seemed like yesterday she was holding him in her arms for the first time, and now he was already 7 years old. In their little bubble of happiness, time flew with unfaltering speed.

She almost wished time would stop.

"Kaname, you don't know how happy you make me," she said gently. "And yes, while I am very sad when Father is away, I understand why he has to go. And you know, he always returns to us because he loves us so much. It's just that… being King isn't easy."

"Father is the King… Will I be the king one day?" Kaname's garnet eyes widened as he watched his mother fumble with her words.

"Well…." Juuri trailed off. She hated this subject. How did one go about explaining to their seven year old boy that because his mother was a simple concubine, and not married to the king, he could never follow in his father's footsteps?

Juuri pursed her lips. "In _my_ eyes, you are already prince charming!" She pinched his cheek playfully. "So cute! So handsome!"

Kaname blushed furiously, doing his best to free himself. "But I want to be king…" He pouted.

"Hmm… But if you were king, Kaname, you wouldn't have the time to be with your wife and children. If he could, your father would spend aaaaall his free time with us, but he can't because of his duties. Are you prepared for that?"

The little boy shook his head. "If _I_ were King, I would make a law so that the king can do whatever he wants. That way, I could be with you and Father all the time, and… um, my… Queen."

Juuri's playful eyes sobered. Her voice lowered as she spoke.

"You really want to be king, don't you?"

"Hai!" Kaname nodded excitedly. "Just like my Father!"

Juuri forced a smile on her face as she hugged him tightly in her arms, willing him to not see the tears that threatened to fall.

 _I wish I could give you the world, my dear boy._

"What is it, Mother?" Kaname whispered. "You seem sad…"

 _But people like you and me… we are outcasts. No matter what we do, we will never rise above our ranks. Society won't allow it. You, who dream of being king and ruling the world, how I wish I could give all of that to you…_

Juuri sniffled quietly, disheartened by her son's bleak future as the bastard son of the King. "I'm not sa-"

"Juuri? Kaname? I'm home."

Kaname sprung from her arms towards the door, rushing into the welcoming arms of the King.

"Father!" Kaname beamed.

Haruka hugged his son tightly, a smile claiming his lips as he held his son close. It'd been five weeks since he saw him last, and yet he still felt like the boy had grown far too much for his liking. His duties dragged him away from the place he wanted to be the most, and it pained him greatly to see the despair in his lover's eyes whenever he had to leave them.

"Haruka…"

Juuri rose from her seat, her eyes shimmering with joy and elation at seeing him again. Haruka gravitated towards her instantly, drawn by the fire in her eyes and the delicacy of her beautiful face.

Their lips met in silent greeting, expressing more than words could.

"My sweet Juuri," Haruka hummed, brushing her cheek tenderly. "You become more beautiful day by day."

"Flattery won't help you," she teased, tapping his nose when he leaned in for another kiss.

Haruka smirked, aware of how easy it was for her to see through him. "You know I loathe being away from the two of you. Unfortunately, the palace has been hectic recently, and much to my dislike my presence has been needed more so than ever. Rest assured, I've made the proper arrangements so that I can stay here with the two of you for an extended period of time."

He tipped her chin upwards, looking into her depths, which he so desperately loved.

"Happy now?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, trying not to smile. "Maaaybe…"

"Ne, Father, can you come and play with me?" Kaname tugged at his father's pants lightly, his patience worn thin having watched his parents reconnect.

Haruka ruffled his hair, smiling at his son. "When did you become so impatient? Hmm… I do wonder where you got it from."

Juuri rolled her eyes.

"Kaname waited a long time to see you!" Young Kaname declared, obviously annoyed by his father and mother's doting on each other. "You and Mother are always spending so much time together when you come back, but now I really want to play with you, Father! What if we never find _the treasure?_ "

"I understand, son," Haruka nodded, "I've neglected our treasure hunt for far too long. I know it's upsetting."

"So can we go?" Hopeful eyes peered up at his towering father.

"You go ahead and I'll come after you. There is just a few things I need to discuss with your Mother," Haruka ushered gently. "Remember, the quicker you start searching, the better!"

"Haai!" Kaname yelled excitedly, needing no further encouragement to get out into the garden.

"A hidden _treasure,_ huh?"

Haruka smiled sheepishly at his lover. "I plan on giving him his birthday gift this way. The boy loves a good mystery."

"I see," Juuri half-laughed and yawned at the same time. She could feel the energy in her legs dim slowly.

As Haruka moved to collect her in his arms, a bout of dizziness hit her all of a sudden. She swayed on her feet lightly, her hand sailing up to her forehead.

"Juuri? Are you all right?" Worry laced into Haruka's voice as he stabilized her.

"It's nothing," Juuri waved him off, shaking her head.

"How long has this been going on?" Haruka wondered, worry etched onto his face.

"Just a few weeks, it's nothing serious," Juuri assured him, "I haven't been sleeping well, that's all."

"And why is that?"

"So nosy…"

"Juuri," Haruka said, using his stern King's voice.

Juuri sighed, relaxing into his chest. "He keeps asking about you, and he's wondering if he'll be king one day. He doesn't understand why we can't be together all the time and why you're always away. Day after day, I have to come up with distractions but he always sees through my lies." She chuckled softly. "That boy is too smart for his own damn good."

"He takes it from you," Haruka said, petting the back of her head. "Our boy is growing up, and soon this little haven I created for us won't be enough for him. I understand that in due time I will need to explain to him the situation, and I will, Juuri, I will, but…"

"But?" Juuri said tiredly, still feeling dizzy.

"But the throne succession is rather complicated. There's no guarantee that Kaname won't be able to claim the throne if he wants to."

"What do you mean?" Juuri pulled back from his arms, searching his eyes.

"Rido…" Haruka said, noticing how Juuri still flinched at the reminder of his other family. "I do not trust him. I know he is my son and the rightful heir to the throne, but my instinct is telling me not to trust him. That boy inherited his mother's darkness, and I am afraid of what it will do to him as he matures."

Juuri sealed her lips shut, unable to fully address the matter. She had always struggled with the knowledge of Haruka's double-life; she'd once met the late queen, and the meeting had left her battling with guilt for years. When Shizuka killed herself, Juuri blamed herself eventhough Haruka reassured her constantly that it was not her fault.

No matter what he said, Juuri couldn't shake off the heartbreak she'd seen in the late queen's eyes. Like Juuri, she was madly in love with the king, but unlike Juuri he didn't love her back. Somewhere along the way, she decided that she couldn't live anymore with the pain, and ended everything.

Sometimes, the silver-haired queen would visit Juuri in her dreams and point cold, white fingers at her as she cursed her name. And lately, those dreams had become even worse.

"But these are not matters we should discuss right now," Haruka announced, "I came here to escape the tedious palace politics and I intend to do so. So, please, Juuri, do not worry about these things – I have it all under control."

Juuri nodded quietly, trying her best to ignore the ache that was forming near her temples.

Haruka cradled her face in his hands gently, his eyes searching hers. "You need to take better care of yourself. I spend enough time worrying over you and Kaname's safety – don't give me another reason to worry."

"Hai, you stubborn and nosy King," Jurri chuckled, nuzzling his nose. "You're absolutely foolish to think you'll get rid of me so easily. I am Juuri, a force of nature – stubborn like rocks scratching the hillside. You don't need to worry."

"Indeed you are, you wild woman," Haruka chuckled, kissing her forehead. "And though you insist you will survive anything, I am still going to protect you for the rest of my life. Come what may."

Juuri kissed his lips, savoring the taste of him. She recognized their mutual chant; words they'd used through difficult times when it felt like the world was ganging up on them. It was his promise to her, and her promise to him also, that come what may in their way, they would persevere and hold onto each other. So strong was their forbidden love.

"Come what way," she echoed, snuggling into her favorite chest.

* * *

"Must you go?"

The queen huffed, maroon eyes locked on the fabric in her hands. The silk flowed between her fingers; with a speculative glance she deduced that it wasn't worthy of coming along with her.

"Must you constantly insist that I don't?" She returned, discarding the fabric and picking up another one for inspection.

The stoic knight pursed his lips, battling with the slow anger that burned in his belly.

"I'm afraid I must. Your safety is my number one priority–"

"The king himself declared it a safe journey. He accepted it and even insisted that I take you with me. What could possibly go wrong? Why are you creating so much fuss over it?" Yuuki's eyes sailed over to her lover, a questioning look forming on her features. While he contemplated his answer, she took her sweet time secretly adoring his tall and slender physique. He looked magnificent, dressed in all black with the royal emblem around his waist. The fur on his shoulders made him look even more muscular than he was, further enhancing the image of a warrior ready for war. Beneath his robes and beneath his weapons, she knew there was softness and kindness in his heart, reserved only for her.

His handsome mouth turned into a frown; instinctively she wanted to kiss it away.

"I'm not, I…" He trailed off, clenching his fists as the foreboding feeling once again rose in his stomach. He couldn't help but feel like something bad was coming their way; that she would come to harm under his watch…

And for the life of him, he couldn't allow it. Not even a straw of her hair was allowed to be harmed.

Once again, his eyes softened upon the woman he adored. She was dressed in all her finery, looking like the Queen regent that she was. Yuuki was above him in every way; not just through her title, but also through her purity and kindness. Where he was darkness and death, she was the sun itself, almost blinding him with her luminosity. To think that a celestial being like her, who constantly entranced him with her beauty and grace, would take him as a lover was still an absurd notion to him. Despite her many reassurances, Kaname could never shake the distance that was between them and how inferior he felt towards her. That's why he needed to protect her – it wasn't just because of his deep-rooted affection for her, but to make up for the fact that it was the only thing he could ever do for her. Protect her at all costs – die for her if needed be.

He couldn't let anything happen to her.

Sensing his distress and inability to express himself, the queen softly lowered the fabric in her hands and stepped over to him, her feet elegantly carrying her over to where he lingered by the window.

Touching his face tenderly, she searched his eyes.

"What is bothering you so much that you cannot tell me?" She inquired softly, her eyes melting with compassion and affection.

His calloused hand, far bigger than hers, came up and rested over her hand on his cheek while his other sought the softness of her face. Instinctively, his lover leaned into his touch, further moving his already overwhelmed heart.

"I have a bad feeling…" He whispered, looking into her eyes as he let all his fears surface. "I cannot escape it. I have nightmares where you scream my name, and I can't find you in time. I'm deathly afraid of you being hurt. I can't… I can't lose you, Yuuki."

Yuuki smiled wonderfully at him, the corners of her eyes crinkling as her cheeks widened. "Nothing is going to happen to me, Kaname. As long as you are next to me, I'll be fine. You told me so a long time ago, did you not? As long as you are next to me, I will be safe."

Her words didn't soothe him one bit. He exhaled sharply, carefully trudging through his conflicting emotions. Why wasn't she taking this more seriously?

"I did," he admitted begrudgingly, "but Yuuki, please, I can not ignore this feeling… It burns through my nightmares and soars through my chest these days. Every part of me is telling me that something bad is going to happen. And you _know_ I can't let anything happen to you. It would kill me."

Yuuki sighed. "It's just nerves, Kaname. I don't know _why_ you're feeling this way, or what might've led you to such thoughts, but please stop worrying over useless fears." Her hands slid down his chest, resting above his heart. "I am not going anywhere."

Troubled garnet eyes bore through hers; he still wasn't convinced.

"And besides," Yuuki raised her chin and straightened her back, trying her best to look down at him although he was taller than her, "if I _do_ end up going somewhere, I'm going to drag you with me. Whether you like it or not."

Unable to resist her silliness, he let a rare smile break through his distressed features. "Is that so, your highness?"

Yuuki's lips quivered with mirth; she did her best to school her features and remain as stern as possible.

"Yes, my valiant knight. Rest assured, you won't be able to get rid of me that easily."

Kaname quickly grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. He lowered his face towards hers, his eyes smoldering while his smirk remained in place. "And what if it was the opposite? If I were to drag you away somewhere… would you follow me so willingly then?"

"Oh my," Yuuki blinked, her cheeks turning pink, "you sure have a dramatic side to you. _And,_ like any man, you sure are forgetful. Did I not promise you that I would follow you willingly wherever you go?"

Kaname grinned. "Like any man, you say… Last time you called me a wolf puppy, and now I am reduced to just _any man._ Who will I be to you tomorrow, your highness?"

Yuuki licked her lips, raising herself on her tiptoes as she laced her arms around his neck. "If you play your cards right, and stop fussing over useless things, I will let you be _anything you want…_ "

The low timbre of her voice made him weak in the knees. Her proximity and words tantalized him; one minute he feared for her life, and in the next he was trembling at the thought of having her.

How could this woman have so much power over him?

Kaname panted against her lips, desire roaring in his veins. "Ah… but Yuuki, you must understand that I don't care who I am as long as I can be next to you. As long as you'll allow me to touch you…" His hands slid down her waist. "Feel you…"

Yuuki bit her lower lip, her eyes flickering between his tantalizing lips and alluring eyes. She could feel heat pool between her legs, like it always did when he seduced her; her body responded to his every call and she had no way of stopping it. One masculine hand slipped from her waist and into her hair, tracing the fine locks and pulling slightly.

She hissed into his mouth, her heartbeat speeding up.

"Kiss you…" Kaname whispered, lowering his mouth onto hers and letting his tongue caress her willing tongue slowly.

"Mmh, Kanam–"

"Jouusama, the carriage is ready and your entourage are waiting for you. Are you ready?"

They broke apart quickly, Yuuki's eyes locked on the door as she panted. Recognizing Ichijou's voice on the other side of the door, Kaname continued to hold her close, his lips sailing down her neck as he traced open-mouthed kisses on the places he knew were sensitive.

"Uhm…" She moaned from the pleasure of his lips on her neck. Scandalized by her lack of self-control, she cleared her throat. "I… I will be. Soon. Just… Give me a few minutes and I shall be ready. Ah!"

Kaname kissed down her shoulder, enjoying how she responded to his teasing.

Blushing furiously, the queen cleared her throat once more. "A-alert the guards of my pending arrival. You may leave."

"All right, your highness." Ichijou's voice faded from behind the door, the sound of his steps echoing.

Yuuki broke apart from Kaname's embrace, quickly walking over the other side of the room. Aware of his lingering eyes, she did her best to compose herself and control her breathing. By now, she had no doubt that her face resembled the ripest and reddest tomato rather than her usually pale complexion. If she'd let him continue any further, she would've ripped of her clothes herself and begged him to enter her if only just to have him one more time before their journey.

Unfortunately, her lover had a powerful hold on her – a hold she could barely comprehend.

"Always…" She murmured, clenching her fists on her sides. "You always do this to me. You always make me feel this way…"

She could hear his steps as he sauntered slowly towards her. Her heartbeat sped up in anticipation; she felt silly and foolish for being giddy over such a common thing.

"I'm afraid you have the same effect on me, your highness," Kaname spoke softly, unable to hold back his smirk.

Feeling him behind her, she turned around, almost bumping into his chest as she did so. Entranced by his swollen lips and how his beautiful locks of hair seemed to tumble into his eyes, Yuuki allowed herself to let go of decorum, not caring how much she exposed of herself as she panted in front of him.

"It seems we are quite hopeless…" She hummed, placing her palms on his chest and looking up adoringly into his garnet hues.

 _Hopelessly in love,_ Kaname added in his mind, unable to say it out loud. Instead, he gathered her in his arms and hugged her tightly. She responded with the same vigor, the need to feel him close manifesting strongly within her the longer he was apart from her physically.

He pulled back slightly and eyed her, the same worrisome expression returning to his face. Tenderly, he tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek in the same process. He lowered his lips to her forehead; Yuuki closed her eyes at the simple touch, her throat constricting with emotion at the tenderness she felt from his kiss.

Kaname pulled back and gazed into her eyes.

"I will protect you," he vowed earnestly.

Caught by the intensity of his eyes, Yuuki could barely form words.

"I believe you," she spoke softly, caressing his cheek.

They lingered for a while, locked in each other's embrace and comfort. Eventually, Kaname lowered his gaze, sighing softly as he placed a delicate kiss on top of her hand.

"Once again, I must let you go… for now," he spoke solemnly, taking a step back and breaking their embrace.

Immediately, she missed his warmth.

"You'll see me again in seconds, I promise." She smiled playfully, doing her best to ease the sadness that seemed to enshroud them.

Whether he caught onto her intention, he didn't display it. Instead he turned and walked out of her chambers, leaving her longing for more.

Once outside, the bad feeling in his gut returned with full force. He grit his teeth together in frustration, anxiety flaring in his bones and spreading through his nervous system. No matter how many times she reassured him and made him forget, the feeling always returned.

And with it came memories of a time he'd rather forget permanently.

Because the last time he had a bad feeling, it came through in the most heartbreaking and gut-wrenching way.

He could not lose another treasured person because of his own incapacity.

This time, he needed to conquer whatever came in his way.

* * *

Although she had promised him seconds, the queen wound up taking another ten minutes to arrive at their departure point.

He did not complain, of course. The longer she delayed the journey, the more at ease he felt.

Watching her descend the palace stairs made his eyes go watery; eyes lowered in front of her, Yuuki walked with the utmost grace and balance. Her red dress signified her status as queen regent; until she gave birth to the heir, she would continue to wear bright colors such as red and similar hues. Long gone was the pink kimono he'd first seen her in when she was the princess. He mourned the fabric momentarily; reminiscing on how that moment felt like it was a lifetime ago.

Back then, he'd barely caught a glimpse of her, yet he'd still been enchanted by her. It would take years before he saw her again; and when he met her, he was severely disappointed by the cold woman she had grown into. But as time passed, he learned to know the new Yuuki, only to discover that the real Yuuki that he remembered was still within her. She'd appear in the rarest of glimpses, and he'd hold onto her for as long as he could; be it a shy smile or a brief laugh, he'd do anything to prolong the moment and keep the cold from returning to her eyes.

But who could blame her for her ruthlessness? Palace life had not treated her well; nor had her foolish husband who blamed her for every unfortunate event in his life.

Yuuki had every right to become the woman that she had. Her light had been snuffed out by her king's overwhelming darkness.

His eyes widened when he spotted his hairpin, safely tucked into her luscious dark hair, accentuating her outfit.

 _She's mine now. That is the most important change since all those years ago._

Even if it was a well-hidden secret; only displayed between the two during the darkest hours of the night, he still cherished the fact. The hairpin made him soar with pride – even if no one else but her knew the meaning of it.

It was his mark on her; the little testament of how much she meant to him.

As she sauntered down the last steps, he couldn't help but imagine her running towards his arms; how he would open them wide and embrace her – she belonged with him after all.

Alas, she turned towards the king the minute she was on their level, her eyes strictly trained on her husband and not on her secret lover.

"I apologize for the delay, your highness," she bowed regally.

The hairpin glinted in the sunlight; try as he might, Kaname couldn't look away.

"I understand women have peculiar habits when getting ready for such important events. It is of no issue to me, Jouusama; at last you are here. I assume you have everything you need?" Rido spoke eloquently, his eyes betraying none of the hatred that burned within him.

"I do, your highness," Yuuki curtsied. "I must once again thank you for granting me permission to leave the palace and attend the orphanage. You cannot imagine the joy you have brought me."

Rido's mouth twitched into a half-smile. "It is I who should be thanking you. Word of your kindness and grace will spread across the kingdom because of your charity work; the people will hail me for choosing such a loveable and admirable wife."

Kaname bit his tongue, fighting with the urge to roll his eyes. Day after day he had to bear witness to the king and queen exchanging pleasantries for the sole purpose of keeping up appearances. He had to quiet the memories of the king barging into the queen's room and beating her; his drunken words of hatred and blame towards the innocent queen – pretend that none of it was real.

Luckily, in the past months his tantrums had decreased for some reason. Kaname was not aware why, but he was thankful for the pause nonetheless.

"You flatter me, your highness," the queen smiled politely. "I'm afraid this is a selfish quest if anything; I only wish to surround myself with their joy and longevity."

"It is a good idea nonetheless," the king nodded, turning towards Kaname. "I trust you will protect her along the way, yes?"

Kaname placed his right hand on his heart, bowing. "I will, your highness."

"Very well," the king clapped, gesturing for the queen to enter the carriage. "Off you go."

As he turned, Kaname looked up, only to catch the queen's twinkling eyes as she gave him a knowing look.

He glanced at her hairpin and back at her, silently communicating his approval and appreciation. The queen's lips quivered ever so slightly, and in turn he struggled also with maintaining his neutral expression.

She turned quickly towards the carriage and entered it, her maids assisting her with her gown.

Kaname turned towards the king, neutral expression in tact as he nodded. "We are all ready to go, your highness."

"Kaname…" Rido trailed off, eyes flickering between the carriage and his half-brother. "You must be very careful. I cannot let any harm happen to the queen, do you understand? I accepted her request based on your presence. If you were not with her, I would not allow it."

Kaname felt anger flare in his veins.

 _You know very well that it is unsafe for her to travel, yet you allowed it anyway. You do not value her life, only her importance to your position. If you had only consulted with me, you would have known what kind of dangers we face._

Instead of voicing his thoughts, Kaname nodded quietly. "I will not let any harm befall her, your highness. You have my word."

As they rode off, the bad feeling in his stomach intensified. The longer they came from the gates of the palace, the less at ease Kaname felt. His stallion neighed worriedly often, finely tuned into his owner's moods.

Patting the mane of the mammal, Kaname took a deep breath in order to calm himself. He glanced briefly at the carriage beside him; inside of it was the source of all his fears and anxiety.

The one he loved the most.

The Queen.

And damn it, neither her nor her incompetent husband would listen to his warnings. Ever since their Shirabuki raid months ago, there had been rebellious attacks throughout the country. The Shirabukis wanted revenge; sweet, bloody revenge that would only cease once they'd established ownership of the crown. The Kurans and the Shirabukis had been fighting for centuries; long ago, the two clans had fought mercilessly against each other to unite the country under one kingdom.

The Shirabukis were fair-skinned and light-haired; deadlier than any snake that lurked in the gardens. They believed fully in the noble aristocracy and the enforcement of taxes on the common people, and they were not afraid of shedding blood in order to get what they wanted.

The Kurans were a different clan, maybe even a different breed. They were amicable but fierce; they negotiated deals with other clans in order to strengthen themselves, and thus proving themselves very powerful with their numbers. They were dark-haired and notoriously beautiful people, hailed throughout history as a true royal clan.

They believed in ideals such as less power to the crown and more to the people; they wished to create harmony between the classes, dividing up goods equally among men and women of every part of the country.

Kaname was proud to say that he hailed from such a bloodline, even if his ancestry was rather muddled. Being the bastard son of the late Haruka Kuran was not a desired title for anyone; in their society, anything that happened outside marriage was considered taboo, and although the king was allowed to have extramarital affairs, he was not allowed to fall in love with his concubines nor sire children with them.

But Haruka Kuran did, and his love for Kaname's mother was so overpowering that when he lost her, he died of his own grief over losing her.

It was almost beautiful. Poetic, even.

Yuuki's face flashed in his mind.

 _But if I were to lose you, I wouldn't find it poetic or beautiful. Like my father before me, I would die from heartbreak._

Kaname realized that he had inherited many traits from his parents equally; like his father, he would crumble under the weight of love and toss his life aside if he lost the one he loved; and like his mother, Kaname was an outcast in society whose only crime was loving a monarch.

 _With certain twists and turns, history keeps repeating itself._

 _I wonder…_ Saddened eyes slid over to the carriage again, quietly yearning after the person inside.

 _My mother and father loved each other and it killed them. You and I met under cruel circumstances; and somewhere in our darkness, we stumbled together and I fell in love with you. You, who look at me with so much kindness in your eyes, do you love me too? And if so…_

 _Will we end up like my mother and father, murdered by the love they held for each other?_

 _Or can we change the course of destiny?_

* * *

The ride was long, but eventually they made it.

Arriving in the town, the carriage halted by the border. Guards gathered around as the people of the town surrounded the queen who had so graciously decided to visit them.

The guards opened the door to the carriage, and out came Queen Kuran Yuuki, dressed in all her glory and beaming at her people.

At once, they were smitten by her lovely face and presence; young men found their hearts beating faster than usual, while young girls watched with stars in their eyes as she addressed the people.

"I thank you all for welcoming me to your lovely town," she spoke graciously as Kaname came to her side. He watched the crowds as they watched her; how their eyes feasted on her every move and how their ears seemed to perk at the sound of her bell-like voice. He was feeling both pride and greed; pride because of the way she spoke and how beautiful she was – and knowing that she was his and his alone. But at the same time, a greedy need to bring her away from the hungry eyes of the men in the crowd and hide her forever manifested in his mind.

That woman would surely drive him mad. And he didn't mind.

"It is my hope that you will show me what your town has to offer today. It is imperative for me, and the King as well, that we get to know our people on a personal level and that we get to listen to you. Please, treat me as fellow stranger only paying a visit to his magnificent city."

"Oh, Jouusama, we could never!"

"Joouusama, you are so beautiful!"

"We love you, Jouusama!"

"Where do you want to go first, Jouusama?"

The crowd cheered as they threw cherry blossoms around. Yuuki smiled brightly, almost shyly, at their enthusiasm. Kaname couldn't help but feel his own lips turn into a smile; after all, her happiness was his happiness also, and watching her smile as her people showered words of affection at her made him terribly happy.

"Ne, the knight looks so much like the king…"

"They almost look like a couple, don't you think? It's like the King is here himself, next to the queen…"

"The knight is more famous than his half-brother… They say he freed Kyoto from Shirabuki control only using his sword…"

Kaname stiffened slightly at the whispers he caught in the crowd. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of his status as a mere knight next to Yuuki. Of course, behind closed doors in the palace she treated him nothing like a _regular_ knight, so it was easy for him to forget their difference in ranks.

It was like he was living a dream; whenever she showered kisses upon him and uttered words of affection, he imagined that he was more to her than a knight; that he was enough to stay by her side, even in public.

But that illusion shattered all too easily.

"Please, show me around your town," Yuuki smiled graciously, gesturing for the mayor to come forth.

And so they went, visiting everything from local bath houses to shelters and exquisite markets. Yuuki regarded everything with polite interest and exuberating passion; her glee transferred onto the people, who in turn showered her with gifts and compliments.

Kaname watched her all day, silently listening to her engage with the townspeople. Whenever she smiled, he felt his knees go weak; and whenever she giggled or made funny comments, he couldn't help but feel like joining in. Nevertheless, he did his best to stay alert and neutral, eyes constantly scanning the area around them.

The bad feeling he'd initially felt had diminished somewhat, but he still didn't fully trust the circumstances. The day was winding down, and he'd yet to see any assassins or people with bad intentions come Yuuki's way. The people were absolutely smitten with their queen, as they should be considering how wonderfully she treated them.

Had Yuuki been any other queen, she wouldn't even bother coming all this way out of the palace merely just to talk to people. But Yuuki – though previously dubbed as 'the ice queen' – was the epitome of a gracious and humble queen. He'd noticed a change in her in the past months; she was gradually opening up and loosening her defenses – she was still strict and precise with her servants and palace royals, but she wasn't as intimidating as before.

He wasn't one to take credit for much, but when it came to her change in behaviour, Kaname couldn't help but pin it on himself and his presence in his life. He felt like he was making her a better person; the same way she was reshaping him little by little. It was like… they were the perfect match in every way, bringing out the best in each other.

And he swore he couldn't love her more.

She glanced over her shoulder briefly, finally able to tear her attention away from the flailing merchants around her, winking at him as she shared one of her secretive smiles. The moment lasted only seconds, yet it was enough to make his heart flutter with sheer excitement.

All through the day, she offered him secret smiles and knowing looks over her shoulder. Though he was on duty, she always distracted him. No matter how hard he tried, sometimes he couldn't fight the smile that wormed itself onto his face whenever she sought him out. He was completely at her mercy, and he both loved and loathed it.

The highlight of his day was when she made him dance with her in public.

"Jouusama, Jouusama! Come, you must dance to our traditional music!"

"Oh, I would love to," said the queen, eyes glittering with mischief as she looked around. "But I'm afraid I don't have anyone to dance with…" She looked around, seemingly ignoring the raised hands that suddenly manifested in the crowds of young, hopeful men.

"Ah! It seems my guard has nothing to do," she smirked, eyeing Kaname. "Say, will you dance with me?"

His eyes widened as his mind raced with questions and worries. She wanted to dance with him? In public? _Him?_ And what if people started talking and word got to the king? No, no, they couldn't do it, it was too risk-

"Am I being rejected?" The queen whispered, glancing around at the faces that were watching the knight make his decision in suspense.

"Dance with me Jouusama!"

"No, with me! Please, your highness!"

Their frenzied cries set jealousy surging through his body. At once, Kaname stepped forward and grabbed her waist, discarding any notion of uncertainty.

"It would be an honor," he said, tipping his head down and staring into her wide eyes. " _Jouusama._ "

When she finally overcame her shock from his sudden decision to dance with her, she smirked at him, her eyes filled with mischief and mirth.

The townspeople led them through the moves, however they were quick to catch onto the steps and so finely in tune with each other that it didn't take much for them to get the hang of it. Kaname twirled Yuuki around and dipped her, earning rounds of applause and joyful laughter from the queen herself. Whenever he pulled her back, he made sure to bring her as close as possible to his chest, his possessive side shining through.

The queen didn't seem to mind his proximity much. Their eyes remained locked as they danced, conveying a myriad of emotion. Kaname couldn't help but feel pride soar through his chest; he'd always resigned himself to only having the queen behind closed doors, and never in public. But now he was _dancing_ with her, in front of people, and no one were complaining. In fact, the crowd was cheering them on.

As he lost himself in her eyes, he couldn't help but think about the _what ifs._ What if _he_ was King? What if they were married? How sweet wouldn't life be if he could dance with her like this forever?

As if she sensed the dark turn his thoughts had taken, her smile softened. He didn't know how she did, but just by the look in her eyes she managed to reassure and soothe him. He felt his worries melt away as he focused on the most important thing; that she was here, with _him,_ right now in this moment.

"They do look awfully close…"

"The knight is so handsome, no wonder the queen wants to dance with him…"

"Don't they look wonderful together?"

Kaname did his best to ignore the whispers, but some of them got to him. Even though he knew he shouldn't delight over people thinking they looked good together, he couldn't stop himself. He knew he would never be able to be with Yuuki in public like he wanted to, but doing simple things like dancing under the pretense of being just a helpful knight eased his desire to show her off. In his own, twisted way, he could pretend that they were a real couple.

As the songs winded down, they decided they'd had enough, Yuuki grinning proudly as she calmed her breathing. Kaname stepped respectfully to the side, carefully schooling his expression into one of neutrality.

"That was wonderful," she exclaimed, addressing the people. "I should come her more often and dance, I haven't had this much fun in years."

The crowd hollered and cheered, smitten by her charming smile and the notion of her coming back again.

"Dance with me, Jouusama!" A young man cried from the crowd, his eyes shining with hope.

"I must respectfully decline your invitation," Yuuki said elegantly, gesturing towards Kaname by her side, "I had such a talented partner and now I am exhausted from trying to keep up. I think I am in need of some rest."

She nodded at Kaname, who at once was back in duty-modus, grabbing her arm gently and leading her through the crowd as they stepped aside for her.

"That was fun," she whispered hurriedly.

Kaname couldn't help but smile at her childish behavior. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," he whispered back.

"And you? Did you not enjoy dancing with me?" She wondered.

"Oh, I enjoy doing all kinds of things with you, Jouusama," he said, his voice dropping an octave. "You might already be familiar with a few of my favorite activities."

Yuuki blushed at his words laced with innuendo, slapping his chest lightly. "We should dance more often," she declared lowly. "It makes you loosen up."

"Am I too tense for you in the daily life?"

"No, I like you just the way you are…" She whispered. "But seeing you this happy and free is the most enjoyable."

"My happiness mirrors yours," he declared softly as he opened the carriage door for her. "I thought you already knew that."

She smiled softly at his admission, biting her lower lip. The action made him focus on her lips, and the need to capture them with his own manifested as a consequence. She was always so delectable, inspiring all kinds of erotic thoughts in his mind. How was he supposed to contain himself for the rest of the day?

He shook his head, used to his treacherous thoughts but nevertheless exasperated with himself.

"Thank you for dancing with me, my valiant knight. You are a good dancer," she smirked as he guided her into the carriage.

Leaning into the carriage, Kaname smirked back at her. "I'm good at many things, _Yuuki._ I might just show you some time."

Savoring the look on her flustered face, Kaname winked and shut the door quickly, chuckling quietly to himself. He enjoyed teasing her in public and pushing her boundaries; not only did she react so vividly, but she always found ways to get back at him in their little game.

Perhaps escaping the safety of the palace had been a good thing after all.

* * *

The final stop of the day was the orphanage.

The children adored Yuuki instantly; and no wonder really. As she played with them, she seemed to radiate a motherly joy; the way she interacted with them, her eyes shining with joy – it was all so obvious that this was a role that suited her.

Kaname felt his heart clench painfully in his chest. She was so blindingly beautiful that he sometimes had trouble believing it was real. He couldn't help but envision her with a little bundle in her arms, a wide smile on her face as she nuzzled the little brown-haired baby with garnet eyes…

He shook his head for the umpteenth time that day, amazed by his imagination. The image replayed in his mind on a loop, rendering him with no escape.

She'd told him that she couldn't get pregnant. And while the news had provided them with some relief, there was also a harrowing sadness and disappointment that followed the development. The image in his mind could only be a reflection of his heart's desires; and really, it was only natural that it would come to this.

He wanted to be with the woman he loved, freely, out in the public eye. He wanted to do all the normal things that other couples took for granted; he wanted to court her, before eventually proposing to her. Then, after marriage, he wanted her to have his children. And together, he wanted to raise them while loving her for the rest of his life.

 _A happy family, like the one I once had…_

But that could never happen. They were doomed from the start; destined to be mocked and ridiculed should the true nature of their relationship be revealed. The knight that fell in love with the queen – a notion so surreal he sometimes had trouble believing that this was his life.

The Yuuki in front of him, who smiled from the bottom of her heart as she played with the children, was the Yuuki he wanted to see for the rest of his life. He wanted to see her pregnant and joyful; round and ripe with the fruit of their love; radiant and beautiful with their son or daughter in her arms.

Was it really too much to ask? A normal life, filled with simple joys?

It was.

The last time a monarch fell in love with a commoner, it ended in absolute tragedy.

" _Mother… Mother!"_

Suddenly, his hairs were standing up on his arms; he could feel goose bumps form all over his body as the strangest sensation swept over his limbs. His eyes flickered back and forth between the queen and the crowd, sensing danger but not knowing its source.

The bad feeling from earlier in the day returned tenfold, almost crippling him with its force.

Kaname staggered slightly on his feet, desperately trying to reign in control over his limbs as his senses went into overdrive.

His eyes locked on the queen. As he watched her, his heart began to beat fast within the confines of his chest. His pulse skyrocketed, sending a rush of adrenaline into his bloodstream. Suddenly everything was sharpened; every color was more vivid than before, and the sunlight seemed harsher than he remembered.

Panic. Sheer, true panic that rattled his bones.

He saw the queen smiling at one of the nurses of the orphanage and a small girl; her red dress was so bright it almost hurt looking at it. He scanned her, trying to see if there was something wrong; the hairpin he'd given her came into view, glinting in the sunlight, temporarily soothing his senses.

She was unaware of his eyes and the panic that was rapidly consuming him, gently petting a little girl's head.

Citizens walked past them in slow motion; for a second Kaname could feel time suspend as he suddenly eyed a suspicious man running towards the queen.

He had no time to think; his body was acting of its own accord as he ran towards the Queen with all his might.

"This is for the Shirabuki lords you killed! Death to the Kuran king and his queen!"

The arrow was poised and ready, the pressure of the string ready to propel it forward to its goal, which was the queen's heart.

The arrow released from its tense position, sailing quickly through the air.

* * *

"Ne, Jouusama, you look so pretty." The little girl said, smiling at the queen.

Visiting the orphanage was her favorite part of her trips. In the past, she'd found ways to escape the palace and attend the orphanages, but with Kaname's watchful eyes and his distracting hands, she found herself returning even more seldom to the orphanage.

Yuuki smiled in return, patting the child's head. "Thank yo–"

Her speech was broken off as a man crashed into her, his body covering hers as they fell to the ground. She gasped at the sudden impact, feeling her body ache as the harsh soil collided with her right side.

Startled, she found herself wound tightly within the solid arms of her knight as he held onto her. For a moment, everything seemed to still around them; the chatter of people faded away into nothingness, as if they were suddenly underwater; as her eyes met his, she felt as if she was seeing him for the first time. The sharpness of his jawline and the smoothness of his skin amazed her; she couldn't see anything but his beauty all of a sudden.

The rapid beat of her heart echoed in her ears as she saw the features of his face twist with anguish; his eyes were wide as he scanned her face and vaguely she could sense him speaking but she couldn't fathom what his mouth was doing.

"It's an attack! He tried to kill Jouusama!"

And then, as if the opening of flood gates, every sound rushed into her keen ears at once. She came up from underwater, suddenly coming awake with her senses.

She could hear the people scream and rush around; the sound of arrows zoomed faintly in the background as piece by piece she managed to understand what was happening.

They were under an attack.

She'd almost been killed.

And Kaname had saved her.

He was asking her if she was okay, but she couldn't do anything else but gape at him. Faintly her eyes registered the trace of blood on his left arm.

"….to get away… Are you listening… Yuuki…"

She blinked, unable to feel anything but the shock reverberating through her body.

"Now!" Kaname yelled, pulling her up with him.

Once she was on her feet, she finally registered the wounded people around her as arrows sailed through the air. She watched the faces of the villagers twist with fear and grief as they ran for their lives; surrounding her was endless chaos, and had it not been for Kaname's steady grip on her arms she would've been sucked into it a long time ago. Her senses went into overdrive; sounds, visions and the scent of warfare assaulted her all at once. The only thing keeping her calm was Kaname.

Kaname whistled, and within seconds his black stallion was by his side. Quickly he pulled Yuuki up with him; she wobbled on her feet unsteadily as he worked the reins of the horse. Quickly, he hauled her onto the horse before mounting it himself.

"Yah!" He called, his legs slamming into the horse's waist, sending the stallion into a gallop.

With her back pressed into his chest, Yuuki couldn't see his face. But judging by his body language, she could tell he was overwrought with fear and panic. She didn't dare open her mouth and say something; the situation was far too tense to merit any menial conversation.

It was all happening so fast, and the shock to her system was hindering any attempt she made at processing what was happening.

As they rode out of the village, she watched with bewildered eyes the chaos they left behind them, but she couldn't understand it. Hours ago she'd been dancing and laughing with Kaname, and now they were running away because her life was in danger.

Back and forth she went in her mind the rest of the ride, but she uttered no syllable to indicate her internal struggles.

Though her heart rate calmed the further they got away from the village, she still felt panic linger in her body. Kaname wasn't doing much either to soothe her; he didn't speak except for when he commanded the horse, and his arms were wound so tightly around her waist she didn't dare to move.

The winter frost bit at her skin, but she could barely feel it as they rode into the night.

* * *

She didn't know much time had passed, but suddenly she could see a small house in the distance. The path in front of them was overgrown with foliage and covered in snow, but she could still discern it.

The house grew bigger and bigger as they approached, but its charming illusion from earlier shattered as she noticed how worn-down it was.

Kaname halted the stallion, slowing to a stop right in front of the small gates in front of the house.

Without a word, he got off the horse and turned towards her. It was the first time she'd been able to see his face ever since they'd made their hasty runaway; for some reason, she felt terribly nervous as she finally looked at him.

His lips were drawn into a thin line, and his jaw unclenched and clenched as he gazed at her. His eyes remained a mystery to her; try as she might, she couldn't properly decode the myriad of emotions that flickered in his steady eyes.

He stretched his arms upwards, his palms open in invitation.

She held his eyes for a second longer, unsure of herself.

Slowly, she brought her right leg over to the left side of the saddle. As she began to slide down the side of the stallion, his hands caught her waist. Gently, he lowered her to the ground, her body sliding down his chest as their eyes remained locked on each other.

They didn't move, even as her feet hit the ground. Transfixed, she stared into his eyes, unable to look away as she saw the sadness in them.

Her lower lip quivered as reality began to dawn on her.

Today, they'd almost lost each other.

She opened her mouth to say something, _anything,_ but the crimson on his shirt caught her attention.

Quickly, she examined the wound on his arm. "You…" Her throat was dry and sore. "You're hurt…" She tried again. "Are you all ri–"

"It's nothing," he cut her off, taking a step away from her embrace.

Yuuki's arms fell down limply at her sides.

"We need to get you inside. It's too cold out here." He said tersely.

It was like she woke up from a trance. Suddenly, she registered the bitter cold surrounding them and how it wormed itself into her clothes. Instantly, she began shivering fiercely as her body woke up.

"I…" Her teeth chattered as she tried to speak.

With a huff, Kaname tore off the fur on his shoulders and wrapped it around her, his hands lingering on her arms for the briefest of moments.

"Follow me," he ordered, turning on his heel and walking towards the house.

It took Yuuki a few seconds until she could move her body. Clumsily, she followed his steps through the snow, trying her best to keep up with his large strides.

Kaname barged through the entrance with Yuuki hot on his heels. Once inside, he walked around the dusted down living room, seemingly inspecting every corner. Yuuki eyed the run down room, her eyes taking in the details. It seemed like the place had once been warm and full of joy; behind the dusty furniture and tattered walls, she could sense that the house had once upon a time been a happy home for its tenants.

Idly she wondered how he'd known about the house. Surely this couldn't be coincidence?

He turned, rather robotically, towards her after he'd finished inspecting the area. Once he looked at her, she opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by his harsh tone.

"Stay here and keep yourself warm." He ordered. "I shall return soon, _your highness."_

Stunned by his snide tone and his stoic expression, Yuuki could only gape at him as he walked past her towards the entrance.

"Kaname…" Yuuki trailed off, her mouth still dry. "Please… talk to me."

He halted in front of the entrance, his back rigid as he clenched his fists.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Yuuki pursed her lips worriedly. "I'm… I don't know what to say, I…" She paused, fumbling for the right words. "Are you angry with me?"

He didn't reply, nor did he move. The silence stretched on as tension lingered in the air; vaguely, Yuuki could feel the hair at the nape of her neck stand up as she shivered. The tension was nearly too much for her after the day she'd had; watching his tense back and not knowing what was going through his mind was consuming the last shred of energy she had left.

"T-thank you," she tried again when he wouldn't respond. "For today. You acted so quick and nobly today; had it not been for your heroic efforts, I wouldn't be standing… here right now, so… I must thank you from the bott–"

"I told you…" Her eyes widened at the sound of his voice; it was thicker than usual, emotion laced into the timber of his voice. "I told you I didn't want you to go. I told you it was dangerous, yet you… you didn't listen…"

"Kaname," Yuuki said, feeling her heart break at his broken voice. Tentatively, she took a few steps forward, reaching for his arm.

At her touch, he whirled around and startled her. The angry scowl on his face was unfamiliar to say the least; bewildered, Yuuki took a step back as his stare arrested her in place. She'd never seen him like this; so angry and… _scared._

"I've been the underdog my whole life," he began calmly, "and I've always accepted any orders directed at me. Never have I protested. Never have I demanded anything. Never… have I asked for anything. But this time, I asked you to _stay_ in the palace. I asked you to listen to my warning. One thing… Yuuki… I only asked for one thing, and yet…."

"Kaname…" She whispered, tears gathering in her eyes, the hot pressure clouding her vision. "If only I had known, I would've–"

"What, Yuuki?" His voice rose in volume as he sent her a grueling stare. "You would've listened to me? No. I told you so many times that I had a bad feeling. I _begged_ you to not go against me, and yet you wouldn't listen to me." He drew in a shaky breath. "You could've… You could've _died_ today, Yuuki! You could've been killed right in front of me had I not been fast enough! Do you not understand how close you were today?"

"I…" Startled by the rage and fear in his eyes, Yuuki struggled to find the right words. "I know, but I thought–"

"What did you think exactly!?" He demanded, his voice echoing off the walls.

"I–"

"I'm just a useless knight, right? I'm not a royal monarch like you or your husband. _Why_ on Earth should you listen to a _peasant_ like me, right?" He laughed humorlessly. " _That's_ what you were thinking, Yuuki. You discarded my every warning and chose instead to listen to your incompetent husband."

Yuuki gaped at him, her cheeks flaming red with anger and confusion. "That is _not_ what I thou–"

"That is _exactly_ what you thought, Yuuki," Kaname hissed, his eyes burning with rage. "Face it, I am not worthy enough in your eyes. If you really cared for me, if you really _lo-"_ He caught himself in time and shook his head. "You've made it perfectly clear to me today how little I mean to you."

"Kaname!" She cried, tears dripping from her eyes. "How can you say that? You _know_ I ca–"

"No, Yuuki," Kaname cut her off sharply, his voice thick with emotion as he looked into her eyes. "You _don't_ care about me. If you did, you would've listened to me."

"No, Kaname, no…" Yuuki sniffled, unable to hold back her tears as she stared into his stormy eyes. She'd never seen him like this before; so full of hatred and _resentment_ directed at _her._ Kaname was always gentle with her; always so understanding and doting – forever yielding to her whims and requests.

This was the first time he'd looked at her with so much resentment.

And it scared her terribly, knowing she'd hurt him this much.

"Please," she begged, grasping his arm. "Please, listen to me…."

He tugged his arm away from her grasp and walked past her, his fists clenched at his sides.

"I'm going out to fetch wood for the fireplace." He announced coldly as he stormed out the door.

"Kaname!" Yuuki yelled, watching his retreating form out in the snow.

The wind pushed the door back into its lock, blocking her view of him. A cold gust of wind whipped at her face; sinking to the floor, Yuuki cried into the sleeves of her dress as she let herself fully unravel.

The angry look in his eyes burned in her mind; his words played over and over, further enhancing the guilt that was gnawing at her bones. Vaguely, she tried picturing his smiling face, but the image of his flaming eyes kept returning to her.

She'd hurt him terribly. She'd ignored his wishes and ignored his warning; she'd gone ahead and put herself in danger even though she knew there was a huge risk involved in getting out of the palace. She really hadn't considered how he felt whenever she brushed his worries off as nothing but speculation; how he must've suffered with worry while she ignored his pleas.

Without knowing, she'd treated him exactly like a servant. She hadn't listened to him when he tried convincing her. She'd acted like his concerns and worries didn't matter, when in fact they mattered more to her than anyone else's.

Kaname was _more_ than her knight and protector; he deserved more than being ignored and pushed aside.

He was her lover. And as her lover, she should've treated him as an equal.

The moment in which he saved her flashed in her mind; she could still hear the arrow sail by and slightly scratch his shirt; the screams of the townspeople and the panic that lingered in the air.

She could've died today, or even worse, he could've died _protecting_ her – all because she hadn't listened to his warning.

"What have I done?"

Yuuki struggled to breathe as sobs spilled from her parted mouth.

" _Kaname…_ "

* * *

There was something in the air.

He couldn't properly discern what it was, but something in the air made him feel uneasy. Looking up at the bleeding sky, the young boy couldn't help but feel like this day would change the course of his life forever.

"Mother?" He called hesitantly, looking through the lush garden surrounding their home.

The last traces of summer lingered in the air; the humidity clung to his clothing uncomfortably. Across the horizon, the sun set wonderfully, hues of red and orange shimmering across the sky.

"Mother!" He called a little more forcefully. She was supposed to come out and find him because they were playing hide and seek; but hours had passed and she hadn't found him yet. His mother was _great_ at hide and seek; no matter how cleverly Kaname hid himself, she always managed to find him.

His heart sped up when she didn't reply. Worriedly, he began walking towards the house, sneaking through the entrance. "Mother?"

Still, there was no reply.

"Mother…" He mumbled, feeling the hot pressure of tears at the corners of his eyes. "Where are you? Aren't you coming out soon? Mother…"

He went into the kitchen. As he turned the corner, he saw two pair of legs on the floor, covered by her favorite dress.

"Mother?" He wondered, walking towards her. The closer he got, the more he saw of her body.

He halted when he saw her face.

"Mother?"

She didn't respond.

Her eyes were open, staring at nothing as she lay there. Her arms lay limply at her sides, her chest unmoving. Her beautiful brown curls spilled on the floor around her head, like a halo.

"M-mother?"

Why wasn't she moving?

"Mother…"

Panicked, he got down on his knees next to her, his eyes watching her for signs of movement. Her skin was paler than usual; white almost, like snow covering the grounds in winter. Swallowing lightly, he reached out with his hand, trying to wake her. But the minute he touched her skin, he flinched away.

Why was she so cold?

"Mother?" Tears spilled down his cheeks as fretted with worry, unable to understand what was going on. "Mother, why won't you answer me? Mother, wake up!"

But there was no response. Not even a breath of air.

Juuri, beloved concubine of the King, laid there lifelessly for hours to come, the life drained from her once so vibrant eyes.

And next to her sat her son, the bastard child of King Haruka Kuran, waiting for her to wake up.

But she never did.

* * *

He jerked from his position, wide awake as his heart hammered against his ribcage. Sweat pooled down his temples and forehead; the rest of his body drenched in the liquid and soaking the sheets surrounding him.

Memories flashed before his eyes; every painful memory and feeling crashed into him like a tidal wave, leaving him quivering with fear.

" _Mother! Mother! Why aren't you waking up? Mother, please! Mother!"_

He grit his teeth together and shook his head, trying to shake off the painful memories. He looked around his surroundings, only to find himself in his childhood home once again. He must've fallen asleep on the settee after he came back with firewood.

Why was he here again?

The image of an arrow sailing towards the queen's heart flashed in his mind.

 _Yuuki…_ His eyes flickered around in panic. _Yuuki was almost killed today. Or was that a dream too?_

Another loss, another loved one lost forever by the cruel hands of fate...

He couldn't accept it.

In a rush, he ran towards the bedroom; he was sure that was where he'd seen her last.

"Yu…"

Nothing.

The bed was empty; the sheets barely touched. Darkness flooded the cold room, shrouding the details of the room from his perceptive eyes.

She wasn't here. She wasn't _here._

Panic claimed his body, alerting all senses. His heart rate sped up as he thought about the possibilities.

 _Where are you? Yuuki, please, wh-_

"Kaname?"

It was like salvation itself fell upon him; the timber of her voice instantly soothed his senses and brought sweet relief to his fatigued system. He finally allowed his lungs to release air.

And then, he was reminded of value of the owner of the voice; and suddenly he was panicking again, deathly afraid of her being hurt and disappearing from his life.

"Are you all right?" She spoke softly, her eyes doe-like and innocent in the moonlight. She was coming from the other door to the bedroom. "You were sc–"

"Yuuki!" He bellowed, as if he couldn't believe she was there with him. He grabbed her into his embrace, mindless of his sweaty state, caring only of her safety and needing a reminder of the fact that she was _alive_ in his arms.

"Yuuki, Yuuki, Yuuki…" Kaname cried into her hair, tears blurring his vision as he held her close. "I thought I lost you…"

Her arms went around his back, gently stroking him as she let him hold her as close as possible. She realized that it wasn't just a nightmare that had sent her brave knight into such a state; it was the events of the day coupled with painful memories she'd barely glimpsed in his eyes before.

"I'm right here, Kaname," she spoke slowly, doing her best to reassure him. "I'm not going anywhere. You haven't lost me. I'm right here."

"Yuuki," he howled brokenly, pulling back and cradling her face in his hands.

Yuuki was at a loss of words; he looked so vulnerable and raw in this moment she had trouble believing it was real. Kaname, who rarely smiled and most certainly never cried, was broken to pieces. Fresh tears stained his cheeks; his eyes were red from crying and his mahogany locks of silky hair were even more unruly than ever, sticking to his temples and his forehead. His mouth was turned into a grim line as he watched her.

She thought he was beautiful before. But now he was surely _breathtaking._

She hadn't seen him since their confrontation; after he left, she'd cried herself to a restless sleep. She'd woken up later to a warm sheet covering her on the bed, no doubt a result of his interference from when he came home.

He'd been so mad at her before; livid, almost, attesting how much her mistreatment of him had hurt him. She was afraid he would never forgive her again.

Her heart clenched painfully in her chest at his broken expression; she wanted, no – _needed_ to do everything in her power to erase his pain.

She gently clasped the hand that covered her right cheek, bringing it to her mouth and placing a kiss upon it. Keeping her eyes locked with his troubled ones, she slowly brought the hand into the opening of her gown.

Slowly she guided his hand to her heart, above her left breast.

"Do you feel that?" She whispered tenderly. "That is my heart. I am alive, right now, thanks to you. Do you feel it?"

His shoulders lowered slightly; his mouth remained open as he stared at his hand disappearing into her gown, registering the faint heartbeat that echoed into his left hand and the warmth of her skin.

Noticing the effect it had on him, she leaned closer.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kaname," she promised gently. "I'm right here with you."

Finally he closed his eyes, his chin lowering to his chest as he breathed through his nose, trying to calm himself.

Yuuki allowed him the time to recuperate; her senses alert to his every moment should he drown in his fears again.

She almost whined in complaint when he withdrew his hand from her chest; but still she said nothing, patiently waiting for him to look up from his chest and tell her that he was okay.

Finally, Kaname looked up. Her breath caught in her throat by the intensity of his eyes; they gleamed with unshed tears, still somewhat red from crying yet still dazzling even in the moonlight.

"I'm in love with you."

Yuuki exhaled shakily at his confession. The words made warmth spread through her veins like wildfire, setting her alight like never before. Of course, she'd always known of his feelings; she'd always sensed that he was holding it back, but between them there'd always been a silent rule of never properly addressing what was going on between them. Instead they only alluded to it with their touch and caress; with moans and wet kisses.

Saying it out loud was the last straw. It meant that they would fight and die together when the world condemned them.

And it was time.

Kaname kissed her harshly, almost as if he couldn't reach her lips fast enough. "I love you so much, Yuuki," he confessed against her lips, tasting her as if he was tasting her for the first time.

Yuuki responded eagerly to his hungry kiss, her hands sailing through his hair and grabbing the tresses. It was like she couldn't get enough of him either; as if he would disappear form her sight if she even let go of him for a second. She needed to be as close as possible; feel him all around her like second skin; bathe in his thoughts and emotions, become one entity that belonged solely to him.

They panted as they released each other for air, their foreheads pressed together.

She could feel the burn of hot tears in her eyes; she was so overwhelmed with emotion that she barely knew what to do with herself – but one thing was clear – she needed to let him know how she felt.

"My knight and protector - the one that has always kept me safe and warm - _Kaname…"_ She whispered against his lips. "I am madly in love with you. So, so desperately in love with you." Tears sailed down her cheeks as she stared into his incredulous eyes.

"I love you," she cried against him, her hands cradling his face. "I love you so mu-"

His kiss broke her off, though she didn't complain. She cried against his mouth and held him close; he walked her backwards towards the bed, a silent whisper of need in his touch as he guided her. Yuuki didn't protest nor object; like him, she wanted and needed to feel him as close as possible.

Suddenly she was painfully aware of how close they'd come to losing each other earlier that day. Had it not been for Kaname's intuition, he wouldn't have foreseen the attack. If he hadn't made it in time, she could've been killed on the spot, unable to bear witness to this beautiful moment between them.

Or even worse, had Kaname been a second too fast, he could've been mortally wounded.

And she would've been left alone in a world without her beloved; in a world where she'd never had the chance to tell him how much she loved him.

She'd condemned the gods so many times before for her loveless marriage and miserable life.

As he tore her dress away from her, and as her claws tugged at the rest of his clothes, she realized that all her misery had been building up to this moment. Everything had happened for a reason; and that reason was the man before her, who worshipped and killed for her, lived and died for her and loved her beyond any reasonable measure.

The man she wasn't supposed to love back. The man that was destined to live in the shadows.

 _My Kaname…_

Yuuki widened her legs for him immediately, but he was so lost in his rapture that he barely made the time to prepare her for his intrusion. She cried out in pain, but he didn't seem to register as he plunged inside of her yet again.

Yuuki welcomed the pain, and as it eased over into burning pleasure, she locked her legs around his back, bringing him closer while her back arched against the bed.

"Pull me in, pull me in…" He whispered fervently against her lips, as if she were the gates to heaven. But he didn't have to beg – he didn't have to ask – she would give him anything he wanted and more without question.

He owned her heart now.

" _Kaname,"_ Yuuki screamed, her body slick with sweat against his as he rammed into her. She could feel her climax brewing closer; her muscles tensing in anticipation as the tingling sensation began to manifest itself.

Kaname was lost in ecstasy; her warm heat made him mad with desire – he plunged into her harder and faster than ever before, obsessed with the feel of her walls clenching around him. When she confessed her love to him, he turned feral – the beast inside of him needed to mark her permanently as his, to once and for all ascertain that she was alive and that she was his and that nothing else mattered.

He must have had a fever; he was so warm and cold at the same time, desperately clutching onto her as if she was his only remedy in the world. The way she moaned his name made his stomach muscles clench painfully. One look at her euphoric face, and how she submitted beneath him, made him almost come undone.

He'd almost lost her today. Once again, he'd been on the brink of losing the one he loved.

If he hadn't made it in time, he didn't know what he would've done with himself. Even the notion of her not being in the world with him made heavy grief snare itself around his heart – he almost couldn't breathe knowing there was a possibility.

He couldn't live without her. It was that simple.

"You're mine," he grit between his teeth, his hands capturing hers and holding them above her head.

"Yes, _yes,"_ she panted, mouth open in ecstasy as her release approached.

"Say it," he demanded, eyes burning with desire, "tell me that you are _mine._ "

"Ah… I'm…" Yuuki cried, her face red with exertion as he thrust into her.

"Say it," he ordered.

"I'm… I'm yours, _Kaname,"_ she screamed, letting go as she released, her body unwinding like a string on an instrument.

His own release followed shortly; he came hard and fast, spilling his seed inside of her as she milked him, his body stilling above her. Kaname moaned deeply, the low timber of his voice echoing in the room as he lost himself inside of her. Losing all strength, he collapsed on top of her, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

Yuuki did her best to calm her breathing as he lay on top of her. She enjoyed his weight pressing her down into the mattress; the irregular jerks of his member between her legs were welcomed also. As long as he was close, it didn't matter to her.

Finally, after a while, he looked up from her neck, resting slightly on his forearms as he gazed at her tenderly.

Softly, she brushed away his sweaty hair from his forehead. Garnet hues came into view; love shone in his depths as he quietly watched her, noticing her swollen lips and the slight bruises that formed on her neck and arms.

He had marked her in every way.

She raised her chin, kissing his forehead softly. He closed his eyes at the tender action, overwhelmed by the simple act.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. "For not considering your warning. I didn't mean to discard your words, because they _are_ important to me. I just…"

He wiped her tears away tenderly, shushing her. "It' all right, Yuuki… You are here with me now, and that's all that matters."

She began to protest. "But I should have list-"

"I almost lost you today, Yuuki," he declared, voice quivering. "But I didn't, and I'm thanking whatever god is looking out for us as we speak. I don't want to waste our time together being angry with you or resenting you for your mistakes. I've forgiven you a long time ago, I was just too afraid to express myself earlier. So, please don't cry anymore…"

She bit her lower lip, eyes shining with tears as she watched his face. Tenderly, she brushed his cheek, watching him lean into her touch.

"I love you, Kaname," she whispered, watching his face light up at her confession.

"I love you too, my precious and lovely, but stubborn queen." He captured her lips, kissing her softly.

She giggled against his mouth, lost in euphoria over having him open up to her. Out of all the times they'd laid together, this had to be the most meaningful one. Because now, they were finally being honest about their feelings instead of hiding them with kisses and meaningful looks.

They were alone for the first time, free to enjoy the intimacy of their relationship in peace without prying eyes. The knowledge made her tingle with joy, knowing she had him all too herself and that they had finally progressed in their relationship.

Kaname kissed down her neck, leaving soft butterfly kisses. He made a move to move off her, but she halted his movements. His eyes widened as she clenched around him where he was still locked inside of her.

"Stay," she commanded lowly, and by god he had no way of resisting.

Instead he lay down, nuzzling her throat as he rested, humming contentedly as she filtered her fingers through his hair. There was no room for words right now; the silence was welcomed between the two lovers as they shared body heat and soft touches. Kaname dosed off in her arms slowly, completely spent and overwhelmed by the day.

Before he surrendered to sleep, he muttered his response.

"Always."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews are very much appreciated!


	9. Affection

**A/N: Oh my goodness, the response for the last chapter was overwhelming. 10+ reviews?! I can't thank each of you enough. Life has been extremely and extraordinarily rough lately, and so finding thoughtful reviews in my inbox really puts a smile on my face. Especially feedback on my writing style – it means the most to me, as I'm always challenging myself to sharpen my skills and convey the story in the best possible way. So please keep the reviews coming – you're saving a life when you do! Example: On Friday I delivered my WORST written academic piece** _ **ever**_ **– it was so bad that I cringed while submitting it, but since life decided to hit me like a ton of bricks this week, I had no choice but to let it go; BUT! A review might just convince me that I'm not an idiot who will end up with no job in the future and that I actually have a shot at success. Feel me?**

 **I hope you'll like this chapter – it's got drama, romance, bath tubs, lemons, limes, grapefruit, apple juice… eh, you get what I mean.**

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Affection**

"The Queen is _missing!?"_

"H-hai, Ousama," the servant bowed nervously. "There was an attack during her visit to the village. Witnesses saw a man aiming at Jouusama, but her guard was quick to intercept. Chaos ensued and somehow she disappeared."

Rido's knuckles turned white as he clenched the arm of his chair.

"And the culprit? Was he caught?" He demanded.

"Yes, Ousama," the servant nodded, "we have brought him in for questioning and he is currently being detained."

"Good," Rido nodded curtly, "make sure he _suffers_ while he awaits my sentence."

"Of course, your highness," the servant bowed, a knowing smile curling at the corners of his lips.

Rido rubbed his temples, the jewels on his fingers glittering in the light from the chandelier. "As for the matter of the queen… Is it safe to assume she is with her trusted knight? My half-brother?"

"Yes," the servant confirmed, "we believe so. He was the one that rescued her, and witnesses claimed to have seen them escaping the premises quickly after. Where he took her, we have no clue of as of yet."

"If anything, my half-brother is a survivor. He must've calculated quickly where to bring her. But just to be sure, send out search parties in the nearby area. Winter has settled upon our lands; they won't survive for long if we don't find them in time. Though I wonder…" With his hand tucked under his chin, Rido's heterochromatic eyes focused on nothing in particular as he speculated.

"There is a place he might've taken her…. No," Rido pursed his lips, "he wouldn't dare… would he?"

"Y-your highness, if I may ask, what… place are you speaking of?"

Rido chuckled humourlessly. "There is no way he would do that. No…"

The servant pursed his lips in silence, aware of the king's mercurial nature. One minute he was as happy and as charming as could be, and in the next he had fire in his eyes as he balked out commands of torture. The last thing the servant wanted was to be the target of the king's ire.

The house where that bastard and his whore mother lived; where his father would escape to, leaving Rido and his mother to be devoured by the wolves in the palace. The house where Kaname's mother had been found dead; and him, silent and pale next to her, his joyful eyes forever altered.

Kaname couldn't possible have had the gall to return to such a painful part of his life, would he?

"Revenge," the king muttered, lost in memories, "is sweetest when it has been withheld from execution for a while. Once it is released upon the world, it grows even more fruitful than one expects."

He laughed out loud and wiped his eyes, unaware of the servant that seemed to shrink in size in front of him. He laughed and he laughed, hitting his knee as he rasped for air.

"Oh, Kaname, I hope you _did_ go back to that house that reeks of death and despair. Oh what fun I will have!" He wiped his eyes, settling back into his seat.

Within a second – just the mere passage of time – his face drained of all color and humor as his eyes glowed sternly.

"Find the Queen and the knight. _Now._ "

The servant hurried away like a mouse running from the claws of a dangerous feline.

* * *

He was always gone in the morning.

It had to be done that way; if not, one of the maids could walk in on them, or maybe even the king himself. They couldn't afford being discovered – it was the end for them if they were.

But this time, as she groggily opened her eyes, his face was the first thing to greet her. Her eyes widened at the sight as memories returned to her in a flash.

He'd woken up from a nightmare and confessed his love for her. And she had done the same, unable to hold back the truth. They'd never said the words before, because their meaning implied that the thing between them was final. It meant that they were now explicitly connected for the rest of their lives, and they could never end this. Even if they were killed for it.

But she loved him. She loved him, loved him, loved him.

Her hand caressed his cheek; he looked so beautiful and innocent right now, all worries and struggles wiped away from his face. She adored the stubborn locks of mahogany that tickled his eyes; how they contrasted against his pale, smooth skin and the fine line of his jaw. His straight nose and narrow but plump mouth; she loved everything about his face.

But her favorite part…

He hummed something in his sleep before his eyelids peeled away, revealing his wine-red eyes.

 _His eyes mean the most to me. The windows to his soul, which I've chained to mine._

Kaname blinked, recognition dawning on his features as he registered the queen in front of him. Yuuki smiled warmly, unable to hold back the rush of warmth that spread in her chest as she gazed at him. It struck her then that this was the first time they'd woken up together. By the time the sun rose, he would always be gone, the faint traces of his scent lingering in her sheets being the only evidence of him ever being in her room.

Though she'd understood why he always disappeared by morning, there was still a part of her that longed to see him whenever she awoke from her slumber. She'd always have to settle for a discrete smile whenever she greeted him by the door.

But now, he was the first thing she saw in the morning. And by the gods, she didn't know how she could ever have a good morning again without seeing him first.

Kaname tenderly reached over and brushed her cheek; she leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed as she smiled.

"Good morning," she murmured, opening her eyes and peering at him.

"Mmh," he only hummed in response, scooting closer to her. He tipped her chin up and kissed her languidly, savoring the taste of her kiss.

" _Now_ it's a good morning," he mumbled against her lips as they pulled away from each other, his thumb caressing her lower lip.

"This is the first time I've woken up next to you." She hummed, eyes trailing over his face.

"And what is the verdict?" He questioned, a smirk pulling at his lips.

"I think…" She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, snuggling into him. "I would be very happy to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life, Kaname."

His hand filtered through her hair adoringly. "I feel the same... Yuuki."

An uncomfortable silence chased away the comfort of the couple. The truth lingered in the air between them, yet none of them had the bravery to call it out as they pretended that it wasn't there.

 _The reason why I can never wake up next to you is because we aren't supposed to be together._

Yuuki clenched her eyes together, forcing herself not to sink into the despair that claimed her. Right now, she needed to savor this rare moment of bliss between them. For once, there were no towering guards lurking in the hallways outside her chambers; no malicious King with violent hands and a seething rage; no whispers or rumors of something inappropriate going on.

It was just the two of them, locked in each other's embrace in the early hours of morning.

The place where they both wanted to be the most.

" _I love you, Yuuki…"_

Retreating from his chest – and momentarily ignoring how he seemed to pout when she extracted herself from his embrace – Yuuki raised herself on her forearms as she looked at him. The blissful expression from before was gone from her features; instead, her cinnamon eyes were filled with worry.

"Last night…" She trailed off, watching his guarded expression.

"Yes, Yuuki?" Kaname answered gently.

"You woke up from a nightmare so dreadful it had you shaking and screaming my name. Although I knew you were still haunted by the attack, I sensed there was something else plaguing you. I've never… seen you so vulnerable before. I…" She trailed off, trying her best to piece together the words she wanted to say. "I always thought you were impervious to pain and fear. As long as you have served me as my knight, you've never shown any fear or hesitation. I always wondered whether your army training had hardened you beyond such silly notions as fear, but… Last night you were truly afraid. Why?"

Kaname smiled ruefully, his sculpted chest expanded as he took a deep breath. Yuuki watched the movement in silence, her eyes tracing the scars that littered his arms and chest.

"It seems both you and I were under a great misconception when it comes to my ability to feel fear. I, too, believed I had been able to discard any notion of fear and vulnerability. During my training years, I fought hard and fiercely in order to attain my position and grow stronger. Entering the palace, I steeled myself for an empty existence consisting only of serving the fair princess I had once been smitten with."

"Fair princess?" Yuuki's brows furrowed.

Kaname raised himself against the headboard, the sheets trailing down to his lap and revealing his entire upper body. Following his lead, Yuuki sat up next to him, tucking the sheets under her arms so she wouldn't reveal her nudity.

Smiling gently, he reached out and stroked her cheek tenderly.

"That fair princess became the beautiful queen in front of me."

Yuuki's cheeks reddened at the revelation. "You… You knew me?"

Kaname shook his head quietly, a fond smile on his face as he recalled that day when he'd first laid eyes on her. "No, I only knew _of_ you. As fate would have it, I was coincidentally on patrol that day when your parade to the palace commenced. I watched as you stepped out of the carriage and waved at the crowds, your smile so brilliant and beautiful. I even remember your pink kimono and how it shimmered in the sun…" A low chuckle escaped his throat. "I remember wondering how someone as radiant and beautiful as you could exist in our world. I was immediately smitten, and in retrospection I must admit that deep within me was a seed of jealousy, directed at my half-brother who was to marry you."

Yuuki's rosy cheeks made his heart swell with love as he saw the incredulous look in her eyes. "All this time, and I didn't know… Why didn't you tell me?"

Kaname shrugged. "There was never any time for it. I kept the memory to myself for a long time."

"You must've been quite shocked upon entering the palace and meeting me in person…" She lowered her eyes in shame.

"Indeed I was," he replied, tipping up her chin with his finger. "It took some time before I was able to figure you out, your highness. You had grown into a stunning woman with a complex heart and mind. Solving you wasn't easy, but I'll admit I enjoyed the challenge."

"Why…" Her mouth was dry and her voice raspy. She cleared her throat hesitantly. "Why did you fight so hard for me? Knowing how awful I had become…"

"Because I recognized in you the same girl I once witnessed on that summer day. Deep down, you were still the same but you wouldn't let it shine through. I… became a witness of the King's abuse and greed towards you, and every day I regretted not being able to protect you." His jaw clenched as he looked away, fire burning in his eyes.

"You mustn't blame yourself for that," Yuuki soothed, reaching over and brushing his cheek gently. He turned back towards her and searched her serene eyes. "There was nothing you could do. In the palace, he is the king and his word is law. Even a hint of resistance is enough to send you into the gallows."

Kaname grabbed the hand caressing his cheek and kissed it. "No matter how much pain you must endure, you do it all in silence. You carry on even when you feel like you have nothing left; and for that reason alone, I wanted to protect you even more. I recognized certain similarities with myself in you. Like me, the royal crown has never been good to you; you were used by your family as a tool and abused by the king... More than ever, I wanted to protect you."

"By force-feeding me."

Kaname chuckled at the memories. "By any means necessary, yes."

Yuuki scooted closer to him. "I was very annoyed with you. I didn't understand why you bothered spending so much time and energy on me. Now, with your recent revelation, I think I understand why."

"I couldn't give up on you." He admitted.

"For that, I am grateful," she replied. "Because of you, I regained my strength and… in my darkest hour, you found me and allowed me to have a taste of happiness in your arms."

"Yuuki…" Kaname whispered.

"I sometimes wonder…" She whispered, her hands cradling his face as she looked into his eyes. "If that particular night had never happened… where would we be today? Would we still be strangers teetering on the edge between companionship and lovers, separated by invisible borders between us? Would we still look at each other from across the room, storing away our budding feelings and pretending that we were nothing more but queen and servant?"

His hands came up and caressed her face; his eyes glowed with love and adoration as he recalled those days where he'd silently long for her, only to chastise himself for even thinking she would ever want him in any way.

She searched his eyes. "Is it silly of me to think that it was fate that brought us together like this? That… no matter how hard we tried to fight what was growing between us, we still gave in and fell in love with each other?"

"It's not, Yuuki." Kaname replied, pulling her closer. "It's the most reasonable explanation I've found for all of this…" He pulled her into a kiss, his tongue delving into her mouth and caressing her tongue.

The taste of her kiss was exhilarating at this point; all this talk of the past and their current state of undress made him want her more fiercely than ever. The memories of the days in which he could barely look her way without berating himself haunted him; he recalled the insecurities and shame and resented them for holding him back from the one he wanted the most.

Their kiss grew heated; his arms, strong and bulky with muscles held her tightly; she could sense that he wanted more, but she was not yet satisfied with his answer.

To his dismay, she pulled away from him and lowered her head, while her arms remained planted on his shoulders.

"You've protected me fearlessly for such a long time; risked your life and done everything in your power to keep me safe. I always thought you were immobile, but hearing your answers today I am starting to view you in another light. Last night… Last night you showed a side of you that I have never seen before. And I… like every other aspect of you, I want to understand and know that side. I want to know of your fears and your vulnerabilities."

She could sense him tense beneath her hands. Pensively, she looked up from her curtain of hair, her eyes earnest and sincere as she regarded him.

"Why were you so afraid last night, Kaname?"

He looked away, his stoic mask returning to his face. Within his eyes she could sense his inner conflict raging between his heart and mind. He was shutting her out, she could already tell.

His eyes trailed down from her neck to her breasts, which were barely covered by the sheets.

He licked his lips. "You are still naked beneath those sheets."

She sighed. "Kaname…"

He blinked, eyes transfixed on the swell of her breasts. "Your nakedness is distracting me. Knowing what's underneath…" His finger traced the outline of her right breast.

She knew he could be persuasive, but she wouldn't let him steer away the conversation.

"You won't be able to see what's under the sheets unless you answer my question." She blocked his trespassing hand.

Garnet eyes twinkled with mirth. "Blackmailing, are we?"

"Bargaining." She corrected. "My breasts, which you so desire at the moment, are a vulnerability of mine. I want to trade your vulnerability for mine."

"Your breasts are hardly a vulnerability. In my eyes, they are one of your best assets." He licked his lips. "In fact, they are perfect."

Yuuki blushed. "Kaname."

"What? I am being honest."

"You are being evasive."

"I am being attentive towards your tender and wonderful breasts which you've decided are your vulnerability. Have you considered how _they_ feel being labeled in such a way?"

Yuuki huffed. "Argh, fine. You won't open up to me, then I won't open up to you." She turned and swung her legs over the side of the bed, her sheet clutched protectively over her body.

She made a move to raise herself from the bed, but his strong arm around her held her back.

"Don't go, Yuuki."

His naked chest pressed against her back; his breath tickled her ear as he whispered sorrowfully.

"Then be honest with me," she replied softly. "Tell me what is haunting you. I want to know so I can help you; either by sharing your pain or offering you comfort. I want to do whatever I can for you."

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her neck. "And it is because I love you that I am filled with fear."

She turned gently in his arms, watching his unguarded expression. She could see the hesitation and vulnerability in his eyes; the light quiver of his lips showcased how hard it was for him to open up.

She kissed his lips tenderly, reassuring him through her simple act of affection. She pushed away the stray locks of mahogany covering his eyes.

"I love you too, Kaname," she whispered tenderly, "and it is because I love you that I want you to open up to me. Your fears, your worries; I want to share them with you so the burden will be lesser on you. I can't stand the thought of you being all alone with your pain."

Kaname inhaled and exhaled, seemingly steeling himself. Gently he grasped her hand, kissing the top of it before lowering it, his eyes focused on the circles his thumb traced on the smooth skin.

"There was a time in my life," he began quietly, "when happiness was all I knew. It was the time when I had a family; a loving mother and father who made sure my life was free of worries. At the time, I thought that the happiness I felt was going to last forever; that it was something I would never lose. I grew up in this house with my mother. She fed me, bathed me, taught me how to read and write; she made sure I always felt content and safe. Together, we lived in this house, and from time to time, my father would visit and spend time with us, and I, naïve in my childish innocence, would think of us as a normal family.

There was always something about mother's eyes, though. Whenever she smiled, her eyes were always sad and shimmering with hidden emotion I could never decipher. I was too young to understand, but in hindsight I think she knew what was going to happen. She knew that when she chose to follow my father, her path would become tangled with dangers and enemies. But she did it anyway; she loved the king so much that she would do anything for him and more. Theirs was a pure love; brought on by simple intimacy and a deep understanding for each other. Sometimes, when I snuck away from bed, I'd find them silently dancing in the living room, lost in a rhythm only they knew of."

Kaname smiled ruefully, glancing up at Yuuki and stroking her cheek tenderly. "My mother would have liked you," he murmured. "You have the same fire in your eyes that she had; the same passion and spirit that eventually drew me, like my father all those years ago, in."

Yuuki smiled softly, holding onto his hand. "I wish I could have met her."

"As do I," Kaname whispered.

"What happened to her?" Yuuki spoke gently, her eyes patiently watching him and giving him the time to respond.

"My mother was killed," he confessed after a brief silence, marveling at how the words seemed to unleash a myriad of emotion inside of him. "And my biggest fear is the same thing happening to you."

Yuuki's breath caught in her throat; her eyes watered at the knowledge and blurred further at the broken expression portrayed on her lover's face.

"After her death," Kaname continued, "I was put into a monastery until my father could recover from his grief. I was quite young, but my father deemed it necessary that I enter the army at such a young age. He said that it was for my own protection; without my mother and with my father as sole sovereign, I would be targeted eventually because of my status as a bastard. He wanted me to grow stronger and tougher. Actually, this scar…" He shifted slightly, revealing the scar that sailed across the right side of his ribcage.

Her eyes followed his movement, recognizing the scar as it came in to view. She'd seen his scars for the first time the night they first slept together; she remembered the vulnerability in his eyes and kissing all of them in an act of assurance. The biggest scar had intrigued her, and though she'd never asked, she'd always wondered about its origins.

"I got this in my first battle with a sword. It was the first of many."

Yuuki surprised him by leaning forward, her lips brushing the tender skin gently. "Is it strange that I both love and hate it?" She murmured, glancing up at him. "It pains me to know you were injured at one point in time, and this is one of many reminders. At the same time… Your scars are what make you the person you are today. Strong, resilient, selfless, brave… These scars are also reminders of the hardships you've faced and overcome, and I adore you for it."

"Yuuki…" He breathed, overwhelmed by the love in her eyes and her words. He remembered their first night together; the insecurities that had swarmed him the minute she noticed his scars, and how they'd all faded away the moment she brushed her lips upon them.

He hadn't been loved for a long time. And hers was an unconditional love, everlasting in its purity and strength.

He really didn't deserve her.

His arms wrapped around her as he hugged her to his chest, his chin on top of her head as he inhaled the sweet scent of her hair.

"Yuuki…" He breathed, voice thick with emotion. "You are my salvation, do you know that?"

She turned slightly and kissed his chest, aware of the heart that beat beneath layers of skin.

"As you are mine," she whispered, overwhelmed with love for him. He was more broken and damaged than she'd imagined; and in her eyes, he became even more beautiful because of it.

"I grew numb in the army; I existed merely to fight and impress my father," Kaname continued. "And when he died, I was left alone in a world that had no space left for someone like me. I became no more than a mindless soldier, living from day to night; waiting for the day I would disappear into shadows. Then one day I saw a ray of light; the most beautiful girl; and no matter how hard I fought it, I felt hope swell in my chest at the notion of something _good_ being left in the world. I wanted to protect it so badly, and that ray of light was _you._ So much time has passed since then, but Yuuki, you need to know that I have never loved someone like I love you, and I never will. You are the sole reason I exist, and I will protect you until my last breath."

She pulled away from his embrace so she could look at him properly, her hair spilling down her chest in soft waves as her hands cradled his face. She looked into his eyes, seeing the myriad of emotion that passed in their beautiful depths. She could see his fear and his pain; his love and devotion – all of it passed before her eyes as he bared his soul to her.

Yuuki's eyes shimmered with unshed tears, a new understanding of the man she loved forming in her heart.

He was endlessly devoted to her, like she was to him – and the same way she feared losing him, his greatest fear was losing her.

"My beautiful Kaname," she whispered softly, brushing away his bangs. "So strong, yet so vulnerable… I understand why you were so afraid, now. Everyone you ever loved were cruelly taken away from you, and the world abandoned you in darkness. The happiness you so deserved was stolen away from you when you were just a child. If I am the light that made you hope again, then you are the savior that made me _live_ again," her voice quivered with emotion, remembering her time in the palace without him by her side. "I caused you so much pain yesterday, and I am so sorry. I will never… I will never do such a thing again. I promise you."

He silently wiped the tears that ran down her cheeks, a soft smile claiming his lips as he watched her.

"Who would have thought?" He whispered softly. "Here I am with the girl that stole my heart and kept it with her for years. My beautiful Yuuki… The Queen that I serve willingly and the woman of my dreams."

She laughed shyly through her tears, moved by his tender words.

"I hate it when you cry," he said, wiping her tears and laying down on the mattress, pulling her gently with him.

He flipped their positions, hovering above her as he settled between her legs. Then, as if adoring a painting, he watched her quietly, his lips capturing wayward tears whenever they appeared. In complete silence he lovingly gazed at her, and in turn she felt adored.

Kaname caught her lips with his, savoring the taste of her kiss as he poured all his love into the simple action. In here they were free to do as they pleased; he could kiss her as languidly and slowly as he wanted – he could take his sweet time showing her just how much he loved her, and no one could intervene.

"I don't want you to cry anymore," he said when they broke apart, placing soft butterfly kisses down her neck and chest.

Soft kisses followed down her body; she writhed against the sheets, anticipation burning hotly in her veins.

Kaname whispered seductively between her thighs, his breath fanning over her most sensitive skin.

"Let me ease your pain, Yuuki…"

* * *

"What is a king without his queen?"

It'd been nearly two days already; still, there were no sign of his wife and his half-brother. The palace grew restless with worry; and he, as king, was responsible for placating them. The townspeople became frantic with worries; hourly there were inquiries of the queen's safety and return; where was she? Was she hurt? Did they find her? Where could she be? Isn't she coming back soon? When will he punish those responsible for this? Why isn't the whole palace out there looking for her?

The Queen was terribly popular with their people.

It came to his advantage – much to his annoyance.

And then, there was the knight – his bastard brother.

"…The Black Knight saved her; of course she is all right!"

"…The king isn't out there looking for the Queen himself because he knows his bastard brother can do a better job…"

"…We are forever grateful to our most revered knight; without him, the Shirabukis would reign the lands and the Queen would be dead. We owe him everything!"

At one point, the townspeople started sounding like bees to the young king. Raspy, incessant bees constantly buzzing in his ears; disturbing his peace of mind, attacking him with questions he could not provide answers for.

He hated bees.

Exhausted, he found himself in his private chambers, where only he was allowed to traverse. In the silent room, he could enjoy the sweet silence of his own isolation; no more nagging townspeople begging for the Queen and the knight to return safely; no one doubting his abilities as a King just because of some foolish attack; no council members demanding royal heirs.

He'd been immersed in his thoughts when the voice disturbed him.

Immediately he froze, the hair on his arms rising.

"A lonely sovereign…" The voice continued. "People tend to overestimate the king. In a game of chess, the queen is the strongest piece – without her, the king is vulnerable, susceptible to defeat by the enemy in the blink of an eye…"

Footsteps, slow and graceful, echoed across the floor.

"What will you do, _Ousama_? Now that your queen is gone, how will you survive?"

A rush of breath dampened the skin at his neck; instinctively he shivered, his heart rate speeding up as hot anticipation seared through his veins.

Hands, pale and elegant, sailed down his arms; he felt a familiar object poke his back as the other person breathed harshly into his ear.

"Perhaps…" He whispered. "What you need is not another queen, but another king… To rule you, like you rule the people serving you."

Rido gasped as he was pushed forward, his hands bracing him on the desk. He shivered violently, his mouth open in anticipation as he felt cold air assault his behind when his robes were haphazardly drawn up.

His legs were spread as he bent over the table; he panted against the hardwood, his breath fogging up its surface.

" _Be a good boy, Rido…"_

" _M-master, I don't understand…"_

" _I'm going to make you feel so good, sweet one… Just be a good boy and obey."_

And then came the intrusion.

Rido yelled out in ecstasy, his mind at war with itself as he recalled memories from a distant past while his body convulsed with pleasure. Every sense was heightened; he could feel the cold wood of his desk against his body, and how the cold sensation contrasted against the heat he felt between his legs.

"Aah… Isaya-samaa…"

The elder man thrust into the young king, perspiration sliding down his cheek as he exerted himself.

"You were always such a good boy," he hissed, grabbing Rido's hips roughly and increasing his speed.

"Isayahhh…" Rido grunted against the desk, his voice muffled. They shouldn't be doing this, they shouldn't…. But why was he so weak against him? Why did he crumble like paper whenever he sought him out? Why couldn't he fight back?

" _This… this is wrong, I'm scared…"_

" _There is no need to be scared, dear boy. Don't you feel good?"_

" _Yes, but why…?"_

" _That's all that matters. Obey me and you will always feel good."_

Despite his confliction, Rido could feel himself getting closer to release. The feel of Isaya's length locked deeply inside of him and the pleasure that assaulted his senses was too much. Everything blurred in his mind; every thought became hazy whispers that faded in the distance; all he could think of was the bittersweet pleasure coursing through his body, and how he both hated and loved it.

The cries of the young boy in his mind faded into nothing; and suddenly he was free to give in to the overwhelming pleasure assaulting his senses.

Just as he was about to reach his climax, Isaya pulled out of Rido, stalling his release. Rido whimpered at the loss of contact, his member twitching with arousal between his legs.

A sinister gleam flashed in Isaya's grey eyes; he raised his hand before smacking Rido's behind, the slap echoing in the silent suite. Rido gasped at the sudden action.

"You will open the treasury for me," Isaya demanded, his voice rough in Rido's ear as he leaned forward.

"Yes," Rido wheezed, sweat trickling down his temple as his body longed for release.

Another slap echoed in the room; the king moaned in pleasure and pain.

"You will grant me the funding I need and tell no one about it."

" _Yes,"_ Rido panted as Isaya's hand slid between his legs, teasing his member. He bit his lower lip, trying to contain himself; his body was on fire, yearning for release at the mercy of Isaya's hands.

"Yes what?" Isaya hissed, squeezing Rido's member, watching with great satisfaction as the young king groaned in agony.

"Yes, _master._ "

"Good boy," Isaya muttered, thrusting into Rido in one swift move, his face twisting into a sardonic grin as the younger male submitted to him.

* * *

Steam enveloped the bathroom; along the edge of the tub, moisture trickled down. Heat, encompassing and almost stifling in its intensity, bloomed in the spacious room as the temperature gradually rose.

Humming contentedly, Yuuki snuggled into the solid wall of flesh behind her.

Kaname smiled and kissed the top of her hair as he splashed the hot water over her.

"This has to be the most relaxing bath I've ever had," Yuuki sighed happily.

Her lover only smiled in response, his arm stroking hers tenderly.

"I should just insist you accompany me to my bath from now on in the palace," she speculated out loud. "For me to relax better, of course."

Kaname chuckled, the vibrations travelling through her body.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea…"

"Why not?" Yuuki challenged. "I would assure the palace maids that the only reason I would bring you in there was because of your amazing massages. I would assure them that nothing… inappropriate would occur between the queen and her knight."

"Ah, but that is where you are wrong, your highness." Kaname's voice was sultry and dripping with sexual innuendo as he whispered in her ear. "If you let me in there with you, I would never release you from my arms. Or well, you would find many releases _within_ my arms, of course." His hand squeezed her left breast.

Yuuki bit her lip, unsure of whether the heat pooling between her legs was a result of the hot bathwater or his erotic teasing.

"Somehow, I doubt I would detest such a notion…" She trailed off.

"Mmh…" He only hummed into her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

The last 24 hours of Kaname's life had been hours made of contrasts. A day ago, he'd been on the edge of losing his lover forever; following this, painful memories had been brought back to his consciousness and shook him to the core, forcing him to hold even tighter onto the woman who held his heart.

From almost losing her, Kaname had finally confessed his feelings towards the queen, and had found them returned to him in the darkness of the bedroom.

Hours later, after making love multiple times and cuddling in bed, he was now in the bathtub with the queen resting comfortably atop of him.

Twenty four hours ago, he almost saw her die in front of him.

And now, she was in his arms, alive and well, heart beating steadily as her skin absorbed the oils they had deposited into the steaming water.

For the first time in his life, Kaname felt utterly and terribly lucky.

"What is it?"

Her lovely voice broke through his musings; he welcomed the sound and its anchoring effect, bringing him back to the present moment.

"You grew so quiet all of a sudden. What's wrong?"

She turned over her shoulder and eyed him. Unable to resist the rush of love that swarmed him, he tipped her head gently and kissed her.

She responded to his kiss, knowing it was his way of communicating. Her hands grasped the sides of the tub in support. They broke apart when air became necessary, and she relaxed back into his chest, her head nestled in the crook of his neck.

"Nothing's wrong, Yuuki," he hummed. "Everything is blissfully wonderful."

"I couldn't agree more, Kaname…" Yuuki smiled.

Truly, the last hours of her life had been the best of her life. How on earth would she be able to return to the palace and face the horror of her everyday life, when she had everything she'd ever needed in this tiny house located in the middle of nowhere?

It was like she was living in a dream, and instead of waking up to the harsh reality of her life, she woke up to see her lover beside her, naked and spent over hours of lovemaking. As she showered her with love and affection, she swore her heart couldn't swell even further in her chest; if it did, she would surely die – pure bliss being the cause.

Never had she imagined that they would get to escape the palace like this; true, she had almost lost her life on the path to this place, but if she were offered the choice, she would gladly volunteer as target for arrow target practice should she be granted the award of having Kaname all to herself.

Having him all to herself meant she was able to prod him for answers she had wanted to ask for a long time. When did he fall for her? Why didn't he tell her sooner? What was his favorite color? Which dress of hers was his favorite and why? How did he know Ichijou? When did he go to the army? How did he get all his scars?

And the most potent of all – what happened to his mother?

He answered all her questions between hungry kisses and trips outside to gather wood for the fireplace. As they made meals out of leftover rice and other foods that were available, he would gladly supply her with any information she needed.

But the last question was the toughest one; he was reluctant while divulging the details, and she sensed that there were boundaries not even he was ready to push through just yet.

As they cuddled in front of the fireplace, she let go of her questions and let him be; and as he nuzzled her neck happily, she decided that she would investigate more at a later time.

Right now, she needed to embrace the rare glimpse of undisturbed happiness they had been granted.

Neither uttered a word as they basked in each other's proximity. Seeing the water envelope the queen's nude frame made forgotten memories resurface in Kaname's head; his lower body stirred to life as he remembered the time he'd accidentally walked in on Yuuki bathing.

He remembered how the sight had made him shiver with need; how he'd debated with himself if he should make his presence known, if only to see if she would have him. Then he remembered the shame and mortification that had followed shortly after those thoughts had entered his mind, and how he'd punished himself in order to distract himself from the yearning she had evoked in him.

His eyes became hypnotized by her hardened nipples as some of the foam covering her moved with the water.

To think that he'd once been so ashamed over wanting her was almost absurd. To think that he'd yearned and dreamt of her, only to have her be the one coming willingly to him felt almost surreal.

But here they were, her naked body on top of his, still sore from when he ravaged her last night.

How did he end up getting so _lucky?_

The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could contain them.

"I have a confession to make."

"What is it?" Yuuki murmured.

"I… Before we became lovers, I saw you bathe."

Maroon eyes widened in disbelief.

"It wasn't on purpose," Kaname continued, his breath becoming strained as he remembered the sight. "I thought you'd been hurt and went to check upon you, but when I found you I realized that it was a false alarm. And then you undressed…"

Yuuki's mouth opened in shock.

"It was right before that night I first made love to you. It was the event that caused me to volunteer on the King's mission. I was ashamed of myself and the lustful thoughts and dreams I was having about you. I wanted to distance myself from you…"

"Is that why…" Yuuki murmured, turning in his embrace, her legs on each side of his thighs as she adjusted. "You were so strange all of a sudden. You wouldn't look me in the eyes no matter how many times I tried coaxing you. Then, that night happened and I forgot about…"

Her eyes searched his, her face unreadable. Kaname panted slightly as he watched her expression.

"Yes…" He said, his mouth strangely dry. "I never dared to confess to you, and by the time I came back, you and I were already so deeply entangled. But I wanted to tell you, because…" His hands cradled her face as he scooted closer.

"I realize now how long I've wanted you. Even before that incident, I was struggling to contain myself; and when I saw you, I couldn't stop fantasizing about you. What you would sound like; how you would taste…" He licked her lips as a blush spread on her cheeks. "How you would feel, wrapped around me…"

Yuuki bit her lower lip as desire coursed through her veins; she could feel the need to have him inside her manifest itself in her lower body – it didn't help that his member was inches away from her channel, ready to enter and make her scream in pleasure.

"Spying on the queen; watching her bathe naked without her knowledge," she whispered hoarsely against his mouth. "It seems you must be punished."

"I shall accept any punishment you deem fit." He rasped against her lips, seduced by the naughty gleam in her eyes, his body responding to her proximity.

Yuuki licked her lips. "Your punishment will be… to pleasure the queen endlessly until she forgets the event ever happened."

"I'll do my very best, Jouusama," he smirked against her lips, kissing the corner of her mouth.

She captured his lips with a hiss as she positioned him at her entrance; in one swift move, she descended upon him, the two of them moaning in ecstasy at the contact.

"Ahh, _Yuuki…"_ Kaname moaned, his arms gathering at her waist as he steadied her.

With her forehead pressed against his, Yuuki raised and lowered herself again, moaning into his mouth as she watched the pleasure take control of him. Water splashed around them as they moved, but they paid it no attention as they became wrapped up in each other.

She opened her eyes and gazed into his, unable to hide the smile that tugged at her lips. Her hands tugged at his silky locks.

"Kaname…" She whispered, overwhelmed. "Ah… Ungh, I love you…" She threw her head back in ecstasy as she rode him, her breasts bouncing and long locks of wet hair spilling down her back.

He kissed down her neck, cradling her face and bringing it back towards him. Their foreheads bumped together as she bounced on him, her drugged stare hypnotizing him. It seemed like it was impossible for the queen to ever be caught in an unflattering angle; no matter how she looked – whether she was dressed in all her finery befitting her status, or drenched in water and sweat, she still managed to steal his breath away. The sensual glimmer in her orbs alone almost made him come undone as he stared into her eyes, losing himself.

"I love you so much, Yuuki… so much…" He whispered, almost frantically, as his release crept up on him.

"Ah, Kaname, ahh…" Her mouth opened, forming an O as she reached her climax, her cheeks flushed red and her brows furrowing as she concentrated on the pleasure.

The sight alone made him come undone; he released inside of her, unable to hold back as he grunted in pleasure, overwhelmed by the heat between them.

After she came down from her high, Yuuki giggled sweetly, her arms locked around his neck. Kaname chuckled lowly at her delighted laugh, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

"Ah…" Yuuki purred. "It seems we've tainted this bathtub now. At this pace, I fear for the rest of the house's purity…"

"These things happen when a certain someone is insatiable…" Kaname chuckled, biting her lip.

"Are you suggesting that _I'm_ the one who's insatiable?" Yuuki gasped, feigning shock. "Why, my valiant knight, I am merely making you undo the injustice you have inflicted upon me by spying on me in my vulnerable state. Would you rather I send you off to the gallows?"

He nuzzled her neck, grinning. "Oh no, Jouusama. I have accepted my sentence and will do my best to win back your favor…"

"Good," Yuuki quipped, her eyes flickering around the bathtub as he continued nuzzling her neck like he was starved of affection. The pruney skin of her fingers caught her attention; suddenly she was aware of how much time they must've spent in the water.

"As much as I've enjoyed bath time, I think it is time we retire," she said softly, stroking the back of his head.

"Mmh…" He hummed, not making a move.

"Oh dear, did I wear you out already?" Yuuki teased. "And here I had such great plans for your punishment…"

"Mmh…" He hummed again, eyes closed as he basked in the softness of her skin and her soothing scent.

Yuuki giggled to herself, mesmerized by how her valiant knight so easily succumbed to her. She was so used to seeing him as a warrior; as a man of infinite strength and wisdom; all muscle and mass, yet quick as a rattlesnake with his sword. But right now, he resembled a puppy more than he did a dangerous wolf that was out to kill.

Her adorable puppy wolf.

She cuddled with him a bit more, placing soft kisses over his face and down his neck – unable to fully extract herself from him – until he reluctantly released her from his grip.

Yuuki soared elegantly from the tub, water dripping down her feminine curves and gathering at the floor where she stepped. Kaname watched in awe as she picked up a towel and covered herself, his mouth drying as he reminisced of that time he'd accidentally seen her naked.

And here she was, months later, undressed and dripping wet in all her glory in front of him, her skin flushed from their lovemaking only moments prior.

He grit his teeth together.

 _Woman, you will be the death of me_.

She didn't notice him coming out of the tub until he picked her up in his strong arms. Yuuki squealed in response, her arms automatically clinging to his broad shoulders.

"Kaname!" She gasped.

He kicked open the door, steam following his path as he carried her through the living room.

"I'm not done serving my sentence, Jouusama," he winked at her, watching her blush spread from her cheeks to her chest.

And serve he did.

* * *

As a child, she'd loved fairytales.

She'd make her maids read them over and over again to her while she dreamed of the day she would have her own with her own fair prince.

But before the maids could finish the fairytales, she would always stop them.

She hated the endings of the fairytales. She wanted them to last forever; suspended in time at a point between beginning and ending, never ever changing.

Years later it was the same.

She hated the end of her fairytale.

The sound of his footsteps halted her musings; still she made no move as she stood by the window, her eyes staring at the defrosted landscape. In the two days they'd spent at his childhood home, the weather had calmed and the snow had eased, clearing their path to the palace.

She hated it. Weren't winters in their country ferocious and unforgiving?

His eyes softened upon her form; she looked so small and dainty staring out the large window. The sight alone made his protective instincts kick in; but then he realized that the petite woman in front of him was no ordinary woman. She was boundless strength and grace tucked into a small body; where her heels touched, power surged through the surface. The elegant tip of her chin; the fire that burned in her eyes as she exercised her rights as Queen regent – Yuuki was anything but helpless, and the mere knowledge of how her deceiving looks hid so much power and grace made him often speechless.

He shook his head, a smirk tugging at his lips.

He might as well write her love letters and doodle red hearts all over them.

He couldn't even look at her briefly without falling for her all over again.

Kaname – the bravest, fiercest warrior in their kingdom was complete jelly in her majesty's hands.

His body moved of its own accord; in a few strides he had his arms wrapped around her from behind, taking an almost perverse pleasure at how perfectly she fit into his much larger arms, while knowing the strength that resided in her petite frame.

Yuuki leaned into his chest instinctively, a sigh escaping her lips as he placed a kiss on her neck.

"Ryuu is ready for the journey back to the palace," he announced, aware of how she seemed to tense.

"He's quite eager, that giant dragon," Yuuki quipped dryly.

"Oh I assure you, he is anything but eager," Kaname chuckled. "But he is at your service whenever you need."

Yuuki smiled. "Too loyal for his own good. Breathes fire but is too afraid to burn its master."

Kaname playfully bit her neck. "Be glad he doesn't breathe fire regularly. Unfortunately, duty calls upon us regardless of fire-breathing horses…"

"I'm aware," Yuuki sobered, her smile vanishing at once. "Is it wrong that I want to stay here forever? Shirk all my duties and live in this cocoon of bliss with you?"

"It's not wrong at all," Kaname whispered. "I'd stay wherever you are forever. This house was the source of painful memories, but now…" He let her go so she could turn in his arms. His arms gathered at her waist as he held her close, her hands placed lovingly on his chest.

"You've healed another wound of mine, Yuuki, and helped me create some of my fondest memories here. Thank you."

Yuuki smiled and laced her arms around his neck, pulling him down slightly so she could stand on her tiptoes and kiss him gently.

"If there's anyone that should be thanking someone," she said against his lips, "then it is I who should be thanking you. You saved my life and brought me here to your childhood home, allowing me to discover a side of you I never knew existed. I'm so thankful over having you by my side everyday… and if anything, I feel closer to you than ever before after these days spent together."

"Yuuki…" He breathed.

"I love you, Kaname Kuran," she whispered, her eyes filled with warmth and love. "And once we return to the palace, we will not be as free as we have been the past days. Once again, we will have to retreat into our respective roles. I, as the Queen, and you as my faithful shadow. But I want you to remember how much I love you." Her right hand tenderly brushed away the stray bangs that had fallen into his eyes. "I want you to remember that when I walk past you in the hallway, my heart is fluttering in my chest. When I bark out commands to you, I do my best not to stutter. And when I close the door separating the two of us, I count the seconds until I can see your face again."

"Yuuki…" Kaname said, nearly breathless by the love that shone in her eyes. "I..."

Garnet eyes were at once enshrouded with conflicting emotion; Yuuki sensed the shift in him immediately, how his arms seemed to tense around her. Patiently, she remained steady in his arms, awaiting the words she knew he had difficulties expressing. A man of few words, Kaname rarely expressed himself as freely as he had the past two days. It'd been refreshing to hear him open up about his past after some conviction from her side. Still, she loved the stoic Knight that rarely spoke and kept his mystery and allure intact by never fully alluding with words to the thoughts roaming his sharp mind.

"I wish I could give you more… I wish I could give you the world. Instead of hiding away in the shadows, I wish you could stay by my side in the open." He confessed, his voice thick with emotion as he berated himself for not being able to offer her _more._

Yuuki cradled his face in her hands, her eyes filled with determination. "Quit thinking that you are not worthy of me and that what you have to offer isn't enough. Kaname, you have given me so much already. You don't have to give me the world…" She said, searching his eyes in order to make sure that he was listening to her. "Because you _are_ my world. There is nothing else I could possibly need as long as you are next to me, no matter what role you fill."

She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him; he received her kiss like it was a gift, designed to be handled with utmost care. In her kiss he found absolution and acceptance; she was proving to him that what he had to offer was more than enough, but he still doubted himself.

"Where would I be without you?" She said softly when they parted, her eyes filled with warmth. "You have done so much for me, already. The last thing I want to hear is you doubting yourself because of my status as Queen."

"Yuuki," Kaname smiled, completely enamored with her. "You are my _only_ Queen. I will never stop serving you, no matter what."

"Then…" She whispered, hesitantly glancing at him. "Is it all right if I call you my King?"

His eyes widened slightly, caught off-guard by her words. The subject of being king was a sore one for him; he could recall how much he'd yearned for the title when he was a foolish child, and how real life had hit him in the face for even daring to think he was more than scum.

He could never be king; his blood wasn't royal enough, and there was already a king reigning on the throne.

She hugged him tightly, her breath teasing the shell of his ear as she whispered. "You are my _only_ King, Kaname. The only one I will serve."

But she made him believe he could be one.

He withdrew from her and kissed her deeply; she responded eagerly in turn, adoring his passion.

"We don't know what the future will bring us," Yuuki whispered, holding onto him. "But as long as we stick together, everything will be fine. You have to believe in us, Kaname. You have to believe in _me._ "

He cradled her face in his hands, holding her with the outmost care and tenderness in the world. "You are the person that is most dear to me in the world. I haven't felt this way in a long time, and I will not lose another person that means so much to me."

"I will never leave you," she vowed fiercely. "I swear to you."

He kissed her again, unable to hold back. Their hours of freedom was coming to an end; it might be a long time before he could touch her freely like this again, so he had to take advantage of it. He was constantly amazed by his desire for her; though he'd had her multiple times the past days - maybe even more than was normal - he couldn't seem to ever sate his appetite for her. Be it a kiss, or the sinful pleasure of being locked between her legs, Kaname wanted whatever she was willing to give him.

"And neither shall I ever leave you," Kaname whispered against her lips, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. "Come what may, I will always return to you."

"Always," Yuuki repeated, her eyes shimmering with emotion.

* * *

By the time they were at the palace, word had spread around town and people had gathered to greet the queen who had been missing for nearly four days.

Kaname grit his teeth in annoyance, wishing that for once the people would neglect their abundant love for the queen and leave her alone. The last thing they needed were thousands of people who questioned and prodded them for answers they were in no condition to supply.

One side of him - the warrior that fought through every battle with pride and fierceness - wanted to boast wildly that he and the queen were in love, and that he'd made love to her many times the past days while they searched frantically for them. But his logical, and more rational side, won that battle. As the people greeted them and thanked him for bringing her back, he replied calmly that he was only serving his duty to the crown.

If only the people knew all the _things_ he'd done to her the past few days...

He chuckled lowly to himself.

Yuuki rested against his chest, seemingly unfazed by the rather inappropriate contact between her and her knight. Her eyes were mainly closed, and by the end of their journey she'd grown quiet against him. Kaname did not bother to rouse her from her light sleep, and accepted her silence as he calmly guided them to their destination.

They arrived through the palace gates, a myriad of people trailing them and halting at the invisible line between the palace and the outside world. Though he'd been happy to hear the townspeople's joyful declaration gratitude and blessings, he really wanted to get her inside and into safety as quickly as possible.

"…Welcome back, Jouusama!"

"…We are so happy to see you alive and well, Jouusama!"

Cherry blossoms scattered around them; oddly, Kaname felt like a newlywed groom taking home his bride as they slowly rode Ryuu through the masses.

Yuuki waved weakly at the people, earning rounds of cheers and a new bout of cherry blossoms.

"…The Black Knight saved her! Our hero!"

"…He must be honored for his bravery!"

 _It feels… nice to be cheered on. Together. As a couple._

The King awaited at the top of the palace steps; red and blue eyes surveying the event unfolding in front of him, analyzing the cheers of his people and the way his half-brother seemed to hold onto the Queen a tad too tightly.

Kaname instructed Ryuu to a halt, before sliding off the black stallion gracefully. He turned immediately and reached out for Yuuki, his hands gathering at her waist and supporting her as she slid down the side of the saddle.

Yuuki's feet hit the soil, and in the second they did so, she sagged in his arms, her head on his chest. Kaname caught her in time, surprised by her behavior.

"Yuu-" He cleared his throat. "Your highness, is everything all right?"

"So warm," Yuuki breathed, her eyes fluttering closed. Her cheeks were rosy and a light sheen of sweat gathered at her temples despite the overwhelming winter-chill in the air. "… Hurts…"

She'd been fine when they left his childhood-home; towards the end he'd figured she was tired and therefore ceased to talk with him, instead preferring to lean into him as they rode and let him do the talking. But now, as she sagged dramatically in his arms, seemingly unaware of decorum and etiquette, he began to suspect she'd gotten sick.

And the possibility set fear surging through his body.

He cleared his throat, doing his best to shield her from the on-lookers as he steadied her. Fear ran its course through his body, and he found his voice breaking as he spoke: "I'll get you to your roo-"

"Out of the way!"

Maids and servants hurried to them, latching onto the queen and stabilizing her. Kaname' grip around her tightened; his protective instincts urging him to not let her go.

He couldn't be separated from her. Not now.

 _Not ever._

"Kaname…" Yuuki rasped. "Let go…"

His eyes snapped over to her in his arms, her voice bringing him back to the present moment.

Yuuki smiled weakly. "Don't want to… arouse any suspicion… Let me go, for now… yes?"

"Jouusama…" He whispered.

"Always..." She mouthed,

"Always..." He repeated, still not willing to let her go.

"Here, Jouusama, come with us," the maids ushered her in the direction of the palace.

As he watched her get rushed away, all he could feel was the ache in his heart that multiplied by each step she took away from him. He had to be with her. He couldn't be separated from her, not now...

Fear snared itself around his spine; what if she was dangerously ill? What if something bad happened? Was this his fault? When could he see her again? Would he see her again? Why-

"Kaname."

The warmth of his friend's reassuring hand on his right shoulder didn't do much to soothe his breaking heart, but it grounded him nonetheless. His eyes flickered over to Ichijou's green ones.

"Careful," Ichijou warned, his eyes drifting upwards. Kaname followed his line of sight.

"The king is watching."

And there, on top of the stairs, two heterochromatic eyes shimmering with rage watched Kaname.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated!**


	10. Greed

**A/N: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING A 10-PAGE ESSAY RIGHT NOW but I just had to get this chapter out for you!**

 **First of all – 14-ish reviews!? You guys are insane and I love it! You have no idea how much it means to me when I see a new review tick in my mail. Whether you're a guest or a seasoned reviewer, I thank you so much because you make my day. I'm not gonna rant too much about life, but let's just say a girl can't catch a damn break and it's been rough. Getting such lovely feedback on a story I put my heart into means so, so, so much to me. (That being said, do y'all think we can make it to 100 reviews by the end of the story!?)**

 **Apologies for the delay in posting this chapter. Exam season is upon me, and I've already finished two. Posting this _massssiiiveee_ chapter in hopes that it will tide you over until I can write again when I'm finished with school and vacay. Reviews in my inbox will serve as maaajor motivation… just sayin….**

* * *

 **Chapter 10: Greed**

Alone in front of the palace he stood.

So quiet.

Minutes before, the grounds had been filled with voices; laughter, cries; joy and exhilaration. But then – sudden panic.

And then nothing but mind-numbing silence.

In the distance, palace workers scurried along as they worked on cleaning up the grounds. He was aware of them, but they didn't matter – he couldn't distract himself from the empty feeling inside him that bore through his chest, snaring itself around his lungs to the point where it hurt to breathe.

Among scattered blossoms and rice, something shimmered on the ground, catching his eye.

He bent down in a daze and retrieved it; he stared numbly at the object, not being able to fully process what it was.

"Thank you for cleaning up this mess!"

His comrade turned towards him, green eyes immediately sailing towards the shimmery object in his hand.

Those green eyes softened in understanding as they often did, unbeknownst to the silent knight.

"Kaname," Ichijou said, carefully putting an arm on his shoulder. "Everything will be all right."

The feel of Yuuki slipping through his arms, dragged away from him… The redness of her cheeks, the exhaustion in her eyes…

Her whispered words.

"… _Let me go for now, yes?"_

" _Jouusama…"_

" _Always."_

Always.

She was meant to be next to him always. He was meant to return to her always.

Then why were they separated so cruelly again?

He clenched the hairpin in his hand. The gift he'd given her – the symbol of their secret relationship and the hidden love he harbored for his one and only queen.

"I think it's time we get your wound checked out," Ichijou added, mindful of his friend's troubled mind. "You did a good job in tending to it, but I think we should have some of the physicians look over it, ne?"

Kaname blinked, eyes locked on the hairpin. He needed to give it to her; he needed to see her again and make sure she was okay and that she would survive; he needed to put the pin in her hair so he could see her smile lovingly at him; he needed to kiss her lips to feel the softness of her lips-

"You'll see her again," Ichijou whispered.

At that, he turned, tearing his eyes away from the hairpin and towards his comrade.

"She'll be all right," Ichijou promised. "She's in the best of hands, you don't need to worry. She will recover as soon as possible, you know this."

Kaname nodded slowly, desperately latching onto his friend's words. Yes, she would be all right. Yes, she was under great care and would be healed in no time. Yes, she was stronger and fiercer than any other woman he knew.

Still he longed to see her again.

With an appreciate glance towards Ichijou, he let his friend steer him away from the palace grounds.

If he'd thought his army training had been hellish, then this was surely what hell truly felt like.

He paced in front of her door, unable to stand still. His mind raced in different directions; he thought about what ifs and whys – what if she wasn't getting any better? Why wouldn't they let him see her?

Three agonizing days it had been, and it seemed like his torture would never end.

Doctors came and went into her room; maids exited and entered at a rapid pace, doing their best to serve the Queen in her great time of need. And while he'd been ordered to rest due to his wound, he remained steadfast on his usual spot outside her door.

Desperation made men grow bolder.

Between the slamming of her door, he'd try to catch a glimpse of the inside. Many times he was tempted to rip up the door, but he was held back by the last straw of rationality he had left. They wouldn't let him in. They wouldn't let anyone that wasn't a doctor, maid or the king himself in. All access was strictly limited while the queen lay in bed with her fever.

Doctors shooed him away when he tried to ask, and the maids were too afraid and jittery to even look his way when he tried to speak to them.

Kaname felt trapped.

The woman he loved beyond anything in this world was on the other side of that damn door.

The woman he loved beyond anything in this world was severely ill.

And he couldn't cross that threshold. He wasn't _allowed_ to cross it; to be with her and soothe her; comfort her and care for her in her weakest moments. What kind of sick, twisted universe was he living in?

For every minute that passed, a beast grew inside of him. He felt it roar to life in his veins; he could hear it whisper in his thoughts as his anger and frustration intensified. He did not know what to name it yet, but he knew it wasn't long before the beast would claim complete control of him.

"…won't be long now, I assure you. She is stronger than she looks like."

Kaname and Ichijou perked at the sound of the voice as a man stepped through the door, followed by the king.

The knights bowed in respect, one bowing more stiffly and unwillingly than the other.

"Good." The king replied curtly, closing the door behind him. Heterochromatic eyes cast a quick glance at Kaname before returning to the doctor.

"Thank you for your efforts, Kaien. Without you, her road to recovery would be longer. I am glad that it isn't as serious as we'd thought."

Some of the tension in Kaname's body melted away at his words.

"It was my honor to serve her," Kaien bowed respectfully.

The king turned towards him then.

"As soon as the queen has recovered, there will be a hearing about the events that occurred before and after the attack. You will be called in to testify."

Somehow, Rido's eyes – which had never been warm and inviting when he gazed upon his brother in the first place – had grown colder than Kaname could remember. It should've sent warning bells ringing in his body, but Kaname was far too distracted by the news of the queen's health to even care.

"Yes." He nodded tersely.

Rido gave him one last icy look before turning and walking down the hallway, locks of auburn fluttering after him.

The doctor regarded Kaname pensively.

"The queen's health has improved remarkably the past two years," the elder man noted, adjusting his glasses. "I believe I have you to thank for that."

Kaname cleared his throat. "I've only served my duty of protecting her health and welfare."

"Mmh," Kaien hummed. "Well, whatever it is you did, hadn't it been for you she wouldn't be doing so well today. She only caught a common cold, and while it knocked her out at first, she made a quick recovery and fought her way back to maximum health. Had this been years ago, she might've been conquered by the disease completely."

A lump formed in his throat immediately at the thought of Yuuki being weak and dying.

The image of her thin and frail body, the one he remembered from when he first started serving her years ago, lifeless on the floor manifested in his mind.

Though he knew it wasn't real, he felt his insides twist at even the notion of her dying.

"She only needs to rest for now, and she'll be fine," Kaien smiled, tipping his glasses.

"That's wonderful news," Kaname breathed.

"Indeed it is," Kaien smiled. His smile eased slowly as he continued. "She asked for you."

Kaname's heart dropped in his chest.

Try as he might, he couldn't properly decode the emotion that was in the elder man's eyes. Had they been discovered? Was this a subtle warning of the punishment that was to come? Was this the end?

"She's… alone now," Kaien murmured, turning away from the guards as he began walking down the hallway. "I sent all the maids away for the night for the sake of her rest. The doctors won't bother her either…"

And then he disappeared around the corner, a secretive smile curling around the corners of his mouth.

Kaname glanced between the hallway and the door, unsure of what to do. A part of him wanted to run after the doctor and demand he told him what he knew – after all, this was a very important threat to his royal affair with the quuen.

" _She's alone now…"_

But another part of him screamed at him to wrench open the door and see her again.

She was just within his reach, yet…

"Go."

He glanced over at his comrade in curiosity.

"I'll cover for you," the green-eyed blonde nodded his head towards the door in front of them. "I know your heart is on the other side of that door. Go."

Kaname blinked, heart racing at the prospect of seeing her again while worry crept up his spine over being discovered by Ichijou. "How did you know?"

Ichijou released a low chuckle as he crossed his arms. "I'm your best friend, Kaname – some might even say your only friend, ha – I could tell you were infatuated with her from the moment you saw her. It was only a matter of time before she gave in to you. Really, you weren't very discreet about it – the look in your eyes whenever you see her tells me everything I need to know. You're not as mysterious and cool as you thought you were."

Kaname shook his head, feeling both relief and embarrassment at the same time. He was embarrassed because Ichijou was right – when it came to Yuuki, all his defenses went down and he was reduced to nothing more than a lovesick puppy. But at the same time, it felt _good_ to share his secret with someone other than Yuuki, and to receive the support of his comrade.

"I'm more perceptive than you think, hehe," Ichijou smirked. "And I know for a fact she's head over heels for you and dying to see you again."

Kaname put his hand on Ichijou's shoulder, squeezing the flesh in recognition.

"You're right – you _are_ my only friend, Ichijou." He bowed. "Thank you."

Ichijou smiled brightly back at him, slapping his shoulder lightly. "You would do the same for me, hah! Now go, before you get too sappy with me and I lose all my respect for you."

Kaname chuckled as he grabbed the handle, turning one last time over his shoulder.

"Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."

* * *

His heart raced as he softly closed the door behind him. Turning, he could barely see the bed in the center of the room, covered with canopies. The room was shrouded in darkness except for a few lit candles placed strategically around the room, giving it a soft glow.

He felt nervous and jittery as he walked towards the bed he'd shared with her thousands of times before.

With shaking fingers he parted one side of the canopies, his eyes immediately landing on her form that lay twisted in between sheets and pillows.

His heart did a short gallop, before settling into a soft rhythm. A feeling of completion suddenly overwhelmed him; all his worries and tension melted away in an instant.

"Yuuki…" He whispered softly, lowering himself onto the bed next to her. Tenderly, his hand reached out and touched her forehead, feeling her skin blaze beneath his hand.

She turned towards the sound of his voice, her brows furrowing over closed eyes as she battled with the disease in her body. "Mmh…"

He leaned down, his forehead pressed against hers, feeling the heat of her skin transfer onto his. To see her again was the sweetest relief; ever since she collapsed in his arms, he'd been feeling restless and anxious – constantly yearning to see her again and assure himself she was alive and well.

Even if they said it was a common cold, or just a brief infection, he feared the worst and wouldn't rest until he saw her again in the flesh.

Seeing her in pain made his heart twist with grief; if he could, he would take it all away and absorb it into his own body, just to see her healthy and happy again.

"Open your eyes, Yuuki…" He whispered. "Just one time… please…"

He knew it was selfish; she needed all the rest she could get, but…

 _I have to look into your eyes again and know you're there. That you haven't left._

And then, as if a miracle occurred in the room they were in, she opened her eyes slowly, revealing the cinnamon orbs he loved so much. He watched every speckle of color in her eyes, memorizing each shade and pattern so he could replay it in his mind's memory.

Recognition dawned in her depths, and he felt sweet relief wash over him.

"Kaname…" She rasped, eyes searching his.

"There you are…" He said softly, caressing her cheek as he gazed into her eyes.

"How long…?" She questioned weakly, eyes widening as she registered the dark circles beneath his magnificent eyes. He looked worn; as if he'd just returned from war and the memories were constantly haunting him.

"Three days," he replied. "You were in and out of consciousness; the doctors tended to you. They wouldn't allow me to see you. I was so afraid…"

"I'm sorry…" She rasped, tears gathering in her eyes. "We were so happy back in that house and… suddenly I felt so tired… so, so tired… I didn't want to worry you."

"Don't ever do this to me again," he said, voice thick with emotion. "If you're feeling unwell anytime, tell me at once. Don't… don't scare me like this."

"I'm sorry, Kaname…" She whispered. "I'm so weak."

"It's fine," he said, stroking her cheek gently as he gazed into her hooded eyes.

"I…" He blinked, overwhelmed all of a sudden as he watched her flushed cheeks and the light sheen of sweat on her forehead.

"I missed you so much," he whispered, and as he said the words, he realized the gravity of them. It was absurd, really – he'd only went three days without seeing her, yet it felt like an eternity had passed since he'd last been able to gaze into her eyes. It was only three days – and in those three days, he'd done nothing but worry over her and yearn to see her again.

And then he wondered, if there ever were a time in which he couldn't see her again, how would he ever be able to survive? If, in the future, the king discovered them and they were forced to end their affair somehow, either by her being separated from him or him being sentenced for treason, how was he supposed to live on without her?

 _You are the love of my life,_ he thought, gazing into his favorite cinnamon orbs. _I cannot let you go._

As if sensing his thoughts, Yuuki smiled weakly, reaching up a to touch his cheek tenderly, marveling at the softness of his skin and the structure of his solid jawbone.

"I missed you too," she confessed, obsessed with touching his face in order to make sure he was real. "Even when I wasn't sure if I was awake or not, all I could think of was you. I wanted to see you. I wanted… I wanted you to be there with me, and I couldn't understand why you weren't there…" She trailed off, brows furrowing before she smiled sadly. "Funny isn't it, how disease can weaken the mind? I know better than to demand you in here over the invisible threshold, yet my stubborn spirit could only think of you. I'm afraid I might've called your name…"

Kaname smiled, his hand covering hers on his cheek as he leaned into her touch. "It pleases me that would call for me at your weakest. If I could, I would've stayed by your side every hour the disease was plaguing you. Alas… my place is not beside you. Not over this invisible threshold."

"Yes, it is…" Yuuki rasped, her eyes brimming with sorrow. His eyes widened at her expression, jolted by her sudden change.

"What?"

"It _is_ your place," she spoke with conviction. "Being next to me is where you belong, as I belong next to you. Don't forget that."

Kaname chuckled humorlessly. "Your fever has erased your sense of reality, I see. Have you forgotten that I am no more than a mere knight? As much as I yearn for it to be true, my place isn't next to you, but in your shadow only."

Yuuki's eyes hardened. "I appointed you as my _king_. Have you forgotten that?"

Kaname softened; his shoulders slumped as he stared into the hypnotizing eyes of his lover.

He often forgot that Yuuki was no ordinary woman. And as he looked at the determination in her eyes, and as he let himself get carried away by the note of authority in her voice, he remembered that she was indeed a Queen very much deserving of her title.

The Queen he served and loved.

The same Queen who called him her king.

"Of course, I did not forget such a momentous title being bestowed upon me," he spoke softly. "You have too much faith in me, Jouusama."

Yuuki shook her head, her eyes tracing the ceiling as she formulated her response, before returning to his gaze.

"I wish you'd see yourself the way I see you," she spoke softly, yet there was a powerful undertone in her voice. "As I lay here with fever, I did not call for you because you are my lover. I called for you because you are my protector. Because you make me feel safe just by being in the same room as me. I know that when I'm with you, I become invincible, and that power comes only from your protection and devotion."

She sat up slowly, cradling his face in her hands as she gazed into his eyes. Mesmerized, Kaname held his breath, hanging onto her every word as if she was bestowing a royal command.

"A true king protects his queen, because he knows she is every bit as important as him. He discards any notion of superficial pride and social hierarchy. A true king sees the queen as his equal, and in turn, the queen does her best to serve him and the nation. Together," she released one side of his face, searching for his hand so she could entwine their fingers together, "they create a powerful monarchy that cannot be torn down by enemies. Together, they grow _stronger._ "

There it was again. The image in his mind, of him and her, side by side while people cried and sang their praises. The image of him, dressed as a king, with Yuuki on his arm dressed in all her finery; the two of them – _together –_ and stronger than ever before.

The image, no, the _dream_ he shouldn't yearn for – the secret desire that nestled deeply in his heart and had remained in slumber for the longest of time until he had a taste of _her._

The beast inside him grew stronger and stronger.

Kaname gazed into her eyes, and saw the belief in them. He saw how fiercely she believed in him and how viciously she fought for him to stay by her side. He saw _love,_ pure and genuine, reflected in her depths and directed at him and him alone.

It made him almost believe he could be the King she deserved.

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers.

"When you say such things, Yuuki…" He inhaled and exhaled. "It makes me desire…"

"What do you desire, Kaname?" She spoke amorously, garnet hues scanning his face.

" _More,"_ he rasped, opening his eyes and unleashing the intensity of his depths on her.

A light blush spread on her cheeks; she had never seen Kaname so fierce before – the hungry glint in his eyes was unlike any other emotion she'd seen before. It was the Warrior inside him – not the gentle knight that would visit her at night – but the vicious conqueror that thrived off bloodshed and power who spoke those words. Who desired to overthrow his half-brother and claim her as his wife.

She loved this side of him also, more than she'd realized.

"Then _take_ it," she rasped, cheeks aflame as she felt her breathing pick up.

He inhaled and exhaled, garnet hues scanning her flushed face and debating on whether it was because of her illness or actual lust that reigned through her body. Of course, he'd always known that Yuuki was unhappy with her marriage – after all, she was having an affair with her husband's brother, and furthermore it did not take a trained eye to see _why_ she wasn't head over heels for her husband – but to have her even _hint_ at him replacing his brother on the throne made strange emotion overwhelm him. He couldn't decide if it was shock or _relief,_ and the notion baffled him.

What he saw in her eyes wasn't only conviction and love, but it was _desire._ She desired him not only as her lover, but as her partner – as her _king,_ the one next to her on the throne. And the fact that she wanted him in such a way made pride soar through his bones.

Wouldn't life be so much betterif he were king? Didn't he have royal blood in his veins too? The Queen loved him endlessly, it was clear as day to anyone passing by, so why couldn't _he_ marry her and give her children?

There _was_ a hunger in him, and it was growing more and more vicious as the days passed.

And Yuuki knew just how to entice him.

He panted against her lips, almost speechless. He was so conflicted; yes, he desired the throne and Yuuki as his wife – he couldn't deny that anymore. But how could he get there without killing Rido? How could he do such a thing to his half-brother?

And the question that plagued him the most; what if he became king and ended up like Rido? What if he began beating Yuuki and mistreating his servants and power? Could he live with himself if he did so?

He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead, letting his lips brush against her heated skin.

"Thank you, Yuuki, for believing in me," he said, tipping back her head so he could look into her eyes.

She was not pleased with his reply, he could tell. A small pout formed on her lips as he brows furrowed.

 _She looks cute when she's determined._

"It's no use if you don't believe in yourself," she huffed, clearly annoyed by how he'd changed the subject.

"You have so much belief in me that you can believe in me for the both of us," he chuckled.

She huffed, turning her head away. He could only smile endearingly at her; it warmed his heart that she believed in him so fiercely – after all, no one had believed in him since his parents lived years ago – and while he was still not ready to deal with the repercussions of her demands, he still couldn't help but feel his heart swell with love for her.

He kissed her cheek, making sure that his kiss was extra sloppy and wet.

Her face remained turned away as he chuckled, placing butterfly kisses all over her cheeks and below her chin.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her fighting back a smile, her lips quivering against her will.

"It seems you no longer require my presence," he announced, pulling back from her. "I shall leave you to your rest so you may recover fully, Jouusama."

Her hand clutched his arm only seconds after he stood up to leave. With his back turned to her, he smirked at her hunger for affection.

"Don't go," Yuuki pouted.

"And why not?" He teased, knowing full well that was not the answer she'd expected.

"Because I need you here," she answered truthfully, tugging at his arm. She raised herself up on her knees, launching her arms around his waist and hugging him from behind. "And besides, I'm still not 100% recovered. What if I die tonight without your knowledge? Could you live with yourself knowing that I _died_ from a _cold_ just because you _left?_ "

"Do not joke so lightly about your life being at risk, Yuuki," he chided gently.

"Don't _make_ me joke about my life being at risk by being so stubborn"

"Must you use me as an excuse for your strange behavior?"

"I'll use any excuse I need in order to make you stay by my side."

He chuckled at her stubbornness, turning around in her embrace and gazing down at her.

"Troublesome girl… What would my life be without you?" He wondered out loud as he gestured for her to lie down again.

Positive that he'd comply with her request and stay, she laid down and waited for him to join her. "Terribly boring," she smirked, earning a laugh from him as he settled down. "No rescue missions and dramatic assassination attempts; no salacious affair to keep you on your toes…"

"Mmh, I look forward to resuming this… salacious affair when you make a full recovery," he hummed, nuzzling her nose with his.

"Who says a full recovery is necessary?" She purred, sliding her hand down his chest. "Perhaps what I needed all along was special attention from my knight… To make a full recovery…"

He sighed. "You will be the death of me."

"Oh no, I'd rather you live forever by my side," she smirked, nuzzling his nose.

Kaname sighed happily, unable to fight the smile that had decided to become permanent on his face. She was here, right in front of him, as silly and witty as he'd remembered – as seductive and fierce as he recalled. And that was all he needed to feel calm again.

He cupped her face, slowly leaning in. "I love you," he whispered, pouring his emotions into his kiss.

"I love you too," she smiled, kissing him again before nuzzling into him.

Her heart beating next to his was all he ever needed. As she slept through the night, her arm slung around his chest and her legs tangled with his, he couldn't help but think of their promise to each other.

Always.

Unknowingly to the two of them, the word had become their promise to each other. They would always love each other, and they would always be next to each other.

And it felt so right.

Later in the morning, Yuuki awoke alone in her bed, his scent lingering in the sheets. Immediately, sadness claimed her weary heart as she wished she could see him again. He always had to leave; he always had to hide away before someone could discover them. That's how it was.

Weakly, she sat up in her bed, emptily staring at her room. Her eyes glanced at the small table next to her bed.

Tears shimmered in her eyes as she recognised his hairpin laying there. He'd brought it back to her.

She grabbed the hairpin and held it against her heart, closing her eyes as she smiled.

Even if he wasn't with her physically, he always found a way to be with her in her darkest moments. Always.

* * *

Two days later, Queen Yuuki Kuran recovered from her illness like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Dressed in all her finery – a new scarlet gown, specially tailored for her – jewels glittering on her wrists and in her ears, she sparkled as if she'd never been ill a day before in her life.

Fresh-faced, she arrived in the hallway outside her chambers, maids scurrying around her and fixing her dress. Cold eyes glanced at the two guards bowing in front of her, and she offered them a curt nod in response.

She looked absolutely stunning. Her posture and face exuded grace from miles away; the jewels and intricate details of her dress further emphasized her status as a full-fledged queen.

Kaname licked his lips unconsciously.

He wanted to kiss her so badly.

She regarded him with minimal interest, her eyes cold and lacking the usual warmth she reserved for him when they were in private.

"Jouusama, you look wonderful," Ichijou smiled, looking her up and down.

"Thank you," she replied quietly, not letting any emotion slip through. She turned towards the maids who were fixing her skirts and adjusting details.

"If there is no more work to be done, you may be dismissed for the day."

"Hai, Jouusama," they blushed, scurrying off under her watchful eyes.

As soon as they were gone, she turned towards the silent guards and regarded them.

"Shall we?" She inquired, motioning for them to follow her.

Not waiting for a verbal response, she turned and walked gracefully down the hallway, her skirts flaring behind her beautifully; gone was the weakened woman from days before – the Queen was back in full health and she had every intention of showing it to the world.

As Kaname walked behind her, his eyes remained locked on the back of her head, following the loose curls that streamed down her back to her waist. The skirt of her dress touched the floor, sliding gracefully along the marble as she walked with her shoulders straight and her chin raised.

Yuuki was indeed a Queen in all her right.

And though he'd seen her step into her role countless of times before, he couldn't help but feel somewhat intimidated by it now. After having been so free and open with her when they were away; after witnessing her at her weakest and being intimate with her more times than he could count, he couldn't help but feel that the Yuuki who walked ahead of him was a mere ghost of the woman he loved. It was like she disappeared into herself and became a mere shadow; the world saw only Queen Yuuki Kuran, mother of their country and royal consort – not the caring and loving woman who held him tightly in her arms when he'd awoken from his nightmare – nor the woman that quivered with pleasure under her knight's touch.

It felt like the distance between them was back again, even after they'd broken down so many walls. He understood she had to act her part – and he'd been a part of it for long, playing his own as silent knight and protector – but now, in light of their declaration of love towards each other, it felt _wrong._

It just didn't seem right for her to walk ahead of him. He should be walking next to her, hand in hand.

Unbeknownst to him, his legs sped up as he walked, and soon he was way ahead of the proper distance that was custom to keep from the queen.

Ichijou's gentle hand on his shoulder made him wake up from his trance; his green eyed friend gave him a meaningful look as he gestured towards the monarch walking ahead of them.

Kaname didn't need words to understand what he'd done.

In a moment of forgetfulness, he'd trespassed the required space between him and the queen. As her servant and protector, he was lower than her in status, and therefore he was required to keep his distance from the queen and king to show respect.

Inside him, the nameless beast grew stronger still.

* * *

The grand hall was filled with council members and nobles, all of them immediately bowing as the queen entered the room. Watchful eyes regarded the beautiful queen as she curtsied and made her presence known. Yuuki handled it with such grace that many found it hard to believe she'd been bedridden days ago.

Once the formalities were over, Yuuki was questioned first. Kaname stood by the wall and awaited his call, his eyes locked in front of him despite the urge to look over at her.

"Details of your attack has surfaced, and while it is clear that you were targeted and barely escaped, the details surrounding the days after the attack remain unclear. The royal court wishes therefore to interrogate you in order to maintain a clear picture of the events that unfolded." Rido announced, his eyes locked on his petite wife where she bowed in front of him. "Do you swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"Hai, Ousama," Yuuki replied evenly, her eyes still locked on the floor in front of her where she kneeled.

"You may rise," Rido said, watching as she rose elegantly from her spot. He fought back a light smirk; he may not love his wife, but he did appreciate how perfectly she played her role in the palace. Yuuki was the epitome of grace and beauty, and had it been another life, he might've been happy to have her by his side.

But this was not such a life.

"Please share with the court what happened after you were attacked."

Yuuki's face betrayed nothing as she looked at the king and the court, her voice calm and even – carrying the perfect balance of authority and humility; she was neither too loud or too quiet; she was aware of the suspicion surrounding her, but she was always insistent on her own innocence.

"While visiting the orphanage, a man tried to assassin me with an arrow to the heart. However, the arrow missed me as my personal guard pushed me out of the way. The memories are hazy, but I could clearly see that the arrow had sliced his arm – luckily, it was a superficial wound and nothing serious."

The court nodded as she paused, gauging their reaction. She wanted so badly to turn around; to look at Kaname and bring him forth as the hero of the story and present him as such. He should be hailed for his efforts, not questioned by suspicious authorities.

Yuuki looked at her husband through renewed eyes; she could see clearly that the pending interrogation of Kaname thrilled him – her own interrogation was only done because it was a formality – but his was much severe, as he was not a monarch and a mere knight in their eyes with suspicious ties to the royal crown. In their eyes he was a potential criminal and traitor; it did not matter if his intentions were pure or his efforts were heroic – if the king labeled him a traitor, he had no way of defending himself.

Looking at Rido – how he seemed to sparkle from all his jewelry and finery where he sat on his throne – she couldn't help but feel that there was something wrong with the picture. In her mind's eye, she replaced the face of her husband to her lover's, and suddenly there was nothing wrong with the picture.

 _Kaname is the one who should be in that seat._

The thought entered and exited her mind quickly; she concealed any emotion in her eyes and posture as she continued her tale.

"Naturally, I was in a state of shock. Had it not been for the quick thinking of my knight, I would've stayed on the ground and done nothing to ensure my safety." She had to be careful with her words; too much praise directed at her knight would merit suspicion – still she felt that she owed Kaname to tell the truth, even if it was slightly condensed.

"Through my time as queen, I have never been subjected to the terror of an assassination before, and therefore I was quite overwhelmed when it happened." Yuuki lowered her eyes briefly. "The memories are vague, but what I do recall is the knight hauling me onto his horse and rushing away from the crowds. The ride from the orphanage and in the woods is something I have no recollection of; I do not remember how much time passed or how many miles we rode, and this is simply because of the state of shock I was in."

Some councilmen nodded in understanding, while others remained pensive as they watched her. Most were impressed by her bravery; she spoke to the crowd with strength and conviction in her voice, full of pathos. When the queen spoke of her trauma, her eyes lowered briefly and she seemed to tremble; the council men found themselves feeling sympathy for the young queen – after all, she was just a woman, and women were fragile things.

But Yuuki Kuran was a woman who knew how to play the game; she'd mastered the many tools of her femininity at a young age, and she knew how to wield them. The slight quiver in her voice; the flickering eyes and the trembling lips – these were all well-rehearsed techniques she applied in order to gain the favor of her king and councilmen. Men in the palace did not respond well to strong women – she knew this well and served them the illusion of a weak woman who was easy to control and sympathize with.

Kaname peeked over at Yuuki, amazed by her performance. Once again he was reminded of the feelings he'd had earlier when they'd walked towards the great assembly hall; how the woman in front of him felt more like a stranger rather than the one he loved.

But at the same time he admired her; to ensure her survival in the palace, whether it was politically or in terms of her life, she had to play the part necessary in order to convince the officials. She would cry crocodile tears for days if she had to; and her beautiful mouth would spill the most wonderful lies in order to protect her secrets, one of which involved her affair with Kaname.

Cunning she was, Jouusama Yuuki.

And he loved that side of her too.

"We soon arrived at a broken down house; my knight explained to me that it had belonged to his late mother and that he knew the area personally and could better protect me there. I agreed to stay and we…"

Memories of their time together flashed in her mind; the fight they'd had, resulting in her crying on the floor over having hurt him; their reconciliation – how he cried in her arms and confessed that he loved her, thus coaxing her own overdue confession of undying love. The hours spent wrapped in each other's arms; laughing as they made food and played chess, teasing each other and kissing under the moonlight.

 _Just the two of us…_

She cleared her throat. "We spent the next days awaiting the weather's condition. The knight thought it best to wait until the royal army had taken any lurking enemies. We decided that if we hadn't been discovered within three days, we would make our return to the palace."

 _I was so happy._

Rido nodded after she finished. "Upon your arrival to the palace, you fell ill. Were you not taken properly care of during your stay at the house?"

Kaname's hands kneading her soft flesh; the sound of water splashing onto the floor; heat enveloping the two of them as they kissed like no tomorrow; her own moans echoing off the walls…

"I was taken very good care of." It wasn't a lie, but it felt like one. She had to bite her tongue in order not to smile cheekily; if only the old men in front of her knew the things their trusted knight had done to their queen…

"As the royal physician explained to me, the combination of the shock and the low temperature outside was too much for my immune system to handle. Luckily it was just a mild case of the cold."

"I see," Rido nodded. "You have completed your interrogation gracefully and provided us with great insight to the events that occurred. Thank you for your bravery." He gestured to the seat next to him. "You may join me on your seat, Jouusama."

Yuuki bowed respectfully before mounting the raised podium. Next to Rido's throne, she sank to her knees on her designated seat, her red dress flaring around her beautifully. As her husband cleared his throat, her eyes sailed over Kaname briefly before turning to the floor.

"Jouusama's guard may come forward," Rido announced, his heterochromatic eyes on him.

All eyes were on Kaname as he stepped forward to the spot the queen had previously occupied; he lowered his head in a bow.

"You have been brought in for questioning related to the attack that occurred a week ago. Do you swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"Yes, your highness."

"Was it your intention to abduct the Queen and keep her for yourself?"

"No." He answered steadily, ignoring how the accusation made him feel like some lowlife criminal. "I acted in the moment and did the only thing that seemed rational; I knew we were outnumbered, and that the airborne attacks would continue. My only solution was bringing her highness as far away from the danger as possible, your highness."

The King narrowed his eyes.

"And why did you not return to the palace right away?"

"I assumed the attackers would continue pursuing us for a while," he replied evenly, "I therefore thought it best to stay in safety before attempting a return to the royal palace. Furthermore, the weather was another factor that affected my decision to stay, your highness."

"This… house you brought the Queen to…" Rido trailed off, a vicious glint in his eyes as he watched Kaname. "How did you know of it, again?"

Kaname's fists tightened at his sides; still his face betrayed nothing as he replied.

"It was a house the late King used to frequent often. I knew of its location because I was raised there, your highness."

"Ahh," Rido nodded slowly, a smirk tugging at his lips. "Yes, of course. It was the house the late King bestowed upon your mother, the _concubine_ , yes…"

Murmurs erupted in the court room; next to the king, Yuuki stiffened slightly, eyes flickering between the court and Kaname. She was good at hiding her emotions, but Kaname could still see the hint of worry laced in her eyes.

 _Do not worry about me, my love._

If he could just run over to her now…

"That is correct, your highness." He nodded, keeping his eyes on the king.

"Now," Rido said, raising his voice as he narrowed his eyes. "I find it very odd that the location of your family home would be so strikingly close to the location of the attack. I don't want to raise any unnecessary suspicion, but you must admit that sure is a strange coincidence?"

"Yes," Kaname agreed, "it is indeed a coincidence of st-"

"And," Rido cut him off, "I do think it's _strange_ how the Shirabuki clansmen knew of the Queen's location and were able to launch the attack. Did you not send your men to protect the outskirts of the village?"

Kaname's fists tightened at his sides.

"I did, your highness, but the attack wa-"

"Are you not ranked the number one knight in the country? Did you not serve the country with your own hands and blood?" Rido wondered out loud. "Has your sacrifices for the crown made you grow resentful towards your country and its people?"

Murmurs erupted in the room; gasps and whispered words collided in a cacophony of sounds.

Under the scrutiny of so many distrustful eyes, Kaname felt himself waver. Suddenly he felt incredibly small compared to everyone else; fear laced through his being as he thought of the endless outcomes that might've arouse from the King's accusations. In the eyes of the court, he looked guilty, and he was easily replaceable. No one knew of the queen's attachment to him and the love they shared; to them he was just a tool, a protector, someone that could easily be replaced time and time again.

"Perhaps," Rido continued, a glint in his heterochromatic eyes as his voice rose in volume, "you aided the Shirabuki clansmen in an attempt to smite _me_ and weaken my position as king? You, my bastard half-brother, you have a whore's blood running in your veins – greed should come easily to you!"

The tension in the courtroom rose, rapid whispers being exchanged between the baffled councilmen. There was an undeniable excitement in the air; never had the king publicly addressed Kaname as his brother, and never had a king accused a relative, bastard or not, for treason. The king seemed rather unhinged to many; and some even suspected he found enjoyment in making his half-brother a scapegoat, while others believed solely in their beloved monarch when he accused his half-brother of such a heinous crime.

It was a divided royal court.

And Kaname knew the only way of defending himself was giving in.

His knees ached as he fell to the floor, but it was not from the impact they ached but the sheer act in itself. He had to kneel before the king and his court to prove his innocence, and the notion stung harsher than any wound he'd ever obtained before.

"Your highness, you have ev-"

"I believe it is time I say something."

The court quieted instantly upon hearing the soft feminine voice speak up.

All eyes turned towards the queen, who had risen from her spot on the floor.

Kaname's eyes remained locked on the floor in front of him as his mind worked overtime to catch up with the current events. He didn't dare to look up and confirm that Yuuki had went against the king in public. _No, no, no, this is bad..._

Yuuki's eyes were filled with grief as she eyed her kneeling lover on the floor. She turned towards the livid eyes of her husband, steeling herself.

She just couldn't take it anymore. Watching Kaname be humiliated in front of the court as Rido threw accusation after accusation at him… something had snapped inside of her, and before she knew what she was doing, she was on her feet and the words had already left her mouth.

And now, she needed to finish what she'd started.

"Ousama," she began softly. "I understand your reasoning for questioning the knight and his intentions. The circumstances surrounding the attack are difficult to grasp in hindsight, and while it is easy to get lost in between rumors and warped versions of reality, I ask that you judge fairly and just. As your queen, my powers are limited, but my voice still stands strong in cases such as this. I choose to exercise my right as queen to speak on behalf of the man on trial."

Once again, the courtroom erupted in whispers and shocked gasps – and really, they were justified. It was unheard of for a queen to speak against the king in any case. While Yuuki was right about the queen's voice being one of importance on paper, it was never really executed in real life. Potential queens were raised to remain quiet and loyal by their husband's side, even if they disagreed deeply. In the eyes of many, a queen was no more than a tool to secure the future of the crown, and never someone of political power.

Yuuki bravely held eye contact with the livid stare of her husband.

"Do continue, Jouusama," he said tersely, gesturing stiffly with his hand.

Yuuki turned towards the councilmembers, raising her chin as she challenged them with her regal stare. "This man is the sole reason I am standing here today. Had it not been for his courage and bravery, the arrow would've hit my heart and I would've died in that village. And this was not the first time. He has saved me and protected me countless of times over the past few years, and there is no one more I trust with my life than he. I am aware that masters shall not form attachment to their servants, but I stand before you willingly admitting that I am most grateful and in great debt to this man before you. He has done his outmost to serve the crown in the most trying of times, and he has never expressed any desire to be showed gratitude or honor. I, Queen Yuuki Kuran, vouch wholeheartedly for this man's innocence solely based on the loyalty he has shown me and the king throughout the years."

"And what if all of that was just an act to get you to trust him?"

Asato Ichijou stood up from his seat, green eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Yuuki regarded him coolly, never once showing any sign of weakness. "Then he is an excellent actor as he is a skilled warrior. I understand the suspicion that has been raised, but I stand true to my words from before. Furthermore, imagine the outcome of my eventual death. Imagine the sadness our villagers would feel; imagine how it would be for them to see one of their own be slaughtered by the Shirabuki clan."

The crowd winced at the queen's harsh choice of words; it was uncommon for the queen to speak in any other tone that wasn't soft and polite.

"I do not use these words with ease," she said, addressing the room. "The Shirabukis had one goal, and that was to murder me in cold blood in front of our own people. The arrow going through my heart was not only meant to harm me, but to harm our nation and our beloved king. Their actions were motivated by pure evil and they will not stop, but I am glad that the man before us could save me, and us, in time."

Yuuki turned towards Rido, bowing gracefully. "I hope you will take my words into consideration, Ousama."

The room quieted as she reclaimed her seat, nervous glances being exchanged as they waited for their king to speak.

Kaname hadn't been able to look up, but if he had, he was sure he would cry. His throat felt constricted as he fought to contain the emotion that swelled in his chest.

 _She stood up for me. She took my side in public, knowing how dangerous it is._

No one had ever stood up for him like that. No one had ever taken his side and believed in him wholeheartedly.

 _You already know how much I love you…_

He could feel her gaze on him; he could only imagine the warmth in her cinnamon orbs drawing him in until he was lost in her embrace. He wanted nothing more than to run over and kiss her deeply; to show the world how much he worshipped the ground she walked on and called her name like a prayer absolving him of his sins.

 _But today, my love, you made me fall even harder for you._

"I have reached a verdict," Rido announced, his voice booming through the room and demanding absolute silence.

Kaname looked up at his half-brother, nervous tension running through his veins. He tried his best to read Rido, but his brother was a mystery wrapped in a concoction of paranoia and madness. His eyes shimmered with contained rage and profound glee, yet his posture suggested he was as calm as the ocean breeze.

"I have deci-"

Isaya Shouto came forward just as the King was about to speak, whispering in his ear. The room grew even more tense as councilmen and Kaname awaited the outcome of this new situation. Narrowed eyes studied the proximity of the councilmember and the king, pondering what could be said in hushed whispers.

Eventually, Isaya returned with a respectful bow, before slithering back to his place on the right side of the king.

Rido cleared his voice, once again demanding that the attention was brought back to him.

"You have been loyal in your service thus far and served the crown, and this will come to your advantage. However, due to the trauma surrounding the attack and the many rumors that are floating around, I deem it necessary to temporarily absolve you from your services to the queen. You may no longer serve as her exclusive guard, and will instead resume other tasks at the palace premises. This is my final order."

Murmurs erupted in the crowd as the King finished his order. Next to him, the queen stared blankly ahead, her face unreadable to the untrained eye. Inside, a tsunami of emotion was hitting her nervous system at full speed, and the only sign of her inner trauma was her knuckles turning white from how hard she clenched her hands.

"If no one has any interventions, I hereby declare this hearing over. You may all return to where you belong."

Every member in the room bowed in respect as Rido got up gracefully from his seat, exiting the room in a quick succession.

The queen watched as her lover was escorted away by the guards, her heart bleeding with longing and pain as she watched the back of his head.

The disgraced knight turned briefly over his shoulder, sending the queen a look full of longing and grief, before he was escorted out of the room.

And in the distance, unbeknownst to the two doomed lovers, a smirking shadow stood vigilant.

* * *

"The weather has been absolute gloomy lately. Is it perhaps because of your mood, Jouusama?"

Tearing away her somber eyes from the window, the queen could only blink stupidly at the smiling man.

"Hm?"

"As queen, you are powerful," the man continued, "but to be so powerful that you control the weather? Goodness, I have seen nothing like it before."

Yuuki chuckled quietly, her eyes returning to the gloomy landscape outside the window. The world outside was grey; grey clouds littered the sky, showering the grounds with rain. Everywhere she looked was drenched in sadness and melancholy.

It seemed like the heavens were weeping the tears she wasn't allowed to weep for her.

"Your health check-up is fine, and it seems like everything is back to normal," Kaien said, signing on the paper in front of him. Amber eyes traced the sad queen in front of him.

"Everything seems fine…. Physically."

Yuuki turned from the window, giving him a bleak smile.

"You always were perceptive, oji-sama."

"That I am," Kaien winked, adjusting his glasses. "It's part of the job as royal physician. The body cannot always be healed with herbs and mixtures; sometimes the wound is in the heart and mind, corrupting the rest of the body. As long as your soul is in distress, your body will follow its whims. So tell me, child, what is bothering you?"

Yuuki got down from her seat, gathering her skirts gracefully.

"There are some things even a skilled physician like yourself cannot fix," she smiled wistfully. "But I do appreciate your concern, dear uncle. You are one of my few allies in the palace, and I am always grateful for your guidance."

"No matter how eloquently you speak or how stunningly beautiful you become as queen, you'll always be my dear niece." Kaien smiled, petting her head gently.

Yuuki chuckled lightly, walking towards the door.

"Please take care of yourself, Jouusama," Kaien said, worriedly watching her back. "You have made great progress since that knight came into your life, and I'd hate to see that go now that you have been separated. Remember, you can always trust me. My brother and his niece were never kind to you, but you know I've always loved you as my own."

It was true. Before he was appointed royal physician, Kaien was her dearest uncle that had practically raised her as a child. Her parents were cunning and ambitious royalists who wanted nothing more but to extend their political power; Yuuki was no more than a tool to them in order to obtain power in the kingdom, and she rarely saw them growing up. Instead, they'd let her goofy uncle, her father's brother who could not care less about power struggles and wealth, watch over her while they focused their attention elsewhere. He left for the royal palace when Yuuki was ten years old, and she'd missed him dearly the remaining years she'd lived in her parents' estate.

Other than Kaname, there was no other person she trusted more in the world than Kaien.

"Actually…"

Kaien's ears perked at her voice.

Yuuki turned slowly by the door, her eyes searching his.

"I need you to find me the death records of a woman of the past."

"Who?"

"Akiyama Juuri. The late King's concubine."

* * *

Weeks passed.

Every day felt longer than the last one; he constantly wrestled with the concept of time as he paced relentlessly around the palace. The unease in his body grew the longer he was separated from _her._

Rido's sentence had been harsh, but necessary. In a way, he understood his reasoning; the royals were often the subject of rumors, and with the attack and Kaname's affiliation to the king and queen, it was better to keep a low profile and avoid suspicion.

Though he'd been declared innocent, there were still whispers and murmurs that suggested he was complicit in the Shirabuki plot to kill the queen. Dissolving his services to the queen temporarily quelled such rumors.

But it was absolute torture.

Kaname hadn't realized how _close_ he and Yuuki were in the daily life; his every moment in the palace had been spent next to her – first as a hesitant guard, then as a considerate and loyal friend, until finally he became her lover and made claim on her body, mind and soul. He was so used to just having her around that when she suddenly ceased to be within his immediate sight at a long period of time, he withered with longing and heartache.

Yuuki was his other half, he realized one day under the glaring sun. Without her, he was incomplete.

All hope was not lost, though. Sometimes in the hallways, he'd catch a glimpse of her as she walked past him. She would never look at him or acknowledge his greeting, and while it hurt to see her act her part, he knew it was only half the truth. Because as the queen passed him, her shoulders would lower momentarily, and her lower lip became victim of her gnawing teeth. Her brows, so perfectly groomed and shaped, would momentarily adopt a slight frown before easing back into their arched places.

He knew her better than anyone, and to his trained eyes she was like an open book.

She missed him too. Terribly.

She didn't have to voice her longing or seek him out with tear-filled eyes; he knew just by looking at her and the subtle signs that escaped the confines of her iron mask.

Kaname sighed, eyeing the royal gardens, imagining her.

He imagined how she'd walk among the roses and smile secretly, her dainty fingers reaching out and caressing crimson petals in awe. She was the most beautiful in those moments, he thought. When she was in her own world, unaware of his doting gaze, smiling happily at simple things like flowers.

That Yuuki was her truest form. The Yuuki that roamed the palace and barely smiled was just an act – none of it was real.

The worst part of their separation was, surprisingly, the loss of intimacy.

Before he ever touched her, before he even dared thinking she would want him back, he'd been dreaming and fantasizing about her. Back then, when he was clueless and afraid, he'd harbored secret thoughts that centered on the queen and her beguiling allure. Thoughts and fantasies he'd never even dared to hope would come to life.

And now that he'd had her; now that he'd felt the smoothness of her skin, and the strength of her thighs against his sides; now that he'd heard her melodic voice spill the sweetest cries and now that he'd witnessed her unravel and submit to him countless of times, he was growing more and more desperate to have her again.

Now that he'd had a taste of her, he didn't know how to go on without her.

He'd see her in the hallway next to her husband; he'd notice how her hair tumbled beautifully down her back and how her dress seemed to hug her in all the right places; and suddenly the beast inside of him awoke, demanding he steal her away and have his way with her. Mark her so no other man could ever touch her.

Seeing her with the king made his blood boil hotter than before, and he had no idea why his immunity towards the sight was weakening day by day.

All he knew was that she wasn't supposed to stand next to his brother. She didn't belong _there._

The beast inside him grew stronger everyday, and he had yet to name it.

A high-pitched noise caught his attention, further angering the beast inside of him.

Of course, in his absence, there had to be a replacement.

Kaname grit his teeth unknowingly, his jaw clenching.

Aidou Hanabusa.

That bastard.

It was no secret that the young guard and the queen were close; from the very beginning, Kaname had been witness to several meetings between the two and how close they seemed to be when they interacted.

From the very beginning, he'd realized one very vital thing that most people might've missed:

The guard was in love with the queen.

As Kaname had watched silently from the sidelines, he'd studied the young guard closely. His body language changed whenever the queen was present, and his voice became softer and smoother. He'd reach over and cover the queen's hand with his, sighing with relief the moment his skin made contact with hers.

But the most obvious part was his eyes.

His eyes positively lit up when he gazed at the queen; Kaname could see the secret love sparkle deep within his blue depths from miles away.

And if the queen ever returned his feelings at one point, he had no idea, but it was clear as day that the young guard had been in love with the queen for a very long time, and would most likely continue to love her.

Things had changed since their initial meeting, but one thing remained the same; Kaname did not like Aidou, and the dislike seemed to be mutual, as he'd catch the boy glare at him from time to time when the queen was distracted.

But now, Kaname had found yet another reason to hate the arrogant fool.

"I'm just glad you're alive. Do you know how worried I was when I heard? And when I heard you fell ill when you came back!?"

A melodic chuckle filled the silence. "I'm sorry, Aidou. It was a tedious situation."

"Hah, tedious! It was a disaster! How could that guard of yours let that happen to you? Was he asleep the whole trip? I would never let something like that happen to you, your highness. I would put my life on the line no matter what."

Kaname's eyes narrowed as he watched the two walk down the path in the royal gardens.

Yuuki sighed. "It was not his fault. Ka- he saved my life and did his best to protect me. I'm alive because of him."

"Really?" Aidou said, coming to a halt. "Because what I hear is that he was involved in the attack and aided the Shirabukis in finding you. Don't you think that's suspicious? I'm just say-"

"He would never do such a thing." Yuuki said, her eyes hardening. "I _know_ he wouldn't. He has proven many times that his loyalty is to me and only me."

Aidou released a sigh. "I just don't trust him. There's something off about him."

Yuuki's stern expression gave away as she chuckled lightly, reaching up on her toes and pinching his cheek. "You're just jealous because I spend so much time with him rather than you."

Hanabusa smiled sheepishly, a light blush tinting his cheeks. "You're so pretty when you smile, Jouusama. How can I not be jealous of a man that gets to see you daily?"

"I don't smile at just anyone," Yuuki muttered, still pinching his cheek lightly as she grinned. "My smile is reserved for a very limited amount of people. Lucky for you, you are one of them."

Jealous rage unfurled inside of Kaname, blazing through his veins to the point where all he could see was red. How _dare_ he tell the queen her smile was pretty? How dare he touch her so casually? How dare he act so informally next to her?

It was supposed to be _him_ next to her. The damn fool was lucky to merely breathe the air next to the queen; had it not been for his sentence, Kaname would've remained glued to her side for years to come, every hour of the day. _He_ was the only one who was allowed to call her pretty; only he could touch her and only he could see her true self. She was his, damn it!

The sound of barking alerted his senses; Kaname couldn't help but grin wickedly as a plan to get rid of that pesky _bug_ next to her formed in his mind.

* * *

"Woooooolves!"

The queen and her companion turned towards the yelling guard, their eyes wide.

"Say what…?" Aidou breathed.

"The woooolves are looosee!" The fair guard yelled, running towards them.

"You!" He barked, pointing at Aidou. "Run and get help – now!"

"N-now?" Aidou stuttered. "Wait, now hold on, you mean the royal wo-"

"Yes, damnit! Run! I'll take care of Jouusama, just run!" The green-eyed blonde huffed, ushering him away.

Aidou gave Yuuki one last hesitant glance before sprinting away, surprising the queen and the guard next to her with his speed.

Yuuki listened to the barking in the distance, craning her head as her brows furrowed. They definitely sounded like animals, but _wolves?_

"Care to explain?" Yuuki wondered.

"Ah, no can do, your highness," Ichijou wiped his forehead. They were next to the palace walls that connected the main palace to the garden area.

"Actually, there's a big _bad_ wolf coming our way… right about now, so…" Ichijou patted her shoulder. "Gotta run! Bye!"

"Wha-"

Yuuki could barely finish her sentence before the eccentric young man had already run off into the woods.

"What on earth is going on?" She wondered out loud, scratching her head in wonder.

"Your highness, please come with me."

She gasped as an arm launched around her waist, pulling her into into a narrow alley between two of the gardening houses that belonged to the palace.

"What…?" She breathed.

"The royal wolves have been released…" Kaname breathed from behind her, an arm secured around her waist, holding her close. "It's imperative that I keep you out of their way."

"What? Are there trespassers in the royal garden?" She wondered out loud, her eyes wide and alert as she scanned the area.

"Yes…" He whispered in her ear as he breathed in her scent, holding her close.

The sound of paws tapping among the grass soon manifested. With her heart racing in her chest, the queen strained her neck, curiously trying to catch a glimpse of the ferocious wolves.

And, in due time, the beasts arrived, running straight past them.

"Those are just…" She frowned, eyeing the tiny, fluffy creatures. "Regular dogs…?"

"Really?" He whispered in her ear, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest. "I'm afraid I was mistaken, then…"

The curl of her lips happened instantly; no matter how hard she tried to school her features, she couldn't help but smile goofily at his silly tactics in finding ways to touch her and be close. "Wolf puppy…" She muttered, turning around in his embrace and wrapping her arms around his neck as she gazed up at him. Her smile dispersed as she gave in to the longing in her heart.

"I miss you," she breathed.

Kaname's smirk vanished; garnet hues shimmered with longing and sadness as he brushed her cheeks softly with his gloved hand. "I long for you everyday, my love."

She leaned into his touch, her hand covering his as she closed her eyes.

"I grow anxious waiting for your punishment to be over and done. I can't stand the distance between us; it's unbearable…"

"Soon," he said, kissing her forehead. "We'll be reunited soon, I promise."

Yuuki looked up, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears; she memorized every pore on his face; the fine hairs of his thick brows and the narrowness of his straight nose; the sharpness of his jaw and the gentle tilt of his plump but narrow mouth.

Going days without seeing him was torture; she needed to get her fill of him now before reality came calling for them.

"I haven't gotten the chance to thank you," he whispered softly as he stroked her cheek.

"For what?" She wondered, obsessed with the sound of his voice and how it seemed to wrap itself around her, calming her.

"For defending me that day when I was on trial. For speaking up for me and taking my side. No one's… No one's ever done that for me. No one's ever… believed in me the way you do. So… thank you Yuuki, for always staying by my side even when you're not allowed."

Yuuki hugged him tightly, snuggling into his chest and inhaling his comforting masculine scent. "I knew it was dangerous, but I had to speak up. Before I knew it, I was on my feet and speaking. I just… I just couldn't stand the king disgracing you like that. I couldn't stand anyone thinking you are anything but a hero… Kaname, you are the reason I am alive today. You saved my life long before the attack."

He kissed the top of her head, filtering his fingers through her hair as he reminisced over its softness.

"I want to see you everyday. Going to bed alone feels so wrong; not seeing you on the other side of the door kills me. I grow more and more lonely as the days go by," she whispered. "So I don't mind when you use such silly excuses like this to see me; please, I beg you, do it more often," she giggled.

"You say you grow lonely, yet here you are laughing and smiling next to that _brat._ " He huffed.

Yuuki leaned back from his embrace, her hands on his chest as she studied him.

"Do I sense some jealousy? She grinned.

"The only thing you sense is my pity towards that boy for thinking he stands a chance with you."

"Jealousy, then," she concluded, her grin widening. His heart melted at the sight.

He turned his head defiantly to the side. "To be jealous of such a fool? Hah. He thinks he can run around badmouthing me and sweep you off your feet, ye-"

"Don't you know?" Yuuki whispered, nuzzling his throat. "You are the only one for me. There is no other than can ever occupy the space you have taken in my heart."

She kissed his throat and neck, inhaling his scent. "Only you, Kaname, only you."

"Yuuki…" He whispered, unable to resist her allure as he leaned in for a kiss.

She put her finger on his lips, halting his movement. "But such silly excuses as royal _wolves?_ My, you are not only jealous, but also desperate. How utterly, terribly, wonderfully _cute_ of you." She teased.

"I was only looking out for your wellbeing, your highness." He claimed.

"You did a fine job in protecting me then," she hummed, her cheeks rosy. "What token of appreciation shall I bestow upon my knight? Tell me, what is your greatest wish? Whatever it is – as your queen I shall make it happen."

Kaname leaned down again and nuzzled her nose, his eyes warm and alluring as his breath softly fanned over her face. She melted in his proximity, forgetting all about time and space as his prominent beauty and glamor entranced her.

"A kiss," he breathed against her lips, closing in.

She was all too happy to comply with his request.

Just as their lips were about to descend upon another, the call of her companion interrupted them.

"Jouusama Yuuki! Where are you? Jouuuuusamaaaaaa?"

The lovers reluctantly retracted from each other; the queen sighing as she adjusted her dress and hid her disappointed look, unwilling to let him see her falter.

"Right here," she called, her tone dejected and cold, completely different from what it was mere moments ago when she teased her lover. Just as she was about to turn and walk away, her knight grabbed her wrist gently and held her back.

With her skirts billowing around her, the young queen turned in awe, beguiled by his glittering eyes.

"I shall reclaim my gift later…" He murmured, the walls of the castle casting shadows across his visage, giving him a nefarious allure.

Lost in his beauty, she breathed shakily. "Until then, I shall keep it safe…"

* * *

A few days later, King Rido Kuran announced that a ball would be held to celebrate of the queen surviving the attack and her following illness.

The palace bustled with life; maids and servants running from corner to corner, hanging up decorations and preparing the luxurious ballroom for the important guests that would soon arrive. In no time, the palace was decorated in beautiful flowers and paintings, while the most delicious foods in the kingdom made of the finest meat and harvest stood ready for the arriving nobles.

The guards were instructed on where to stand and how to act in the presence of nobles; security was the number one issue after the attack on the queen, and while it was important to take the most necessary security measures, it was also important that the guards remained in the shadows so the nobles wouldn't feel threatened by their presence.

One of those guards was Kaname.

After the king decided upon his punishment, he had been severely reduced in rank. Rido no longer requested his audience during meetings, and he was prohibited from being next to the queen. This left Kaname in a state of restlessness as his only job was to patrol the grounds and keep on the lookout for enemies.

Tonight was no different as he leaned against the pillar behind him, garnet eyes searching the elegant crowd.

There he was, once again in the shadows, reduced to no more than a tool that served the kingdom. Like the others, he'd been instructed to blend in with the crowd and stay silent should anyone prod after answers.

He was just an accessory; a necessary tool dusting off in the background while the nobles danced and enjoyed themselves.

In the shadows he lingered; and in the light was Yuuki _–_ the love of his life, his secret lover – next to her husband in the middle of the room.

He couldn't keep his eyes off her.

And neither could the rest of the room.

She looked so radiant and beautiful as she politely smiled and laughed at silly nobles vying for her attention; indeed, the queen was a rare beauty in their kingdom and her looks never went unnoticed.

As Kaname's eyes swept over the guests, he couldn't help but notice how the eyes of the nobles rarely left the queen. Like him, they were infatuated with her – but where his attachment ran far deeper than lust, theirs was a superficial admiration that bloomed whenever she politely smiled and flipped her gorgeous hair.

The queen was alluring in every way, and it was hard for most people to resist her.

Young girls aspired to be like her one day, while men secretly envied the king for securing such a beautiful wife by his side.

Kaname felt temporary pride swell in his chest; that beautiful woman was _his –_ mind, body and soul – and no one could ever take that from him. At night, she turned to _him,_ and in the day, she longed for his kiss only. No one could ever hold her heart the way he did, and it soothed him temporarily as he watched her smile next to her husband.

"Ah, I wish they'd hurry up and secure heirs already," a noble woman spoke next to him, unaware of his keen ears listening in on the conversation.

"They look so good together, our King and Queen. And so in love! Look how she clings to him!" Another woman pointed out.

"Imagine how beautiful their children would be," the other woman mused. "Sadly, I hear the queen has had issues with her health and therefore conceiving an heir has been difficult. It must be awful for Ousama…"

"Ah, yes," the other woman nodded sadly. "He must feel terrible knowing she struggles so much with her health. I heard the royal cabinet tried to force him into a claiming a second bride, but he refused because he loves her so much. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Oh yes, it is… Despite their struggles, the king and queen's love remain strong and healthy."

Kaname felt sick to his stomach. Where pride had previously reigned, anger unfurled like wildfire in his veins. The words of the women repeated in his mind as he watched Rido lovingly gaze at Yuuki as she spoke to a noble.

He wanted so badly to open his mouth and speak the truth; he wanted to tell them that their lovable king beat her up so much she lost her health; he wanted to tell them how he blamed her for failing to "fix" him of his afflictions, and how he sought a male lover every night to sooth his worries.

The loving, doting couple in front of them was no more than a mirage; a lie; an illusion – there was nothing real about the way Rido smiled at Yuuki or how Yuuki gushed over how attentive he was towards her.

 _Lies, lies, lies._

Kaname grit his teeth.

 _I'm sick of it._

The queen was in love with _him._ If she could choose, she would've chosen _him_ as her king – she'd told him so many times. _He_ was the one that healed her after the king abused her; he was the one that protected her with his life and would gladly die for her sake.

The beast inside of him grew more ferocious as his eyes narrowed upon Rido, feeling the taste of disgust in his mouth.

Gone were the days where he felt inferior to his half-brother; after Yuuki, something changed within Kaname and he had no way to stop it. He didn't know if it was male instincts, or perhaps unsettled feelings he'd locked away for years, but for the first time in his life, he had the urge to kill his brother and take his place. For the first time in his life, he succumbed to the dark thoughts that lingered in the back of his mind, imagining what it would feel like to drain the life out of his brother.

He imagined himself next to Yuuki; he imagined the crowd swooning over them and their love for each other; he imagined Yuuki pregnant with their child, glowing with motherly joy the only way she could – and him, next to her, supporting her.

Kaname shook his head, willing the thoughts to go away. He couldn't afford to lose his temper in such a crowded place, especially when he was under punishment.

 _Something inside of me has resurfaced; the nameless beast is more ferocious than ever. But what is it?_

He spotted Yuuki going to the back of the room, leaving Rido behind as he conversed with some councilmen.

The beast awoke with a growl.

He slithered through the crowd, going unnoticed by most until he was close to Yuuki. He stalked her like a prey, his eyes never leaving her as she listened to a maid whisper in her ear.

The maid bowed, and made her way to the exit.

Yuuki waited a few seconds until she made a move to follow.

Kaname saw his chance and grabbed it.

Before the queen could make it to the exit, Kaname grabbed her arm. She gave him a puzzled look, before her eyes automatically softened as recognition dawned.

He pulled her into a darkened room; she recognized it as a the storage room where the maids and servants kept everything from food to decorations, and where they would disappear off to when they were no longer needed in the grand hall.

Luckily, there was no one around when they went inside. But anyone could enter at any time…

"You owe me a kiss," Kaname murmured, caging her against the wall.

"You sure are brave, _knight,"_ she muttered tersely, glancing around the narrow room, "stealing away the queen like this…"

Kaname did not offer any verbal response; instead, he leaned in closer, tantalizing her with his scent and proximity. Yuuki flushed, still finding it hard to cope with his intense allure as she shrunk against the wall.

His request was obvious; his impatience questionable – but she wasn't one to question such things.

"Well, collect your gift then," she said bravely tipping her chin up and looking at him expectantly, a challenge in her eyes.

He tipped his head slightly, like a hunter viewing its prey before leaning in and sealing her lips with his. She'd expected the kiss to be sweet and short – after all, the entire royal palace and an abundance of guests were in the room next to them – but his kiss was feral and _hungry;_ leaving her with the same desire.

She panted against his lips as he withdrew slightly, still maintaining the almost non-existent distance between them.

"Ah, what to do?" He spoke, his voice low and smooth like velvet. "The queen looks so undeniably beautiful tonight… A simple kiss won't do."

Panic rose in her stomach. He couldn't be…?

Wide-eyed, she received his second kiss, her body frozen for a second until it responded of its own volition. His arms went around her waist, holding her close as his mouth devoured the taste of sake on her tongue.

"Mmh, no... Kaname, we can't," she muttered helplessly against his lips. Inside, she was fighting a war with herself; years of training and lessons on etiquette screamed at her to not let herself get carried away – if they were caught, her name and reputation would be forever sullied and everything would go to hell.

But if hell meant spending another minute in his sinful arms, then her wicked side was prepared to take the consequences.

 _This man… how can he turn my world upside down just from the taste of his lips? Why…_

She panted against his lips as he steered them towards the entrance; her steps followed his languidly, her mind too far away to care where her body went as long as she was with him. She was so tired of the ball; of meaningless conversations and forced smiles; she was tired of being next to her husband and hearing his lies about their marriage. She was so damn tired of _everything._

What she needed was Kaname. In his arms, everything felt _right_.

 _Why is he my shadow, and not the one next to me?_

It took only a few steps, but suddenly her back was against the wooden door; the handle poking against her back as her eyes widened.

"No, Kaname, we can't–"

He turned her around and pressed her against the door; a small area of glass – used by the servants to keep track of the guests from behind the scenes – was just in her line of sight. Maroon eyes widened upon the nobles and elite guests mingling in the ballroom. The chance of someone even offering a thought to the servant's entrance was almost impossible, but still she couldn't help but worry. Though the glass was cracked, she could still _see_ through it; and, should one of the lords or ladies – or even worse, the _king –_ turn their beautiful head and casually glance through the glass, then…

"I have suffered without you," he declared, pulling her hair over her shoulder. "He got what he wanted; he separated us and now I must go on without you. But I can no longer resist… I can no longer pretend…"

It was like a fever was running rampant in his body; he felt hot and constricted, panicked almost; all he knew was that he needed her _right_ now. He needed to claim her and show the world that she was _his._

"No one knows about the things I do to you," he breathed hotly against her ear from behind. "No one knows about the ways I touch you or the way you scream my name in the privacy of your royal chambers," needy hands kneaded her breasts as she gasped, tearing through fabric to pinch her nipples. "No one knows because what we have is forbidden. If I had the chance, I would gladly parade you around and show the world what a treasure I've found, but I am no more than a knight and will forever be so…"

Faintly she could feel his hands under her dress, discarding undergarments and spreading her legs for him. Vaguely she could feel her own arousal drip down her thigh, her body readying itself for him even if her rational mind screamed at her to run away.

Her inaudible moan fogged up the glass temporarily as the sound of his robes being discarded echoed in the silence of the abandoned room.

"But tonight… " He whispered, his teeth tugging at her earlobe. "If anyone of them dares to look in another direction than what they're supposed to do, then they'll see… what's been in front of them all along."

His words only served to arouse her further; and as he slipped inside of her from behind, she couldn't help but release a low moan as she braced herself against the door; the door creaked slightly in response, but she didn't pay it any attention.

Her lover bit her shoulder lightly in warning. "I'm afraid, my queen, that making noises might draw…" He withdrew and entered her again in one swift motion, "unwanted attention. Best be…" He repeated his previous motion, rolling his hips as he did so, slowly torturing her.

" _Quiet_."

And then he recreated his rhythm from before, taking her with him. Yuuki grit her teeth together as tears sprung in her eyes; his voice, his touch – the feel of him inside of her, setting her body on fire while all those worthless elite people mingled in oblivion just inches away – it was all too much…

"Mmh, _Kaname,_ I…" She mewled, halfway in agony and halfway in pure bliss. "Ah!"

Kaname panted in her ear, pounding into her as he held her close. He didn't know exactly what'd come over him to make him so reckless; all he knew was that the beast inside of him was getting impatient; his selfishness was resurfacing like never before – thoughts of continuing in the shadows and keeping their affair a secret dimmed down as the urge to make her his – and let it be _known_ that she was his – slowly came forward.

All his life, he'd been stowed away in the shadows; he'd been told he was less worth because he was the bastard child of the king; the second son, the half-bred royal who wasn't supposed to see the light of day. He was a nuisance and a burden – and, really, he ought to thank the gods that somehow life had granted him a place on earth to live and work.

He clamped his hand over mouth to keep her from screaming out about their illicit activities. She arched her back into him, twisting like a lioness as he claimed her body, making his way inside of her where no other man had ever been – and would never enter. She was, undeniably and truthfully, _his_ – mind, body and spirit – yet the outside world saw her only as the king's precious jewel of a queen.

"Mm, Kaname…" She moaned into his hand, leaning up against him as he towered above her. "I love youu..." Yuuki crooned in absolute bliss. Ah, there it was…

 _This woman… I love her beyond justification. I want to let the world know that I'm worthy enough to court her and be with her; that I, too, have royal blood in my veins, and I, too, deserve to spend my life with her. I want the world to know of my brother's cowardice; of his sins and his evildoings – I want the truth to be known, and no longer hide…_

Yuuki convulsed against him as her orgasm rocked her core, biting into his hand to keep quiet. The pleasure ran rampant trough her veins, destroying every ounce of willpower as she let go of everything. The sound of pearls scattering and seams splitting open did nothing to dampen her high; if anything, the thought of everything about her carefully crafted persona unraveling made her feel liberated – all because of his touch.

 _Call it greed._

Her low scream echoed like bells in his ears; her pleasured cry like the sweetest symphony ever known to mankind.

 _The beast inside of me._

 _Call it greed._

 _I want to reach for the light with my bare hands; to reach for her and not be shoved into darkness again. This greed is growing inside me._

Her own release spurred him on; thoughts of her and his desire; her scent – vivified by the small room they were in – the sight of her arching into him and crying out his name like a desperate prayer; her submissive stance as he took her from behind, claiming her…

He pounded into her and let go, his seed filling her as he fought to control his own pleasured growl from escaping the confines of his mouth. He stilled inside of her once he rode out the waves of pleasure, sweat dribbling from his temples and chin as the aftershock of euphoria settled over him.

"That…" The queen panted, "was more than… just a kiss…"

He withdrew from her silently, hissing as he mourned the loss of contact with her silken channel. Robotically, he adjusted himself and drew his pants back on, securing the royal emblem around his waist.

Yuuki gathered her skirts and adjusted herself also; but as she turned and watched his withdrawn expression, she stilled, her eyes softening while she reached out with her fingertips to stroke his cheek.

Warily, the knight glanced up from beneath heavy bangs at her, his eyes vulnerable and raw.

"What's wrong?" She whispered, taking a step closer. She could still feel the remnants of him dripping down between thighs; a reminder of their tryst just minutes ago, and his ownership of her very willing body.

As always, he shut himself off and didn't speak; instead, his eyes spoke for him and conveyed his turmoil. And for some reason, she understood him perfectly.

"I understand, Kaname, I understand…" She whispered, stroking his cheek. He remained silent as he watched her, conveying with his eyes what he felt.

"I feel it too…" She whispered so lowly that he was almost unsure if he'd heard her right. Her arms gathered around his neck. "I feel it too…"

Yuuki raised herself up on her tip-toes, looking into his eyes. "Your gift took a lot from me…" She breathed. "I'm afraid I'll have to claim a gift for myself; if you would be so inclined, could you kiss me… Kaname?"

Jet-black eyelashes fluttered as he blinked, overcome with emotion only by her simple request. Affection grew in his chest, morphing into love the longer he stared at her and felt the love and tenderness that radiated from her.

No one had ever looked at him like that; like he was worth more than his pathetic lineage and status as a warrior. That he, too, deserved love…

He kissed her then, as per her request, so gently and softly as could be. His lips caressed hers in silent worship, conveying the magnitude of his gratitude and love towards her just by the simple pressure of his lips upon hers. But what started out as sweet and gentle turned ferocious and possessive; her tongue slipped inside his mouth and caressed his; their heads turned as they kissed like this was their last time.

She was showing him that she accepted his greed.

She accepted the part of him that hungered and lusted; the ugly side of him that demanded he rose from his underdog position and claimed what was rightfully his.

She accepted him wholly and fully; all his vices and all his virtues.

They kissed until the need for oxygen became unbearable; and when they parted, she latched onto him and gazed adoringly at him.

"One day, Kaname, kiss me in front of everyone."

It wasn't a request nor a demand; it was a simple wish, born out of dreams and fantasies of a world where they could be together without fear or judgment – it was a wishful request and, as he nodded silently, a wishful response to a predicament that could never happen.

She smiled, blinking away her tears as she pretended that it would one day happen.

"Kiss me again," she requested, and when he obliged and withdrew, she requested again and again until their lips were sore from affection.

When she'd had her full of him – as if that could ever happen – she hugged him tightly and put her head on his chest, listening to the lull of his heartbeat.

"I am tired," she mumbled into his sturdy chest while he stroked her back and kissed the tips of her hair, "won't you escort me back to my chambers? My valiant _hogosha…_ "

"As my queen wishes," the knight humbly replied, hugging her tighter in his embrace.

* * *

They slipped away from the party without anyone noticing, quietly making their way down the hallway hand-in-hand.

Kaname clenched the dainty hand in his, obsessed with the feel of her skin next to his even if it was only her hand. It was risky to walk hand-in-hand in public, but the events from before had made them immune to concerns regarding caution.

They would come to regret this decision sooner than they thought possible.

"You…"

Horrified, the Queen and her Knight turned at the voice.

"You… you…" Azure eyes watched them incredulously, flickering between Yuuki and Kaname rapidly.

"How… _could_ you?"

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading. Reviews are appreciated!**

 **Fun fact of the day; Yuuki speaking up for Kaname during the trial was 100% unplanned. I originally intended for her to remain silently fuming next to Rido as he went off on Kaname, but before I knew it I was writing her lines. So Yuuki literally made me make her defend Kaname. Yup. That's love.**


	11. Hunger

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! Life got so hectic this summer, and even though I tried to write often, I just couldn't seem to write anything I was happy with. I also had to decide a few things and where to take this story, and, knowing me, that took forever. But here we are, and I present to you chapter 11 aka the beginning of the _end._**

 **I apologize in advance for any writing errors due to me rushing the chapter a little, and I'll be sure to reply reviews for chapter 10 as soon as possible! I'm actually sitting in my car writing this; the chapter's been 80% done forever and I just wanted to finish it before I leave for a little holiday trip, because, well you guys give me _life._ Nothing makes me happier than receiving your beautiful reviews; I literally sit and smile like an idiot whenever a new review ticks in. It means so much to me.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and please do share your thoughts about it! I'll be reading your reviews while soaking up the sun in Mexico where I'll be celebrating my birthday, yay! I LOVE U ALL**

 **I want to give a special thanks to Jessielee14 and Monsterpaws for their incredible support of this story. I'm in awe by your kind words!**

* * *

 **Chapter 11: Hunger**

She watched him from above, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled to herself.

He was walking next to Ichijou as they patrolled the palace gardens; the two appeared to be chatting idly as she watched their mouths move. Ichijou's face was bright and cheery; it seemed like he was the eternal bearer of good news – it seemed almost impossible that such a bright person as Ichijou himself could ever speak ill of anything. He seemed unguarded almost as he gestured with his hands while speaking.

Kaname was a whole other story.

Her eyes kept returning to his handsome face, adoring his strong jawline and the mystery of his eyes. His face betrayed nothing; as always, he was unreadable to an untrained eye, seemingly uninterested in what Ichijou was saying.

Yuuki shook her head, momentarily forgetting her nausea.

She adored him.

Even when he was like this; stoic-faced and cold, she adored him, because she knew what lay beneath his mask. She knew the man no one else knew; she saw him every night in her bedroom; felt his gentle touch and passionate kisses; listened to his sweet words and gazed into his eyes filled with love. She knew him like no other and prized herself for having such a privilege in her life.

That brave knight was her entire world.

Being separated from him hurt more than anything else.

She placed her hand against the window, wishing she could touch him.

 _Just one more time, I want to be with him. Gods, how long must you punish us for our crime of loving one another?_

"I've identified the cause of death, Jouusama," Kaien said.

Clearing her throat, Yuuki turned around and faced her uncle.

"And?"

He eyed her pensively, hazel eyes filled with conflicting emotion. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"What do you mean?"

Kaien pushed his glasses up his nose as he glanced briefly at the document in his hands. "When you open this Pandora's box, there is no way of closing it. The truth will unleash a myriad of consequences; possibly hurt you and the one you love – are you sure you want to know?"

Yuuki turned towards the window again, her eyes immediately landing on Kaname's back as he and Ichijou walked away.

"I owe it to him," she whispered, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "And I owe it to her and my father-in-law to uncover the truth and make sure justice is served. Besides…" She turned back to Kaien with a look of determination in her eyes. "I believe I already know what you are about to say."

"Juuri died of a fatal heart attack," he declared. The autopsy – which was buried deep in the records – revealed that she had traces of Deadly Nightshade in her system – _Belladonna_ , a special import."

Yuuki closed her eyes, mourning Kaname's mother.

Another woman made a victim because of the crown. Another woman caught up in the web of entitled royals who believed themselves mightier than the common people.

A doting mother and a beloved concubine, forever lost.

She opened her eyes again, willing her tears to go away. "And I suppose the order that was sent out for the poison was signed by the young prince at the time?"

Kaien inhaled, holding his breath. It was treason to even suggest the king had a finger in the murder of an innocent woman, yet…

"Yes," he exhaled, the breath leaving his lungs along with the truth. "Under the pretense of using it as medication for an ongoing illness…"

An eerie silence settled over the two occupants of the room. Neither could properly express themselves at the moment; the knowledge of the king's crime and its severity settled like a noose around their necks, choking them with its undeniable brutality.

First came denial; then came acceptance.

Sadness filled her heart as she imagined a young Kaname sitting next to the lifeless body of his mother; her heart constricted at the confirmation that the late king Haruka had indeed died of a broken heart having tragically lost the love of his life and mother of his child.

And then came rage, soaring through her veins and bubbling in her blood.

Her fists tightened against her sides as every muscle in her body stiffened.

"Bastard," she spit out.

"Yuuki…" Kaien said worriedly, aware of her temper when it was roused from its slumber. "Do not act rashly with this knowledge. Don't do something you will regret. Take a deep breath, please."

Yuuki inhaled and exhaled, trying her best to calm her rage. For such a long time she'd hated Rido; she'd hated his lies and his violence; his fake exterior and his words of hatred. But now… now, she _loathed_ him.

Amidst her hatred, she felt a new wave of protectiveness wash over her. It was similar to what she'd felt during the trial when she spoke up on Kaname's behalf and defended him. Back then, she couldn't bear the sight of him on his knees being degraded in front of the king when he was innocent on all accounts.

She'd always known Rido and Kaname's relationship was strained; it was only natural with the nature of their relation, but before she became Kaname's lover, she'd merely thought it was requited animosity on both sides.

But as she got to know Kaname; as she watched the two interact and learned of the tasks Rido made Kaname perform, she realized quickly that the hatred Rido harbored for Kaname ran deeper than sibling rivalry.

No, Rido was exacting a long-standing vendetta; a vendetta that had begun the moment Rido's mother, late Queen Shizuka, took her life.

Her husband was a killer worse than any she'd ever known; a snake in the garden that killed in secret and let its victims rot on the sidelines.

No more.

She would tolerate his torture of Kaname no more.

Kaname had protected her for so long; saved her life, healed her wounds… now it was time for her to protect him.

"I will heed your advice, oji-san," she said calmly, squaring her shoulders. "I will not succumb to my immediate impulse to murder that bastard."

She quirked her eyebrow as Kaien's shoulders visibly relaxed.

"If you could do me another favor, could you please look into councilman Isaya Souto and his relation to the king?"

"Yes," Kaien replied, confusion clear on his features. "Of course I can, but… why…?"

"I don't trust him." Yuuki replied, recalling the elder's cold grey eyes. "There is something about him that screams danger, so I want to know what kind of influence he has over Rido."

Furthermore, she had yet to forget the fact that had it not been for Isaya whispering in the king's ear at the hearing, Kaname might've gotten a far worse punishment than the one he was currently enduring. She wondered why the stranger had offered such a kindness their way – and more importantly, what he wanted in return.

"Very well, I will look into it. But before you leave, about your nausea…" Kaien paused. "I think it would be best if you avoided alcohol for the time being, including tomorrow's celebration. You are still in recovery."

Yuuki nodded. "I will follow your advice. I'm tired of being ill all the time."

"Yes, it is definitely strange," Kaien pursed his lips. "Did you say you were suffering from occasional dizziness and drowsiness?"

"Yes," Yuuki yawned. "Essentially, I'm just very tired."

"I see…" Kaien mumbled, shuffling through his papers. "Well, your immune system was weakened due to your previous malnutrition, so I'm sure your recent illness was a shock to your system. I'm sure it's nothing serious, but I will keep monitoring your health for now for good measure."

"Thank you for taking such care of me, oji-san." Yuuki smiled, for some reason feeling moved by his concern.

"It is my duty," he replied calmly as she came over to him. "Here," he said, handing her the documents, "in here is all you need to know about her death and the poison used. Be very careful when handling these; you _must_ make sure they don't end up in the wrong hands."

"Of course," Yuuki promised, clutching the papers tightly to her chest. "I will make sure no one knows about this."

* * *

"It's a little tight…" Yuuki mumbled.

"But Jouusama, the measurements are the same as your last ones…"

She'd always been indifferent to her fittings; sure, the dresses and the jewels were beautiful creations worthy of appreciation, but to her they failed to tide her over her eternal discontentment in the palace. As she stared in the mirror, she saw a mirage of herself; it was Jouusama Yuuki staring back – the cold and regal woman who was adored by the people of their kingdom.

The woman in the mirror didn't display her heartache and sorrow; she didn't show the wound in her heart that came from her loveless marriage and neglectful family; nor did it show her painful yearning for her knight and lover.

Jouusama Yuuki was a lie; an illusion created by herself and the palace to sway the kingdom.

A beautiful lie.

"Have you… um…" The maid stuttered and blushed, her eyes lowered in respect.

"Gained weight?" Yuuki let a rare smile manifest on her face. "Perhaps. I'm sure the king will be delighted."

"I-I didn't mean it like that!" The maid spluttered, hazel eyes widening. "A-also, there aren't big changes just, just a few inches, minimal really-"

"It's okay," Yuuki interrupted. "Please make the proper arrangements for my dress to be adjusted in time."

"H-hai, Jouusama," the maid bowed, resuming her work on the seams.

 _Gained weight, hm?_ Yuuki studied herself in the mirror. She couldn't really detect any visible changes on herself; truth be told, she had no idea of what her ideal weight was. Having spent the past years going up and down on the scale, she'd lost track of her appearance. _Will he notice?_

Her only concern was whether Kaname approved or not; as long as he desired her, she was happy with her appearance. It was also a bonus that he was no longer nagging at her to eat more; god knows she'd grown tired of his incessant surveillance of her eating habits.

Yuuki smiled to herself. Though it had been annoying, his nagging was the reason she regained her health and lived to see the love between them unfold.

 _I hope I see him tomorrow…_

Thinking of him reminded her of the information she'd just discovered. There was no doubt in her mind that Rido was behind the death of Kaname's mother; her heart broke knowing that Kaname could still have his parents with him now had it not been for Rido's cruel interference in his life. Kaname could've been another man entirely; perhaps he'd never entered knighthood if his parents had lived; he wouldn't be littered with scars and looked down upon in the public eye; perhaps his father would've made him his rightful heir, and he'd ascend the throne,,.

Had it not been for Juuri's sudden death, the king wouldn't have died from heartbreak. And had the king lived, Kaname would've been the man Yuuki would marry at the tender age of 18.

Yuuki's fist tightened at her sides, realizing what cruel events Rido's actions had set in motion. How many lives he'd ruined in his own selfish quest to avenge his mother.

 _He's always protecting me… now it's my turn to protect him._

"Yori, is it?" Yuuki questioned.

The maid stilled. "Y-yes?"

"You've always taken great care of me," Yuuki tilted her head, watching the girl via the mirror. "Don't think I haven't noticed your dedication."

"I… admire Jouusama very much," the maid admitted, blushing slightly. "Your grace and strength; I know… I _know_ the hardships you go through, a-and as your servant I want to protect you."

It was true. Yuuki had never spoken much with Yori before, but out of all the maids, she was the one she was closest with. Somehow she trusted the hazel-eyed girl, even without knowing much of her. Though she was not the head of the maids, she outdid her role and was always consistent in her services.

Furthermore, she had always taken care of Yuuki in her weakest moments.

" _Jouusama…" Yori whispered gently, bending down to the queen's level where she wept on the bed._

" _Leave." Yuuki commanded, hiding behind her bangs._

" _I… have brought you a herbal mixture to help speed up the healing of your wounds. M-may I please apply them to your wounds, your highness?"_

 _Yuuki raised her chin, revealing her tear-filled eyes and the angry bruise on right cheek. "I don't want your pity."_

" _Pity is not what I'm offering, your highness," Yori whispered. "I'm offering you a remedy that will heal the wounds, so your beauty may be preserved. Will you let me help you?"_

 _Yuuki's bottom lip quivered. Yes, yes… her beauty. Yes, she needed to take care of her beauty. No one could see her in such a state; bruised and battered; no, she needed to remain perfect. No one could know the truth behind her marriage and her failure as a woman._

 _All she had was her beauty, and she could control it. It was her only power._

 _Yuuki nodded quietly, tipping her chin slightly more upwards._

 _Yori applied the remedy gently, mindful of Yuuki's hisses whenever the raw and tender skin reacted to the herbs._

" _There," she said when she was finished, "it should heal in no time. I will leave you to your privacy, your highness, but should there be anything else you need I am only a call away." She bowed and quickly made her way to the door._

" _What is your name?" Said the queen, her voice regal and powerful._

" _Yori," she replied, turning around and bowing._

 _For a split second, the ice queen's eyes filled with warmth._

" _Thank you."_

"I place great trust in you, Yori. I think you already know that." Yuuki's voice was calm and soft, carrying a hint of authority that the younger maid immediately recognized.

"H-hai, Jouusama," Yori bowed. "I don't take it lightly."

"Good," Yuuki nodded. "It is because I trust you that I ask this favor from you."

Yori's eyes widened, her curiosity piqued. "What is it?"

"You are often in charge of the medicinal herb inventory of the palace, are you not?"

"Yes, your highness." Yori nodded.

Yuuki paused slightly, carefully choosing her words. "Oftentimes, you… oversee the mixture of various healing ointments and tea, correct?"

"Yes, your highness. Where are you-"

"Can you order Deadly Nightshade?"

"Deadly Nightshade?" Yori's eyes widened in alarm. "A-as in Belladonna? It's extremely poisonous-"

"I know." Yuuki replied tersely.

Yori blinked as she watched the queen, decoding her intention; Yuuki could see the struggle in her eyes as she debated on her reply. Unbeknownst to the maid, Yuuki's heart was pounding in her chest, pumping adrenaline through her veins as she awaited the maid's reply.

"Yes, your highness," the hazel-eyed girl nodded.

Yuuki released the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "It must be as discreetly as possible; do what you can to get a hold of it and keep it off the records. No one can trace this back to me or you, do you understand?"

"I do, Jouusama. What… If I may ask, for what purpose do you need the poison?"

"I will tell you what to make of it in due time," Yuuki replied. "For now, it must be kept a secret between the two of us. I will reward you greatly for your loyalty and bravery."

Yori bowed respectfully. "Serving you is my duty. Being loyal to you and you only is my personal choice."

* * *

The ball was a complete bore.

Yuuki eyed her untouched wine. _Nothing's changed, then._

As always, Rido paraded her around like a jewel; she clung to his arm like any good wife, smiling and laughing along as they spoke with nobles and other important figures within politics.

Fake smiles. Lies. Forced laughter. More lies.

Her only remedy was the eyes burning into her back; his stare, burning with desire and lust, she was sure, remained on her the entire night. She never looked back at him; she couldn't risk it – after all, they were supposed to be separated following the trial and his punishment. One wrong look in his direction would cause a mayhem of rumors to arise – and she could not let their already fragile relationship be further jeopardized.

Her narcissistic side delighted in his stare, of course. It made her stand taller and straighter; it made her swish her hips more so than usual, adding what she could of her charm to her movements. The nobles in the room were fooled; they thought she looked beautiful for them; that she moved ladylike yet seductively for them – but it was all for _him._

Her lover.

The one she longed to touch and see again. _Kaname._

Three syllables slipping from her tongue late at night as she dreamt of his touch, only to wake up in her own glistening sweat.

It was torture having him so close yet so _far._

She sensed the conversation around her die out; she excused herself quietly from the king's grasp, going to the back of the room as discreetly as possible. Her eyes searched the area, looking for him.

Instead, she found Yori approaching her cautiously.

"I have made the necessary arrangements for your request, Jouusama. The shipment will be here tomorrow."

Yuuki nodded, conveying with her gaze the seriousness of the situation. "Thank you. You may be dismissed."

Yori nodded and rushed away.

Knowing that she'd just secured the poison made her feel slightly self-conscious; at once she felt like everyone in the room knew what she was hiding and were ready to accuse her. The need to flee the ballroom area intensified by the second, but as she turned to leave, she felt someone grab her arm and steer her away.

 _Kaname._

He brought her to darkened room and demanded his gift; yet another one of her crimes coming back to haunt her, and she couldn't resist his charm. But he was not satisfied with just a kiss; he wanted all that she could offer and more. Feeling slightly paranoid, she protested at first, but like always, his touch made her worries melt away like ice on a summer's day.

Oh, her lover was vicious and hungry; she secretly loved his possessive touch and succumbed far too easily than she would've liked. But in his eyes she could sense the sadness; could sense the grief he harbored over not being able to be by her side; to touch her when he wanted; to feel her when he wanted; to call her name and not be chastised for breaking the social norms surrounding their public relationship.

And she understood him all too well; and in her sympathy, she became so reckless that she dared to hold his hand in public as they escaped to her chambers.

But that was not her gravest mistake that night.

Blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

"You… How could you?"

Then the eyes narrowed; rage blossomed in his depths as his cheeks reddened. Animosity replaced the shock and horror that had previously filled the young man's eyes.

Yuuki took a protective step in front of Kaname.

"You bastard," the blonde sneered, eyes trained on Kaname. "How could you?"

"I can explain…" Yuuki whispered, holding out her hand in front of her as her heart raced.

At once, the boy unsheathed his sword in a swift move. "Putting your filthy hands on her highness; you _dare_ defile the queen in such a way, you filthy _bastard!_ You will die for this!"

Kaname was no step behind, his sword unsheathed the moment he sensed the other male draw his. In his eyes was fire unlike any other; it thrived off of the blonde's words as Kaname grit his teeth.

"I'd like to see you try, little boy," Kaname sneered, raising his sword.

"How pathetic that those will be your last words, you _rapist_ ," Aidou sneered.

"Were you not listening properly, or were you too busy spying on your queen to notice that she very much willingly _enjoyed_ my _filthy_ hands on her?" Kaname grinned wickedly. "Admit it, you wish it was _you_ in my place."

"BASTARD!" Aidou yelled, raising his sword.

"Enough!" Yuuki stepped between the two, holding out her hands. "Stop this nonsense!"

" _Yuuki!"_ Kaname growled. "Get out of the way so I can end his pathetic life!"

"You wish, you toad-faced wannabe knight!" Aidou yelled, his face bright red.

"Toad-faced? Wannabe knight?" Kaname spluttered increduosly. "You just signed your death-certificate, you f-"

" _Enough,"_ Yuuki screamed. "Both of you!"

The two men kept staring at each other above Yuuki's petite frame, daring the other to make a move as they both lowered their swords.

Yuuki gave Kaname a stern look, to which he only raised his eyebrows in challenge.

She shook her head and glared at him. "I will deal with _you_ later. Return to my chambers."

"And let you walk off with _him?"_ Kaname balked. "I will not-"

" _Now,_ Kaname," Yuuki growled. "That was not a request; that was an _order._ "

Behind her, Aidou stuck his tongue out at Kaname.

"That's right, listen to your master, _dog,"_ Aidou smirked.

"Shut up!" Yuuki yelled, turning briefly towards the blue-eyed guard before returning to Kaname.

"Leave, Kaname. Now." Her voice softened slightly, begging him to concede.

Kaname gaped increduously, looking between the queen and that _brat._ When Yuuki refused to back down, he huffed angrily and turned, walking briskly down the hallway.

Yuuki inhaled and exhaled, steeling herself.

 _Men will always act like children. Even Kaname, apparently._

"You!" She swerved around and pointed at Aidou.

"How," she hit his arm, "dare," she hit his chest, "you," she hit his other arm, "meddle," she hit his chest and his arms repeatedly, "in my affairs!?"

"Ouch!" Aidou yelled, stepping away from her assault. "I was only looking out for you!"

"Looking out for me how?" Yuuki demanded angrily. "By trying to kill Kaname?"

"That bastard put his hands on you!" Aidou flushed, raising his voice. "H-he _touched_ you in places… places that someone like _him_ shouldn't… _shouldn't_ have access to!"

"I let him," Yuuki replied calmly. "Did you fail to notice that?"

"You're under his spell," Aidou countered desperately. "He must've slipped you something; bewitched you over time, because there is no way-"

"I love him," Yuuki said softly.

Aidou paused. "You… love him?"

"Yes."

"Him?"

"Yes."

"That… that toad face?!"

Yuuki rolled her eyes. "Does he look like a toad to you?"

" _Yes!_ " Aidou hissed, crossing his arms. "How can you love a toad?"

Yuuki shook her head, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "For the last time, he's not a toa-"

"How can you love a toad and not me?"

There was something in his voice that made her look up. Instead of a face flushed in anger, she found blue eyes drenched in unshed tears staring back at her. Her mouth opened slightly in shock as she witnessed the heartache on his face.

"Aidou…" She whispered.

"After all this time, I still…" He whispered, voice crumbling. "My eyes won't leave you whenever you're in the room. On the days I can't see you, I miss you and wonder where you are. When he… When _he_ violates me, I think about your smile to forget the pain. I think about the beautiful woman who bears all this pain with such grace…"

Hot tears spilled down Yuuki's cheeks.

"I have loved you for such a long time, and now… you have fallen in love with another man." Aidou chuckled humorlessly, his pearl white teeth reflecting the light as he grinned sadly. "I am too late, as always."

A strangled sob left Yuuki. "Aidou, I-"

"Please don't cry, Yuuki," he whispered, brushing away her tears with his right hand, his thumb lingering on her cheek. "You're still beautiful when you cry – how do you expect me to resist?"

"I…" Yuuki sniffled. "I had no idea you felt this strongly about me, I… I care deeply for you, Aidou. I always have; for the longest time you were the rock I held onto in this palace. If… If I had known, I would've-"

Aidou smiled wistfully. "Perhaps it is my own fault for being so late, or perhaps you were always destined to fall in love with a toad face…"

Yuuki giggled despite her tears. "Oh, stop. This is what you always do… trying to make me laugh and smile even when you are in pain. I don't deserve your love."

Aidou stepped closer, cradling her face in his hands as he leaned down. "You have it anyway."

He launched his arms around her, caging her in a hug before leaning back and kissing her forehead. His lips lingered on her skin before he finally pulled back.

Yuuki's eyes watered at the tender gesture, watching as turned and walked away.

"I don't like him," he announced, halting a few feet away and looking over his shoulder, blue eyes twinkling as he smirked.

"But if he makes you happy, I will accept it. Just remember… I am always on your side, Yuuki."

* * *

She walked in a daze to her chambers, mulling over the conversation she'd just had with Aidou, her heart feeling heavy in her chest.

 _I always knew he loved me, but not like this. Today he showed me his heart and I…_

"Jouusama, he's inside." Takuma smiled, gesturing towards her door when she approached.

She nodded absentmindedly, reaching for the handle.

"Um…"

"What it is it?" She turned at the sound of his hesitant mumble.

Takuma's brows furrowed. "Did you piss him off or something?"

"Huh?" Yuuki gaped.

"I've never seen him like this. So… _on edge_ ," he frowned. "He's been pacing the floors for the past half hour – I'm pretty sure there's a hole in the woodwork somewhere from his pacing. Did something happen?"

Yuuki released a sigh, grasping the handle. "Just his male pride getting the best of him."

She entered her chambers and closed the door behind her, watching as her knight paced the floors, confirming Takuma's earlier remark. She couldn't help but admire his elegant gait and how his luscious hair moved as he walked.

Even when she was annoyed with him, he still managed to distract her with his handsome features.

When he failed to notice her, she crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

"Are you done?" She questioned

His eyes snapped towards her immediately as he halted in the middle of the room. Garnet hues scanned every inch of her, looking for possible signs of injury or distress.

"Are you all right?" He asked, eyes narrowing.

"Of course I am," she sighed, pushing off the wall. "He would never hurt me."

"Is that so?" He sneered. "He seemed quite opposed to my relation to you; who knows, perhaps he was about to forcefully scrub you clean from my 'filthy' touch. Steal you away, even."

"And you were such a prime example of levelheaded poise and rationality earlier?"

His eyes darkened. "I will defend what's _mine._ "

The way he said it; the possessive emphasis on the word made an involuntary shiver travel down her spine.

 _I'm already yours, dummy._

"There was no need to be so harsh with him," she chastised, taking a few steps forward. "He is my dearest friend in the palace, and he was there for me in a time where you were not in my life. He's very dear to me."

"You say he's a friend," he hissed, "yet the way he looks at you suggests that he harbors feelings that go beyond the friendly realm. Do you really expect me to not be wary of him?"

She glanced at the floor, fighting a small smile that threatened to unveil itself. He was right; he had every reason to be suspicious over Hanabusa's intentions. Still…

"Yuuki, you seem to forget that while I am your humble servant, I am also the first and only _man_ who laid claim on you," Kaname spoke darkly, a possessive glint in his eyes.

She swallowed, remembering their tryst earlier in THE SERVANTS ROOM and his sinful hands on her body as he molded her like putty in his hands, her body responding to his every call.

"And I will not tolerate another man attempting to steal you away from me," he declared. "You are mine."

"There is no denying that," she said airily, taking a few steps forward. "You already know that there is no room in my heart for another man. So why act like such a fool and threaten him? He was only looking out for me-"

"I do not like him," he declared stubbornly.

"I noticed," she quipped, taking a few more steps forward.

He closed his eyes, tired of her interrogation. "Goodness, Yuuki," he sighed exasperatedly, opening his eyes, "how could you send me away like that and stay with him? That filthy rascal, who know-"

He was cut short by her arms around his waist as she buried her head in his chest while gripping the back of his shirt.

"Everything is so complicated…"

He lowered his arms around her gently, stroking her back as he held onto her.

"What's wrong, Yuuki?" He whispered when he felt her hot tears soak through his shirt.

"I was going to yell at you for being so damn childish earlier; I was so angry over you acting like that and threatening him, but when I saw your face just now I forgot about everything. That's the power you have over me and… I don't want it any other way. I miss you so much everyday."

He kissed the top of her head softly, hushing her.

"It's all right now," he whispered, "I'm here."

She clung onto him like a lost child, overwhelmed by her emotions; it was true, she'd missed him terribly the past days and it only hit her now how _much_ she'd missed him; furthermore, she was angry at him for acting so childishly, yet strangely enamored by his apparent jealousy and possessiveness; angry because of Rido and his schemes, mourning because of Kaname's mother; but at the same time, she felt guilty and confused, unable to navigate her emotions.

"He told me he loved me," she sobbed into his chest.

Immediately he tensed, hearing her confirm his suspicion.

She pulled away slightly so she could look at him. Immediately he softened, reaching with his right hand to brush her tears away as her wet eyes gazed up at him.

"And I feel so guilty… because I can't love him back," she whispered.

He only caressed her cheek in response, letting her get everything of her chest as he listened patiently.

"All this time, he loved me… and I didn't know. And I feel like… I _should_ love him back, because he's so dear to me and he was my only companion…" She sobbed. "A-and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him…"

Kaname smiled warmly as he kissed her forehead and cradled her face. "You wouldn't be the Yuuki I love if you weren't filled with compassion and empathy for others." He pulled back so he could look into her eyes.

"While I'm not happy over his declaration, I'm not surprised either. Who could resist falling for someone as loveable as you?" He smiled, brushing away a hot tear. "You shouldn't feel guilty for not reciprocating his feelings, koibito. It's not your fault that I stole you away before he ever had the chance to even _think_ of stealing you; he couldn't stand a chance against me even if he tried," his hand slid down to her chest, resting atop her heart. "I was here before even _you_ knew it."

Yuuki giggled at his faux bragging, appreciating his light sense of humor.

She shook her head, trying to clear it. "I'm complaining to my lover about not being able to love another man… what's wrong with me?" She whispered.

"Absolutely nothing," he chuckled lightly, "you just have a big heart. There's nothing wrong with that."

She sniffled. "I don't know why I'm crying over this, I just…" Taking a deep breath, she tried to stabilize her emotions. "I just feel like I'm all over the place lately. Your absence from my daily routine has left me in shambles."

"Then you are as lost as I am," he declared, claiming her lips.

His kiss soothed her senses; everything that felt wrong felt a little bit right as she allowed herself to savor his kiss and the love and assurance it brought her.

She missed his kisses the most.

Before, she'd never given kisses much thought; she'd barely seen her parents perform them, and there weren't any kisses to receive from her cheating husband – it was not until she received the kiss of her lover that she understood how much significance such a simple act could contain.

It was reassurance. Affection. Trust. Connection. Love.

Everything she'd yearned for until she met him.

She clung onto him even as he pulled away, unable to bear the thought of him leaving her for yet another night.

"Don't worry," he whispered against her lips. "I'm not going anywhere."

"It's frightening," she concluded.

"What is?" He wondered.

"How you get better and better at reading my mind. It's like there are no boundaries between us anymore." She said softly.

"I know when my Queen is being needy," Kaname smirked, walking over to the window and pulling the curtains. "She's like… this famed wolf puppy I've heard tales of, clinging to me, longing for my attention. It's quite adorable."

She tsked. "You love it when I'm needy."

"Now who's reading the other's mind now?" He quipped.

She watched as he meticulously pulled every heavy curtain that'd been left open by the maids earlier in the day; it was his routine for whenever she dismissed her maids in order for him to stay the night – "it's so I won't be blinded by the sun in the morning," he'd explained one day when she'd inquired.

Such a simple action, yet her heart swelled with love.

For the second time that night, she caught him off-guard as she launched her arms around his waist, hugging him from behind.

"My sweet and valiant knight; fierce, possessive, childish, petty; strong and powerful, feared by many – yet caring, doting, handsome and brave. Is there any trait you possess that I don't adore?" She sighed, feeling like she was on cloud nine knowing he would stay with her again.

After Rido's sentence, they'd reduced their contact to the minimal, yet they still found ways to fulfill their neverending desire every now and then. She'd only successfully smuggled him into her chambers two or three times – most of the time they had to settle for hidden corners of the palace, which, of course, were not as convenient as their regular safe haven but exciting nonetheless.

Was it normal to feel giddy over the prospect of having him share her bed once more? She felt like a wife greeting her soldier husband home from war.

Kaname stilled in her arms, his smile fading.

"There are a few traits I don't think you'll adore."

"And what's that?" She whispered into his back, reveling in his masculine scent.

"My selfishness."

He turned in her arms, despondent eyes gazing into her curious ones.

"And my greed." He said, stroking her cheek.

"And why's that?" She whispered, her eyes softening.

"I can't deny my selfishness when it comes to you," Kaname declared. "I want you all to myself, even if I can't have all of you. Still I hunger and become greedier every day for you, and it never seems to end." He pulled her into his arms so he could whisper in her ear. "I find myself having these thoughts… Thoughts that are so unlike my own, yet they feel natural. They are violent and cruel; wishing for the demise of others that stand in my way when it comes to you. They whisper bloodshed and violence. Can you… love a man who harbors such vile thoughts? A man filled with greed?"

He pulled back so he could view her reaction. He swallowed at the strange twinkle in her eye as she gazed at him with her earnest gaze.

"Then your greed matches mine," she said, her voice dropping a sensuous octave as she pulled him down, her lips barely touching his. "You underestimate my vices; for you I'd forsake my title and dignity if it meant having you to myself. I am no saint, though I know you believe me to be one. I can be vicious and cruel; kill and destroy if it means protecting what is _mine._ So, Kaname," she licked his lower lip, delighting in how he twitched with desire, "can _you_ love a woman filled with such greed?"

He kissed her hungrily in response, his tongue invading her mouth and tangling with hers. She moaned into his kiss, feeling his hunger echo in her veins.

He pulled back abruptly, eyes blazing with desire.

"Here I was, thinking I'd had my fill of you earlier," he panted, backing her towards the bed.

"Yet it seems my greed has found an equal partner in your own. Yuuki," he hissed, "in my eyes you are a saint," he crawled on top of her when her back landed on the bed, "and the devil herself; your vices and virtues pull me in and I am always left longing for more."

She tore open his shirt, her nails scraping across his defined chest.

"Don't you know, Kaname?" She purred, tightening her legs around him. "Greed is just another form of love."

* * *

 _She was in his old home again, but he was nowhere to be found._

" _Kaname?" She called nervously, glancing around the vibrant home. It was completely different from what she remembered from her previous stay; instead of dusty old furniture, every piece in the room was in excellent condition. The windows sparkled in the light from the setting sun, and on the table were fresh flowers. The walls were untouched from the decay she'd previously witnessed._

 _Furthermore, there was something strange in the air; she couldn't put her finger on it – everything seemed diluted and strange, as if she wasn't really there herself even though everything seemed so real. The clock on the wall had stopped; and as she looked around, she couldn't help but feel that the air surrounding her was almost solid; she could almost see it move around her, like a big sticky mass caging her in._

 _She heard a child's laughter echo from the backyard; quickly she turned towards the window, trying to catch a glimpse of the child._

 _A little girl sat in the middle of the flowers, her tiny hands grasping after the butterfly that fluttered around her. Long locks of mahogany hair that vaguely reminded her of Kaname's hair tumbled down her back._

 _Yuuki's mouth curled into a smile as strange sense of contentment settled over her. Everything about the scene in front of her felt so perfect._

" _Thank you."_

 _She turned towards the voice quickly, her heart racing in her chest. Her sight landed on a woman standing by the kitchen, smiling gently at her. Her long hair curled down around her waist, with a few locks sticking out here and there._

 _But her eyes… her eyes were like Kaname's; a beautiful garnet hue that seemed to sparkle in the light of the setting sun._

" _You are…" Yuuki whispered, eyes brimming with tears._

 _The woman smiled again, gratitude laced deeply in her features._

" _Thank you."_

Yuuki awoke with a start, her mind in a haze as she squinted against the sun. Vaguely she registered the warm chest she was laying on top of and the scent of fresh air surrounding them.

 _Where are we…?_

"And so the queen finally awoke from her slumber," Kaname said softly, looking down at her.

She glanced up from his chest, a sheepish smile curling around the corners of her mouth. "I did it again… I'm sorry, Kaname."

He shook his head, smiling at her. "There is no need to be sorry. You are too cute when you sleep."

Yuuki blushed in response. Out of all the things they'd done together – and _to_ each other – she would've thought that him seeing her sleep wouldn't have left her so embarrassed. Yet here she was, blushing furiously in the arms of her lover.

"Hm," she yawned, stretching slightly. "I've been so tired lately. Sometimes I'll fall asleep in the strangest of situations; Ichijou nearly had a heart attack the other day when I fell asleep before he was supposed to escort me and he couldn't wake me up," she giggled.

"I heard," Kaname sighed, still not used to not being her primary protector. Though it had been a while since the trial, and Rido had gradually eased on his punishment, he was still not serving Yuuki at the same capacity as before. He missed her presence terribly and spent all his time sulking when he was separated from her;

"Are you all right?" He said, reaching up and stroking her cheek.

"I am now," she said, placing her hand on top of his as she leaned into his touch, smiling warmly, "spending time with you soothes all my worries. Thank you for this," she gestured to the blanket they laid upon and the trays of fruits and other delicacies that were placed upon it.

He'd stolen her away in the middle of the day through Ichijou; the fair guard had guided her to a secluded spot in the midst of the lush royal gardens, telling her that there was a surprise awaiting her before he'd disappeared.

Suddenly, her world had gone dark as hands covered her eyes and his voice filled her ears. _"Guess who?"_

She guessed right; her beautiful lover had outdone himself this time, revealing the romantic picnic he'd set up for the two in the middle of blooming flowers and green grass.

Oddly enough, she'd teared up at the sight; and soon he was panicking as he tried to console her despite her sob-filled claims that her tears were "happy tears".

She was truly happy whenever he surprised her; it was strange to think that the man she knew as the fiercest warrior in the country had such a soft side to him. Being the only one who could see this side of him delighted her immensely; it was a secret she tucked into the corners of her heart where no one could enter, along with every other knowledge she'd acquired about him.

"I'm glad you like the surprise. Spring came a bit earlier than anticipated," he hummed, "so I thought it was only fitting that we went for a picnic."

"That's true," she said, eyeing the sun in the sky. "Weeks ago it felt like winter would never end in your old home, but now…" She inhaled the fresh air. "It feels like better times are coming."

"It would seem so," he said, sitting up next to her. "Your appetite has improved immensely. Who knew your tiny body could store so much food?" He tapped her nose.

She blushed, eyeing the nearly empty trays. "O-oh?"

Yori's words from her fitting echoed in her ears.

" _Have you… um… gained weight?_

"Do you think I'm fat?" She blurted out, eyes wide.

Kaname blinked, his mouth opening and closing.

"No-"

"I knew it!" She cried. "I shouldn't have acted so nonchalantly when the maids mentioned it… I really am fat!"

"No, that's not-"

Ah those damn tears again. "It's just that… I'm just so hungry sometimes! I… I can't control it, and suddenly the whole tray is gone and before I know it I'm requesting another tray and then…" She sniffled. "It's just really hard to ignore it!"

Panicked, she turned towards Kaname. "Do you not want me anymore?"

"Yuuki," he balked. "How ca-"

"Of course you don't," she sniffled, "who would love a... a fat queen?"

"Yuuki!" He nearly yelled, fed up with her behavior. He grabbed her arms and forced her as gently as possible to look at her.

"First of all, you are not fat. In fact, if you get any fatter than this then I will be the last one to complain," he declared, his eyes roving her body. "Secondly, in what world will I not want you? How can you even suggest something so absurd?"

She swallowed. "So… you still like me?"

He blinked, trying to read her expression in an attempt to find out if this was a test or not.

He found nothing but sincerity in her eyes.

His laughter erupted suddenly, like rocks streaming down the hillside; Yuuki watched horrified as her lover laughed and clutched his stomach, a stray tear tickling the corner of his eye.

"What a funny queen you are," he said in between laughter, "saying such strange things. My dear…" He calmed down, wiping his eyes.

"I don't know what is going through your mind these days to make you act so silly," he said softly, gently knocking her forehead, "and while I found you both adorable and amusing when you act like this, it's imperative that you understand that there is no way in all seven hells that I will not like you. In fact," he smiled, kissing her cheek, "'like' is too weak to describe how I feel about you. Yuuki, I love you more than anything or anyone in this world, and that will never change."

He grabbed her hands, holding them in his bigger ones.

"You said that there was no room in your heart for anyone else but me; it's the same with me, Yuuki. You've conquered every broken piece of my heart that broke years ago when my parents were taken from me, and..." He sobered somewhat, his smile fading as he gazed into her eyes. "You've healed me from what I thought was incurable pain."

"Kaname…" She breathed, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

"So yes, Yuuki, I like you," he said, kissing her forehead. "A lot."

She giggled shyly, hugging him and hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry, Kaname…"

"That is the second time you apologize to me today. Are you ill?"

She giggled again. "I'm sorry for being so strange and unreasonable."

"It's definitely a new side of you," he mused, stroking her back and twining his fingers through the ends of her luscious hair.

"But like every other side of you, I love it. Even if you are slightly…"

She pulled back from his embrace. "Crazy?"

"Yes, well," he smirked, "those are your words, not mine, your highness."

She laughed again, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes.

"I blame it on my separation anxiety. I hate being away from you for so long… it makes me go crazy."

"Then I am surely insane," he quipped.

She kissed him, catching him off guard. His eyes widened at her bold move.

"A little insanity doesn't hurt," she smirked, kissing him again. He responded eagerly, flipping their position so that he hovered above her as she laid beneath him.

"Then let's go a little crazy," he smirked, showering her face with kisses as she giggled.

The next hour was spent kissing and cuddling, the two of them unable to get enough of each other as they lounged beneath the smiling sun. It seemed like the perfect day; the two of them together under blue skies, every thought concerning cruel kings and punishments vanishing with the cool breeze that tickled their hair and clothing.

It all seemed so perfect. But as Yuuki lounged next to Kaname, her dream came back to her in pieces, filling her with a sense of dread.

"Kaname?" She whispered, playing with his hair as he rested his head on her lap.

"Yes?" He hummed, eyes closed while he enjoyed her touch.

"Your mother... What was she like before she died?"

Garnet eyes snapped open. "Why do you ask?"

She bit her lower lip, unsure of how much she should disclose.

"It's just that… the anniversary of her death is coming up isn't it? You… you mentioned she was murdered, but you never explained-"

"This is not a matter you should concern yourself with," he cut her off. "It will only become a burden upon you."

Yuuki nodded, feeling terrible over the fact that she had carelessly brought up such a sensitive subject in such a setting.

"She was… like the sun," Kaname said, gazing up at the sky.

Yuuki stroked his hair, relieved that he was opening up to her. "How so?"

"Warm," he said, "and always smiling. Always so happy and bright; the made the whole room come alive whenever she stepped in. And she would always… play with me. There was never a moment where she was too tired or she didn't want to play games with me; she was always there for me… and-"

"Kaname, Jouusama…"

The two turned towards the green-eyes guard that was approaching them.

"What is it?" Kaname said alarmed, getting ready to get up from his position.

Ichijou looked nervous as he inhaled and exhaled. "It's Ousama… He has summoned you."

"Me? Now?" Yuuki wondered.

"No… both of you," Ichijou said worriedly, eyes flickering between the two.

"He said you needed to go to him as quickly as possible."

* * *

"Thank you for joining us, Joousama," Isaya bowed to Yuuki.

Yuuki's eyes shifted towards her husband, who sat slumped in his seat. He looked paler than usual, and beneath his heterochromatic eyes were black circles, seemingly imbued into the tender skin. His hair was somewhat matted at the temples, a few tangles visible near his shoulders.

He looked everything but pristine.

Yuuki had to hold back her smirk.

She took her seat, waiting for Kaname to do the same next to her.

Kaname settled next to her, his body tense and shoulders high, garnet eyes narrowed in silent suspicion.

He did not like being summoned by the king.

But being summoned along with Yuuki?

This could not bode well.

"Of course," Yuuki said calmly, entering her regal role. "I will always come when the king summons me. However… being summoned along with my former knight and protector alarms me. Last time it happened, a trial occurred."

"Ah, yes," Isaya laughed lightly. "Nothing of the sorts will happen now, I assure you."

"Is that so," Yuuki said dryly, eyeing her tired husband and the pristine-looking gentleman next to him.

"Well, do tell what you summoned us here for," she gestured towards her and Kaname. "Are you perhaps revoking his punishment? I do believe its overdue."

Rido only smiled mysteriously, unnerving her like always.

"It is no news that the king is in need of an heir," Isaya declared.

Kaname tensed next to Yuuki; out of the corner of his eye he saw her freeze for a moment as she reached for her teacup, before resuming her nonchalant posture.

"I am aware," she remarked quietly, taking a sip of the tea, eyeing Rido's empty cup on the table.

"But because of certain…. circumstances, and your highness unstable' health, an heir has not yet been produced." He continued.

Yuuki set her cup back on the small table, steeling herself.

"Continue," she urged.

"Bringing a second bride into this delicate situation will only cause more distress on the parties involved, therefore…"

His words trailed off as his suggestion lingered in the air; Yuuki and Kaname tensed at the same time as they finally put the pieces together.

Disbelief coursed through her veins as she fought the urge to gape at her so-called husband.

"Say it out loud," she demanded, looking at Rido. "What you are asking right now, I want you to say it with your own words."

"It's simple," the king spoke emotionlessly, eyes flickering between the two, "let Kaname impregnate you so you can be with child. Raise the child as ours and let him bear my name. Quite…" He smirked, seeing his brother's face pale. "Simple."

Kaname shot up from his seat, clenching his fists together. "Such disgusting language… how can you treat the queen like this? How can you demand she give herself to another man just like that? Do you not have any interest in her dignity and value?"

"And here I was thinking you'd pounce on the notion of getting something that is mine…" Rido tsked, glancing over at Yuuki. "The queen is notorious for her unique beauty; are you sure there isn't a part of you that wants to bite the forbidden fruit that so many men desire? Here I am offering it to you, and yet you still refuse?"

Kaname grit his teeth together. "Do not speak of her like-"

"Sit down," Yuuki ordered quietly.

Kaname panted, eyes flickering between her and Rido, silent anger unfurling in his stomach as he was reminded of his lowly rank next to the two of them. He always accepted Yuuki's orders, but it was in moments like these that the need to defy her manifested stronger than ever before.

Against his will, he sat down, his entire body rigid with quiet rage.

"Whose idea is this?" Yuuki inquired, calmer than a quiet summer breeze.

"It was I," Isaya declared, a slight smile curling the corners of his mouth.

Despite his pleasant appearance, Kaname couldn't help but feel distrust rumble in his stomach. Everything about this man made every hair on Kaname's arms stand up in alarm; there was something sinister about his smile he couldn't put his finger on, and it unnerved him.

"The matter has been weighing heavily on his highness for a long time, and as his advisor I've been subjected to many discussions regarding the matter," the elder continued. "This… solution came up recently in a discussion between me and the king. We brought it to the council of course, and they approved… as long as our wonderful Joousama agrees, of course."

"How considerate of them," she remarked dryly.

"One could almost say _too_ considerate," Rido hissed.

"Mhm," she hummed, barely sparing her husband a glance. "You two are quite… close. Oddly enough, my husband has never spoken of you before you made your re-appearance months ago."

Isaya's pleasant smile never wavered. "I knew his father, the late king, very well and served as one of his advisors. I was around during his highness' childhood, and I knew him well. I thought it was only fitting that I should offer my wisdom and experience to the current reigning king as I did for the last one."

"Yes," Yuuki nodded, "you were sent out to oversee the Chugokuregion where the Shirabukis had gained control over several villages."

"A tedious task," he replied tensely.

"I'm sure." She smiled mysteriously.

Isaya's eyes twinkled with suspicion, the only flaw in his otherwise perfect demeanor.

"Well, enough about me," he said finally, clapping his hands lightly. "This is about you, or well…" Gray eyes flickered over to the stoic knight next to Yuuki.

"It seems the knight is not too… fond of this solution."

"Like hell I'm not," Kaname sneered.

"May I ask why you oppose this series of events so much?" Isaya inquired calmly.

"I'm curious too, Kaname," Rido snickered, the dark circles under his eyes making him seem even more unhinged than usual. "Here I am offering you such a tasty _snack;_ any dog would salivate at this kind of offer."

Kaname bit his tongue, willing himself to not lose him temper. He wondered how Yuuki could remain so unfazed and calm in such a mortifying situation; of course, years of suffering from Rido's abuse had rendered her immune to any new attempts at demeaning her character.

His heart ached even more for his queen.

"When I signed up as a knight in the royal guard, I was not informed that my services would extend as far as letting noblemen use me as some… breeding stallion. Providing an heir to the throne was never my duty as a mere _knight_ , yet here we are." He hissed, glaring at Rido.

"So she's not pretty enough," Rido sighed, rolling his eyes. "Close your eyes and pretend she's someone else then!"

" _Furthermore,"_ Kaname hissed darkly, "I have grown to respect the queen immensely over the years. Subjecting her to this…. this vile, savage plot is… revolting."

"Okay, so she _is_ pretty enough," Rido declared, clapping his hands. "Now you don't have to close your eyes! Just let her do all the work, _he he!_ "

Kaname's hand twitched at his side, the urge to draw his sword getting stronger and stronger.

Isaya gave Rido a strange look before returning to the pair in front of him. "What I believe his highness is trying to say, is that we are aware that your relationship carries a lot of… significance. Your royal blood is needed for the heir to be legitimate, yes, but it is also because of your close relationship to the queen we chose you. For her benefit of course."

"Listen to yourselves," Kaname seethed. "You are treating the queen as some lowly being, some… some breeding cow you can just hand off when she's no use to you!"

"So what?" Rido laughed. "She's nothing without my name attached to her. The _least_ she can do for me is give me an-"

"The queen is more important to a monarchy than you're aware of it seems," Kaname sneered. "Did _father_ not teach you as such?"

Rido growled. "Don't you dare bring that scum into this."

"Now, now," Isaya cut in, trying to calm the situation. "We do not mean to undermine the queen and her importance of course, but she has a duty to bring an heir to the throne and that duty is becoming more and more important. It is part of her role as queen regent to bring a child into the world that can secure the throne."

Kaname felt rage unlike before unfurl inside of him. He felt hot all over, burning with hatred towards his half-brother. How could they do this to Yuuki? Even if he was in fact her lover, it seemed that they were not aware of it and still wanted her to give herself to him. What if they _weren't_ in love? And even worse – what it wasn't him that was offered this vile task, but somebody else – a total stranger?

He growled. "It's not _her_ fault that _he_ can't-"

"I'll agree to it," Yuuki announced quietly, startling everyone.

All eyes turned towards the queen.

"I'll carry your brother's child."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated.**


	12. Revelation

**A/N: My dear, sweet readers – that still manage to make my day even though it's been far too long – hi. I'm so sorry for taking so long – it was never my intention to take such a long hiatus, however there's been a loooooot of things happening in my life. Here are my two reasons for not updating in 84 years:**

 **1\. Life. Life's been insane in the best and worst ways.**

 **2\. VKM is such a shitshow of a manga that all my interest and love even for the original series have disappeared almost completely. Hino, girl, if you're reading this – please put us out of our misery and end VKM. I beg you.**

 **Thank you to those of you who take your time to send me PMs asking for updates on the chapters; to those of you who take your time to tell me how much you enjoy the story and my writing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

 **I'm not going to waste any more of your time with a lengthy A/N, but I hope you forgive me and that is was worth the wait. Thank you for always reading and supporting me.**

* * *

 **Chapter 12: Revelation**

"She loved you endlessly. Doted on you constantly; if you even as much as wept a tear, she'd rush over to you and rock you until you were content again."

The sun set in the distance; hues of vermillion painting the sky as it burned down the horizon. The royal palace appeared drenched in red to onlookers, the elegant architecture reflecting the bleeding sun fading in the distance.

"Father…" The young man whispered.

The elder did not move from his chair, his head leaned back as his eyes chased the fading sun.

"You were a blessing," he continued, a smile tugging at his tired lips. "I remember the fright in her eyes when she told me she was pregnant; I saw the underlying despair knowing it could be the end of her and me. She'd deluded herself into thinking I would not want you; that I would throw her away in shame and shun you. But how could I? You were the fruit of our love; proof that we lived and loved together. You… were the son I always dreamed of having."

Kaname said nothing, mulling over his father's words. He glanced over at his father, noticing the gray hairs filtering through his mahogany tresses. He'd gotten so old, his father, over the past few years. It was like the moment he lost Juuri, he lost his will to live and his body followed after.

He was no longer the strong and vibrant man that would visit them and grab Juuri into his arms and kiss her passionately. As the king slumped further in his seat, ignoring his untouched food, Kaname realized that he was a broken man.

A ghost of the man he once knew; broken by the loss of his beloved concubine.

It only intensified Kaname's heartache.

"I miss her," he admitted, his voice low as if voicing his grief was a crime.

"Me too," Haruka replied, gazing at the burning sunset. "However, I am proud of you, son. You have achieved many great things in the wake of her death; she would've been proud too, had she been able to see you succeed. She'd yell at you for risking your life all the time though but it goes without saying, heh." He hummed with quiet laughter.

"Fa- Ousama, I-"

"It's fine," Haruka held up a regal hand, smiling tiredly. "We're alone now. You may call me Father."

Kaname's fists tightened at his sides. "Her… death. It was not a natural one. You know that, don't you?"

At once, the elder man's eyes darkened. His lingering smile faded into a tight line. "I know."

"Then why-"

"Some injustices must pass without action," the elder replied tersely. "And we must hope that time will aid us in delivering the justice we deserve."

Kaname grit his teeth together. "How can you say such a thing? How ca-"

"Because I am _King,_ Kaname," his father's regal tone immediately shut up the young man.

"Because I am King, I must remain a puppet in the Monarchy's hands," Haruka continued. "Because I am King, I must lead my people and put their needs above any of mine. Because I am King, my hands are tied with invisible ropes. I cannot grant the peace and justice your mother deserves, Kaname," Haruka finished sadly.

Something sparked to life in his eyes as he looked up at his son.

"But one day, you will."

* * *

The doors to the Queen's chambers burst open with a loud bang as a young man stormed through them.

The man turned quickly towards the approaching figure, eyes blazing with silent rage.

"What were you thinking, Yuuki?" Kaname demanded. "Why did you agree to this?"

The queen, more composed than her lover, shut the doors quietly behind her, as she was well aware of the lingering stare of the maids that were left in the hallway.

"I…" The queen bit her lower lip, confused over her reasoning as well. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" He growled. "You don't know why you agreed to let the king use me and you as some pawns in order to secure his future as a monarch?"

No… no she knew why. She just didn't know how to explain it.

"It was just… instinct," she replied.

"Instinct?" Kaname repeated.

"I can't explain it," she said, wringing her hands together. She looked nothing like her regal self that negotiated with the king moments ago; now she was reduced to a frail woman on the run. "But something told me to say yes."

"Just like that," he breathed, unable to cope with the absurdity of the situation.

"Kaname," Yuuki stepped forward, grabbing his larger hand in hers. "I… am unable to have children. You know this as well as I do."

There.

That same strange pain filled his chest again.

 _No children, no future… As if we ever had a future to begin with._

Saying it out loud wasn't easy for her, he could tell by the way her maroon eyes shone with unshed tears.

He softened instantly.

"And because of that, I am no use for the kingdom," she whispered, face hardening as she swallowed the bitter truth. "It is just a matter of time before the king exiles me out of the palace… And then what, Kaname?"

"I'll run away with you," Kaname said desperately.

"And then… we'll have to keep running for the rest of our lives," she said sadly, stroking his cheek. "Is that what you really want?"

"As long as I am with you, I am content," he pledged, pulling her closer and lowering his forehead to hers. "Even if you are exiled to the end of the world, I'll follow you. Wherever you go, I go. You know this already."

"Yes," she hummed, closing her eyes, "I know. _I know._ But Kaname…" She opened her eyes, peering into his. "There must be another way."

He struggled with himself, pessimism clouding his mind and rational thought. He couldn't help but feel like they were doomed no matter what they chose to do.

"I've been playing this game for a while now," she continued softly, taking advantage of his inner conflict.

"Game?"

"The game of survival," she explained. "If you lose, you die. It's that simple. I realized quickly upon entering the palace that I needed to be smart and tactical in order to survive. The king is mad, there is no doubt it – there's no telling what he will do but the best caution is being one step ahead. What do you think would've happened if I said no, Kaname?" Her eyes widened. "Do you think he would let it pass so easily? He enjoyed your discomfort – and he'll do his best to prolong it until you give in or he finds another solution. And what do you think that solution will be?"

"But if we agree, and he gets what he wants…" He stepped even closer, cradling her face in his hands as he looked into her eyes. "If, against all odds, you become pregnant… The moment any child of ours takes its first breath, I'm doomed. He'll call for the executioner while you're still in labor and have me beheaded. He's been warning me for years that the moment I cease to be of use to him, he'll get rid of me."

She released the breath she'd been holding. Of course, she knew the consequences should Kaname no longer be of use to the king, but hearing him say it out loud made it all the more real…

"We are at an impassé," she said softly, tears tickling the corners of her eyes. "It does not matter what path we choose to walk on; the enemy is still waiting in the end for us."

Gently, he brushed away the stray tear that sailed down her cheek.

He willed himself to be stronger for the two of them; he needed to find a solution, an exit to the mess they were in. He knew that should he agree to the king and Isaya's proposition, he would at best have only a few more months to live before Rido would find a way to get rid of him – if he was to survive, he would need to run away.

But running away meant running from Yuuki…

He could not run away from his heart. It would be suicide for his soul should he be separated from her.

"For now," she began, "agreeing to his proposal is our only way to buy some time. However…" She licked her lips. "There is one way to clear all paths ahead of us."

He cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, wondering whether she would say the words he was suspecting.

"Remove the enemy," she said, her voice clearer than before, conviction clear in her eyes.

Anticipation filled the room.

His magnificent Queen stared back at him without a trace of hesitation or fear; it was like gazing into the eyes of his fellow warriors as they trudged onto the battlefield. Yuuki had long ago given up the role of victim; she was intent on surviving, no matter the cost.

He admired her bravery.

Secretly he wished that he were just as brave.

"It's a wonderful idea, but impossible," he declared, shaking his head. "If the king dies, there will be a demand for justice. One eye for an eye. They will kill me before I even have the chance to defend myself – regardless if I was the culprit or not. The half-brother who killed the trueborn king – a story for songs, I'm sure."

"Since when did you become so weak?" Yuuki hissed, breaking away from his embrace. "So this is it; you will just give up now that you are backed into a corner?"

"That's not it…" Kaname whispered, reaching for her hand. "Yuuki, to me, you are the most precious person in the world. I would rather die than be separated from you; you should know this better than anyone," he placed her hand above his heart.

The fire in her eyes dimmed gradually as she felt his heart beat steadily beneath her palm.

"Besides… as you mentioned before… you are unable to carry a child…" He whispered hesitantly, knowing it was sensitive subject.

Instantly, she looked away.

"How do you plan on solving that issue?" He continued, fully aware that he was treading into dangerous water.

She inhaled and exhaled sharply. "The people love you," she said, looking back at him. "Do you think they would let the only living son of Kuran Haruka get away? Rido's popularity is waning, while yours is rising. There is no doubt that you could be king. As for my part…" She chuckled humorlessly, her eyes tracing the small space between them. "If I am of no use to him, then I surely won't be of use to you once you are crowned. In due time, the council will send me away and appoint a new bride for you. It is what it what is. But I'll be grateful for the little time I get to spend by yo-"

" _How dare you,"_ Kaname hissed, grabbing her chin and turning her face towards his.

She gasped at the livid look in his eyes.

"How _dare_ you suggest such a thing?" He questioned, his voice shaking with quiet rage.

"It is what it is," she repeated, feeling bolder because of his reaction. "Like I said, I would much rather spend some time by your side as your queen before they remove me than end up running for my li-"

"I don't want to be king unless _you_ are by my side!" He yelled. "I have no need for the crown or the title and power; all I want is _you,_ Yuuki, safe and sound by my side. How dare you even think of a future in which I willingly let you go? Have you so little faith in me?"

"You know as well as I do that when it comes to the monarchy, the role of a woman is _nothing._ Nothing!" She yelled. "Without a king by my side, and without an heir, I am _useless!_ The council will throw me to the wolves and watch me bleed without any hesitation. It has happened time and time again in history; Queens shunned by their kingdoms and husband, thrown aside the minute they no longer have any use for the monarchy. This is not going to change – not now, not ever. _It is what it is._ "

Kaname broke away, willing his temper to quiet down as he inhaled and exhaled sharply.

"This is going nowhere," Yuuki declared coldly, still burning with quiet rage. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Yuuki," Kaname turned towards her, taken aback by the icy quality of her voice.

"Leave," she commanded, still refusing to look at him, her profile displaying her angry scowl.

"Yuu-"

"I said _leave,_ " she hissed.

It was as if someone had poured iced water all over him; suddenly he felt unbelievably cold and alone as she pushed him away.

"One minute I am your lover and your equal," he whispered, his voice quaking. "The next I am just a tool for the king and a mere _knight_ you can just command around," he hissed. "I see how it is."

He turned abruptly, briskly walking out of the room and slamming the doors on his way out.

As soon as he walked away, Yuuki released the tears she'd been holding back, sinking to the floor as sobs wrecked her petite frame.

"J-Jouusama, are you all right?" One of the maids that entered the room after Kaname's sudden exit asked timidly.

"Joousama," another maid tried, "is there anything we can-"

"Leave!" Yuuki yelled, grabbing a nearby pillow and throwing it at them.

"All of you!" She cried, her face red with emotion. "Leave!"

The maids scurried out of the room in a hurry, anxious to get away from the sobbing queen.

 _Why?_

It felt as though she was crying her heart out; the pain did not cease no matter how many tears she shed. They'd only had one fight before, and that was at his childhood home; she'd done the same mistake she'd done today, treating him as though he was less worth than her and not her equal.

 _Why do I keep hurting him?_

She'd just gotten so irrationally angry; sure, the subject of her infertility had always been a sensitive subject, but they'd discussed it many times before without her losing her temper like she just did.

And now, she was irrationally sad – feeling as though her heart was being torn to pieces knowing she'd hurt him again.

The queen wiped her tears away, feeling more alone than ever in her grand palace.

And it was all her fault – for pushing him away.

* * *

"That went quite well."

"Are you surprised?"

"Both yes and no," the elder man shrugged elegantly. "I knew we would have issues with the knight; it was the queen's agreeable nature that truly surprised me. A fine woman she is, very reasonable…"

Isaya Shouto was an elegant creature; the way he lingered in the room by the young King was unmatched to any of the other servants the King employed; there was certain stealth in his steps, how he so languidly stepped on the marble floor as if he owned it.

"Disposable just like the rest of them," Rido sneered, taking another sip of his tea. Sweat trickled down his forehead; he wiped it angrily away, offended by the sweat's presence on his body.

"Mmh," Isaya hummed, circling the young King. "Your father chose well."

 _She will fix you. She will fix you._

Rido blinked.

 _She will…_

"I'm sure he'd be _delighted_ to hear that," he grunted. "Ngh, too bad he's rotting in hell as we speak."

Isaya bent over behind him, his arm secured around Rido's torso as he leaned his head on his.

"He's rotting, and here we are, about to sow the seed that will breathe new life in the monarchy. Or, well, strictly speaking, it'll be your _brother_ doing the sowing, heh," Isaya chuckled coldly.

Rido reached for his tea again, fighting back his drowsiness. "Mmh."

"Jouusama agreed to our proposal. And I'm sure she'll be able to convince him in no time. Now, all we have to do is sit back and wait…" Isaya whispered. "Aren't you happy?"

With perfect clarity, Rido replied: "I am."

It was true. For the first time in a very long time, he was happy. He was happy that his plan was finally coming to fruition. How long had he wanted his revenge? How long had he yearned for the day he could serve Kaname the justice he craved?

Isaya coming back into his life was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome. With his help, Rido knew it would only be a matter of time before he could place his brother's bleeding head on a stake to show the world what a ruthless king he was. He would remove any threat and enemy that dared go against him; his own blood-brother being the most prominent one.

Rido was King.

Kaname was _not._

He grit his teeth. He'd always detested his dearest half-brother. He was just another flaw; another mistake left behind by his incompetent Father and his whore of a concubine. He was a virus in Rido's system; a bug that refused to leave, no matter how many times Rido tried to get rid of him. Sure, he'd enjoyed torturing Kaname by making him his personal executioner. Putting him as the Queen's knight had been beneficial to his grand plan also. Soon, he would be able to use Kaname for his only worth; give him an heir to the throne so he could please the council and secure his power.

And what happens with things that lose their value?

They get disposed of.

And dispose of Kaname, he would. Finally he'd get to kill the bastard. He'd spent many years trying to come up with the best way; should he drain him of blood and watch him bleed? Torture him until death claimed him? Hang him?

So many wondrous options. Unfortunately, Kaname's robust body could not survive all methods Rido's delirious mind wished to see unfold. So he'd settled on a good old beheading. To sweeten the deal, he'd make the Queen watch as her pathetic knight was beheaded.

Yes, he smiled to himself – that would be a beautiful sight.

"Did I not tell you I would make you the greatest King of our time?" Isaya whispered in his ear, his cold hands massaging Rido's tense shoulders.

"Yes…" Rido nodded dazedly.

"Did I not promise you power unlike any other?"

"Yes, you did…" Rido nodded, feeling the same panic that arose each time Isaya touched him.

 _"_ _Stop! Stop… you're hurting me…."_

"Mmh," Isaya hummed. The sound of fabric dropping to the floor caught Rido's attention.

"Get on your knees," the elder ordered.

And the mad king complied.

Rido was King.

But as Isaya had his way with him, using his body for his own pleasure, he realized one fact he could never escape.

He was a slave, also.

* * *

"You've been sleeping more than usual I see."

"Mmh."

"And you've experienced an increase in hunger."

"Mmh."

"And you've also reported bouts of nausea…"

"Mmh."

"Mood swings…?"

"Mhm."

"Jouusama?"

"Mhm…"

"Jouusama," Kaien tried again. "Are you listening?"

Dazedly, Yuuki turned towards him, her eyes previously tracing the luscious palace gardens.

"Come again?"

Kaien sighed, adjusting his glasses. "I said, 'Jouusama, are you listening?'"

"Oh," Yuuki shook her head slightly. "I am now… heh."

Kaien tsked, jotting something down in his journal. "Well, let me ask you this; have you made any progress with the information I provided you regarding the late king's concubine?"

A rare smile graced the Queen's features as she straightened in her chair.

"Yes."

"I see," Kaien replied.

"Everything is going like expected. I've-"

The elder shook his head, signaling for the queen to quiet down. Placing his index finger on his mouth, the royal physician winked at the queen.

"The less I know, the better, Jouusama. Trust me."

"Of course…" Yuuki nodded, her eyes brightening as she remembered the reason why she'd sought out Kaien specifically.

"So, you were able to identify the illness that is causing me all this misery? Tell me," she settled in her chair, genuine curiosity shining in her eyes. "Is it treatable?"

"Well," Kaien began, setting down his journal on a nearby table. "If you'd been listening to me earlier, you'd known that yes, indeed, I've finally discovered the cause behind all your symptoms."

Fear laced itself around her heart briefly. Was it more serious than she'd anticipated? She'd been sick after she and Kaname returned from his childhood home, but that'd been nearly three months ago and she'd recovered a long time ago.

Something else then? Perhaps it was a rare disease only she'd been subjected to?

"Jouusama, you…"

 _Could it have been the maids, perhaps?_

"What is it?" Yuuki demanded.

 _Or perhaps it was an allergic reaction to–_

"Jouusama…" The elder breathed, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You are with child."

A manicured hand rested upon her stomach, above the layers of her burgundy gown that traced the floors as she walked through the palace corridors.

 _"_ _That… is impossible. You said so yourself."_

 _"_ _Miracles do happen all the time, Jouusama. It is true; you are with child."_

Pregnant.

Yuuki shook her head, unable to grasp the meaning of the word. She slid her hand down her stomach, searching for an explanation, foolishly wishing she could feel the presence of her unborn child.

 _For such a long time, I longed for a child. Even if it were Rido's, I would've gladly raised and nurtured it on my own. Then I met him…_

Her hand stilled.

 _Kaname…_

She was not only pregnant, but she was pregnant with _Kaname's_ child. Her one, true love; the man her world solely revolved around. Joy blossomed in her chest as her mouth pulled back into a smile. Images of Kaname with a little bundle in his arms swarmed her mind; she could just see the love and contentment on his face as he gazed at their child in his strong arms. He would protect their child as fiercely as he'd protected her through the years; nothing would ever harm their child and she knew Kaname alone would see to its protection.

Her feet were moving before she had time to register the action. She had to go to him. Now. She needed to see him; feel his arms around her and share the wonderful news.

 _"_ _The moment any child of ours takes its first breath, I'm doomed. He'll call for the executioner while you're still in labor and have me beheaded. He's been warning me for years that the moment I cease to be of use to him, he'll get rid of me"_

She halted abruptly in the hallway; long locks of auburn cascading down her front from the sudden movement.

"Joousama, are you alright?" Some of the maids in the hallway asked timidly, wide eyes staring at the forlorn queen.

"You must fetch my personal guard immediately," Yuuki ordered. "Tell him to meet me at my chambers. It is imperative that he gets there as quickly as possible."

The maid nodded hurriedly, running down the hallway as soon as Yuuki dismissed her.

She needed to tell Kaname right away. After all, if Rido found out that she was pregnant, he would immediately find a way to dispose of Kaname. And she could not let that happen.

Her hand stilled on her stomach.

"We will be all right, little one," she whispered, feeling a raw tenderness spread in her body at the prospect of a child in her womb. "I will make sure of it."

* * *

A red-faced maid had caught his attention.

"T-the Queen is looking for you," she stuttered, bowing her head.

The stoic knight didn't reply; instead, he remained silent among the shadows, almost blending in completely with his dark locks of mahogany hair. He wasn't known to be pleasant or kind; but still, the Queen had grown fond of him even to the point of protecting him in court.

When he didn't seem to respond, she tried again.

"S-she said it's im-imperative that you come," she tried again.

No response.

"D-did you hear me?" She whispered.

"I did," he startled her by replying. The dark knight stepped out of the shadows and into the dim light cast by the candles lining the hallway.

The maid was momentarily entranced by the dark knight's incandescent beauty; he had the strength of a warrior, yet the grace of a black panther stalking the night; he was intimidating yet inviting with his strong jawline and stunning eyes.

 _No wonder the queen prefers his company._

"We-ell, aren't you going to go to her?" She inquired before she'd had the chance to stop herself. She slapped a hand over her mouth.

"I am just a dog listening to its master, aren't I?" The knight chuckled darkly. "She calls, I come – she merely whispers my name and I am there on my knees, willing to do whatever she demands. Is that… Is that normal?"

The maid softened, her shoulders straightening slightly as she caught a glimpse of the dark knight's soul.

 _No wonder indeed._

"You love her," the maid whispered.

As if he'd been caught stealing, his head whipped towards her direction as he gave her a startled look.

She blushed slightly, surprised by his reaction. She cleared her throat slightly. "O-of course you do. Everyone loves the queen – we live to serve her after all," she continued.

"Yes…" He agreed, staring wistfully into the night from the window beside them. "You're right. I do love her. But she hurt me. What do I do, fellow servant? Do I swallow my pride and go back, or do I run away from her beguiling arms in a last effort to protect my heart?"

"You love her," the maid repeated softly, "and because you love her, you will always return to her."

Kaname chuckled lightly, not even surprised by apparent transparency. Since when did he start wearing his heart on his sleeve?

Yuuki's face flashed in his mind.

 _The moment I met you, beloved._

Even a simple maid could see how his heart beat only for his fair queen; even she could see the pain his queen had inflicted upon his weary heart – and his non-existing stubbornness when it came to withholding himself from her.

Of course he would return to her. _Of course._

"You are right, Ms…?" He inquired gently.

"Maria," the maid bowed.

"Maria," Kaname repeated, smiling gently at the silver-haired girl. "Thank you."

"I…" She blushed. "I didn't do anything. I just… saw the same look in her eyes reflect in yours."

 _The same look in her eyes as in mine…_

 _We love and hurt each other equally._

 _That is our blessing and curse._

"I will remember your words," he said, sauntering past her.

"But now, I need to return to my queen."

* * *

He entered her chambers quietly, not knowing what to expect.

Somehow, he felt nervous. He regretted lashing out on her earlier; he regretted leaving her in such a state, but he'd been overwhelmed with emotion to the point where he saw no logic.

She was a dangerous entity; his only weakness – the only person that held his heart in the palm of her hands. And if she squeezed, he faltered terribly.

When she sent him away, she'd crushed his heart completely.

 _Who knew being in love could be so painful?_

"Kaname…"

Her voice, so sweet and so soft, dislodged whatever pain was in his heart immediately. He could see the faint shadow of her shape by the bed in the dim lightning.

He halted slightly as he heard her get up from the bed. She stepped beside the canopies, finally coming into view.

Their eyes met in silence, his mouth opening slightly at the strange look in her eyes. Something was different; something was new about the warmth in her cinnamon depths, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Somehow he felt more loved than ever before, and the sensation both puzzled and delighted him.

She looked so beautiful as she sauntered towards him in her white satin chemise; the shimmery material of her robe hung slightly off her shoulders, cascading on the floor as she walked.

She looked like an angel descending the gates of heaven.

And by the gods, sometimes he truly believed she really was one.

Yuuki paused in front of him, her hand tentatively reaching out to caress his cheek.

He closed his eyes upon the feeling of her skin on his, immediately grabbing her into his arms and hugging her tight. He inhaled the smell of her hair – light Jasmine with a hint of vanilla – as he relaxed in her embrace.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against his chest, her voice muffled by the material of his shirt. "I'm so sorry for treating you like that. I'm sorry, Kaname."

"It's all right," he hushed her, stroking the back of her head. "Do not worry about it."

"Kaname…" She sighed, her voice caressing his name so beautifully. "I must tell you something."

He released her tentatively from his arms, looking at her face.

There it was again.

That look in her eyes.

The glow of her skin…

"Kaname," she whispered, grabbing his hand.

He could only watch in silence as she guided the palm of his hand to rest on her stomach.

"I am with child."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. Reviews are very much appreciated!**


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